Biggest shock becoming a father
Discussion
My daughter is 3 months, now - before she arrived I was worried about her being healthy, but mostly that I wouldn't care - I know it sounds odd, but I feared I'd be an emotional retard and I'd have to fake being happy - turns out I blubbed like a baby and didn't want to give her back to the mid-wives ha ha.
Don't be afraid if you're not that into the whole cooing and ahhing thing for the first couple of months though, it's hard to admit it, but most blokes need a bit of interaction and you'll get nothing for a couple of months.
Frankly all the poo, sick and dribble is nothing, honestly doesn't bother me a bit, well after the first one anyway - the sleeping thing is a living nightmare though, sleep deprivation is the cruellest thing I've ever dealt with - I one spent 3 weeks with both arms in elevation, dealing with agonising pain and being taken in and out of surgery every few days - frankly, a few days strapped to a bed on morphine sounds like a holiday at the moment! Just take it a day at a time, first 2 weeks is the hardest, no the first month is the hardest, no the first 3 months is the hardest - you hear that all the time...
Anyway, I know we're meant to be living in a new age of sexual equality, but truth is Mum does 80%-90% of it past the first few weeks, sometimes that means watching 'This Morning' whilst Baby naps, sometimes that means pacing the bedroom with a screaming baby at 4am - you might think, nay KNOW that a bad day in the office is worst than a bad day with the baby, but for them it NEVER ENDS.
In our House my Wife cares and supports our Baby save for a few hours a week I can nab her away for a few hours, and I support and care for my Wife - from being firm to almost the point of rude with Nurses, Mid-Wives, Doctors, Relatives, Neighbours and anyone else who fancies fobbing you off or sticking their oar in, to telling her we'll get though it when she's exhausted and suffering from PND, you've got to MTFU and take it sometimes, you might be knackered, you might stressed out - but sometimes you're going to have to accept taking a lot of s
t from the OH without giving any back.
Saying all that, the biggest shock? It's the amazing about a contradictory bullst advise you'll find from every corner - you'll never be short of it, even if you don't want it - it trying to filter out all the nonsense from the Mother-earth types, the rose-tinted types who only remember themselves being perfect, the medics who ALWAYS assume you're being hysterical new parents, or you're just tired (honestly, 2 months to get them to test for Milk Allergies - that was life changing for us) the Mid-wives who'll treat you like the anti-Christ if you can't get breast feeding to work, and the law-suit fearing manufactures who tell you all sorts of horror stories about pretty much any of their products - at some point you have to realise that really you're completely on your own and to make the best of it.
Oh and the never look down the business end thing - triple that, it's like a fking train wreck only with more blood.
Don't be afraid if you're not that into the whole cooing and ahhing thing for the first couple of months though, it's hard to admit it, but most blokes need a bit of interaction and you'll get nothing for a couple of months.
Frankly all the poo, sick and dribble is nothing, honestly doesn't bother me a bit, well after the first one anyway - the sleeping thing is a living nightmare though, sleep deprivation is the cruellest thing I've ever dealt with - I one spent 3 weeks with both arms in elevation, dealing with agonising pain and being taken in and out of surgery every few days - frankly, a few days strapped to a bed on morphine sounds like a holiday at the moment! Just take it a day at a time, first 2 weeks is the hardest, no the first month is the hardest, no the first 3 months is the hardest - you hear that all the time...
Anyway, I know we're meant to be living in a new age of sexual equality, but truth is Mum does 80%-90% of it past the first few weeks, sometimes that means watching 'This Morning' whilst Baby naps, sometimes that means pacing the bedroom with a screaming baby at 4am - you might think, nay KNOW that a bad day in the office is worst than a bad day with the baby, but for them it NEVER ENDS.
