I work with a total bull¥$€#er!
Discussion
Loudy McFatass said:
I have worked with 2 fantastic story tellers, in the last 5 years, amongst their best are;
Liar no.1
Told princess Anne to f
k off because she was riding her horse across the end of the drive at his country mansion.
Had Mel C stay with him for a few days (again at his country mansion) when the Spice Girls broke up.
On his was to an RAF reunion (he was an ex fighter pilot as well) and his Range Rover broke down on the motorway on the way. So they sent a Chinook to pick him and his car up and fly him there as they simply couldn't have the reunion without him.
Has played golf with Sean Connery numerous times.
Liar no.2
Had been in (and won) several bare gypsy bare knuckle boxing matches.
Was taught to ride motorbikes by Barry Sheen.
When he went to have a tattoo, the tattooist commented he was so muscly he'd need a special needle to penetrate the rock hard muscle.
Your pal Liar One was clearly a good mate of my Pal Ian. He though was a Para. Once he was on an Op in Northern Ireand (1992 ish) and he realised it was his little boys first ever patents evening at his first school in Newcastle. Because "family's the most importan thing" according to his CO, a Chinook picked him up from Crossmaglen or somewhere and dropped him near the school in Tyneside. He popped in, dressed in full Para gear, got some brownie points from his girl friend, the adoration of his son, and the phone number of his teacher (By the time he told me the story he'd already knobbed the teacher) and then back in the Chinook to Ireland. His boys (He was of course an officer) never noticed he'd been away it was so quick.Liar no.1
Told princess Anne to f
k off because she was riding her horse across the end of the drive at his country mansion.Had Mel C stay with him for a few days (again at his country mansion) when the Spice Girls broke up.
On his was to an RAF reunion (he was an ex fighter pilot as well) and his Range Rover broke down on the motorway on the way. So they sent a Chinook to pick him and his car up and fly him there as they simply couldn't have the reunion without him.
Has played golf with Sean Connery numerous times.
Liar no.2
Had been in (and won) several bare gypsy bare knuckle boxing matches.
Was taught to ride motorbikes by Barry Sheen.
When he went to have a tattoo, the tattooist commented he was so muscly he'd need a special needle to penetrate the rock hard muscle.
All lies, all of it, the army, Ireland, the girl friend, the kid the teacher. The truth is, he was on the dole and living in the attic of her house where according to his brother, he spent every day reading books on.......the Paras.
Back in 1994 I worked with a guy who told me he was the personal driver for a rich guy and personally picked up from the factories a brand new McLaren F1 AND a Jaguar XJ220 on THE SAME DAY for his boss.
To be clear this was whilst we were stood in the Cheese and Dairy aisle at Tescos where I worked and he was stacking the I Cant Believe Its Not Butter.
He was 43.
I started laughing and without thinking said 'jeez what happened that was so bad you ended up working here?' and realised I'd not only made him seem like a loser but his own lying boast made him feel like a loser.
Oh well 3 lies in 1 - not a bad effort.
To be clear this was whilst we were stood in the Cheese and Dairy aisle at Tescos where I worked and he was stacking the I Cant Believe Its Not Butter.
He was 43.
I started laughing and without thinking said 'jeez what happened that was so bad you ended up working here?' and realised I'd not only made him seem like a loser but his own lying boast made him feel like a loser.
Oh well 3 lies in 1 - not a bad effort.
Some of these stories are brilliant
The only person I ever knew that was remotely like this always told stories about people "he knew".
E.g. "he knew" a truck driver that was supposed to be on the Herald of Free Enterprise, but he missed the ferry by about 20 minutes.
"he knew" someone that had a ticket for Hillsborough but the car broke down on the way so he couldn't get there.
That sort of stuff that you can't really disprove, but you know it's bks all the same.
I'd love to know what makes people tick when they fabricate stories about the SAS etc.
The only person I ever knew that was remotely like this always told stories about people "he knew".
E.g. "he knew" a truck driver that was supposed to be on the Herald of Free Enterprise, but he missed the ferry by about 20 minutes.
"he knew" someone that had a ticket for Hillsborough but the car broke down on the way so he couldn't get there.
That sort of stuff that you can't really disprove, but you know it's b
ks all the same.I'd love to know what makes people tick when they fabricate stories about the SAS etc.
I used to play badminton with the Prime Minister's private chef.
