Baby death what next ?
Discussion
Sorry for your loss.
We had a son stillborn 6 years ago, just too soon to be legally registered. We found a brilliant undertaker who dealt with the body. We decided to bury him and bought a lovely little coffin and had a small service for just the two of us. Bought a plot close to other Childs graves in the cemetery. We wanted something to remember him by and somewhere to go.
The undertaker just charged basic costs.
We had a son stillborn 6 years ago, just too soon to be legally registered. We found a brilliant undertaker who dealt with the body. We decided to bury him and bought a lovely little coffin and had a small service for just the two of us. Bought a plot close to other Childs graves in the cemetery. We wanted something to remember him by and somewhere to go.
The undertaker just charged basic costs.
MrAndyW said:
Just to say all the people in Jessops Sheffild where she was born and Leeds G/I where she was transfered to, were absolutley AMAZING.
God knoows how they do that job, It must be the best in the world when it goes right and the worst when it dosn't.
thanks again Andy
My wife is a midwife, not at Jessops, and as you say it is the best job in the world when it goes right and the worst when it doesn't. Fortunately it doesn't go wrong very often, although they had to resus a baby today and then transfer said baby to a specialist unit.God knoows how they do that job, It must be the best in the world when it goes right and the worst when it dosn't.
thanks again Andy
Broadly speaking the undertaker and hospital will guide you on the process. Its worth considering advising the midwife team when the funeral is, they often like to attend assuming its appropriate and shift patterns allow it. I can assure you the midwifes will also be upset, and every aspect of the care will be checked to see if they can learn anything.
I am truly sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you and your family, especially mum and dad.
Sadly, my wife and I had to deal with this last year. Someone mentioned SANDS. Please do reach out to them as they will be there to help.
You may need to talk to different funeral directors to see who is able to help here. The hospital may be able to point you in the right direction, but many crematoriums (if that is what mum and dad prefer) have a day every fortnight or month specially for this. We found one who would ensure there were ashes, which was important to us.
Most of all though, remember that no fear, no hate, no evil...none of the bad things of this world were ever felt by your grandchild. Only love.
Sadly, my wife and I had to deal with this last year. Someone mentioned SANDS. Please do reach out to them as they will be there to help.
You may need to talk to different funeral directors to see who is able to help here. The hospital may be able to point you in the right direction, but many crematoriums (if that is what mum and dad prefer) have a day every fortnight or month specially for this. We found one who would ensure there were ashes, which was important to us.
Most of all though, remember that no fear, no hate, no evil...none of the bad things of this world were ever felt by your grandchild. Only love.
Like others, I really am very sorry to read of your loss. May she rest in peace and love.
I own and run a business in the funeral arena near Doncaster and I'd be more than happy to put you in touch with a local FD who'll look after you all.
Any reputable FD will not charge for their services in this instance.
PM me if I can be of any further help.
James
I own and run a business in the funeral arena near Doncaster and I'd be more than happy to put you in touch with a local FD who'll look after you all.
Any reputable FD will not charge for their services in this instance.
PM me if I can be of any further help.
James
nellyleelephant said:
As a recent father (5 months) this brings real tears to my eyes.
Sorry for your loss, I hope your family are doing as well as they can be.
Also being a father to a 5 month old I can only echo the above and other comments. Wishing your family all the best at this difficult time.Sorry for your loss, I hope your family are doing as well as they can be.
Terrible news, but, the Undertakers will do everything for you, if you have a question about anything, just ask them. They do this professionally and do it bloody well as a rule.
God bless you all.
Meant to add, you can phone the Undertakers any time, day or night.
God bless you all.
Meant to add, you can phone the Undertakers any time, day or night.
Edited by Tunku on Saturday 20th September 00:02
Tunku said:
Terrible news, but, the Undertakers will do everything for you, if you have a question about anything, just ask them. They do this professionally and do it bloody well as a rule.
God bless you all.
Meant to add, you can phone the Undertakers any time, day or night.
This is not meant to be a joke or a smart arse comment - is that why they are called 'undertakers'? Because they undertake the arrangements on your behalf...must be. God bless you all.
