Thinking of leaving the OH
Discussion
DoTheRightThing said:
While we're clearing up some misunderstandings can I just address the perception that I am some sort pleb that has had a kid and got tired with cleaning up nappies and leaves it all to the mother. I am an active and committed father. I am up with my daughter at the crack of dawn everyday to maximise our time together, I work in one of the most stressful environments imaginable and then go home and play with her until bath time, which I do. I am not a hands off father who pines for the freedom of youth and chasing skirt.
I am someone who finds themselves in the agonising position of not feeling the love and affection I once felt for the woman I had planned to spend the rest of my life with - I am determined to do what is best for ALL concerned.
Sorry to those of you that have clearly got the fuller picture and offered you advice accordingly.
We understand that you think you are a good/doting father.I am someone who finds themselves in the agonising position of not feeling the love and affection I once felt for the woman I had planned to spend the rest of my life with - I am determined to do what is best for ALL concerned.
Sorry to those of you that have clearly got the fuller picture and offered you advice accordingly.
WHat you seem to miss is that we don't think your words quite cut the mustard.
For the rest of us, all that kind of thing become far more important than all the rest of the stuff and we wouldn't even be asking the question of ourselves.
DTR: Well I love my daughter but my wife is not Angelina Jolie so I don't think I can be happy.
Rest of the world: My wife is a pain in the arse but I love her and my family and could not contemplate an existence without them. They are far more important than who I am bumming.
FredClogs said:
If I were you I'd start thumbing it in and never ever even hint to her in the future as to any sort of unhappiness or discontentment.
And alsoFredClogs said:
MTFU, who ever said life was going to make you happy?
If you want a relationship that keeps you excited and puts a chill down your spine, if you want a mistress that will keep you on your toes and leave you never knowing whether you'll survive till bed time - then buy a motorbike.
How depressing is that??If you want a relationship that keeps you excited and puts a chill down your spine, if you want a mistress that will keep you on your toes and leave you never knowing whether you'll survive till bed time - then buy a motorbike.
Life isn't meant to make you happy so you had better take your medicine and have bored-sex with a woman you don't like because that's what men do?!
Is that really what life's about?
My gf makes me happy but I don't think I'll bother with kids/marriage if I have to sign up for that s
t! Fredclogs, are you a Northern, by any chance? It's just your post has that sort of proud misery about it that I associate with my grandparents from Manchester or Yorkshire or Lancashire or wherever it is they were from. Like they were almost happy to have things as hard and st as possible.Did you want kids?
Did you get tricked or forced into it?
Did you have this other woman in your life before you decided you felt like this?
My mate had a heavily pregnant gf before he decided to finish her. Nasty man people say. But, he is happy with his new partner and new life so was he right? Who knows?
Only you can decide. Some men cant accept that a 'mum' is no longer as sexy as they once were and more out of shape etc and they cant view their partner in a sexy way after they have kids and they see their partner more as a team mate or companion and they need the passionate side of things from another woman.
I think id give it a year or two until you fully know but if, ultimately, you decide to split then it can be on amicable terms and you can still care for and love your daughter.
You have one life and no need to be unhappy as so many on here think.
Did you get tricked or forced into it?
Did you have this other woman in your life before you decided you felt like this?
My mate had a heavily pregnant gf before he decided to finish her. Nasty man people say. But, he is happy with his new partner and new life so was he right? Who knows?
Only you can decide. Some men cant accept that a 'mum' is no longer as sexy as they once were and more out of shape etc and they cant view their partner in a sexy way after they have kids and they see their partner more as a team mate or companion and they need the passionate side of things from another woman.
I think id give it a year or two until you fully know but if, ultimately, you decide to split then it can be on amicable terms and you can still care for and love your daughter.
You have one life and no need to be unhappy as so many on here think.
If the girl you are banging actually gives a st about you or your daughter then she would give you the time and space to decide.
It sounds more like you are tempted to move into her London pad and live the dream whilst mother and daughter are left at home and you turn up every Friday to play daddy.
not something i would do------------------------------
Unethical, however you could perhaps tell the wife and kid you have to work away from home for 6mths. Live with her and see if it works out in your favor. As long as you can lie well and your occupation allows allows travelling. I suspect you will get bored quite quickly of the sex and life without your daughter.
not something i would do------------------------------
t about you or your daughter then she would give you the time and space to decide.It sounds more like you are tempted to move into her London pad and live the dream whilst mother and daughter are left at home and you turn up every Friday to play daddy.
not something i would do------------------------------
Unethical, however you could perhaps tell the wife and kid you have to work away from home for 6mths. Live with her and see if it works out in your favor. As long as you can lie well and your occupation allows allows travelling. I suspect you will get bored quite quickly of the sex and life without your daughter.
not something i would do------------------------------
I have no first hand experience of this kind of situation but I have read through all 14 pages.
It's amazing what seems attractive when an individual gives you attention and says the right things. If this OW is willing to break a home & family what's to say she won't move on again after a few months when you can't see her because you still have to do the school run and spend time with your daughter?