In our House my Wife cares and supports our Baby save for a few hours a week I can nab her away for a few hours, and I support and care for my Wife - from being firm to almost the point of rude with Nurses, Mid-Wives, Doctors, Relatives, Neighbours and anyone else who fancies fobbing you off or sticking their oar in, to telling her we'll get though it when she's exhausted and suffering from PND, you've got to MTFU and take it sometimes, you might be knackered, you might stressed out - but sometimes you're going to have to accept taking a lot of s
t from the OH without giving any back.Saying all that, the biggest shock? It's the amazing about a contradictory bulls
t advise you'll find from every corner - you'll never be short of it, even if you don't want it - it trying to filter out all the nonsense from the Mother-earth types, the rose-tinted types who only remember themselves being perfect, the medics who ALWAYS assume you're being hysterical new parents, or you're just tired (honestly, 2 months to get them to test for Milk Allergies - that was life changing for us) the Mid-wives who'll treat you like the anti-Christ if you can't get breast feeding to work, and the law-suit fearing manufactures who tell you all sorts of horror stories about pretty much any of their products - at some point you have to realise that really you're completely on your own and to make the best of it. Oh and the never look down the business end thing - triple that, it's like a f
king train wreck only with more blood. Depends on your childhood I guess but it's remembering the little things that your parents/aunts used to do to keep you entertained. I've had a few days off work and decided I was going to do some painting with the princess and as soon as I showed her the brushes and the cut up sponge shapes I made she started to jump up and down and clap her hands then hugged me.
One of the harder things and it's against my nature to post stuff of this nature but fk it. Is finding out how out of tune me and Mrs Alvarez are. Prior to our daughter being born looking back now I can see we lived very seperate lives. The occassional night out or holiday together. I've found it difficult to be honest as I've always been a very active person constantly out doing things, gym, cycling, djing, hobbies etc. She on the other hand is a home person, would rather enroll on an online course or read. Being home more has been a bit of an eye opener to some of the hidden differences between me and the missus. It can be a bit demoralising to wake up bouncy on a sunday with the suggestion of a family outing to the local zoo to be met with "you two go I'll just tidy up or start dinner" or if we get a sitter I'm up for a night out at a restaraunt and she'd rather sit down and unwind.
It's nothing "bad" but it has been the biggest shock for me as I imagined much more family stuff together when I first heard the "you're going to be a dad" news.
One of the harder things and it's against my nature to post stuff of this nature but f
k it. Is finding out how out of tune me and Mrs Alvarez are. Prior to our daughter being born looking back now I can see we lived very seperate lives. The occassional night out or holiday together. I've found it difficult to be honest as I've always been a very active person constantly out doing things, gym, cycling, djing, hobbies etc. She on the other hand is a home person, would rather enroll on an online course or read. Being home more has been a bit of an eye opener to some of the hidden differences between me and the missus. It can be a bit demoralising to wake up bouncy on a sunday with the suggestion of a family outing to the local zoo to be met with "you two go I'll just tidy up or start dinner" or if we get a sitter I'm up for a night out at a restaraunt and she'd rather sit down and unwind. It's nothing "bad" but it has been the biggest shock for me as I imagined much more family stuff together when I first heard the "you're going to be a dad" news.
Sheets Tabuer said:
How little sleep you get.
The variety of faces a baby can pull while having a poo.
You can have sex in complete silence.
A dress measuring exactly 6 inches by 6 inches can be £20
Washing up, god the washing up.
I could go on all day.
Oh, and of course the most important thing:The variety of faces a baby can pull while having a poo.
You can have sex in complete silence.
A dress measuring exactly 6 inches by 6 inches can be £20
Washing up, god the washing up.
I could go on all day.
