Life is rubbish at the moment
Discussion
Congratulations. You are right to be on an emotional roller coaster, it is a major life event that you have been looking forward to for nigh-on 9 months & when it doesn't go according to plan it is stressful.
As others have said, get some sleep. It is important that you look after yourself. Your wife and child are in good hands and will get all the care that they need. It's easy to say this from the comfort of a keyboard but your job will start when you get home as your wife has undergone major surgery and will need help for the next couple of weeks.
I understand how you are feeling. The lowest point of my life was 6 months ago with my twin boys in an ICBU, one having undergone a TOF repair (thank you TBMU!)& the other keeping his brother company in a bili bed to sort out his jaundice.
It does get better, your family will be together at home before you know it and it will be a distant, albeit painful memory. The best you can do is make sure you are OK because your life will get much busier quite quickly!
As others have said, get some sleep. It is important that you look after yourself. Your wife and child are in good hands and will get all the care that they need. It's easy to say this from the comfort of a keyboard but your job will start when you get home as your wife has undergone major surgery and will need help for the next couple of weeks.
I understand how you are feeling. The lowest point of my life was 6 months ago with my twin boys in an ICBU, one having undergone a TOF repair (thank you TBMU!)& the other keeping his brother company in a bili bed to sort out his jaundice.
It does get better, your family will be together at home before you know it and it will be a distant, albeit painful memory. The best you can do is make sure you are OK because your life will get much busier quite quickly!
Congratulations firstly.
It's an emotional time without the additional worry. Time heals a lot. I'd be pissed off if I was dragged out of my warm home early....
I know with none of your issues I came home very late to a cold and empty house after my daughter was born, and it did feel very empty and alone. A tear may have been shed.
Keep the pecker up - your loved one's need your positivity.
It's an emotional time without the additional worry. Time heals a lot. I'd be pissed off if I was dragged out of my warm home early....
I know with none of your issues I came home very late to a cold and empty house after my daughter was born, and it did feel very empty and alone. A tear may have been shed.
Keep the pecker up - your loved one's need your positivity.
hornetrider said:
Firstly, many congratulations on your new arrival. You're now a dad! Life is going to change but for the better in so many ways.
Things will look better in a couple of days. 7lb 14oz is actually quite a big baby so I'm sure it'll be up to speed in no time. As will your mrs after such an invasive, traumatic birth.
This with bells on! Last night was shock and its good you vented out to us. Some of us will surprise you with random thoughts of chin up from the other side of the planet. Others feel your pain and are sharing their experiences of going on to the good side of it. Others feel your pain and have had worse come after. I really hope all is well but if for whatever reason its not there are people here who can sympathise and be there if needed. Things will look better in a couple of days. 7lb 14oz is actually quite a big baby so I'm sure it'll be up to speed in no time. As will your mrs after such an invasive, traumatic birth.
Big baby is good news and at that many weeks would have definitely been a sunroof job at full term!
Smile
It's hard work going through that and trying to keep your head up. Our first was in hospital for her first birthday, kept having random fits and temperature. They did all sorts of tests, lumbar puncture, the lot. We though it was meningitis and might lose her, never felt like it before or since.
She's 17 now and I just bought her first car for her.
It's good to share, it'll help you deal with it.
She's 17 now and I just bought her first car for her.
It's good to share, it'll help you deal with it.
Firstly congratulations and I hope your Mrs is feeling better soon.
The little one will not be little for long and will be fine I'm sure.
My lad was born two months early weighing in at a little more than 4lbs and now at nearly 16 is just about 6 feet tall and as healthy as anyone could be.
It will get better, but you'll need some sleep, and cash!
Chin up fella!
The little one will not be little for long and will be fine I'm sure.
My lad was born two months early weighing in at a little more than 4lbs and now at nearly 16 is just about 6 feet tall and as healthy as anyone could be.
It will get better, but you'll need some sleep, and cash!
Chin up fella!
Op
I can empathise, I know what you are going through
My daughter was born 3 months premature at 26 weeks, and was in IC for 2 months and in total was in hospital for 3 months. She was nearly 2 hours drive away. We would regularly get calls in the middle of the night asking for permission to carry out procedures that had a high chance of killing her, but that she would die if they didn't carry them out. She also had several lumbar punctures.
When she was born she weighed under 2lbs and her body was smaller than my hand. her mother was very ill for a few weeks too.
The whole time from the birth until she came home will be with me forever, its puts many things into perspective. I was extra sensitive as I nearly lost my wife when our first child was born.
We are very good at caring for early babies in this country even though neo natal IC is not especially well funded.
On the bright side my daughter is now 14 and is a stroppy teenager, she has one or two health issue caused by being premature but nothing that is disabling.