Are you finding work is getting on top of you and this OW has all the right answers at the moment?
It seems like you have been through a very tough time with health issues, and I've heard having a child is not easy by a long shot.
Do you have any hobbies that you can take a long weekend break doing - perhaps with a close friend? Getting away from everything, on your own or with a close friend might just help with a clearer train of thought.
It also sounds like your Fiance is an amazing woman, maybe you should drop everything for a week or two and do all the chores it might change your attitude towards her.
You mention you would still live close and do school runs etc but what about when mum finds a new man that gives her the attention and love she wants/needs and he's around to do the school runs and is in the house all the time...
I'm still young so can't talk from any experience but I'd hate to see another young child come from a broken home.
Whatever choice you make, I'm sure you know it will be on your head and there won't be any going back if you make one of them but don't make a quick decision - I'm sure you're not.
It's amazing what seems attractive when an individual gives you attention and says the right things. If this OW is willing to break a home & family what's to say she won't move on again after a few months when you can't see her because you still have to do the school run and spend time with your daughter?
Are you finding work is getting on top of you and this OW has all the right answers at the moment?
It seems like you have been through a very tough time with health issues, and I've heard having a child is not easy by a long shot.
Do you have any hobbies that you can take a long weekend break doing - perhaps with a close friend? Getting away from everything, on your own or with a close friend might just help with a clearer train of thought.
It also sounds like your Fiance is an amazing woman, maybe you should drop everything for a week or two and do all the chores it might change your attitude towards her.
You mention you would still live close and do school runs etc but what about when mum finds a new man that gives her the attention and love she wants/needs and he's around to do the school runs and is in the house all the time...
I'm still young so can't talk from any experience but I'd hate to see another young child come from a broken home.
Whatever choice you make, I'm sure you know it will be on your head and there won't be any going back if you make one of them but don't make a quick decision - I'm sure you're not.
Studio117 said:
This whole thread is just attention whoring. Woe is me the home wrecker etc etc...
Nobody really gives a fk.
The picture accurately depicts the ops face whenever he posts imo.
If the above is genuinely what you take from this thread, then you've got bigger problems than the OP.Nobody really gives a f
k.The picture accurately depicts the ops face whenever he posts imo.
As for that pathetic picture, the only thing it demonstrates is how much of a t
t you are.TheJimi said:
If the above is genuinely what you take from this thread, and what has been posted, then you've got bigger problems than the OP.
As for that pathetic picture, the only thing it demonstrates is how much of a tt you are.
I don't actually care at all...As for that pathetic picture, the only thing it demonstrates is how much of a t
t you are.Swear at me more please daddy!
Right, I was in exactly in the same situation as the OP many years ago.
I walked out and went where I thought the grass was greener.
It was the single biggest mistake of my life and I have regretted it ever since despite getting married again and having more kids.
I love all of my kids dearly but walking out on my first wife was the worst mistake I have ever made - and I've made quite a few...
Be very careful OP. Everything may look wonderful at this time but you risk hurting your OH and daughter now and you will have to live with the hurt of this for the rest of your life.
I realised too late so be absolutely sure of what you want to do before you do anything.
Good luck!
I should add, and as pointed out below, this is not complaining about my life with my second wife, but making the point that:
1) Things are often not as bad as you may think they are now - and
2) The ongoing issues of making sure that all kids are treated fairly and equally when you have children from two families is a constant source of arguments.
Perhaps I should have posted under a different name but the post from the OP struck a chord.
I walked out and went where I thought the grass was greener.
It was the single biggest mistake of my life and I have regretted it ever since despite getting married again and having more kids.
I love all of my kids dearly but walking out on my first wife was the worst mistake I have ever made - and I've made quite a few...
Be very careful OP. Everything may look wonderful at this time but you risk hurting your OH and daughter now and you will have to live with the hurt of this for the rest of your life.
I realised too late so be absolutely sure of what you want to do before you do anything.
Good luck!
I should add, and as pointed out below, this is not complaining about my life with my second wife, but making the point that:
1) Things are often not as bad as you may think they are now - and
2) The ongoing issues of making sure that all kids are treated fairly and equally when you have children from two families is a constant source of arguments.
Perhaps I should have posted under a different name but the post from the OP struck a chord.
Edited by Davel on Wednesday 1st October 16:50
okgo said:
Isn't what you're describing what every bloke feels like after the initial couple of years? 
With this in mind (and I concur entirely), I do wonder why we feel the need for long term relationships. Assuming one isn't obsessed by the concept of procreation, why do we aspire for anything behind a couple of years? What would be so wrong with the relationship itinerary at the outset limiting it to a short period? Davel said:
Right, I was in exactly in the same situation as the OP many years ago.
I walked out and went where I thought the grass was greener.
It was the single biggest mistake of my life and I have regretted it ever since despite getting married again and having more kids.