What f
king sex?eybic said:
I'm really looking forward to the emotional "switch" when he's born. The worrying thing is that I can't stand sick and st, so I've got some "interesting" times ahead 
My wife still takes the piss out of me for sticking loo paper up my nose when dealing with poo. The youngest is three now and after eight years, we used our last nappy a few months ago. That was a relief, but I'll be even more relieved when I can stop dealing with their poo for good. Even the middle and elder one confront me with it, leaving toilets unflushed. The size of the cable a five year old boy can lay beggars belief! As for the smell... t, so I've got some "interesting" times ahead hardest thing for me for the first 6-9 months was how little my son cared about me, i was just not that important to him. as the OH dedicates her time to him and is knackered after bedtime, i became very lonely. it is hard, frustrating and you can find yourself close to tears. as soon as i became a food source ( able to spoon feed slop to him) it all changed.
he's 3 next month and the centre of my world. #2 is due in 4 weeks, which means that me and 'War Machine' will spend much more time together, having adventures and being buddies.
enjoy every moment, support your missus and life is exponentially better.
he's 3 next month and the centre of my world. #2 is due in 4 weeks, which means that me and 'War Machine' will spend much more time together, having adventures and being buddies.
enjoy every moment, support your missus and life is exponentially better.
Miguel Alvarez said:
One of the harder things and it's against my nature to post stuff of this nature but fk it. Is finding out how out of tune me and Mrs Alvarez are. Prior to our daughter being born looking back now I can see we lived very seperate lives. The occassional night out or holiday together. I've found it difficult to be honest as I've always been a very active person constantly out doing things, gym, cycling, djing, hobbies etc. She on the other hand is a home person, would rather enroll on an online course or read. Being home more has been a bit of an eye opener to some of the hidden differences between me and the missus. It can be a bit demoralising to wake up bouncy on a sunday with the suggestion of a family outing to the local zoo to be met with "you two go I'll just tidy up or start dinner" or if we get a sitter I'm up for a night out at a restaraunt and she'd rather sit down and unwind.
It's nothing "bad" but it has been the biggest shock for me as I imagined much more family stuff together when I first heard the "you're going to be a dad" news.
k it. Is finding out how out of tune me and Mrs Alvarez are. Prior to our daughter being born looking back now I can see we lived very seperate lives. The occassional night out or holiday together. I've found it difficult to be honest as I've always been a very active person constantly out doing things, gym, cycling, djing, hobbies etc. She on the other hand is a home person, would rather enroll on an online course or read. Being home more has been a bit of an eye opener to some of the hidden differences between me and the missus. It can be a bit demoralising to wake up bouncy on a sunday with the suggestion of a family outing to the local zoo to be met with "you two go I'll just tidy up or start dinner" or if we get a sitter I'm up for a night out at a restaraunt and she'd rather sit down and unwind. It's nothing "bad" but it has been the biggest shock for me as I imagined much more family stuff together when I first heard the "you're going to be a dad" news.
Have you thought about broaching the subject with your mrs? Obviously in a non confrontational manner? It could just be that she is knackered all the time due to the kid?
It takes a long time to get back to normal after having kids. On the plus side as they get older you can include them in your hobbies.
chin up pal.
P-Jay said:
Anyway, I know we're meant to be living in a new age of sexual equality, but truth is Mum does 80%-90% of it past the first few weeks, sometimes that means watching 'This Morning' whilst Baby naps, sometimes that means pacing the bedroom with a screaming baby at 4am - you might think, nay KNOW that a bad day in the office is worst than a bad day with the baby, but for them it NEVER ENDS.
In our House my Wife cares and supports our Baby save for a few hours a week I can nab her away for a few hours, and I support and care for my Wife - from being firm to almost the point of rude with Nurses, Mid-Wives, Doctors, Relatives, Neighbours and anyone else who fancies fobbing you off or sticking their oar in, to telling her we'll get though it when she's exhausted and suffering from PND, you've got to MTFU and take it sometimes, you might be knackered, you might stressed out - but sometimes you're going to have to accept taking a lot of st from the OH without giving any back.
