I work with a total bull¥$€#er!
Discussion
^^^^^^^^^^Crossflow Kid said:
ferrariF50lover said:
Are normal people really that dumb?
Yes.Whilst on one of many dets to the sandpit, a colleague of mine got an email of mixed emotions from his wife....a mixture of amused but concerned.
She'd been called in to their lad's school as "he keeps lying about his dad being a helicopter pilot in Iraq"
My Grandad was a BA Captain at the time (and my UK guardian as my parents were overseas), and had to phone the school to explain that everything I said was indeed true.
I think everyone knows someone like that*. A mate of mine at school used to tell us that in the event of a nuclear war breaking out, he'd be picked up by a helicopter and taken somewhere safe. Another mate used to come out with unbelievable stuff, but not quite enough to call him on, especially back at that age. He carried on doing it as long as I knew him (haven't seen him for years) but it was generally harmless so I let it drop.
I recall one incident where we were walking home from the pub, an approaching car had main beams on, blinding us, so rather than just shield his eyes, he went for the full-on flick-the-Vs approach. Car halts quickly and large bloke gets out, so he shouts "leg it!", so we do. Unfortunately he trips over his feet and the guy catches him, cue my mate shouting "don't hit me, please don't hit me". Funnily enough by the time the story is being told in the pub, it's me that shouted "leg it", and he was all up for standing and having the bloke. Another time I saw him heading off on a bike ride, and coming back about ten minutes later, to be told he'd just ridden down to the local motorway junction and back. Six miles each way, so that's an average of slightly over 60mph. On a push bike.
Oh well. He seemed to do quite well for himself, whether that was through tall stories or generally being adaptable I'll never know. Maybe I'd do better by taking that approach, perhaps not to the same extent.
I recall one incident where we were walking home from the pub, an approaching car had main beams on, blinding us, so rather than just shield his eyes, he went for the full-on flick-the-Vs approach. Car halts quickly and large bloke gets out, so he shouts "leg it!", so we do. Unfortunately he trips over his feet and the guy catches him, cue my mate shouting "don't hit me, please don't hit me". Funnily enough by the time the story is being told in the pub, it's me that shouted "leg it", and he was all up for standing and having the bloke. Another time I saw him heading off on a bike ride, and coming back about ten minutes later, to be told he'd just ridden down to the local motorway junction and back. Six miles each way, so that's an average of slightly over 60mph. On a push bike.
Oh well. He seemed to do quite well for himself, whether that was through tall stories or generally being adaptable I'll never know. Maybe I'd do better by taking that approach, perhaps not to the same extent.
- - ETA, not someone like a BA Captain, someone like the OP was talking about. Poster above wants the 'turned out to be true' thread.
I met a guy a few times (bumped into him in jobs) who said he used to be in the Army on the frontline and was tasked with doing crazy patrols in Afghanistan. He was constantly coming out with the cliché lines like "when I saw him through my sight, I controlled my breathing and the world stopped.. that's when I took my shot" He even said he was in the Royal Marines recruitment advert, the one in the river. Sadly he was the one who you couldn't quite make out.
Based on the information he gave me, I worked out that he was in fact a TA storeman, and had served 3 weeks in Camp Bastion issuing kit. I confronted him with it and he went bright red and said he got picked out by other units because of how good he was. I just said "fair enough mate, sounds like a wild time!" and smiled. He knew I wasn't falling for it, and looked a bit down.
I felt kind of bad for him actually.
Based on the information he gave me, I worked out that he was in fact a TA storeman, and had served 3 weeks in Camp Bastion issuing kit. I confronted him with it and he went bright red and said he got picked out by other units because of how good he was. I just said "fair enough mate, sounds like a wild time!" and smiled. He knew I wasn't falling for it, and looked a bit down.
I felt kind of bad for him actually.
Does the inverse apply? I know a very good guy, humble, good fun, very social, who these days runs adventure holidays in the Alps and whom I know used to be in the army. When I've asked him what he did, he's always answered in vague terms, along the lines of 'I specialised in having fun' and so on.
Now, he's part of a gang of us lot, going back years & because of that, I do know that he was in for a good few years, even though he & I aren't that close. I've been told by a few disparate people over the years that Jim was in the SAS. How would they know? He's never mentioned it & goes out of his way to avoid talking about his service days whenever it comes up, so could this be a bunch of Chinese whispers leading to reverse Waltism?
I reckon he could have been, he's a big fit lump, but that proves nothing at all, so I wonder if the reticence lets in the flowering b
ks until it acquires a momentum of it's own.
Now, he's part of a gang of us lot, going back years & because of that, I do know that he was in for a good few years, even though he & I aren't that close. I've been told by a few disparate people over the years that Jim was in the SAS. How would they know? He's never mentioned it & goes out of his way to avoid talking about his service days whenever it comes up, so could this be a bunch of Chinese whispers leading to reverse Waltism?