Meant to add, you can phone the Undertakers any time, day or night.
Edited by Tunku on Saturday 20th September 00:02
Never occurred to me before.
My condolences on your loss and my sympathy to your family.
I went through something similar almost 6 years ago; one of my twins was stillborn.
As other posters have also explained the undertakers will usually handle everything - in my case they arranged the coffin, release and transportation of my son and the burial service.
I don't know why but I find comfort in having somewhere to go when I need to.
I went through something similar almost 6 years ago; one of my twins was stillborn.
As other posters have also explained the undertakers will usually handle everything - in my case they arranged the coffin, release and transportation of my son and the burial service.
I don't know why but I find comfort in having somewhere to go when I need to.
Our first child,a boy was still born in 2005,a seriously challenging time indeed for all concerned.
We were appointed a specialist bereavement midwife who answered most of the many questions we had and assisted as much as she could.
I couldn`t really say that she made it any easier for us at the time,
days became a haze but she did her best to ensure that it was not made anymore difficult than it already was and that we didn`t fall off the rails.
There are no hard or fast rules to this and people will behave completely unexpectedly,after initial grief I bottled it up for weeks,stupidly thinking it was beneficial to my wife.
The best advice I would give to parents in this situation is to not to be consumed with finding a reason.
As we found out,the most important questions as parents are those that sadly sometimes there is no answer to,that and for them to talk to people and explain their story and to not feel ashamed by it.
We had a daughter 14 months later and from the point of confirming the pregnancy onward we started to re-focus on life,with all the angst and worries that came with it.
Trying again when the time is right is an old cliche but it worked for us,though unimaginable at the time and for a while afterwards,there were some dark times when I honestly thought that I would never feel happiness again and a genuine smile was a distant memory,never to be felt again.
I feel guilt every time I look at my oldest girl(7yo),heartbreaking to think that she is only really there because of our loss and that I foolishly felt from the beginning some resentment would surface from me towards her because of this,I was wrong,so wrong.
You are never the same again but you will one day be able to smile,genuinely.
Each new life… No matter how fragile or brief… Forever changes the world.
We were appointed a specialist bereavement midwife who answered most of the many questions we had and assisted as much as she could.
I couldn`t really say that she made it any easier for us at the time,
days became a haze but she did her best to ensure that it was not made anymore difficult than it already was and that we didn`t fall off the rails.
There are no hard or fast rules to this and people will behave completely unexpectedly,after initial grief I bottled it up for weeks,stupidly thinking it was beneficial to my wife.
The best advice I would give to parents in this situation is to not to be consumed with finding a reason.
As we found out,the most important questions as parents are those that sadly sometimes there is no answer to,that and for them to talk to people and explain their story and to not feel ashamed by it.
We had a daughter 14 months later and from the point of confirming the pregnancy onward we started to re-focus on life,with all the angst and worries that came with it.
Trying again when the time is right is an old cliche but it worked for us,though unimaginable at the time and for a while afterwards,there were some dark times when I honestly thought that I would never feel happiness again and a genuine smile was a distant memory,never to be felt again.
I feel guilt every time I look at my oldest girl(7yo),heartbreaking to think that she is only really there because of our loss and that I foolishly felt from the beginning some resentment would surface from me towards her because of this,I was wrong,so wrong.
You are never the same again but you will one day be able to smile,genuinely.
Each new life… No matter how fragile or brief… Forever changes the world.
Once again thanks for all your feelings and especialy the offers of help,
I am in a slightly difficult position as all the decisions have to be made by my daughter and her partner and at their pace, I am just here to gentley help and coax them along. Possible gently push them in the right direction when required.
The info from all you people has been fantastic. Google is your friend,but when life's a bit messed up it;s hard to make sense of all the stuff, you just need a bit of plain English,which is exactly what I got here.
Thanks a million for the offers of help.I don't if I will take you up on them,as it's up to the parents.
But just thank you so so much.
You have ALL genuinely helped these last few days.
Andy.
I am in a slightly difficult position as all the decisions have to be made by my daughter and her partner and at their pace, I am just here to gentley help and coax them along. Possible gently push them in the right direction when required.