I love all of my kids dearly but walking out on my first wife was the worst mistake I have ever made - and I've made quite a few...
Be very careful OP. Everything may look wonderful at this time but you risk hurting your OH and daughter now and you will have to live with the hurt of this for the rest of your life.
I realised too late so be absolutely sure of what you want to do before you do anything.
Good luck!
Brave shout. And respect for saying it.I walked out and went where I thought the grass was greener.
It was the single biggest mistake of my life and I have regretted it ever since despite getting married again and having more kids.
I love all of my kids dearly but walking out on my first wife was the worst mistake I have ever made - and I've made quite a few...
Be very careful OP. Everything may look wonderful at this time but you risk hurting your OH and daughter now and you will have to live with the hurt of this for the rest of your life.
I realised too late so be absolutely sure of what you want to do before you do anything.
Good luck!
Davel said:
Right, I was in exactly in the same situation as the OP many years ago.
I walked out and went where I thought the grass was greener.
It was the single biggest mistake of my life and I have regretted it ever since despite getting married again and having more kids.
I love all of my kids dearly but walking out on my first wife was the worst mistake I have ever made - and I've made quite a few...
Be very careful OP. Everything may look wonderful at this time but you risk hurting your OH and daughter now and you will have to live with the hurt of this for the rest of your life.
I realised too late so be absolutely sure of what you want to do before you do anything.
Good luck!
That was very honest, thanks dude. Makes me love my wife and kids a little more, could not stand loosing them.I walked out and went where I thought the grass was greener.
It was the single biggest mistake of my life and I have regretted it ever since despite getting married again and having more kids.
I love all of my kids dearly but walking out on my first wife was the worst mistake I have ever made - and I've made quite a few...
Be very careful OP. Everything may look wonderful at this time but you risk hurting your OH and daughter now and you will have to live with the hurt of this for the rest of your life.
I realised too late so be absolutely sure of what you want to do before you do anything.
Good luck!
-Makes me stronger.
Soov535 said:
blindswelledrat said:
Rest of the world: My wife is a pain in the arse but I love her and my family and could not contemplate an existence without them. They are far more important than who I am bumming.
Splendidly put.My wife is a f
king nut job sometimes, other times she's bearable, now and again she makes me laugh and wears her 'sex nightie'. There's plenty of balance there. Do we go through the karma sutra and have to stop because we're getting sore like we used to? No. That stuff ain't ever going to be the same, thank god I say, imagine your grandparents lubing up a 12" rubber cock ready for playtime with industrial quantities of Castrol R, we grow out of that st thankfully, for everyone's sake.Tell us how you're going to make this up to your wife.
I misunderstood the position with the fiancé knowing.
OP - I think you need to try harder still. Exhaust every single option - including counselling etc. Maybe she is doing something similar to you - not wanting to address the issue and hide (her in the idea its a phase, you in another woman (pardon the pun).
The biggest flaw in your argument, as many others have pointed out, is you quite remarkable naivety in assuming you will be able to carry on with your daughter basically as you are at the moment.
Not in a million years.
You need to work harder with your OH - drag both your arses to counselling and talk about it. That way you may address the problems you have, and she will take it more seriously. This is the only answer.
However - to be honest from your responses it sounds like you have decided to cut and run.
OP - I think you need to try harder still. Exhaust every single option - including counselling etc. Maybe she is doing something similar to you - not wanting to address the issue and hide (her in the idea its a phase, you in another woman (pardon the pun).
The biggest flaw in your argument, as many others have pointed out, is you quite remarkable naivety in assuming you will be able to carry on with your daughter basically as you are at the moment.
Not in a million years.
You need to work harder with your OH - drag both your arses to counselling and talk about it. That way you may address the problems you have, and she will take it more seriously. This is the only answer.
However - to be honest from your responses it sounds like you have decided to cut and run.
"I am someone who finds themselves in the agonising position of not feeling the love and affection I once felt for the woman I had planned to spend the rest of my life with - I am determined to do what is best for ALL concerned."
OP, you're an idiot.
Your OH has transitioned from being a carefree individual who you obviously found attractive enough not so long back, to being a mother. Now, how did she get there? Hmm, it would be due to your actions, right? And you obviously didn't realise that people change as a result of parenthood. You no longer come first - sorry, but it's the truth.
So now you have to think: what will you do when Miss Kierkegaard decides that she too would like to be a mother? Will you knock her up, realise that her priorities post-birth no longer place you at the top of the tree, and ditch her too?
OP, you're an idiot.
Your OH has transitioned from being a carefree individual who you obviously found attractive enough not so long back, to being a mother. Now, how did she get there? Hmm, it would be due to your actions, right? And you obviously didn't realise that people change as a result of parenthood. You no longer come first - sorry, but it's the truth.
So now you have to think: what will you do when Miss Kierkegaard decides that she too would like to be a mother? Will you knock her up, realise that her priorities post-birth no longer place you at the top of the tree, and ditch her too?
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