I reckon he could have been, he's a big fit lump, but that proves nothing at all, so I wonder if the reticence lets in the flowering b
ks until it acquires a momentum of it's own.doogz said:
In my experience, the guys that have been there and done it, tend to keep quiet about it. My brother and a couple of mates that have been various places, Iraq, Afghanistan, Bosnia, tend not to like talking about it much.
...and because the reality is actually very, very boring.There was a bloke at work until last year that apparently used to be in the Marines, he was the type you would think would be in the Marines, no reason to doubt that.
It was when he started talking about being in the SBS to everyone, now I can understand telling your partner/family, but people who you work for who you hardly know? Alarms bells started to ring, but he was happy so just went along with it.
He then started going on about getting a job doing protection work for the Royal Family, £50k a year, company car and flat in central London. He apparently helped with Maggie Thatchers funeral.
Anyway, he left, under the impression he was doing this protection work.
Few weeks ago the local paper is doing a name and shame for drink drivers...guess who is on the front page? Yeah him. Turns out it was all a lie (no big surprise), he was engaged to one of the managers at work, I wonder if she knew the real truth at the time.
Its kinda of sad really, he was a nice person, but clearly a few issues.
Another person at work, when I did my training at a different store he found out I'm a Special, he was apparently in the Police for 30 years, when he came down to my store, he clearly forgot what he had said, he was also bomb disposal for 22 years, worked in transport for 30 years, and recently told me he was a traffic Sgt in the Met for 11 years. Have to say he looks bloody good for his age!
It was when he started talking about being in the SBS to everyone, now I can understand telling your partner/family, but people who you work for who you hardly know? Alarms bells started to ring, but he was happy so just went along with it.
He then started going on about getting a job doing protection work for the Royal Family, £50k a year, company car and flat in central London. He apparently helped with Maggie Thatchers funeral.
Anyway, he left, under the impression he was doing this protection work.
Few weeks ago the local paper is doing a name and shame for drink drivers...guess who is on the front page? Yeah him. Turns out it was all a lie (no big surprise), he was engaged to one of the managers at work, I wonder if she knew the real truth at the time.
Its kinda of sad really, he was a nice person, but clearly a few issues.
Another person at work, when I did my training at a different store he found out I'm a Special, he was apparently in the Police for 30 years, when he came down to my store, he clearly forgot what he had said, he was also bomb disposal for 22 years, worked in transport for 30 years, and recently told me he was a traffic Sgt in the Met for 11 years. Have to say he looks bloody good for his age!
Crossflow Kid said:
doogz said:
In my experience, the guys that have been there and done it, tend to keep quiet about it. My brother and a couple of mates that have been various places, Iraq, Afghanistan, Bosnia, tend not to like talking about it much.
...and because the reality is actually very, very boring.
Pebbles167 said:
Crossflow Kid said:
doogz said:
In my experience, the guys that have been there and done it, tend to keep quiet about it. My brother and a couple of mates that have been various places, Iraq, Afghanistan, Bosnia, tend not to like talking about it much.
...and because the reality is actually very, very boring.My comment was more aimed at regular Army guys. Some don't speak because they didn't like what they saw, others because the saw nothing. Others don't have much of an issue talking about it and some make up stories. You can usually tell them apart.
Effects everyone in different ways I guess.
Anyway,
Back on topic, I know a chronic car bulls
tter who's always banging on about how fast his cars are etc. He simply refused to believe anything could beat him. Even his friends Yamaha R1 was no match for his A6 2.7 tdi. Here is part of the conversation, it actually happened!"Round the track my Audi would be much faster!" He said. "Bikes cant corner!"
Humouring him a friend suggested that the result might be different in a straight line, to which he replied:
"Well after 100mph the bike would slow down and I'd catch up"
"The R1 does about 180mph though?" I said.
He told us that they only put that in the info to please people, the real bikes only do 150mph. He knows because he raced a superbike champion round the nurburgring (he had actually been there, the only true thing said by him) and after overtaking the bike had to let off the throttle at 160mph for a corner.
Some of these are fabulous...strangling a shark with an eel is quite magnificent bullsh*t story!
I once bumped into this person who I nicknamed 'the amazing bullsh*tting man'. I had the misfortune of encountering him whilst ordering a quick lunch in a pub with the missus. In 30 mins...I was simply staggered at the level of utter pish coming out of his mouth. I should have guessed when he came up to me in the bar and told me he had the same jacket as me but he had the Arsenal one, special edition...odd I thought and just smiled. I then went to find where the missus had picked a table and it was directly next to this bloke and his wife.