Problem is, I can't tell anyone, because it sounds like bullst.
I have had a fairly interesting life so far, which is a pain, because, a bit like the opening line of this post, it all starts to sound like bks eventually. This caught me out recently...
I am, presently, waiting to start my PhD (sounds like more nonsense, but isn't), and to keep my mind active, I've registered with an employment agency. They sent me to the planning department of the local council. It was a simple paperwork processing job, but it stopped me wasting my days playing Worms Armageddon on the computer and drinking gallons of expensive fizzy water.
As part of my interesting life so far, I've earned an undergraduate degree and done some other study which gives me a pretty clear understanding of the law. Lo and behold, on my second day in this office, the office manager chappie is having a bit of bother with a Judicial Review. I happily step in and explain that I know a bit about it, and he is happy to be guided through the process and whatnot. Some other manager woman is present for this, and seems to be giving me the odd funny look.
Anyway, skip forward a few days and I've been chatting to people around the place about all manner of subjects. Football, some history, geography, turns out one guy's son really likes science but he doesn't know a thing about it, so I've offered to guide him through the early GCSE level stuff (I'm not especially up on science, but I'm confident enough at the very basic level). So, this goes on for about a week and then comes the clincher. I'm a (and this really will sound like garbage) retired British Officer. My Branch was Air Traffic Control. A planning application arrives and it relates to some bloody tall wind turbine. No one is really sure what the situation is regarding the particular conditions which need attaching to such a thing. I offer a basic explanation of how the thing should be lit and how various organisations can be notified using an existing system designed for things just like this. I'm halfway through recommending the relevant people to telephone for further information when the woman from earlier finally loses her st and starts shouting at me that I cannot possibly be telling the truth, because (and I quote) "It is not possible for a person to know about as much as you think you do."
Then it rather struck me that, A, this woman had been promoted far, far beyond her ability and B, that anyone with general knowledge of stuff (I'm not even especially knowledgeable, I'm terrible at the pub quiz) and a couple of specialisms is today seen by the average man (or woman) in the street as someone who couldn't possibly be real.
Are normal people really that dumb?
I also have a mate who tells the most boring lies. We often travel long distances together and he tells the same fking boring stories over and over and over again, but every time the detail changes. He's dated every girl in the county (despite being married since he was about 19), he went to school with almost literally EVERYONE (despite being a completely different age from most of the people he name-checks). He has lived EVERYWHERE (despite owning the same house since he was about 22).
Like most of the liars in this thread, he's a perfectly nice guy, but my goodness, if you've been to Tenerife...
Simon.
Problem is, I can't tell anyone, because it sounds like bulls
t.I have had a fairly interesting life so far, which is a pain, because, a bit like the opening line of this post, it all starts to sound like b
ks eventually. This caught me out recently...I am, presently, waiting to start my PhD (sounds like more nonsense, but isn't), and to keep my mind active, I've registered with an employment agency. They sent me to the planning department of the local council. It was a simple paperwork processing job, but it stopped me wasting my days playing Worms Armageddon on the computer and drinking gallons of expensive fizzy water.
As part of my interesting life so far, I've earned an undergraduate degree and done some other study which gives me a pretty clear understanding of the law. Lo and behold, on my second day in this office, the office manager chappie is having a bit of bother with a Judicial Review. I happily step in and explain that I know a bit about it, and he is happy to be guided through the process and whatnot. Some other manager woman is present for this, and seems to be giving me the odd funny look.
Anyway, skip forward a few days and I've been chatting to people around the place about all manner of subjects. Football, some history, geography, turns out one guy's son really likes science but he doesn't know a thing about it, so I've offered to guide him through the early GCSE level stuff (I'm not especially up on science, but I'm confident enough at the very basic level). So, this goes on for about a week and then comes the clincher. I'm a (and this really will sound like garbage) retired British Officer. My Branch was Air Traffic Control. A planning application arrives and it relates to some bloody tall wind turbine. No one is really sure what the situation is regarding the particular conditions which need attaching to such a thing. I offer a basic explanation of how the thing should be lit and how various organisations can be notified using an existing system designed for things just like this. I'm halfway through recommending the relevant people to telephone for further information when the woman from earlier finally loses her s
t and starts shouting at me that I cannot possibly be telling the truth, because (and I quote) "It is not possible for a person to know about as much as you think you do." Then it rather struck me that, A, this woman had been promoted far, far beyond her ability and B, that anyone with general knowledge of stuff (I'm not even especially knowledgeable, I'm terrible at the pub quiz) and a couple of specialisms is today seen by the average man (or woman) in the street as someone who couldn't possibly be real.
