Affair - hating it but can't see to disconnect (help)
Discussion
OP been there and done it, it's not nice as everyone is saying, in fact read what they are saying think about how bad you would feel about leaving your wife and child then times that by 1000 and your starting to get close to how s
t your life will be. Honestly if I could change what I did I would in a heart beat, waking up not seeing my son everyday is horrible and I have to admit not seeing the woman I spent just under 10 years with pains me too. I don't think it is missing the routine I actually miss her. Don't leave your wife and kid for someone that you have nothing in common with it's really not worth it.
And on a serious note I don't think anyone has the right to mess the OP's life up let them decide if they want that to happen.
t your life will be. Honestly if I could change what I did I would in a heart beat, waking up not seeing my son everyday is horrible and I have to admit not seeing the woman I spent just under 10 years with pains me too. I don't think it is missing the routine I actually miss her. Don't leave your wife and kid for someone that you have nothing in common with it's really not worth it. And on a serious note I don't think anyone has the right to mess the OP's life up let them decide if they want that to happen.
Hi. A longtime ago I created a login and forgot about it to post about something else incognito, I obviously didn't want to enter my real details so randomly typed something. No idea but I tried creating a login last week and it remembered an email address that I was going to use from previous so I did a password recovery. Bingo.
So. The outing? What would that achieve apart from maliciously playing judge and jury on someone that you've never met? Interesting, the internet isn't it?
Anyway- back on-topic. Alot of the replies have helped me. Overtime my head has been skewered, reality has become skewered into what I think is normal (it isn't) and my rationalising my behaviour as acceptable. Some of the posts have helped me, along with the part of my head that is still decent to remind me what is right and wrong.
I know its alittle too much info but everytime I had sex in the affair I'd immediately jump into the hottest shower and scrub myself allover. As soon as I had sex with this woman my thoughts of feelings for her evaporated. The stress of 'living' a lie was grinding me down, people at work noted I was much of myself recently and the old me - where was it? Everything, common sense- the lot pointed to the obvious choice. Walk/end it. Why couldn't I? Someone mentioned above about ego. I AGREE having two women and sex every day felt GREAT. But at a huge cost that outweighed ego. I've eaten myself alive over this. Why can't I let it go- why do I still feel a strong tinge of jealousy?
I know I have a high sexdrive. Could a middle ground be needed? Do I need to do something no strings on the side? I'm completely happy with my partner and I'm happy with the sex side but its never enough. Do I need to focus on this sex addiction?
The negative posts have helped me towards reality and manning up too. Theres still a shred of decency in me left.
So. The outing? What would that achieve apart from maliciously playing judge and jury on someone that you've never met? Interesting, the internet isn't it?
Anyway- back on-topic. Alot of the replies have helped me. Overtime my head has been skewered, reality has become skewered into what I think is normal (it isn't) and my rationalising my behaviour as acceptable. Some of the posts have helped me, along with the part of my head that is still decent to remind me what is right and wrong.
I know its alittle too much info but everytime I had sex in the affair I'd immediately jump into the hottest shower and scrub myself allover. As soon as I had sex with this woman my thoughts of feelings for her evaporated. The stress of 'living' a lie was grinding me down, people at work noted I was much of myself recently and the old me - where was it? Everything, common sense- the lot pointed to the obvious choice. Walk/end it. Why couldn't I? Someone mentioned above about ego. I AGREE having two women and sex every day felt GREAT. But at a huge cost that outweighed ego. I've eaten myself alive over this. Why can't I let it go- why do I still feel a strong tinge of jealousy?
I know I have a high sexdrive. Could a middle ground be needed? Do I need to do something no strings on the side? I'm completely happy with my partner and I'm happy with the sex side but its never enough. Do I need to focus on this sex addiction?
The negative posts have helped me towards reality and manning up too. Theres still a shred of decency in me left.
Tubbytommy said:
OP been there and done it, it's not nice as everyone is saying, in fact read what they are saying think about how bad you would feel about leaving your wife and child then times that by 1000 and your starting to get close to how st your life will be. Honestly if I could change what I did I would in a heart beat, waking up not seeing my son everyday is horrible and I have to admit not seeing the woman I spent just under 10 years with pains me too. I don't think it is missing the routine I actually miss her. Don't leave your wife and kid for someone that you have nothing in common with it's really not worth it.
And on a serious note I don't think anyone has the right to mess the OP's life up let them decide if they want that to happen.
Oh man. Thank you for your honest post. t your life will be. Honestly if I could change what I did I would in a heart beat, waking up not seeing my son everyday is horrible and I have to admit not seeing the woman I spent just under 10 years with pains me too. I don't think it is missing the routine I actually miss her. Don't leave your wife and kid for someone that you have nothing in common with it's really not worth it. And on a serious note I don't think anyone has the right to mess the OP's life up let them decide if they want that to happen.