I was talking about it the following week with my missus over email so I still have the detail in an old email which I've just dragged out. It started when he found out we had twins...
Twins, mate gave up his business for them, quadruple bypass...bought them all a house each. Started with nothing, £5 per car...millonaire by 21 and then billionaire by 30. Not like his uncle who put 100 a week away for his sons...into property, bought a big place in london where they do concerts and tennis. The o2. He went up there...cos it was millenium dome before...said this is rubbish and tore it all down and started again. And what he did was put this big sign up with an o and a 2 in it. He was going to climb over the top of it but shave his head off and eye brows first..
His wife was in hospital you know. You seen that chinese kid with the burns running along naked? (I assume he meant that famous Vietnam picture) Hodgkins disease...that's what his wife has 'here you go...you are looking at a real life hodgkins disease victim, how about that?' (his wife just nodded) Too much mercury in her head, it's like a nuclear bomb. If you dropped her from 1000ft over ipswich, she'd actually flatten it with the blast. (Trying not to laugh, I suggested at this point he could alleviate the risk by not dropping her out of a plane...)
Whilst she was in hospital he had to study to understand her condition. Ends up in with all the junior doctors studying at guys. Amazing...he only had a week to do the whole course so had to read 'this much' (arms apart by about 1m) books each night. Lecturing professor told the others that the've got a ex army man in who needs to learn about everything from contraception to where we are. Amazing though, learned the whole lot in a week and went home each night to tell his missus how amazing it was. Saw a program about how they put a camera into the center of the brain..not a normal one though..a medical one. He understands it now though because of the course.
He's travelling mind...he's got that many family who want to go and see him. His family in cyprus, vancouver (where his uncle is chief fire fighter), italy where his great great great grandad lives (I actually spat some beer across the table at this point), spain where his aunt lives (whether she's alive or not). Dave...don't forget dave, he wants him to visit in wolverhampton along with the rest in aberdeen, newcastle, london, dagenham and birmingham.
Got loads more mates because he was in the queens regiment so they all want him to visit. In northern ireland you see...got decorated. Took a .22 bullet in the shoulder in '78..had a shower this morning 'oooh...still hurts' he winced whilst holding his shoulder.
That was probably 1/2 of it...we had to leave at this point as the 'bullsh*tometer' had just completely maxed out!
As for people I work with, have encountered a few but nothing like some of the examples here. Fave one though was a particularl 'tenerife' merchant who would always outdo you in the pub. A friend asked where my mate was and I explained that he was over in Whistler snowboarding. I had got a txt earlier saying they were splashing out and getting a helicopter up to some peak to then jump out and do some virgin powder boarding. Straight away, Mr. BS pipes up that he did that a few years back. . Yeah, we did that...was going to use the helicopter but we just strapped the boards to our backs and just climbed up' .
I once bumped into this person who I nicknamed 'the amazing bullsh*tting man'. I had the misfortune of encountering him whilst ordering a quick lunch in a pub with the missus. In 30 mins...I was simply staggered at the level of utter pish coming out of his mouth. I should have guessed when he came up to me in the bar and told me he had the same jacket as me but he had the Arsenal one, special edition...odd I thought and just smiled. I then went to find where the missus had picked a table and it was directly next to this bloke and his wife.
I was talking about it the following week with my missus over email so I still have the detail in an old email which I've just dragged out. It started when he found out we had twins...
Twins, mate gave up his business for them, quadruple bypass...bought them all a house each. Started with nothing, £5 per car...millonaire by 21 and then billionaire by 30. Not like his uncle who put 100 a week away for his sons...into property, bought a big place in london where they do concerts and tennis. The o2. He went up there...cos it was millenium dome before...said this is rubbish and tore it all down and started again. And what he did was put this big sign up with an o and a 2 in it. He was going to climb over the top of it but shave his head off and eye brows first..
His wife was in hospital you know. You seen that chinese kid with the burns running along naked? (I assume he meant that famous Vietnam picture) Hodgkins disease...that's what his wife has 'here you go...you are looking at a real life hodgkins disease victim, how about that?' (his wife just nodded) Too much mercury in her head, it's like a nuclear bomb. If you dropped her from 1000ft over ipswich, she'd actually flatten it with the blast. (Trying not to laugh, I suggested at this point he could alleviate the risk by not dropping her out of a plane...)
Whilst she was in hospital he had to study to understand her condition. Ends up in with all the junior doctors studying at guys. Amazing...he only had a week to do the whole course so had to read 'this much' (arms apart by about 1m) books each night. Lecturing professor told the others that the've got a ex army man in who needs to learn about everything from contraception to where we are. Amazing though, learned the whole lot in a week and went home each night to tell his missus how amazing it was. Saw a program about how they put a camera into the center of the brain..not a normal one though..a medical one. He understands it now though because of the course.