This x 10In our House my Wife cares and supports our Baby save for a few hours a week I can nab her away for a few hours, and I support and care for my Wife - from being firm to almost the point of rude with Nurses, Mid-Wives, Doctors, Relatives, Neighbours and anyone else who fancies fobbing you off or sticking their oar in, to telling her we'll get though it when she's exhausted and suffering from PND, you've got to MTFU and take it sometimes, you might be knackered, you might stressed out - but sometimes you're going to have to accept taking a lot of s
t from the OH without giving any back.duffy78 said:
Have you thought about broaching the subject with your mrs? Obviously in a non confrontational manner? It could just be that she is knackered all the time due to the kid?
It takes a long time to get back to normal after having kids. On the plus side as they get older you can include them in your hobbies.
chin up pal.
Now my daughter is two and a few months and having conversations with me it's great. I try and include her in everything. Making smiley face pizzas, ice lollies, painting and drawing, tidying up, buying groceries etc.
schmalex said:
sploosh said:
Looking back 8 years down the line and wondering where the time went!
They don't stay small for long so make the most of it.
Agreed. My son is 11 now and that has passed in the blink of an eyeThey don't stay small for long so make the most of it.
One of the biggest shocks is how quickly they grow up.
Yesterday I drove 115 miles and dropped my elder daughter off to start her first year at university.
I walked into her empty bedroom this morning. I'm not ashamed to say that I wept.
Make the most of it. And take lots of photographs along the way.
Good luck...
mike-r said:
I get the idea of this thread and the good bits supposedly outweigh the cons, but having kids sounds fking terrible.
Nothing worth having is easy!king terrible. It's like a living hell for the first..... (I'm yet to find out when that stops because every time we reach a milestone it keeps moving) but it's also incredibly rewarding.
Not many blokes will talk about the 'mushy' side of things - but for all the challenges we've faced in the last 3 months, the 14 hours sleep I got between Monday night and Saturday night last week, the crushing lack of money we'll have at home for a couple of months between the Wife's maternity pay ending and her returning to work, the expense of moving house next year, the fact that I've not had a night out drinking, even for a swift pint SINCE CHRISTMAS, the tears and 'baby blues' my Wife suffered or indeed the gore of child birth or that first s
tty nappy when the Wife isn't about it's actually bloody brilliant, because yesterday I was sat in my kitchen holding our Daughter whilst I was waiting for something to cook and she just looked my straight in the eyes, beamed and laughed her head off for a minute straight - and it was one of the best moments of my life. Jesus wept! Talk about looking on the bright side. Can I be the only dad on here who loves being a parent?! All of this whining about sleep & poo & puke, it's all just mechanical stuff. You have to accept it, so what else is there to do except man up & get on with it.
I've loved every minute, the feeling of being responsible for a helpless life, the soothing, the playing, the feeds, it's all good & I actually find myself missing the early days, with that baby smell & my little podgy toddler with her bracelets & smelly arse.
I've loved every minute, the feeling of being responsible for a helpless life, the soothing, the playing, the feeds, it's all good & I actually find myself missing the early days, with that baby smell & my little podgy toddler with her bracelets & smelly arse.
mike-r said:
I get the idea of this thread and the good bits supposedly outweigh the cons, but having kids sounds fking terrible.
It is terrible. It really is - on an unemotional level.king terrible. I have two kids. I love THEM like nothing else and the old saying 'i'd do anything for my kids, i'd die for my kids' is absolutely true. On an emotional level they are just the most fabulous parts of life that make any possession irrelevant and any material desire shallow. I think about them all day every day and really do love my time with them. Its fun and extremely rewarding.
On a 'simple, technical' level they are expensive, hard work, sometimes extremely unrewarding, a burden and I dont care what anyone says, at 3am, when you've been up every 15 minutes for 6 hours and have had no real deep sleep for 2-4 weeks its hell on earth and you do wonder why you do it.
People say, have kids, its great but if you dont want kids then dont - you only know what you have and love. If I never had my kids I wouldnt have known any different and life would have been selfishly glorious - but now I have them I'm massively excited about the rest of my life as I know I've got a whole lot of good stuff to experience.