In a way you've reminded me again of a good friend who was going through a crisis at work/middle age? and started having affairs which led to him splitting from his wife and two daughters. He now lives in a sort of limbo of worlds and is stuck in a cycle now. A decent bloke and I know the difficult births close together and the bickering that followed threw him the wrong way.
Love it how people always say they have a "sex addiction" when they start feeling guilty about having an affair.
You don't have a sex addiction! You just need to realise that actually, when you commit to being with someone and have a child with them, sex may not be as regular as you want it to be! That doesn't mean you have to go and pork the next bimbo who comes along, just because you haven't had any for a few days/weeks.
You don't have a sex addiction! You just need to realise that actually, when you commit to being with someone and have a child with them, sex may not be as regular as you want it to be! That doesn't mean you have to go and pork the next bimbo who comes along, just because you haven't had any for a few days/weeks.
Peskybear said:
I know I have a high sexdrive. Could a middle ground be needed? Do I need to do something no strings on the side? I'm completely happy with my partner and I'm happy with the sex side but its never enough. Do I need to focus on this sex addiction?
No, you need to have a tommy every so often, clear the pipes out! 
The thing with sex is though, the more you have it, the more you want it. The more you have it the more you want to push the boundaries and take more risks because the adrenalin is addictive. You are feeding the desire.
If you knock it on the head you will very quickly lose those strong desires that were fed by the affair in the first place.
If you knock it on the head you will very quickly lose those strong desires that were fed by the affair in the first place.
Stuff like this really does boil my piss.
With the greatest possible amount of respect I can offer you, grow a fking pair of balls and do what's right.
Having seen two marriages plus my own go down the pan because of this pathetic and selfish behaviour I can't offer any empathy whatsoever.
Unless your current partner beats you with a cricket bat each evening and abuses you (some people like this), there is absolutely no fking way you should be screwing another woman.
The fact that you are seeking empathy is bks and just shows you have no morals, respect or courage to stand up and be a fking man.
Cheating on a partner out of selfishness is one of my most despised things in life and I hope you learn the hard way. There's simply no excuse for it.
I'll re-iterate again. Grow a fking pair and leave your partner if you want to shag somebody else.
With the greatest possible amount of respect I can offer you, grow a f
king pair of balls and do what's right.Having seen two marriages plus my own go down the pan because of this pathetic and selfish behaviour I can't offer any empathy whatsoever.
Unless your current partner beats you with a cricket bat each evening and abuses you (some people like this), there is absolutely no f
king way you should be screwing another woman.The fact that you are seeking empathy is b
ks and just shows you have no morals, respect or courage to stand up and be a fking man.Cheating on a partner out of selfishness is one of my most despised things in life and I hope you learn the hard way. There's simply no excuse for it.
I'll re-iterate again. Grow a f
king pair and leave your partner if you want to shag somebody else.Peskybear said:
Anyway- back on-topic. Alot of the replies have helped me. Overtime my head has been skewered, reality has become skewered into what I think is normal (it isn't) and my rationalising my behaviour as acceptable. Some of the posts have helped me, along with the part of my head that is still decent to remind me what is right and wrong.
I know its alittle too much info but everytime I had sex in the affair I'd immediately jump into the hottest shower and scrub myself allover. As soon as I had sex with this woman my thoughts of feelings for her evaporated. The stress of 'living' a lie was grinding me down, people at work noted I was much of myself recently and the old me - where was it? Everything, common sense- the lot pointed to the obvious choice. Walk/end it. Why couldn't I? Someone mentioned above about ego. I AGREE having two women and sex every day felt GREAT. But at a huge cost that outweighed ego. I've eaten myself alive over this. Why can't I let it go- why do I still feel a strong tinge of jealousy?
I know I have a high sexdrive. Could a middle ground be needed? Do I need to do something no strings on the side? I'm completely happy with my partner and I'm happy with the sex side but its never enough. Do I need to focus on this sex addiction?
The negative posts have helped me towards reality and manning up too. Theres still a shred of decency in me left.
I get where you are coming from OP. I have been in a similar situation (emotionally), minus the marriage and kids (I was in a long term relatiionship). I understand the guilt and the sick feeling you get at the thought of losing somebody to another guy; it's a sI know its alittle too much info but everytime I had sex in the affair I'd immediately jump into the hottest shower and scrub myself allover. As soon as I had sex with this woman my thoughts of feelings for her evaporated. The stress of 'living' a lie was grinding me down, people at work noted I was much of myself recently and the old me - where was it? Everything, common sense- the lot pointed to the obvious choice. Walk/end it. Why couldn't I? Someone mentioned above about ego. I AGREE having two women and sex every day felt GREAT. But at a huge cost that outweighed ego. I've eaten myself alive over this. Why can't I let it go- why do I still feel a strong tinge of jealousy?
