Biggest shock becoming a father
Discussion
Definitely the lack of sleep.
We are on our second and now sleep in separate beds, so that we can take it in turns to look after our youngest.
I think for me personally, the biggest shock was how little 'me' time you have to do the things that you used to enjoy. Don't get me wrong, i love spending time with them more than anything, but before I was always a very active person, who was always on the go with loads of hobbies.
As these hobbies are mostly not baby friendly then they have to be cut down a lot.
Also, although most people probably don't like to admit it, do mot underestimate the strain that it can put on the relationship with your partner, especially at first when you are very very tired.
It's not all bad though, honestly!
We are on our second and now sleep in separate beds, so that we can take it in turns to look after our youngest.
I think for me personally, the biggest shock was how little 'me' time you have to do the things that you used to enjoy. Don't get me wrong, i love spending time with them more than anything, but before I was always a very active person, who was always on the go with loads of hobbies.
As these hobbies are mostly not baby friendly then they have to be cut down a lot.
Also, although most people probably don't like to admit it, do mot underestimate the strain that it can put on the relationship with your partner, especially at first when you are very very tired.
It's not all bad though, honestly!
When your wife is bent over the bed and breaks water on the nurse examining her, it was like a horse having a piss 
And as above, I cannot believe the size of the logs my son produces attwo years old
I feel like putting a flag in them and singing the national anthem when I flush the things.
And as above, I cannot believe the size of the logs my son produces attwo years old
I feel like putting a flag in them and singing the national anthem when I flush the things.WolfAir said:
Most important piece of advice personally, when your partner is in labour stay up at the top end. Trust me do not let curiosity take over, stay at the top.
I cannot over emphasise the above advice.Having done all sorts of surgery of the mouth, I ventured down the business end out of medical curiosity for the birth of my daughter. I knew the blood wouldn't bother me as I am very used to that.
The obstetrician had performed an episiotomy, an angled cut to open the vagina wider to allow the baby to come out more easily and without anything tearing. The cut is made at a swooping angle and goes from the bottom of the vagina to one side of the anal opening to prevent the formation of a "vaganus".
It goes pretty deep, all the way through muscle and it sort of gapes open like a grinning mouth. The texture of the exposed and sliced muscle is quite particular.
It was all very interesting and as the chap started to stitch things up I asked if I could gave a go. He knew what I did for a living and seemed happy to oblige but the assistants didn't know and went a bit goggle eyed. We decided that as I'd have to scrub up and get the right sized gloves etc it wasn't very practical and he'd be best to just get on with it but I stayed put and watched him do the business whilst he explained the technique. The stitches are placed into the muscle, so sub-dermally and the wound sort of zips up from the bottom.
It was all very fascinating and when it was done I went back to the face end to reunite with smiling mother and newborn baby. I thought nothing more of it.
Until a few months later.
At a moment when the last thing you want in your head is the image of sliced up muscle gaping open like a mouth, oozing blood whilst some chap slaps and tugs it together and sews it all up. You try to ignore it, put it out of your mind but it comes right back.
Ruined.
As they say, these things cannot be unseen. It is a kind of PTSD.
So yes, stay up the face end, for your own sake. It's better that way.
Edited by Driller on Saturday 20th September 13:54
Driller said:
WolfAir said:
Most important piece of advice personally, when your partner is in labour stay up at the top end. Trust me do not let curiosity take over, stay at the top.
This ^^^^Thinking back, even when my missus was in hospital for ten days (high blood pressure) waiting for the birth, it somehow wasn't real. I don't why I thought that, but visiting her every day in hospital seemed to make it a normal experience, and I kind of forgot it would come to an end.
When it did end it was very sudden - doctor came to check her out so i wandered off to get a can of Coke. Came back to be told "we're doing an emergency C-section"...
"When?" I said, rather stupidly with hindsight.
"Now. Mother and baby are both at risk. Get scrubs on now."
That made it hit home.
Then my oldest was born in a hospital corridor to the applause of the dozen-or-so operating theatre operatives who were just about to do the emergency C-section. Turned out they weren't needed by about 30 seconds.
The biggest shock after that was not feeling "the bond" straight away like everyone seemed to think would happen. Took a few days for me to get the "feeling" of being a father, rather than a frightened bloke holding a small child.
After that they are (mostly) a heap of joy, although going anywhere means carrying a couple of rucksacks and about two days of planning. How come baby-sized stuff takes up so much bloomin space???
The terror, adrenaline and then joy of an emergency c-section. The kind where your wife and unborn childs life is in immediate danger and it seems that half the hospital is mobilised (thanks NHS, you were awesome). Scariest 18 minutes of my life.
The unconditional love in holding your daughter for the first time.
How many towels a small baby can get through when vomiting. 11 for the record in 4 hours.
How much they change every single day and how much fun they are (especially after 4-5 months and they become interactive)
How much easier work is after you have been looking after a truculent toddler - going to work for a rest
How much fun it is to crawl about on the floor being a scary monster.
