Thinking of leaving the OH
Discussion
AyBee said:
Soov535 said:
Do. Not. Go. There.
Don't.
Not ever.
When you had a child, your life ceased to be about YOU. That part is done with. You are a lucky man to be where you are. Look at what you HAVE. Have a f*****g word with yourself, frankly.
I GUARANTEE that if you leave, you will regret it, when your daughter is being brought up by some other bloke, who is living in the house you pay for and sleeping with your partner in the bed you assembled. It'll be even worse when your daughter hates you and won't have anything to do with you, and CALLS HIM DADDY.
At the end of the day, the grass looks greener. It's bl00dy not. Days of chasing pussy are done with, m8 - gone.
Make a go of it with your partner and think yourself lucky.
Don't throw three lives away for the sake of "posh w'nk".
GET A f
kING GRIP.
Don't.
Not ever.
When you had a child, your life ceased to be about YOU. That part is done with. You are a lucky man to be where you are. Look at what you HAVE. Have a f*****g word with yourself, frankly.
I GUARANTEE that if you leave, you will regret it, when your daughter is being brought up by some other bloke, who is living in the house you pay for and sleeping with your partner in the bed you assembled. It'll be even worse when your daughter hates you and won't have anything to do with you, and CALLS HIM DADDY.
At the end of the day, the grass looks greener. It's bl00dy not. Days of chasing pussy are done with, m8 - gone.
Make a go of it with your partner and think yourself lucky.
Don't throw three lives away for the sake of "posh w'nk".
GET A f
kING GRIP.
What this man said.
HRL said:
arfur sleep said:
so did the other woman arrive before or after you decided you weren't in love with your partner?
Yes, this! Think we can probably guess.I was flattered last year by an ex-colleague that told me how she felt about me even though she knows I'm married with a family. Not a chance I'm afraid, wife and kids mean the world to me.
Sure, the sex would probably have been great but that's not all it's about any more, is it.
ks.... Not really her forte. So to answer your question directly I think I've never had the opportunity I've got now and had it not come about then yes I would probably be content with the status quo but it HAS come about and I am being offered what I see as the potential for fulfilment.
I hear you ask? "Why the f
k did you knock her up then, if you weren't sure??"It's complicated. At the time of conception I was actually quite seriously ill and didn't know if I'd even see her be born. I guess I wanted to secure a legacy and leave my fiancé with a child she always wanted. I have since made a full recovery can see that the time was highly charged with emotion.
Luke. said:
AyBee said:
Soov535 said:
Do. Not. Go. There.
Don't.
Not ever.
When you had a child, your life ceased to be about YOU. That part is done with. You are a lucky man to be where you are. Look at what you HAVE. Have a f*****g word with yourself, frankly.
I GUARANTEE that if you leave, you will regret it, when your daughter is being brought up by some other bloke, who is living in the house you pay for and sleeping with your partner in the bed you assembled. It'll be even worse when your daughter hates you and won't have anything to do with you, and CALLS HIM DADDY.
At the end of the day, the grass looks greener. It's bl00dy not. Days of chasing pussy are done with, m8 - gone.
Make a go of it with your partner and think yourself lucky.
Don't throw three lives away for the sake of "posh w'nk".
GET A fkING GRIP.
Don't.
Not ever.
When you had a child, your life ceased to be about YOU. That part is done with. You are a lucky man to be where you are. Look at what you HAVE. Have a f*****g word with yourself, frankly.
I GUARANTEE that if you leave, you will regret it, when your daughter is being brought up by some other bloke, who is living in the house you pay for and sleeping with your partner in the bed you assembled. It'll be even worse when your daughter hates you and won't have anything to do with you, and CALLS HIM DADDY.
At the end of the day, the grass looks greener. It's bl00dy not. Days of chasing pussy are done with, m8 - gone.
Make a go of it with your partner and think yourself lucky.
Don't throw three lives away for the sake of "posh w'nk".
GET A f
kING GRIP. What this man said.Just don't come crying to us when you're living in a bedsit on your own, never seeing your daughter and she has a new Daddy.
Understand?
All I would say is that look at all the other threads on people who have been cheated on and it breaking up the family.
Who comes out of that better, the cheater or the victim?
Its the victim every time, every single person who was cheated on moves on to bigger and better, whilst the person doing the cheating is left hollow, then realises what they have done, by which they can't go back and realise they fked up and lost it all.
Be prepared to lose it all... the house and all you disposable income for the sake of a fling instead of working on it with your young family.
Have a search and read the threads that are there... if you truly can not be bothered to rethink it through after then and actually try and make it work, then you will always regret it.
Who comes out of that better, the cheater or the victim?
Its the victim every time, every single person who was cheated on moves on to bigger and better, whilst the person doing the cheating is left hollow, then realises what they have done, by which they can't go back and realise they f
ked up and lost it all.Be prepared to lose it all... the house and all you disposable income for the sake of a fling instead of working on it with your young family.
Have a search and read the threads that are there... if you truly can not be bothered to rethink it through after then and actually try and make it work, then you will always regret it.
And another thing... If you continue to act like some kind of neurotic self doubting metro sexual bellend then your long suffering missus might just up and find herself a real man.
If I were you I'd start thumbing it in and never ever even hint to her in the future as to any sort of unhappiness or discontentment.
If I were you I'd start thumbing it in and never ever even hint to her in the future as to any sort of unhappiness or discontentment.
Tough situation and an "only human" one. My advice, for what it's worth is;
A young child is very tiring but, at 18 months, the awesomeness of your daughter is just starting to happen. The next few months/years - whilst naturally at times taxing and tiring - are when you bond with them like you wouldn't believe. Even if your relationship with the OH is feeling a little jaded, the love for your child may well fill that "there must be more than this" gap you're feeling right now. You never know, you may find you share this bewildering joy with your OH and it makes you realise that, whilst the thrill of the nascent relationship you had has gone, it has been replaced by a mature emotional satiate that only a growing child can bring.