Are normal people really that dumb?
I also have a mate who tells the most boring lies. We often travel long distances together and he tells the same f
king boring stories over and over and over again, but every time the detail changes. He's dated every girl in the county (despite being married since he was about 19), he went to school with almost literally EVERYONE (despite being a completely different age from most of the people he name-checks). He has lived EVERYWHERE (despite owning the same house since he was about 22). Like most of the liars in this thread, he's a perfectly nice guy, but my goodness, if you've been to Tenerife...
Simon.
I know a guy who runs a printing and sign business. He has been claiming he is getting a range rover for over 10years that I've known/known of him.
He went on holiday to Dubai and claimed someone fell into a water tank at the aquarium with a shark.
She was really fit so he jumped in to save her and strangled a shark with an eel.
Once he said no one would fight him in his home town of sandbach because he was so feared and notorious. To keep on top of his ultra bad persona he then had to show his strength. He knocked out a cow by kicking it in
The balls.
When putting up signs at Knowsley Safari park he was given closed access to the park. Using an l200 truck he was
Doing a few drifts and managed to drift it into a penguin. Chucked the penguin in the back and put it in a bin on the way home.
Loves pretending he is 'dodgy' and likes to give the impression he is a drug dealer. Told the wrong person and the police raided his house
There are far more than that.
He went on holiday to Dubai and claimed someone fell into a water tank at the aquarium with a shark.
She was really fit so he jumped in to save her and strangled a shark with an eel.
Once he said no one would fight him in his home town of sandbach because he was so feared and notorious. To keep on top of his ultra bad persona he then had to show his strength. He knocked out a cow by kicking it in
The balls.
When putting up signs at Knowsley Safari park he was given closed access to the park. Using an l200 truck he was
Doing a few drifts and managed to drift it into a penguin. Chucked the penguin in the back and put it in a bin on the way home.
Loves pretending he is 'dodgy' and likes to give the impression he is a drug dealer. Told the wrong person and the police raided his house
There are far more than that.
These people must be really ill. Perhaps (although it's hard not to) we shouldn't be irritated by them, we should simply pity them and their empty lies.
It's worse the more mundane the story. For example, taken from the OP, who would lie about buying a 318d? Have some aspirations in your fantasy world for God's sake!
It's worse the more mundane the story. For example, taken from the OP, who would lie about buying a 318d? Have some aspirations in your fantasy world for God's sake!
I think it's just a bit of escapism from some relatively harmless people living very dull lives.
I never quite understood why some people react so strongly to it, as if they're scared one day they're going to fall for one of the stories and replace them as the laughing stock of the office.
I never quite understood why some people react so strongly to it, as if they're scared one day they're going to fall for one of the stories and replace them as the laughing stock of the office.
We all have a Colin Hunt don't we lol
Fast Show - Colin Hunt:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqwDoMqyWxw&lis...
Fast Show - Colin Hunt:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqwDoMqyWxw&lis...
I know a lad down the pub who owns a Ming Vase. He's had it professionally valued and reckons it's worth £2k.
It's currently being used as an ash tray, but that's OK, cos it'll clean up fine.
This fellas also done time, so I tend not to argue with him.
Oh, and yeah we've got the 'I've-Done-It-Better' brigade at work, too. I like them. It's all good fun, if a little depressing when you find yourself trying to get out there and actually do some pretty cool stuff, albeit at a massively amateur level, Billy Bullstter's done it Full-Pro. Makes those of us who really get out there appear massively dull to anyone half listening or easily impressed. Not that I really care.
It's currently being used as an ash tray, but that's OK, cos it'll clean up fine.
This fellas also done time, so I tend not to argue with him.
Oh, and yeah we've got the 'I've-Done-It-Better' brigade at work, too. I like them. It's all good fun, if a little depressing when you find yourself trying to get out there and actually do some pretty cool stuff, albeit at a massively amateur level, Billy Bulls
tter's done it Full-Pro. Makes those of us who really get out there appear massively dull to anyone half listening or easily impressed. Not that I really care.Edited by THX on Wednesday 27th August 08:49
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