Good luck
ps. My company health insurance paid me cash for every day she was in hospital, I am fortunate and was able to donate it all to the baby care unit. Giving to neo natal departments is worth doing if you like to give to useful causes.
I can empathise, I know what you are going through
My daughter was born 3 months premature at 26 weeks, and was in IC for 2 months and in total was in hospital for 3 months. She was nearly 2 hours drive away. We would regularly get calls in the middle of the night asking for permission to carry out procedures that had a high chance of killing her, but that she would die if they didn't carry them out. She also had several lumbar punctures.
When she was born she weighed under 2lbs and her body was smaller than my hand. her mother was very ill for a few weeks too.
The whole time from the birth until she came home will be with me forever, its puts many things into perspective. I was extra sensitive as I nearly lost my wife when our first child was born.
We are very good at caring for early babies in this country even though neo natal IC is not especially well funded.
On the bright side my daughter is now 14 and is a stroppy teenager, she has one or two health issue caused by being premature but nothing that is disabling.
Good luck
ps. My company health insurance paid me cash for every day she was in hospital, I am fortunate and was able to donate it all to the baby care unit. Giving to neo natal departments is worth doing if you like to give to useful causes.
Edited by blueg33 on Wednesday 3rd September 21:22
It really can be a stressful time. My boy has just turned 8 but my wife had preaclamcia (?) We had not be warned or told anything about it. I came home from the afternoon shift to find her crying and being sick, about 22:30 My wife never cries and is rarely sick. A little later she is screaming in pain. My wife has an extraordinary pain threshold so this was really strange. In hindsight i should have called an ambulance but as it's our first we just get in the car to go from Bridgwater -M5 Taunton Musgrove. On the M5 she is sat in the foot well facing the seat buckled over and really screaming, a blood curdling horror movie scream..
I pulled onto the hard shoulder as she was violently sick, thick virtually black blood.
I arrived at the Taunton junction to find it closed and covered in workman, barriers and flashing lights. My wife is screaming and I am going too fast to work out whats going on so I drove onto Wellington. God knows why i didn't just stop and call an ambulance. But hey it's probably unconscious panic.
I tore into Musgrove like the car was on fire and parked virtually in the door way. They diagnosed preaclamcia but some god awful version. My wifes liver had failed and the babies heart rate was swinging from 140 to 20 and back in a matter of seconds, my wife is throwing up thick black blood. It's like a surreal horror film. All I can remember is thinking I might have to choose.
A C-Section is arranged, and I am allowed into the delivery room and at last all seems calm and under control. At this point every alarm on the computer monitor goes off, flashing lights, beeps, sirens the lot and I am virtually picked up as I am force-ably removed from the theater.
I totally get what you have gone through. My story goes on but this is not the time. Hold in their but look out for the stress to unfold later when you think all is calm, the mind can hold you together as strong and coping until all is well then the relief valve may open. Be ready for it, if it happens it can knock you for six.
8 years later and i'm crying thinking about it.
I pulled onto the hard shoulder as she was violently sick, thick virtually black blood.
I arrived at the Taunton junction to find it closed and covered in workman, barriers and flashing lights. My wife is screaming and I am going too fast to work out whats going on so I drove onto Wellington. God knows why i didn't just stop and call an ambulance. But hey it's probably unconscious panic.
I tore into Musgrove like the car was on fire and parked virtually in the door way. They diagnosed preaclamcia but some god awful version. My wifes liver had failed and the babies heart rate was swinging from 140 to 20 and back in a matter of seconds, my wife is throwing up thick black blood. It's like a surreal horror film. All I can remember is thinking I might have to choose.
A C-Section is arranged, and I am allowed into the delivery room and at last all seems calm and under control. At this point every alarm on the computer monitor goes off, flashing lights, beeps, sirens the lot and I am virtually picked up as I am force-ably removed from the theater.
I totally get what you have gone through. My story goes on but this is not the time. Hold in their but look out for the stress to unfold later when you think all is calm, the mind can hold you together as strong and coping until all is well then the relief valve may open. Be ready for it, if it happens it can knock you for six.
8 years later and i'm crying thinking about it.
I think the last post is very good advice. It's important you look after youself and get sleep now. Later on you may find you need to talk about it.
I've got three t-shirts - 33, 34 and 32 weeks. I am s
te at pregnancy and managed to nearly die with 1 and 2. The reason 3 was unceremoniously removed as part of a planned c-section 8 weeks early was to prevent a re-run of 1 and 2.