Partnerships are hard and need work. Honest communication being the major factor. Yes, counselling can help but it means commitment on both sides. If you go down this route, be open minded to it working and keep a determined head to follow it through. I can't stand all this "have a date night" rubbish to save/help a relationship. Too contrived. There may be other ideas that someone cleverer and more experienced that I may have. It's very, very easy IME to drift apart in terms of what interests you have and maybe neither of you have a common one anymore... that doesn't mean there isn't one out there that neither of you have discovered yet.
On a related note - this other woman... she's an ex, right? An ex for a reason, right? Often the best way to leave such people... as ex's. This will, almost certainly, be a one-chance decision. No going back. No "balls, I was wrong... Hi love. I'm back. What's for tea?". A permanent and irrevocable alteration to your situation.
If none of the above appeals, have you considered swinging?
A young child is very tiring but, at 18 months, the awesomeness of your daughter is just starting to happen. The next few months/years - whilst naturally at times taxing and tiring - are when you bond with them like you wouldn't believe. Even if your relationship with the OH is feeling a little jaded, the love for your child may well fill that "there must be more than this" gap you're feeling right now. You never know, you may find you share this bewildering joy with your OH and it makes you realise that, whilst the thrill of the nascent relationship you had has gone, it has been replaced by a mature emotional satiate that only a growing child can bring.
Partnerships are hard and need work. Honest communication being the major factor. Yes, counselling can help but it means commitment on both sides. If you go down this route, be open minded to it working and keep a determined head to follow it through. I can't stand all this "have a date night" rubbish to save/help a relationship. Too contrived. There may be other ideas that someone cleverer and more experienced that I may have. It's very, very easy IME to drift apart in terms of what interests you have and maybe neither of you have a common one anymore... that doesn't mean there isn't one out there that neither of you have discovered yet.
On a related note - this other woman... she's an ex, right? An ex for a reason, right? Often the best way to leave such people... as ex's. This will, almost certainly, be a one-chance decision. No going back. No "balls, I was wrong... Hi love. I'm back. What's for tea?". A permanent and irrevocable alteration to your situation.
If none of the above appeals, have you considered swinging?
And another thing. You're not "special" and your are not alone.
Every bloke in your position has been away with work, and had the chance to get plums deep with some dappy bird with big hooters from work whose had a bit too much free wine.
Thing is, I know what I have, and I am not going to throw it away for five minutes of sharing germs with someone who isn't too bothered about ruining a child's life. And when my wife and son see me at the door when I get home, I can look them in the eye.
Every bloke in your position has been away with work, and had the chance to get plums deep with some dappy bird with big hooters from work whose had a bit too much free wine.
Thing is, I know what I have, and I am not going to throw it away for five minutes of sharing germs with someone who isn't too bothered about ruining a child's life. And when my wife and son see me at the door when I get home, I can look them in the eye.
The spark has gone, has it? Don't you think that might just be something that you have some control over? When did you last make an effort to make your relationship work? Also just how important is the sparkliness and don't you think it might change over time in all relationships?
Heaven knows if relationship counselling would help, but it sounds like you might benefit from getting your head around what longterm relationships are about; what makes them work. Why not talk to your mother about her relationship with your Dad? Get a handle on where their priorities lay.
Heaven knows if relationship counselling would help, but it sounds like you might benefit from getting your head around what longterm relationships are about; what makes them work. Why not talk to your mother about her relationship with your Dad? Get a handle on where their priorities lay.
Send the kid to a trusted baby sitter for a few days, take your fiancé out for a few dates and start seeing her as your girlfriend and not just as the houskeeper/mother. Put some effort in and hopefully you see it is worth keeping going, need to give it a fair crack of the whip before you give it all up for the grass looking greener. I would cut off contact with the new woman to give your existing relationship a chance, worse if your fiancé finds out and lose the trust you seem to have built up.
FredClogs said:
MTFU, who ever said life was going to make you happy?
If you want a relationship that keeps you excited and puts a chill down your spine, if you want a mistress that will keep you on your toes and leave you never knowing whether you'll survive till bed time - then buy a motorbike.
Best advice you are going to get, although it seems you've already had plenty of good advice from people in your personal life, just not the advice you wanted to hear. If you want a relationship that keeps you excited and puts a chill down your spine, if you want a mistress that will keep you on your toes and leave you never knowing whether you'll survive till bed time - then buy a motorbike.
Edit. No it's not the best advice having read more of the thread. Listen to Uncle Soovs.
DoTheRightThing said:
To complicate matters a women from my past has recently featured in my life more and the level of passion and emotion we share is hard to put into words. Intellectually she challenges me and stretches me and I think I find this incredibly refreshing and nourishing. She has signalled her desire to take things further, even moving to be with me and giving up a top salary in London to do so.
Does she know you have a partner and a child? If so, she has the morals of an alley cat. Whether or not you choose her over your partner and child will depend on whether or not you have the morals of a tom cat to match.And by the way, the reason she wants you is because someone else has you. Once you're hers, she will lose interest and be looking for someone else who is unavailable. Leaving you with nothing, which will serve you right.
If I were you, I'd kick her into the long grass and put your child's welfare before your knob!
DoTheRightThing said:
To complicate matters a women from my past has recently featured in my life more and the level of passion and emotion we share is hard to put into words. Intellectually she challenges me and stretches me and I think I find this incredibly refreshing and nourishing. She has signalled her desire to take things further, even moving to be with me and giving up a top salary in London to do so.
That'll be the most expensive fk you ever have. Emotionally and financially.Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff