Biggest shock becoming a father
Discussion
popegregory said:
Biggest one for me was that as a non baby enthusiast, you really do get as attached to them as everyone says. You'll start off with a screaming ball of responsibility but only 3 months in you get the fact it recognises you, misses you and is visibly happy you're there. It's brilliant.
Yup, I was very anti-baby until I was talked into going for it. Then I became a doting dad, first one to feed and change baby, when my wife was recovering from CS, and always the one to spring out of bed at any whimper or noise in the night. I was surprised how many people would say something like "Oh, it's a girl but it is okay, you'll have a boy next time" like a girl was some sort of impediment, or curse?
We only ever had the one, so there never was a boy.
duffy78 said:
Pommygranite said:
On the 'sexist' bit there is one thing that absolutely boils my pss. Women talk about how tired they are (it is) and how hard it is (it is) and how they dont get a break and how when you come home from work they need time to themselves so you as the bloke take over....ERR HANG ON. For many men they are either at work or at home doing the parent bit. There is no break for them, there is no 'me' time, there is no space to do your own thing. I do a lot of work out and about and the amount of mums and groups at shops, having a coffee, queuing for 'mums and bubs' cinema sessions generally having a pretty chilled out day, in addition to the fact their kids under 12 months means they sleep for perhaps 3-5 hours between 9-5 working hours and they're sat at home watching Ellen or Dr Phil. Sorry but sometimes we are too quick to think of the mum and rarely think of the dad.
hmmm. coming home from work and feeding, bathing and putting the kids to bed isnt exactly strenuous is it. Plus i'd bet that your mrs doesnt exactly sit idly by whilst this is done.Reading the above statement I doubt if you've had to spend any decent length of time looking after your kids on your own. I sent my wife to sweden to visit her friend last year for a long weekend, thursday to monday, and as such I had my 3 young'uns to look after and I dont mind admitting I found it very tiring and pretty draining, more mentally than physically.
Getting kids to do things that they dont want to do and to a rigid timetable like school starting / finishing times etc is very frustrating. I found that my wife had very little time to herself once she'd got the kids up, washed, dressed, fed, dropped off the school, little one to nursery, home to tidy house, back to nursey to pick up little one, lunchtime, washing etc, back to school to pick up, tea time, etc, etc, etc. She was perpetually knackered even with me helping out when home from work with the kids and the household chores.
Whilst I appreciate you are making assumptions I have actually had rather a lot of time where I have had my children to parent on my own - e.g when my 10 mth old was born I had her on my own for 2 weeks day and night whilst my wife was back in hospital. I have had my 9yr old for 3 weeks on my own due to my ex travelling. Simply put it is tiring but in the same vein I didnt find it massively as knackering as it is portrayed by some women.
If your kids are at school all day and your wife is at home its sure isnt as hard as if they are at home all day.
I think we've been conditioned by women to think that raising kids is tiring and hard 24/7 and for some it is but some its not.
My point is that very few people consider the workload on the dad - its always about the women.
I agree somewhat with the sentiments above. When our little was "new", wife wanted to alternate who got up to soothe/feed/change during the night etc.
I did it at first, but when I then also have to go to work at 8am, it becomes slightly unfair I think.
Now she does all the night time stuff, I rarely even wake up! But I always help out once I'm up in the morning, evenings when I get in from work and weekends. Apparently weekends should be "her time off". Pointing out it should be my time off as well results in The Mental. I think part of the problem is thinking of it as "a job" to raise a child. It shouldn't be. 90% of the time it's great fun - he's a proper little giggler, loves life and will now happily amuse himself with his toys if needed, but it's those moments when he won't go down for his nap, won't feed or just cries randomly for half an hour that drain you.
As for the poo - that's really not that bad until they start eating actual food. First six months are fine!
I did it at first, but when I then also have to go to work at 8am, it becomes slightly unfair I think.
Now she does all the night time stuff, I rarely even wake up! But I always help out once I'm up in the morning, evenings when I get in from work and weekends. Apparently weekends should be "her time off". Pointing out it should be my time off as well results in The Mental. I think part of the problem is thinking of it as "a job" to raise a child. It shouldn't be. 90% of the time it's great fun - he's a proper little giggler, loves life and will now happily amuse himself with his toys if needed, but it's those moments when he won't go down for his nap, won't feed or just cries randomly for half an hour that drain you.
As for the poo - that's really not that bad until they start eating actual food. First six months are fine!
King Herald said:
Yup, I was very anti-baby until I was talked into going for it. Then I became a doting dad, first one to feed and change baby, when my wife was recovering from CS, and always the one to spring out of bed at any whimper or noise in the night.
I was surprised how many people would say something like "Oh, it's a girl but it is okay, you'll have a boy next time" like a girl was some sort of impediment, or curse?
We only ever had the one, so there never was a boy.
It's a good thing. Guys with higher levels of testosterone tend to have girls.I was surprised how many people would say something like "Oh, it's a girl but it is okay, you'll have a boy next time" like a girl was some sort of impediment, or curse?
We only ever had the one, so there never was a boy.
Pommygranite said:
You cant on the one hand say feeding, bathtime, bedtime isnt strenuous and then on the other include these quasi chores in an outline of why your wife has little time and is knackered. As I said, its not a matter of those areas being strenuous its about one person needing more time off but not appreciating that just because as a bloke you are at work you are getting a break. Its about sharing duties and sharing free time.
Whilst I appreciate you are making assumptions I have actually had rather a lot of time where I have had my children to parent on my own - e.g when my 10 mth old was born I had her on my own for 2 weeks day and night whilst my wife was back in hospital. I have had my 9yr old for 3 weeks on my own due to my ex travelling. Simply put it is tiring but in the same vein I didnt find it massively as knackering as it is portrayed by some women.
If your kids are at school all day and your wife is at home its sure isnt as hard as if they are at home all day.
I think we've been conditioned by women to think that raising kids is tiring and hard 24/7 and for some it is but some its not.
My point is that very few people consider the workload on the dad - its always about the women.
Yes....perhaps. But you are one of the good guys - one of the good dads who helps and doesn't hide behind the job and the various lengthy hobbies that he needs to do on a saturday or sunday morning otherwise he feels 'frustrated' and 'unfulfilled'. There are an awful lot of those chaps around. Sadly.Whilst I appreciate you are making assumptions I have actually had rather a lot of time where I have had my children to parent on my own - e.g when my 10 mth old was born I had her on my own for 2 weeks day and night whilst my wife was back in hospital. I have had my 9yr old for 3 weeks on my own due to my ex travelling. Simply put it is tiring but in the same vein I didnt find it massively as knackering as it is portrayed by some women.
If your kids are at school all day and your wife is at home its sure isnt as hard as if they are at home all day.
I think we've been conditioned by women to think that raising kids is tiring and hard 24/7 and for some it is but some its not.
My point is that very few people consider the workload on the dad - its always about the women.
You are dead right that once they go off to school then it's not so tough. But give me a day in the office (with my multiple tea break, interaction with colleagues and nice warm email/internet) over looking after a toddler and 3month old for an easy life....especially when they are ill!
eddy209 said:
But give me a day in the office (with my multiple tea break, interaction with colleagues and nice warm email/internet) over looking after a toddler and 3month old for an easy life....especially when they are ill!
Agreed. Until they go to school, I think the working parent has an "easier" time.here is a question- we have two children- girls, one just 5, the other 2 1/2.
would you have another or leave it at that. I know statistically it'll be a another girl....... having a 3rd for it to be a boy is academic.
I feel I'm getting to the point where life is easier day by day with them.
Not sure if I want to go through the pregnancy (well my wife's pregnancy) and then 2 1/2 years of baby/toddler chaos.
is having a third just so much more hard work than two........ ?
we have the space at home for a third, obviously have all the baby rubbish we need......... I now know how to raise them.
I'm realising I don't sound like a willing dad- I am, I love them to bits, I sacrifice everything to care for them, play with them, raise them, educate them.
but selfishly....... its just so much easier, now they are getting bigger !
would you have another or leave it at that. I know statistically it'll be a another girl....... having a 3rd for it to be a boy is academic.
I feel I'm getting to the point where life is easier day by day with them.
Not sure if I want to go through the pregnancy (well my wife's pregnancy) and then 2 1/2 years of baby/toddler chaos.
is having a third just so much more hard work than two........ ?
we have the space at home for a third, obviously have all the baby rubbish we need......... I now know how to raise them.
I'm realising I don't sound like a willing dad- I am, I love them to bits, I sacrifice everything to care for them, play with them, raise them, educate them.
but selfishly....... its just so much easier, now they are getting bigger !
austinsmirk said:
Is having a third just so much more hard work than two........ ?
Having three is disproportionately more expensive, simply because so many holidays and days out are geared to the "two adults and two children" family tickets.Logic also dictates that it is a lot easier to cope with two than three, simply because the ratio of adults to nippers starts to get out of kilter if you have three.