They spent approx 4, 3 and 6 weeks in HDU/SCBU. I didn't see the no 1 for over 24 hours, 2 for 8 hours and 3 for 12 hours. I can't remember holding any of them until they were at least 3 days old. They all had cpap for varying amounts of time, despite steroid jabs at 26 and 31/32 weeks for numbers 2 and 3. They all had problems digesting milk and all had severe reflux for months. I could write a an absolute litany of stness but the reality is I actually have to think about it to remember it.
Now I just remember the good bits - the first time I held them free of tubes, the first feeds,coming home all the good bits really. And tomorrow my youngest is starting school. All of mine are fit healthy strong children - all ride motorbikes!
I can't lie and say I wouldn't have preferred to have hung on to full term and had an easy delivery but time has washed away most of that and I have 3 great children.
I wish you all the best and may you all be together soon
I've got three t-shirts - 33, 34 and 32 weeks. I am s
te at pregnancy and managed to nearly die with 1 and 2. The reason 3 was unceremoniously removed as part of a planned c-section 8 weeks early was to prevent a re-run of 1 and 2.They spent approx 4, 3 and 6 weeks in HDU/SCBU. I didn't see the no 1 for over 24 hours, 2 for 8 hours and 3 for 12 hours. I can't remember holding any of them until they were at least 3 days old. They all had cpap for varying amounts of time, despite steroid jabs at 26 and 31/32 weeks for numbers 2 and 3. They all had problems digesting milk and all had severe reflux for months. I could write a an absolute litany of s
tness but the reality is I actually have to think about it to remember it.Now I just remember the good bits - the first time I held them free of tubes, the first feeds,coming home all the good bits really. And tomorrow my youngest is starting school. All of mine are fit healthy strong children - all ride motorbikes!
I can't lie and say I wouldn't have preferred to have hung on to full term and had an easy delivery but time has washed away most of that and I have 3 great children.
I wish you all the best and may you all be together soon
Congrats on the new arrival.
Another premature story from me, our twin boys were born early, 3 and 3 and a half pounds, spent 6 weeks in the NICU, the level of care and expertise was second to none, they are about to turn 10, and have no lasting issues.
Without wishing to sound flippant, what seems scary to you is just a day in the office for these folks.
Take care of yourself now, you'll need to to be fit and healthy when everyone comes home.
All the very best to you all.
Another premature story from me, our twin boys were born early, 3 and 3 and a half pounds, spent 6 weeks in the NICU, the level of care and expertise was second to none, they are about to turn 10, and have no lasting issues.
Without wishing to sound flippant, what seems scary to you is just a day in the office for these folks.
Take care of yourself now, you'll need to to be fit and healthy when everyone comes home.
All the very best to you all.
My son was born at 26 weeks and weighing 2 lbs. He spent four months in hospital, much of the first few weeks he was intubated and he was resuscitated a couple of times. Difficult times, but premature babies are pretty tough cookies and SCBU care is fantastic.
Here he is now, 100% full of life and running me ragged!
Congratulations to you both, keep strong and you will be through it before you know it.
Here he is now, 100% full of life and running me ragged!
Congratulations to you both, keep strong and you will be through it before you know it.
Thank you all for the amazing and heartwarming (sometimes tragic) posts. What a difference a day makes.
Been home a bit. Baby out of incubator. Antibiotics stopped as infection gone. Jaundice level dropped so no uv treatment either. I got to hold her, change her nappy and feed her this evening. Had some professional help as never done it before.
. Still early days, but hopefully she is getting better. I suppose being a big baby can help.
Mother has had a day of no headache. Had a bad night, but today has been much better. She has been up and about, showered and has been moved on to maternity ward. Still waiting for MRI scan results, but hopefully she is on the mend and the headaches are subsiding. As with baby, we'll see.
Will get pic on here when I can get a decent one of her. She is in a cot now so will get chance tomorrow.
Thanks again to everyone who has posted on here. I hope you and all of your families are ok.
I just hope we are on the mend now and baby doesn't rebound with her treatment. I'm also hoping that mother's headaches are going and it isn't just a pain relief mask.
Been home a bit. Baby out of incubator. Antibiotics stopped as infection gone. Jaundice level dropped so no uv treatment either. I got to hold her, change her nappy and feed her this evening. Had some professional help as never done it before.
. Still early days, but hopefully she is getting better. I suppose being a big baby can help.Mother has had a day of no headache. Had a bad night, but today has been much better. She has been up and about, showered and has been moved on to maternity ward. Still waiting for MRI scan results, but hopefully she is on the mend and the headaches are subsiding. As with baby, we'll see.
Will get pic on here when I can get a decent one of her. She is in a cot now so will get chance tomorrow.
Thanks again to everyone who has posted on here. I hope you and all of your families are ok.
I just hope we are on the mend now and baby doesn't rebound with her treatment. I'm also hoping that mother's headaches are going and it isn't just a pain relief mask.
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