Thinking of leaving the OH

Thinking of leaving the OH

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Discussion

NRS

22,078 posts

200 months

Wednesday 1st October 2014
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silvagod said:
Oh, an don't you dare diss frumpytrickle, as ali-kat said, she is YOUR daughter in the future!
But he's a good dad really, so that could never happen!

226bhp

10,203 posts

127 months

Wednesday 1st October 2014
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Seek said:
Kiltie said:
DoTheRightThing said:
I work in one of the most stressful environments imaginable ...
Bomb disposal?
ATC at LHR?
Something to do with Ebola virus?
Armed forces in active service?
Ice road trucker?
Spelling police on PH
laughlaughlaugh

croyde

22,700 posts

229 months

Wednesday 1st October 2014
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anonymous said:
[redacted]
Sorry OT OP but thanks for caring Tonker but we all have our crosses to bare and some are far worse than mine, far far worse. I was just pointing out to the OP that he needs to take stock and see how good he has it.

He is currently in a much better situation than a lot of people and just needs to realise that.

Impasse

15,099 posts

240 months

Wednesday 1st October 2014
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Wimmins. Can't live with'em. Can't shoot 'em.



Although, no reasonable jury would convict, surely?

frumpytrickle

245 posts

116 months

Thursday 2nd October 2014
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NRS said:
silvagod said:
Oh, an don't you dare diss frumpytrickle, as ali-kat said, she is YOUR daughter in the future!
But he's a good dad really, so that could never happen!
Oi! fk right off to with that st!

More of Ali please. She's lovely.

hornetrider

63,161 posts

204 months

Thursday 2nd October 2014
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The more I read of this thread and the drivel the op mashes into his spunk stained keyboard the more of a he becomes. Hiding behind an alternate login to protect his precious original anonymous forum persona and accumulated post count, frankly I say fk it. Leave him to his misery because he came for justification of his tttish treatment of the mother of his child, got his arse handed to him by everyone yet refuses to see what a he is.

fk him.

Impasse

15,099 posts

240 months

Thursday 2nd October 2014
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And the horse he rode in on!

otolith

55,899 posts

203 months

Thursday 2nd October 2014
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It does raise the question of how much one should live with "for the sake of the children". I know someone who has left her partner because he is emotionally abusive and unfaithful - that seems to me to be too much to put up with. Loss of intimacy, it seems everyone is agreed, is not enough. I wonder where the line is?

Impasse

15,099 posts

240 months

Thursday 2nd October 2014
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otolith said:
It does raise the question of how much one should live with "for the sake of the children". I know someone who has left her partner because he is emotionally abusive and unfaithful - that seems to me to be too much to put up with. Loss of intimacy, it seems everyone is agreed, is not enough. I wonder where the line is?
That's a fair point and no one (male or female) should have to put up with abuse or infidelity. However, I truly think this particular relationship is definitely salvageable if only DTRT wakes up to what he may lose, pulls his finger out of his arse and actually puts an effort into his marriage/relationship.

Russwhitehouse

962 posts

130 months

Thursday 2nd October 2014
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Op. My hat in the ring for what its worth.My wife and I have been through more scrapes, tough times and looking over the fence at the lovely lush green grass growing there than I care to remember. We brought up two strapping lads together, despite all sorts of adversity both emotional and practical but stuck with it and persevered through the good and the bad. Now we are happier than we have ever been and despite everything that has gone before are still together after 27 years. I couldn't imagine life without her now, and look back at the times when I have been tempted to the dark side and heave a sigh of relief that I never followed through.You have the rest of your life to look back with regret, or look back and be proud of what you have achieved. Your choice!

carreauchompeur

17,830 posts

203 months

Thursday 2nd October 2014
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It definitely doesn't help but a perfect partner and child is not a thing to be sniffed at.

I'm currently 35, having a blast in life generally. Currently away in South America for a month but haven't had anybody special in my life for ages and the creeping prospect of ending life alone without children terrifies me.

Don't blow it. You're a lucky man.

Hitch78

6,100 posts

193 months

Thursday 2nd October 2014
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DoTheRightThing said:
I trust my current partner not to create distance between me and my daughter whatever the outcome. We are simply not the types to use her as a pawn.
Print this bit out and show it to any bloke you know who got divorced when their children were young. Listen to what they tell you. Then come back and see if you can re-type it.

We all have the option to end a relationship and start a new one. That's just life and sometimes both parties end up happier, even if the children do not. If you have clarity on the reality of how this will turn out then you are in a position to make the decision, though I tend to agree with those who suggest that you are romanticising your future life and doubt it will be quite as neat and tidy as you believe.

dazwalsh

6,095 posts

140 months

Thursday 2nd October 2014
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OP i know this has been well documented in this post but your daughter is at a critical age where she expects to see mummy and daddy everyday. I have a 20 month old daughter who every day whilst I'm out at work will ask "where daddy" and when i bring her downstairs in the morning will ask "where mummy".

Don't do this to your little girl. She needs you there not the odd visit, and it WILL be the odd visit if you leave in this manner.

The temptations are incredibly hard to resist i know that myself, and I'm in a similar situation to yourself in terms of affections towards the mrs dying out because of the birth of our child but you simply cannot up sticks now, it would be a disgusting act of selfishness both on your little girl and your OH who lets not forget stood by you through what must have been a rough ride during your illness.

As a father i cannot imagine a life being away from my children so i appreciate you must be in a pretty dark place at the moment to even contemplate throwing in the towel and starting a life with this other woman. Before you throw away what most men would dream of, have a serious think back at why you proposed to your fiancé in the first place. If that was based on pure love and devotion to her then its worth saving if you ask me and theres every possibility of getting back to those sort of feelings but you need to sit down with her and explain whats going on in your head. I think its past the point where you alone can make a clear and informed decision. I would leave the other woman out of these discussions and just concentrate on how your going to make it work.

If on the other hand you don't actually want to make it work then go NOW, don't prolong the inevitable, but think long and hard about the aftermath as i fear its not going to be as amicable as you think.





The Moose

22,820 posts

208 months

Thursday 2nd October 2014
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frumpytrickle said:
Oi! fk right off to with that st!

More of Ali please. She's lovely.
Thank you for proving me right!!

vescaegg

25,489 posts

166 months

Thursday 2nd October 2014
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hornetrider said:
The more I read of this thread and the drivel the op mashes into his spunk stained keyboard the more of a he becomes. Hiding behind an alternate login to protect his precious original anonymous forum persona and accumulated post count, frankly I say fk it. Leave him to his misery because he came for justification of his tttish treatment of the mother of his child, got his arse handed to him by everyone yet refuses to see what a he is.

fk him.
I agree.

He has done the man maths, and we know how hard it is to go back on once you have convinced yourself its a good idea. Rational thought probably wont make a difference now.

His missus deserves better and its a shame she will be the one to massively suffer.

Dont see why he bothered asking anything here to be honest. Perhaps it was all just a wind up. Perhaps the OP has been popping in under his real login just to stir things up. What if im the OP? What if you are? hehe

Edited by vescaegg on Thursday 2nd October 07:55

Megaflow

9,345 posts

224 months

Thursday 2nd October 2014
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And he never tell how many times he porked the OW...

kev b

2,708 posts

165 months

Thursday 2nd October 2014
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OP wanted advice. - The definition of advice is "what you ask for when you already know the answer but don't like it".

Either that or he was seeking validation for behaviour he knew was wrong, behaviour that would hurt two blameless innocents, if leaving was what he really wanted he would have left by now.

Maybe he felt he would be able to have his cake and eat it if PH validated his decision.

Switching to a more sympathetic mode, I feel the OP is perhaps in a bad place mentally and should seek professional advice before he wrecks three lives.

The Beaver King

6,095 posts

194 months

Thursday 2nd October 2014
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vescaegg said:
I agree.

He has done the man maths, and we know how hard it is to go back on once you have convinced yourself its a good idea. Rational thought probably wont make a difference now.

His missus deserves better and its a shame she will be the one to massively suffer.

Dont see why he bothered asking anything here to be honest. Perhaps it was all just a wind up. Perhaps the OP has been popping in under his real login just to stir things up. What if im the OP? What if you are? hehe

Edited by vescaegg on Thursday 2nd October 07:55
I'm DoTheRightThing!

and so's my wife...

DoTheRightThing

Original Poster:

17 posts

114 months

Thursday 2nd October 2014
quotequote all
vescaegg said:
hornetrider said:
The more I read of this thread and the drivel the op mashes into his spunk stained keyboard the more of a he becomes. Hiding behind an alternate login to protect his precious original anonymous forum persona and accumulated post count, frankly I say fk it. Leave him to his misery because he came for justification of his tttish treatment of the mother of his child, got his arse handed to him by everyone yet refuses to see what a he is.

fk him.
I agree.

He has done the man maths, and we know how hard it is to go back on once you have convinced yourself its a good idea. Rational thought probably wont make a difference now.

His missus deserves better and its a shame she will be the one to massively suffer.

Dont see why he bothered asking anything here to be honest. Perhaps it was all just a wind up. Perhaps the OP has been popping in under his real login just to stir things up. What if im the OP? What if you are? hehe

Edited by vescaegg on Thursday 2nd October 07:55
I'm not aware I have asked anything at all. I have simply off-loaded and feel much better for doing so. Others have shared their own experiences and I'm very grateful for those perspectives. There have been some incredible posts, thanks to those that took the time.

This will be my last for a while as I don't wish to fuel a soap opera or be accused of 'attention whoring'.






smifffymoto

4,527 posts

204 months

Thursday 2nd October 2014
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Remember the phrase "Hell hath no fury like a women scorned".
Women can be far more vindictive than men,don't ever forget it.