A partial solution is to leave a large gap, so that the eldest child is more self-sufficient, but that condemns you to a life of child rearing.
My two are now 14 and 18. I feel like I have suddenly got my life back.
I'm not sure I could cope with doing it all over again.
Just read through this thread as my wife is increasing the pressure on me to become a father, something I've managed to avoid so far in 4 years of marriage. I'm 40 and she's 30 and to be honest the thought of being a dad scares the hell out of me. The thought of being 60 and still having kids at home and having to change my lifestyle hugely really freaks me out. Could be interesting times ahead!
Steve7777 said:
My first one is due in 2 months, but fortunately I don't know enough to be properly nervous yet. Any tips for things I can do over the next 8 weeks to make life easier when she arrives? Or is it just a case of buy all the stuff, sleep a lot and brace myself?
Oh, and say goodbye to your mates who don't have kids.
Reading some of the posts above I'm not sure things actually get easier as kids got older, the challenges just change.
My two are 13 & 10 and are harder work now in many ways than ever. Wouldn't change it for the world though.
Steve7777 said:
My first one is due in 2 months, but fortunately I don't know enough to be properly nervous yet. Any tips for things I can do over the next 8 weeks to make life easier when she arrives? Or is it just a case of buy all the stuff, sleep a lot and brace myself?
Just buy a huge pile of nappies, all the potions and lotions and a pallet of wet wipes, don't bother sleeping more, you can't store sleep and it'll just make it harder to adjust when He/She arrives. Test fit the baby seat in your car now, not like the plum I saw at hospital trying to fit his for the first time with a newborn in it. Put everything together (crib, bouncer and all that stuff).
Don't obsess too much about routes to hospitals and all that, you might be thinking about 3am 130mph dashes to the maternity ward, police escorts and all that, but it never happens, judging by my experience, that of my friends and all the other blokes on the ward the night ours came it's mostly a looooong wait - pack a bag with a few snacks, a magazine and a tooth brush.
I loved it, when my boy was born 8 weeks early,his mum was poorly, and he was tiny.
His mums fine now and 23 years on he is like a brick s
t house.
I on the other hand never wanted or entertained the thought of kids, hated the thought of it.
Yet, the night he was born, and I saw him, I melted,and became where he is concerned,then and now, totally overwhelmed and full of love for him.
We were lucky enough as parents to share the looking after him, working two and a half days a week each..
As for st and sick, when it's your own you seem to be able to scoop it up with your hands, without a seconds thought, see, or smell any one else's though, I'm puking up along side them..
His mums fine now and 23 years on he is like a brick s
t house.I on the other hand never wanted or entertained the thought of kids, hated the thought of it.
Yet, the night he was born, and I saw him, I melted,and became where he is concerned,then and now, totally overwhelmed and full of love for him.
We were lucky enough as parents to share the looking after him, working two and a half days a week each..
As for s
t and sick, when it's your own you seem to be able to scoop it up with your hands, without a seconds thought, see, or smell any one else's though, I'm puking up along side them..Pat H said:
austinsmirk said:
Is having a third just so much more hard work than two........ ?
Having three is disproportionately more expensive, simply because so many holidays and days out are geared to the "two adults and two children" family tickets.Logic also dictates that it is a lot easier to cope with two than three, simply because the ratio of adults to nippers starts to get out of kilter if you have three.
A partial solution is to leave a large gap, so that the eldest child is more self-sufficient, but that condemns you to a life of child rearing.
My two are now 14 and 18. I feel like I have suddenly got my life back.
I'm not sure I could cope with doing it all over again.
Now they are all older they are all good friends and play together regularly, you dont get this when you leave a gap as they wont be into the same things etc.
The major downside is hotels as most family rooms only sleep 4 so it costs twice as much to go anywhere. Flying can be a bit of a mare trying to get all 5 seated in close proximity.
The actual realisation that you are now a parent and the responsibility that comes with it turns you upside down (most of us have had our parents there our whole lives to guide us and catch us when we fall, suddenly you take that role). It shouldn't be a shock, you know it's coming, have months to prepare for it and get your head around it, but it doesn't properly hit home until you're holding your new born in your arms.
Also, time goes into fast forwards - weeks feel like days, years like weeks. The more kids you have, the faster it gets. And there is no pause button!
Also, time goes into fast forwards - weeks feel like days, years like weeks. The more kids you have, the faster it gets. And there is no pause button!
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