Lack of Social life

[tenpenceshort]

Try moving 70 miles from where either of you know anyone just as you have a baby and start a new job (on the road, all over the country). That's how you stifle a social life!

[ali_kat]

Council Baby said:

I have exactly the same problem, you should probably post more on PH, meet some weirdos from the internet and become an alcoholic.

from another introvert, (one that is fully expecting a from the above poster til he thinks about it!)

That above quoted advice from CB is good btw, but don't become an alcoholic!

I have swings & roundabouts, sometimes I'm life & soul - used to spend all my spare time in the pub, pretty much running it, then had a quiet patch for a few years, then had another wild patch in London, then a quiet time, then did what CB suggests, and now I'm on another quiet patch. And yes, I'm crap at keeping in touch with people, but FB helps a lot!

What I'm trying to say is - are you happy? If your OH disappeared in a puff of smoke tomorrow, would you have people you can call on? If yes, you're fine

[andy-xr]

The thing with classes is, if you join them to meet people and dont really like the subject, you'll come away disappointed and be seen as Rapey Dave by some of the others when you try and push a new social exchange onto people who just want to learn salsa/knit/climb/whatever. It's easier to pick up a hobby and if you meet people, great!

I travel a lot through work and socially, and chances are you'll meet some nice people while you're travelling. Some will just be an exchange in a bar, or at a hotel (not that kind of exchange), other times it'll be LinkedIn/Facebook to exchange contact info and meets at some point to catch up. You gotta be out there though. Internets will only get you so far, it's easier and more casual in places where you're likely to meet and interact with other people.

Also, not everyone will be your friend, sometimes people around you are friends just because of proximity. When that's taken away, they're not really friends. This happens a lot with work colleagues

One thing that will always keep a conversation going is 'You know what I like?' and then list something you like. Unless it's murder, or something weird. Educating East End is a good conversation starter if you watch it.

Edited by andy-xr on Wednesday 10th September 21:17

[FreeLitres]

At the bar: "You know what I like?... Being by myself."

[Impasse]

FreeLitres said:

At the bar: "You know what I like?... Being by myself."

...avoiding pointless smalltalk with strangers.

[King Herald]

greendiff said:

.....I sometimes struggle to keep conversations going, especially with people I don't know that well, lots of awkward long silences, where I'm, racking my brain on what to say, what do I do about that?!

I struggle to meet new people, and I just do not know what to say, and dislike it, so as a result I have shied away from social events.......

I was always incredibly shy when I was younger, and that has gradually gone away and I feel no problem when new people roll up, I can talk quite well, if I want to.

However, I often have no interest in people, no desire to talk to them, and I get fed up when I meet some people and they start to sound like they are giving me the third degree; where do I live, what do I do etc etc. I feel I need to reciprocate, ought to, to be human, and ask them the same information, but I find it tedious as I don't really give a damn where they come from etc.

I have a somewhat unusual past, considering where I live and where I work etc, and what has happened to get me here, so 'nosy/sociable' people are interested in me, once they crack the surface and find out a few things.

Thus I tend to shy away from meeting strangers, and social events. My wife once told me that I'm scared people won't like me, but I thought about it and realised I was more worried that I might not like them. Nothing worse than having to socialize with people who are utter bores, or have that bloody annoying habit of talking all the time, or waiting to talk.

Some people are genuinely listening, while some people are merely waiting to talk.

I find beer always helps the situation though, I can talk for hours if beer flows.

[Konrod]

Greendiff, don't know how old you are but have you looked into your local Round Table or Rotary? The great thing is the people there are all from different backgrounds, there is some structure to help you get into the swing but it is basically blokes (Round Table) or people (Rotary) wanting to have a good time without that becoming "getting slaughtered down the pub" (although that isn't unknown). That it also benefits charity or.and the community is icing on the cake.

I was in Table for 20 years and I had some of the best times and have a wide circle of mates now that I've got too old and been kicked out into 41 Club.

It takes bravery to walk through the door, but I guarantee a welcome and it would be worth it.

Check the local clubs on the RTBI or Rotary websites.

[Sir_Dave]

As you're posting on a car forum, can you not just go to some PH/*Insert other car here* "meets"?

I met pretty much all of my mates via the clio forum, & not all of them are Superdry/Merrell wearing weirdos.

Just 30%.

[Impasse]

Good grief, I wouldn't recommend meeting any of this lot.

[C0ffin D0dger]

hora said:

How do I pull myself out of this paternal nosedive? I can't really remember the last time I went out on a Saturday night and got smashed.

There's a reason for that, trying to cope with the four year old jumping up and down on you at 07:30 (or earlier) on a Sunday

[oddball1973]

FailHere said:

You could always try parking up in secluded lay-bys or woodland car-parks; if you get it right you might get to meet some interesting people like Stan Collymore, or, Paul Ross.

Just hang this in a room and all your problems will fade away

[Tiger Tim]

Honestly you aren't alone. I spent most of my twenties trying to work out why I was like how you are.

Eventually I came to the conclusion that it was the expectation that you should have a large friendship group that made me want to interact and have loads of "mates".
Then fairly recently I realised that for the most part I have nothing in common with them, cars aside, and in some cases didn't like who they were at all.

So I've retreated back to my old and much preferred way of being a miserable bd and spending the bulk of my time alone.

I do have friends who I see on occasion but I actually care for them and we each take an active interest in each other's lives when we see each other. If times slips by and a year or two goes by no one minds and we pick up where we left off.

Quality over quantity.

If you're ever in the midlands let me know. We can go to a pub and sit on different tables and ignore each other.

[devnull]

Interesting, I am and was similar to you.

• Missus is an hour away.
• Friends moved away
• Naturally introverted.

I didn't sit down and solve it as such, but my job was primarily work from home, and there would be times when I realised that I hadn't spoken to anyone for hours or sometimes days.

So over the last few years, this has happened -

• Changed jobs - now work in Sales, which involves of travel and lots of social activity. This was a big change for me as i'm not natural at public speaking or presenting, but it's a very good skill to have and has changed me.
• Missus is an extrovert so has lots of friends who I get on with swimmingly and increased my social circle. What's also good is that I've done things with her such as gigs, theatre, walks, that I never would have considered doing of my own accord.
• Job has a fuel card, so no worries about jumping in the car to go see friends now.

Edited by devnull on Thursday 11th September 16:58

[DSLiverpool]

Have kids - since we had them we have all sorts of new friends (parents of other kids) doing events for the school / nursery - its never bloody ending.

[MrBarry123]

DSLiverpool said:

Have kids - since we had them we have all sorts of new friends (parents of other kids) doing events for the school / nursery - its never bloody ending.

I feel for you. Can't think of anything worse than spending time with active child breeders doing stuff involving children.

As you can tell, I neither have, nor want, kids at the moment.