He's travelling mind...he's got that many family who want to go and see him. His family in cyprus, vancouver (where his uncle is chief fire fighter), italy where his great great great grandad lives (I actually spat some beer across the table at this point), spain where his aunt lives (whether she's alive or not). Dave...don't forget dave, he wants him to visit in wolverhampton along with the rest in aberdeen, newcastle, london, dagenham and birmingham.
Got loads more mates because he was in the queens regiment so they all want him to visit. In northern ireland you see...got decorated. Took a .22 bullet in the shoulder in '78..had a shower this morning 'oooh...still hurts' he winced whilst holding his shoulder.
That was probably 1/2 of it...we had to leave at this point as the 'bullsh*tometer' had just completely maxed out!
As for people I work with, have encountered a few but nothing like some of the examples here. Fave one though was a particularl 'tenerife' merchant who would always outdo you in the pub. A friend asked where my mate was and I explained that he was over in Whistler snowboarding. I had got a txt earlier saying they were splashing out and getting a helicopter up to some peak to then jump out and do some virgin powder boarding. Straight away, Mr. BS pipes up that he did that a few years back. . Yeah, we did that...was going to use the helicopter but we just strapped the boards to our backs and just climbed up' .
I had one a few years back who was the source of endless entertainment, used to even call him over when we were bored to hear a few stories. Bear in mind this guy was a really overweight, had the charima of a photocopier, thick as a plank and had scabies!
- Ive won the scotland coast to coast run, ran all the way non stop, all I took with me was a 2 litre bottle of coke and a few mars bars. Didnt even need to train before hand.
- (Insert blue chip) have asked me directly to come in over the weekend to do some consultancy, paying £xx,000,000 for a weekends work, I am the only one allowed in the building as its so sensitive and their paying for my whole family to stay in a hotel locally.
- I won the xx triathlon over the weekend. Cant swim though, so just wear armbands. Once I'm in the water nobody can touch me". After being asked what bike he had "Just an old mtb, about 20 years old, all I need!"
- My kids are going to private school which costs £60k per term.
- My wife is from eastern europe - when asked what her name was, there was a long silence, then "Cant remember!", where did you meet her " Cant remember now!"
- Mars bars and coke are actually very healthy for you - I have x4 a day minimum.
- Ive been asked to talk at (name university)tonight, to lecture on (name academic subject), doing it to a few hundred people. Used to ask if I could come "no its fully sold out". To top it off he used to say I will be dontating my fees to charity.
- Im an actuary and a lawyer, just not sure which direction to go in. (He used to spell check papers for us only).
JimmyConwayNW said:
I know a guy who runs a printing and sign business. He has been claiming he is getting a range rover for over 10years that I've known/known of him.
He went on holiday to Dubai and claimed someone fell into a water tank at the aquarium with a shark.
She was really fit so he jumped in to save her and strangled a shark with an eel.
Once he said no one would fight him in his home town of sandbach because he was so feared and notorious. To keep on top of his ultra bad persona he then had to show his strength. He knocked out a cow by kicking it in
The balls.
When putting up signs at Knowsley Safari park he was given closed access to the park. Using an l200 truck he was
Doing a few drifts and managed to drift it into a penguin. Chucked the penguin in the back and put it in a bin on the way home.
Loves pretending he is 'dodgy' and likes to give the impression he is a drug dealer. Told the wrong person and the police raided his house
There are far more than that.
Please tell us more. He went on holiday to Dubai and claimed someone fell into a water tank at the aquarium with a shark.
She was really fit so he jumped in to save her and strangled a shark with an eel.
Once he said no one would fight him in his home town of sandbach because he was so feared and notorious. To keep on top of his ultra bad persona he then had to show his strength. He knocked out a cow by kicking it in
The balls.
When putting up signs at Knowsley Safari park he was given closed access to the park. Using an l200 truck he was
Doing a few drifts and managed to drift it into a penguin. Chucked the penguin in the back and put it in a bin on the way home.
Loves pretending he is 'dodgy' and likes to give the impression he is a drug dealer. Told the wrong person and the police raided his house
There are far more than that.
The whole office was in tears over this.
doogz said:
In my experience, the guys that have been there and done it, tend to keep quiet about it. My brother and a couple of mates that have been various places, Iraq, Afghanistan, Bosnia, tend not to like talking about it much.
^ Agreed.All the guys I work with dont talk about it, and you respectfully dont ask.
There are the funny stories of playing "Freckles" and the many numerous anecdotes... none of it contains any discussion about the reasons why they were there, what they did, and what they saw...
Anyone who spends more than 5mins detailing what they "did" is pure BS.
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