I know I have a high sexdrive. Could a middle ground be needed? Do I need to do something no strings on the side? I'm completely happy with my partner and I'm happy with the sex side but its never enough. Do I need to focus on this sex addiction?
The negative posts have helped me towards reality and manning up too. Theres still a shred of decency in me left.
tty ironic situation to be in.You love the sex, but hate yourself for cheating on the one you love. At the same time, you can't bear the thought of your missus leaving you and being with another man. It's a f
ked up form of projection, as you are actually doing the thing you fear your missus will do.My only advice is to cut it off with the FB completely. You have a family to think about, with the highs and lows that comes with it. You obviously do not 'love' the FB, merely enjoy the one thing you are not getting at home, sex.
You can fix this, but you will only ease the guilt by completely dedicating yourself to your family and doing everything you can to unknowingly make this up to your wife.
Whether you tell the wife is up to you. Some people will agrue that she has the right to know; others will say that nothing positive will come of it.
Your decision OP.
Peskybear said:
Oh man. Thank you for your honest post.
In a way you've reminded me again of a good friend who was going through a crisis at work/middle age? and started having affairs which led to him splitting from his wife and two daughters. He now lives in a sort of limbo of worlds and is stuck in a cycle now. A decent bloke and I know the difficult births close together and the bickering that followed threw him the wrong way.
Just if you do sway to leaving your partner please e-mail me first. I'll explain what I've been through since, it's not nice and you will regret it. I'm just being honest about what I did there is no need to lie you only get found out. Never think you can get away with it. In a way you've reminded me again of a good friend who was going through a crisis at work/middle age? and started having affairs which led to him splitting from his wife and two daughters. He now lives in a sort of limbo of worlds and is stuck in a cycle now. A decent bloke and I know the difficult births close together and the bickering that followed threw him the wrong way.
I can see what people are saying on here and i agree with some of them but I've been there and know what the adrenalin rush is like. Please do what I should have done, be there everyday for your daughter, and I don't know how long you've been with your wife but however long it's been it's too long to throw away.
Oh and btw find another job if your fb is working there too. Trust me she could make things worse for you distance is what you need from her.
Bang on - me exactly The Beaver King. Said better than I could and I'm in the same place.
tubbytommy- thank you.
Pev- thank you too for your message.
The maelstrom/mix of emotions is skewering my commonsense and thinking. Perspective and opinions like these voiced on this thread are helping me.
tubbytommy- thank you.
Pev- thank you too for your message.
The maelstrom/mix of emotions is skewering my commonsense and thinking. Perspective and opinions like these voiced on this thread are helping me.
Peskybear said:
Anyway- I was happy with my longterm partner but then started working for this company, alittled bored the flirting started and tbh it got out of hand and we became 'fk buddies'. An arrangement- the sex of course was amazing because of the nature. Of course it'd be more intense. It started skewering my thinking, making me think 'hey sex at home is ok but not as amazing as this'.
OP; re-read what you wrote above. Read it again. And then re-read it a third and fourth time.k buddies'. An arrangement- the sex of course was amazing because of the nature. Of course it'd be more intense. It started skewering my thinking, making me think 'hey sex at home is ok but not as amazing as this'. The ONLY reason you are with this other women is because of the excitement of cheating on your wife.
I guarantee that if you left your wife and tried to have sex with the FB again, it would be so mediocre your world will entirely crumble around you.
I can put money on the fact that the relationship with the FB would last no time at all if you left your wife. You would then go through the torment of being away from your child and hurting your wife and wrecking your family.
For gods sake stop now you selfish pr***. You don't love the other women. You clearly don't love your wife for continuing this affair for a number of years. I cannot get over how selfish some people can be for continuing affairs.
I feel so sorry for your wife. I am a women and I would want to know if my husband was cheating on me, even though it would absolutely destroy me. I think your wife needs to know, but then you will lose her too. Problem is you've already lost her when you killed the trust in your marriage and you can't see that.
Whether you tell your wife or not just end the relationship with your boring FB. How? Get a new job and accept the pain of the FB shagging another bloke is nowhere near the pain you have inflicted on your wife and remember that. If you won't leave jobs then you basically won't stop what you are doing. If by some chance you can stop remember what I just said - accept the pain of the FB shagging another bloke is nowhere near the pain you have inflicted on your wife.
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