Lack of Social life
Discussion
Don't know where is best to post this, so will probably get moved!
Apologies if it is a bit long winded, just ignore me if you want!
Over the past couple of weeks, I have realised that I have been missing out on a major part of life, and have been for a long time; having a social life. Somewhat of an epiphany maybe. For example there is pretty much only one person that I text and call on my phone, My OH. When i'm not seeing her, it is pretty much get in from work, fall asleep for a while, watch a bit of telly, read something and thats that. We live apart by an hour or so.
Apart from her I pretty much have a zero social life, most of the time I am quite happy with my own company, but having been to a couple of social events lately, and having had a good time, and people deliberately come over to me to talk to me, have fun, have a laugh or whatever, has made me think about what I have missed out on over the past decade or so. I only the OH for one or two days a week if we're lucky, so the rest of the week I need something there to occupy me.
Those of you that have met me and know me, will know that I am a huge introvert, I feel as I am a socially awkward person but whether I truly am? I sometimes struggle to keep conversations going, especially with people I don't know that well, lots of awkward long silences, where I', racking my brain on what to say, what do I do about that?!
I struggle to meet new people, and I just do not know what to say, and dislike it, so as a result I have shied away from social events. I have now realised this is a bit of a downward spiral, as I will never meet new people and become more social. I'm in no rush to go home most days, as what's there? Nothing really, so sometimes I just stay and chat or whatever, take my time to have a bit of company.
Someone I work with that I considered an extremely good friend, and probably didn't know that, has recently left and I don't know how to fill that gap. I don't know if her replacement will be able to fill her shoes. I will probably lose her as a friend, as I will probably fail to make an effort to keep contact, which as I will explain later, is one of my failures.
I also consider another close colleague to be an extremely good friend, and I doubt she knows it either. Her partner too, since day one here, I have considered a good mate. I have a small circle of colleagues that I consider good mates, but only a few I would want to socialise with, mainly the ones I work closely with.
Trouble is, I have always been terrible at keeping in touch, when I leave somewhere or someone leaves, ties are cut, so there's never any continuation of friendships, so from now, I am going to make the effort to stay in touch with people. Maybe part of me feels that once I have moved out of their life, why should I bother them with my problems or whatever, we all move on from time to time, why bring all that baggage with us, new places new mates? I don’t want to appear clingy or anything to them, be a parasite, so I do the polar opposite.
But now I realise that I am wrong with that, a good mate will always be a good mate, but I have not made the effort in most cases to be a good mate. Maybe it's a fear of rejection, if I don't ask someone if they want to go somewhere or do something, I cannot be rejected, so that's good! But then I end up not doing anything, as I have turned down invites to whatever in the past, so they don't bother asking any more, unless its a 'we really want you there' case. And then we all have a good time and I enjoy myself, we all have a laugh.
Sometimes I feel as I am too serious a lot of the time, so some people must think that I am a bit uptight, boring, sad, or whatever. I sometimes find it hard to loosen up and have a laugh, but, when I do, occasionally I come out with brilliant one liners that crack everyone up, or i'll do something that does the same, and when that happens that makes me feel good about myself, and I realise that I can have a good time, and that people do like me.
Trouble is I don't have a clue as to where to go, and how to meet new people, so i'm stuck.
So what do I do? How the hell do I meet new people? I feel stuck in a massive rut, without much way out, I don't want to have to rely on my small circle, or pressurise them, but I feel I need to change something. Even if it is just one night a week socialising somewhere.
Meh, I dont know. i'm just rambling now. I'll probably regret this later on, but then maybe it's got to be said. The first step to getting help is admitting you have a problem? I'm Dave, and i'm a socially awkward introvert. There. Said it. It probably doesnt help in the fact that I suspect that I have Aspergers.
Apologies if it is a bit long winded, just ignore me if you want!
Over the past couple of weeks, I have realised that I have been missing out on a major part of life, and have been for a long time; having a social life. Somewhat of an epiphany maybe. For example there is pretty much only one person that I text and call on my phone, My OH. When i'm not seeing her, it is pretty much get in from work, fall asleep for a while, watch a bit of telly, read something and thats that. We live apart by an hour or so.
Apart from her I pretty much have a zero social life, most of the time I am quite happy with my own company, but having been to a couple of social events lately, and having had a good time, and people deliberately come over to me to talk to me, have fun, have a laugh or whatever, has made me think about what I have missed out on over the past decade or so. I only the OH for one or two days a week if we're lucky, so the rest of the week I need something there to occupy me.
Those of you that have met me and know me, will know that I am a huge introvert, I feel as I am a socially awkward person but whether I truly am? I sometimes struggle to keep conversations going, especially with people I don't know that well, lots of awkward long silences, where I', racking my brain on what to say, what do I do about that?!
I struggle to meet new people, and I just do not know what to say, and dislike it, so as a result I have shied away from social events. I have now realised this is a bit of a downward spiral, as I will never meet new people and become more social. I'm in no rush to go home most days, as what's there? Nothing really, so sometimes I just stay and chat or whatever, take my time to have a bit of company.
Someone I work with that I considered an extremely good friend, and probably didn't know that, has recently left and I don't know how to fill that gap. I don't know if her replacement will be able to fill her shoes. I will probably lose her as a friend, as I will probably fail to make an effort to keep contact, which as I will explain later, is one of my failures.