Many people are too afraid, I think, just to admit having kids sucks. For some it does. It can kill marriages, decimate bank accounts, create debt, stress and depression. However these things can be manageable and if you can get the balance of self service and giving right you'll have an amazing time.
On the 'sexist' bit there is one thing that absolutely boils my pss. Women talk about how tired they are (it is) and how hard it is (it is) and how they dont get a break and how when you come home from work they need time to themselves so you as the bloke take over....ERR HANG ON. For many men they are either at work or at home doing the parent bit. There is no break for them, there is no 'me' time, there is no space to do your own thing. I do a lot of work out and about and the amount of mums and groups at shops, having a coffee, queuing for 'mums and bubs' cinema sessions generally having a pretty chilled out day, in addition to the fact their kids under 12 months means they sleep for perhaps 3-5 hours between 9-5 working hours and they're sat at home watching Ellen or Dr Phil. Sorry but sometimes we are too quick to think of the mum and rarely think of the dad.
Our first is due in 15 weeks (hopefully she'll wait that long), and I can't wait.
The thing I'm most scared about?
How the dog is gonna react to some small being taking away some of the affection he gets.
Can anyone help me out with ideas on how they introduced their family pet to a newborn?
The thing I'm most scared about?
How the dog is gonna react to some small being taking away some of the affection he gets.
Can anyone help me out with ideas on how they introduced their family pet to a newborn?
Pommygranite said:
On the 'sexist' bit there is one thing that absolutely boils my pss. Women talk about how tired they are (it is) and how hard it is (it is) and how they dont get a break and how when you come home from work they need time to themselves so you as the bloke take over....ERR HANG ON. For many men they are either at work or at home doing the parent bit. There is no break for them, there is no 'me' time, there is no space to do your own thing. I do a lot of work out and about and the amount of mums and groups at shops, having a coffee, queuing for 'mums and bubs' cinema sessions generally having a pretty chilled out day, in addition to the fact their kids under 12 months means they sleep for perhaps 3-5 hours between 9-5 working hours and they're sat at home watching Ellen or Dr Phil. Sorry but sometimes we are too quick to think of the mum and rarely think of the dad.
hmmm. coming home from work and feeding, bathing and putting the kids to bed isnt exactly strenuous is it. Plus i'd bet that your mrs doesnt exactly sit idly by whilst this is done.Reading the above statement I doubt if you've had to spend any decent length of time looking after your kids on your own. I sent my wife to sweden to visit her friend last year for a long weekend, thursday to monday, and as such I had my 3 young'uns to look after and I dont mind admitting I found it very tiring and pretty draining, more mentally than physically.
Getting kids to do things that they dont want to do and to a rigid timetable like school starting / finishing times etc is very frustrating. I found that my wife had very little time to herself once she'd got the kids up, washed, dressed, fed, dropped off the school, little one to nursery, home to tidy house, back to nursey to pick up little one, lunchtime, washing etc, back to school to pick up, tea time, etc, etc, etc. She was perpetually knackered even with me helping out when home from work with the kids and the household chores.
This book was recommended to me by someone on here (I think), it's well worth a read.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Fatherhood-The-Truth-Marcu...
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Fatherhood-The-Truth-Marcu...
Justin Cyder said:
Jesus wept! Talk about looking on the bright side. Can I be the only dad on here who loves being a parent?! All of this whining about sleep & poo & puke, it's all just mechanical stuff. You have to accept it, so what else is there to do except man up & get on with it.
I've loved every minute, the feeling of being responsible for a helpless life, the soothing, the playing, the feeds, it's all good & I actually find myself missing the early days, with that baby smell & my little podgy toddler with her bracelets & smelly arse.
No, I'm sure we all love it. We're just warning about the poo.I've loved every minute, the feeling of being responsible for a helpless life, the soothing, the playing, the feeds, it's all good & I actually find myself missing the early days, with that baby smell & my little podgy toddler with her bracelets & smelly arse.
The biggest difference in my life is the little moments of wonder that pepper every day now.
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