16 months in and every day is fun.
The unconditional love in holding your daughter for the first time.
How many towels a small baby can get through when vomiting. 11 for the record in 4 hours.
How much they change every single day and how much fun they are (especially after 4-5 months and they become interactive)
How much easier work is after you have been looking after a truculent toddler - going to work for a rest
How much fun it is to crawl about on the floor being a scary monster.
16 months in and every day is fun.
I'm a new father of a 3 day old boy. I wouldn't say anything has 'shocked' me so far, all is as expected, although seeing him come out (not from the business end, I stayed near the mother's head), he wasn't exactly the colour/movement I was expecting (was expecting white/red and moving, he came out grey/green and floppy).
The only thing that I really noticed strange was when me and the wife went for a 3 minute walk without him (a nurse was looking after him), and it already felt weird being a couple rather than a family of 3 and I wanted to go back and bring him with us immediately.
The only thing that I really noticed strange was when me and the wife went for a 3 minute walk without him (a nurse was looking after him), and it already felt weird being a couple rather than a family of 3 and I wanted to go back and bring him with us immediately.
tting thread!Vaud said:
The terror, adrenaline and then joy of an emergency c-section. The kind where your wife and unborn childs life is in immediate danger and it seems that half the hospital is mobilised (thanks NHS, you were awesome). Scariest 18 minutes of my life.
You too? I was really impressed that, in a seemingly deserted maternity unit at about 11pm, one phonecall from the Doctor and we had a fully-manned operating theatre filled with nurses/anesthetist/midwives/surgeon/uncle Tom Cobbley and all. God knows where they all materialised from in less than 10 minutes, but I was bloody glad they did.Everybody is down on the NHS right up to the time when it all kicks in to action on your behalf
Driller said:
WolfAir said:
Most important piece of advice personally, when your partner is in labour stay up at the top end. Trust me do not let curiosity take over, stay at the top.
I cannot over emphasise the above advice.Having done all sorts of surgery of the mouth, I ventured down the business end out of medical curiosity for the birth of my daughter. I knew the blood wouldn't bother me as I am very used to that.
The obstetrician had performed an episiotomy, an angled cut to open the vagina wider to allow the baby to come out more easily and without anything tearing. The cut is made at a swooping angle and goes from the bottom of the vagina to one side of the anal opening to prevent the formation of a "vaganus".
It goes pretty deep, all the way through muscle and it sort of gapes open like a grinning mouth. The texture of the exposed and sliced muscle is quite particular.
It was all very interesting and as the chap started to stitch things up I asked if I could gave a go. He knew what I did for a living and seemed happy to oblige but the assistants didn't know and went a bit goggle eyed. We decided that as I'd have to scrub up and get the right sized gloves etc it wasn't very practical and he'd be best to just get on with it but I stayed put and watched him do the business whilst he explained the technique. The stitches are placed into the muscle, so sub-dermally and the wound sort of zips up from the bottom.
It was all very fascinating and when it was done I went back to the face end to reunite with smiling mother and newborn baby. I thought nothing more of it.
Until a few months later.
At a moment when the last thing you want in your head is the image of sliced up muscle gaping open like a mouth, oozing blood whilst some chap slaps and tugs it together and sews it all up. You try to ignore it, put it out of your mind but it comes right back.
Ruined.
As they say, these things cannot be unseen. It is a kind of PTSD.
So yes, stay up the face end, for your own sake. It's better that way.
Edited by Driller on Saturday 20th September 13:54
I guess it's an individual thing.
eybic said:
I'm due to become a Dad for the first time in 10 weeks time 
and was wondering what the biggest shock was for the Dad's of PH?
Just how easy it is to function on three hours of interrupted sleep a night for the first month.... It's ace though, every single second with my baby girl is captivating. and was wondering what the biggest shock was for the Dad's of PH? In my case taking them out on my own and realising I was a responsible adult , then trying to avoid kick offs in public (I hate being the centre of attention) , wondering if I take my 4 yo daughter into the men's or send her in the ladies (answer is use the disabled) and if you do take her the loo what to do with son - constant issues to be solved.
My eldest is 31 and expecting her second child, my youngest is 26, has two kids and has served two tours of Afghanistan, but to me they are still my kids and I worry about them every day. Once that squirming little thing pops out your life changes......FOREVER.....
Enjoy them growing up,and take pleasure in the tinyist things they do, as children grow every day is different.
Having children does put a strain on relationships as priorities change,so you will have to learn to adapt. Have a flexible aproach to life, don't worry about being a dad, you'll be fine
All the best for the future,hope it all goes well
Chris
Enjoy them growing up,and take pleasure in the tinyist things they do, as children grow every day is different.
Having children does put a strain on relationships as priorities change,so you will have to learn to adapt. Have a flexible aproach to life, don't worry about being a dad, you'll be fine
All the best for the future,hope it all goes well
Chris
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