I also consider another close colleague to be an extremely good friend, and I doubt she knows it either. Her partner too, since day one here, I have considered a good mate. I have a small circle of colleagues that I consider good mates, but only a few I would want to socialise with, mainly the ones I work closely with.
Trouble is, I have always been terrible at keeping in touch, when I leave somewhere or someone leaves, ties are cut, so there's never any continuation of friendships, so from now, I am going to make the effort to stay in touch with people. Maybe part of me feels that once I have moved out of their life, why should I bother them with my problems or whatever, we all move on from time to time, why bring all that baggage with us, new places new mates? I don’t want to appear clingy or anything to them, be a parasite, so I do the polar opposite.
But now I realise that I am wrong with that, a good mate will always be a good mate, but I have not made the effort in most cases to be a good mate. Maybe it's a fear of rejection, if I don't ask someone if they want to go somewhere or do something, I cannot be rejected, so that's good! But then I end up not doing anything, as I have turned down invites to whatever in the past, so they don't bother asking any more, unless its a 'we really want you there' case. And then we all have a good time and I enjoy myself, we all have a laugh.
Sometimes I feel as I am too serious a lot of the time, so some people must think that I am a bit uptight, boring, sad, or whatever. I sometimes find it hard to loosen up and have a laugh, but, when I do, occasionally I come out with brilliant one liners that crack everyone up, or i'll do something that does the same, and when that happens that makes me feel good about myself, and I realise that I can have a good time, and that people do like me.
Trouble is I don't have a clue as to where to go, and how to meet new people, so i'm stuck.
So what do I do? How the hell do I meet new people? I feel stuck in a massive rut, without much way out, I don't want to have to rely on my small circle, or pressurise them, but I feel I need to change something. Even if it is just one night a week socialising somewhere.
Meh, I dont know. i'm just rambling now. I'll probably regret this later on, but then maybe it's got to be said. The first step to getting help is admitting you have a problem? I'm Dave, and i'm a socially awkward introvert. There. Said it. It probably doesnt help in the fact that I suspect that I have Aspergers.
You sound like my brother!
Sport is a great way to meet people, are you interested in any?
As an example I went boxing with a friend, I wouldn't go on my own to a boxing gym when I was a beginner... After about 3weeks I was pretty much talking to everyone in the class and hung out socially with about 3 of them. Meeting one person can introduce you to another 3, then to more and more etc...
Sport is a great way to meet people, are you interested in any?
As an example I went boxing with a friend, I wouldn't go on my own to a boxing gym when I was a beginner... After about 3weeks I was pretty much talking to everyone in the class and hung out socially with about 3 of them. Meeting one person can introduce you to another 3, then to more and more etc...
it's something I am having a bit of an issue with since I moved back to Devon after living in larger cities. It seems to be harder, and more expensive, to maintain a social life here in the sticks, not only that but I don't meet many new people that have common interests, other than the car scene, which is big down here. I think part of it is these days I resent the fact that I have to make a choice between popping down to the pub for a few jars once or twice a week or being able to afford to do things to my cars and have hobbies.
greendiff said:
I only the OH for one or two days a week if we're lucky, so the rest of the week I need something there to occupy me.
I've just had a couple of minutes of hysterical laughter inserting options for the missing word between "only" and "the".As you can probably tell, my social life is lacking also. I prefer it that way.
http://www.meetup.com
http://www.spiceuk.com
then there's
night school
volunteering
local political group
the church
sports
dancing classes
motor sport marshalling/officialdom
most of the above are very good for dating too, but best skip that bit...
and take a look at your local library bulletin board.
http://www.spiceuk.com
then there's
night school
volunteering
local political group
the church
sports
dancing classes
motor sport marshalling/officialdom
most of the above are very good for dating too, but best skip that bit...
and take a look at your local library bulletin board.
I would also say volunteering, since that is an activity that forces you to meet people you wouldn't normally mix with, it also places the emphasis on you to make the running and drive the conversation, useful skills.
You sound like a perfect wingman for a more extroverted person, I understand shy people and actually as a more natural extrovert in some ways I prefer their company to people where it is more of a competition.
You sound like a perfect wingman for a more extroverted person, I understand shy people and actually as a more natural extrovert in some ways I prefer their company to people where it is more of a competition.
There is a theory that while most people and especially introverts use their energy up while partying and socialising and need to be alone occasionally to regain their strength. Rabid extroverts are the other way round, they get energised in company by sucking it in from those around them the way vampires suck in blood. Which explains why by midnight everyone else is starting to wilt and the extroverts are at the dancing on tables stage.
bucksmanuk said:
Was gonna suggest this. If you can't improve your social life via meetup.com there's something wrong with you. 
You can have all my lot as they wont f
king leave me alone. I'd love a life of solitude but they keep inviting themselves round mine. Last year nearly ended up on a couples holiday until I told them to piss right off, even then they didn't get the hump and were rounds just days after we got back to catch up. Of course so much happens in two weeks that if you dont immediately catch up all will be lost.
and people wonder why normally I just sit there with a grumpy face on in the corner.
king leave me alone. I'd love a life of solitude but they keep inviting themselves round mine. Last year nearly ended up on a couples holiday until I told them to piss right off, even then they didn't get the hump and were rounds just days after we got back to catch up. Of course so much happens in two weeks that if you dont immediately catch up all will be lost.and people wonder why normally I just sit there with a grumpy face on in the corner.
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