The info from all you people has been fantastic. Google is your friend,but when life's a bit messed up it;s hard to make sense of all the stuff, you just need a bit of plain English,which is exactly what I got here.
Thanks a million for the offers of help.I don't if I will take you up on them,as it's up to the parents.
But just thank you so so much.
You have ALL genuinely helped these last few days.
Andy.
Very difficult to read this, I`m so sorry for your loss and that of the rest of your family.
My sister had 2 stillbirths and it`s incredibly painful.
I have a 7 month old daughter that arrived 7 weeks odd early and I can relate to the staff in SCBU. They are incredible.
I`m currently travelling 1000s of miles from home away from my daughter so reading this has introduced *dust* into my eyes.
My sister had 2 stillbirths and it`s incredibly painful.
I have a 7 month old daughter that arrived 7 weeks odd early and I can relate to the staff in SCBU. They are incredible.
I`m currently travelling 1000s of miles from home away from my daughter so reading this has introduced *dust* into my eyes.
This tragedy happened to my niece, she only lived 7 days and it was the most traumatic time for everyone - she contracted a virus as a result of poor hygeine at the hospital - it was on the news and in the papers which made it even worse.
I now have two children under two, one is 6 weeks old.
I am so sorry for your tragic loss, there is nothing worse to experience in life imo. I have tears in my eyes and am hoping my wife doesn't notice as she will cry if i tell her what i am responding too.
Best wishes and my thoughts are with you.
Charlie
I now have two children under two, one is 6 weeks old.
I am so sorry for your tragic loss, there is nothing worse to experience in life imo. I have tears in my eyes and am hoping my wife doesn't notice as she will cry if i tell her what i am responding too.
Best wishes and my thoughts are with you.
Charlie
I will add my condolences... 
OP, I wish you all the best at this difficult time - as I do to other posters on this thread who are grieving or have grieved (and, realistically, still are to some degree as it never quite
stops for the rest of our days on earth).
Losing "someone" is unique to everyone - no matter who they were and our relationship with them. There is nothing wrong with mourning their passing or grieving for them, as they leave a 'hole' - a gap - in our lives
. The 'rulebook' (the "5 stages of grieving stuff" 
) says "18 months or so"; the 'acute' phase can last for longer (or shorter) than this but it never leaves you (it just becomes 'chronic' and as such more manageable but it never ever leaves you 
).
There is also nothing wrong with seeking "bereavement counselling" - being bereaved is a very painful experience, and most people can manage it within the wide bounds of a "normal" response so hearing from a counsellor that we are "coping" is reassuring in itself
. But if our feelings of loss seem to be starting to become oppressive or even self-consuming then counselling is Number One on the list - and it's very helpful (if painful - been there, done that and benefitted very muchly ) in getting back on track with what's left of life until the next chapter starts...
Life can be harsh sometimes! But what doesn't kill us makes us - in the long term (like, several years in this case ) - stronger . It's very very hard on the way though...
OP, I wish you all the best at this difficult time - as I do to other posters on this thread who are grieving or have grieved (and, realistically, still are to some degree as it never quite
stops for the rest of our days on earth). Losing "someone" is unique to everyone - no matter who they were and our relationship with them. There is nothing wrong with mourning their passing or grieving for them, as they leave a 'hole' - a gap - in our lives
. The 'rulebook' (the "5 stages of grieving stuff" ) says "18 months or so"; the 'acute' phase can last for longer (or shorter) than this but it never leaves you (it just becomes 'chronic' and as such more manageable but it never ever leaves you ).There is also nothing wrong with seeking "bereavement counselling" - being bereaved is a very painful experience, and most people can manage it within the wide bounds of a "normal" response so hearing from a counsellor that we are "coping" is reassuring in itself
. But if our feelings of loss seem to be starting to become oppressive or even self-consuming then counselling is Number One on the list - and it's very helpful (if painful - been there, done that and benefitted very muchly ) in getting back on track with what's left of life until the next chapter starts...Life can be harsh sometimes! But what doesn't kill us makes us - in the long term (like, several years in this case
) - stronger . It's very very hard on the way though...Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff