Thinking of leaving the OH
Discussion
Us men think with out dicks too often. The allure of another female is not lost on any of us, but you know what, you make the choice.
She loves you, your child loves you, you chose to have a child with that person, the smart move would have been to finish it beforehand. It's now 100% your responsibility to ensure you don't screw up their lives, as your daughter didn't choose to be born and I'm pretty sure she would choose mum and dad being together over not. Your wife hasn't done anything wrong (to the best of our knowledge) and if it's not working between you then do something about it, not look elsewhere.
As fathers, we make massive sacrifices in life. I'd much rather be a bum, working a bar, surfing, schmoking da pipe. My choices have meant that my responsibilities now are elsewhere. I would do absolutely anything to enrich my children's lives even if it was detriment to my own.
She loves you, your child loves you, you chose to have a child with that person, the smart move would have been to finish it beforehand. It's now 100% your responsibility to ensure you don't screw up their lives, as your daughter didn't choose to be born and I'm pretty sure she would choose mum and dad being together over not. Your wife hasn't done anything wrong (to the best of our knowledge) and if it's not working between you then do something about it, not look elsewhere.
As fathers, we make massive sacrifices in life. I'd much rather be a bum, working a bar, surfing, schmoking da pipe. My choices have meant that my responsibilities now are elsewhere. I would do absolutely anything to enrich my children's lives even if it was detriment to my own.
Johnniem said:
It seems the OP has jumped the PH ship and will no longer comment. I just wish he had returned with the comment..'thanks to all who tool the time to respond. I have indeed be a complete gnob and will certainly not be pursuing the OW anymore. I can't bear the thought of the trauma that will be suffered by those whom I love and have a great deal of respect for.'
But he didn't. What a feckin' gnob!
There is always his fb profile should any of the ph techno gurus happen by.But he didn't. What a feckin' gnob!
DoTheRightThing 1st post said:
I hope to be treated more like Abitdown and less like that chap that got castigated for admitting to cheating on his wife a few weeks back.....
In order to be treated like the former, you need to not be acting like the latter.Unfortunately, you are acting like that; hence the response you are getting.
Sorry you don't like it, but you know PH well enough by now to know that you'll hear the truth whether you want to or not no matter how you try to spin your tale of woe, and that it hurts.
OP, I know you probably don't care much for my view on this but I urge you to look at yourself in the future if you do this
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a... Dads. Does it get any easier?
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a... Dads. Does it get any easier?
blindswelledrat said:
OP, I know you probably don't care much for my view on this but I urge you to look at yourself in the future if you do this
Divorced Dads. Does it get any easier?
I was just coming here to link to that thread!Divorced Dads. Does it get any easier?
This is a major problem with modern society,
It's considered by many as a viable option - what ever happened to a partner for life?
When you make the commitment to someone to start a family it's not just a fleeting 'moment' it takes planning (both financially and mentally) and it isn't just something you can drop because you're fantasising about an old flame.
Have a chat with yourself OP.
(My daughter is 2 this month and these thoughts would not cross my mind for more than a second!)
It's considered by many as a viable option - what ever happened to a partner for life?
When you make the commitment to someone to start a family it's not just a fleeting 'moment' it takes planning (both financially and mentally) and it isn't just something you can drop because you're fantasising about an old flame.
Have a chat with yourself OP.
(My daughter is 2 this month and these thoughts would not cross my mind for more than a second!)
The Beaver King said:
Can I play devil's advocate for a second?
Let's assume the OP decides to take the advice of those on PH and focus on his family. He sacks the new bird off and tries to rekindle the romance with his OH.
4-5 years down the line and nothing has changed; he resents his OH and regrets not leaving when he had the chance. These negative emotions start to leak through into everyday life. He becomes miserable, moody, bad tempered. It creates an atmosphere at home, his OH starts to hate him and his child picks up on all these feelings.
Then what? Is that a better scenario than a clean break and two parents who have buried the past before their child is old enough to remember?
Having been old enough to see both of these potential outcomes, I can tell you that neither are desirable or good for a child.
Anyway, devil's advocate and all that.
You're putting the cart before the horse. OP will have endless opportunity to end his relationship and/or bang other birds, but (probably) he only has one chance not to fLet's assume the OP decides to take the advice of those on PH and focus on his family. He sacks the new bird off and tries to rekindle the romance with his OH.
4-5 years down the line and nothing has changed; he resents his OH and regrets not leaving when he had the chance. These negative emotions start to leak through into everyday life. He becomes miserable, moody, bad tempered. It creates an atmosphere at home, his OH starts to hate him and his child picks up on all these feelings.
Then what? Is that a better scenario than a clean break and two parents who have buried the past before their child is old enough to remember?
Having been old enough to see both of these potential outcomes, I can tell you that neither are desirable or good for a child.
Anyway, devil's advocate and all that.
k this one up and thats why he needs to give it it his best shot at working before chucking it in thrash for todays special.OP, do consider one bit of advice no-one's voiced yet; old flame sounds like high probabilities of bunnyboiler tenancies to me and might no take rejection too well, you might want to get your story straight before you find yourself when you least expect it struggling to explain to your fiancée whats going on and who this other woman is on her terms. Oh, and like all the others said no relationship is without compromise, it's about wanting to make it work, rather than repeating mistakes.
I suspect if OPs' fiancee wasn't too busy sorting out an 18 month old and running a house she might be able to brush up on her conversational skills and look a bit more alluring....iron your own shirts you lazy bd
Seriously the first 2-3 years of having kids is a fkin nightmare especially if both parties don't pull their weight, the hormonal st women go through is unbelievable ( google "baby brain" ) and the rewards are (at first) minimal.....but after 3 it starts getting better, kids are a lot more fun and you start being able get back into some kind of routine. It's then you can start looking back at each other and putting some kind of spark back into your relationship. It'll never be the same as it was before but it's worth it.
One important question to ask yourself is why is the Other Woman single now, who was tired of putting up with her st and what commitment issues are sudenly going to raise their ugly heads if you pick door number 2
dSeriously the first 2-3 years of having kids is a f
kin nightmare especially if both parties don't pull their weight, the hormonal st women go through is unbelievable ( google "baby brain" ) and the rewards are (at first) minimal.....but after 3 it starts getting better, kids are a lot more fun and you start being able get back into some kind of routine. It's then you can start looking back at each other and putting some kind of spark back into your relationship. It'll never be the same as it was before but it's worth it.One important question to ask yourself is why is the Other Woman single now, who was tired of putting up with her s
t and what commitment issues are sudenly going to raise their ugly heads if you pick door number 2hairyben said:
The Beaver King said:
Can I play devil's advocate for a second?
Let's assume the OP decides to take the advice of those on PH and focus on his family. He sacks the new bird off and tries to rekindle the romance with his OH.
4-5 years down the line and nothing has changed; he resents his OH and regrets not leaving when he had the chance. These negative emotions start to leak through into everyday life. He becomes miserable, moody, bad tempered. It creates an atmosphere at home, his OH starts to hate him and his child picks up on all these feelings.
Then what? Is that a better scenario than a clean break and two parents who have buried the past before their child is old enough to remember?
Having been old enough to see both of these potential outcomes, I can tell you that neither are desirable or good for a child.
Anyway, devil's advocate and all that.
You're putting the cart before the horse. OP will have endless opportunity to end his relationship and/or bang other birds, but (probably) he only has one chance not to fLet's assume the OP decides to take the advice of those on PH and focus on his family. He sacks the new bird off and tries to rekindle the romance with his OH.
4-5 years down the line and nothing has changed; he resents his OH and regrets not leaving when he had the chance. These negative emotions start to leak through into everyday life. He becomes miserable, moody, bad tempered. It creates an atmosphere at home, his OH starts to hate him and his child picks up on all these feelings.
Then what? Is that a better scenario than a clean break and two parents who have buried the past before their child is old enough to remember?
Having been old enough to see both of these potential outcomes, I can tell you that neither are desirable or good for a child.
Anyway, devil's advocate and all that.
k this one up and thats why he needs to give it it his best shot at working before chucking it in thrash for todays special.OP, do consider one bit of advice no-one's voiced yet; old flame sounds like high probabilities of bunnyboiler tenancies to me and might no take rejection too well, you might want to get your story straight before you find yourself when you least expect it struggling to explain to your fiancée whats going on and who this other woman is on her terms. Oh, and like all the others said no relationship is without compromise, it's about wanting to make it work, rather than repeating mistakes.
I've seen this happen.
OP - Come back, we didnt mean to be so hard on you.
If you come back we will promise not to be so mean to you?
Seriously you asked for advice, we gave it to you. You'd be an idiot for not listening. If 100 people say you are wrong then you are wrong. The statistics do not lie I am afraid. Based on the number of posts in this one forum (Currently 412) I did not see anyone agree with you. That makes it (1/412). I would not bet on that 1 to succeed.
If you come back we will promise not to be so mean to you?
Seriously you asked for advice, we gave it to you. You'd be an idiot for not listening. If 100 people say you are wrong then you are wrong. The statistics do not lie I am afraid. Based on the number of posts in this one forum (Currently 412) I did not see anyone agree with you. That makes it (1/412). I would not bet on that 1 to succeed.
C.A.R. said:
This is a major problem with modern society,
It's considered by many as a viable option - what ever happened to a partner for life?
When you make the commitment to someone to start a family it's not just a fleeting 'moment' it takes planning (both financially and mentally) and it isn't just something you can drop because you're fantasising about an old flame.
Have a chat with yourself OP.
(My daughter is 2 this month and these thoughts would not cross my mind for more than a second!)
This.It's considered by many as a viable option - what ever happened to a partner for life?
When you make the commitment to someone to start a family it's not just a fleeting 'moment' it takes planning (both financially and mentally) and it isn't just something you can drop because you're fantasising about an old flame.
Have a chat with yourself OP.
(My daughter is 2 this month and these thoughts would not cross my mind for more than a second!)
A guy I work with went the route you're considering, and has plenty of time to think about it as he only sees his kids every other week for the day. Lives in a crappy flat, lost most of his mates and the home wrecker he left his family for has moved on.Spends a lot of time in the pub.On his own.
Get a grip, there's other peoples lives involved here, this isn't what proper people do.
Jimmy No Hands said:
HairyMaclary said:
Any update from the op? Bummed the ow yet?
This is the most important question in this thread.hole. When the scumbag decides to climb out. Could do with an update. .
Maybe he told his Mrs and she stuck a kitchen knife in his throat so she doesn't have to use their 18 month daughter as a pawn in their upcoming divorce?
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