Thinking of leaving the OH
Discussion
DoTheRightThing said:
I trust my current partner not to create distance between me and my daughter whatever the outcome. We are simply not the types to use her as a pawn. I would base myself as near as possible and still be bathing and doing the school run.
This reads to me: Plan made..therefore mind made up!I do like the glass half full scenario - But the glass is full of what?
In the future, you'll have absolutely no control of this situation whatsoever. Your ex (we'll call her that) will have plenty more space to go and further herself with the support of many others, most willing to help with her child (we'll call her that also).
You will end up with no family nor friends and live the rest of your miserable existance on this planet alone and we'll all be happy for you..
DoTheRightThing said:
Regular PHer here, sorry for using a pseudonym but all very raw and personal.
I've read a number of threads over the years and marvelled at the way PH can be somewhere those of us that aren't great at talking can vent or share personal things and hopefully get some support. I hope to be treated more like Abitdown and less like that chap that got castigated for admitting to cheating on his wife a few weeks back.....
Anyway, I'm in a horrible situation. I have a 18month year old daughter whom I love dearly and is the centre of my world. I have a beautiful, caring, patient and sensitive fiancé who loves me unconditionally and I know will stand by me until the end of our times. I have a large joint mortgage and a life with this women that is interwoven and has been built together.
But I am no longer IN love with this women, I don't think I am anyway. I feel myself tense when she shows physical affection and have found myself even turning my cheek when she attempts to kiss me. I can take or leave sex with her. We have talked, and she has convinced herself it's just some sort of phase and wants to push on with more kids, marriage etc etc - I am not so sure this is wise. I feel incredible protective of her and wish to look after her but that spark of excitement and desire appears to be absent.
To complicate matters a women from my past has recently featured in my life more and the level of passion and emotion we share is hard to put into words. Intellectually she challenges me and stretches me and I think I find this incredibly refreshing and nourishing. She has signalled her desire to take things further, even moving to be with me and giving up a top salary in London to do so.
I feel sick. I feel like if I stay where I am currently I will always wonder what could have been and possibly grow to resent my fiancé. Or simply live a kind of half existence where I have outwardly nothing at all to complain about but inwardly am looking for something quite different.
I feel that if I leave I will be ruining my fiancés life, depriving my daughter of the secure and stable environment I enjoyed as a child, and removing the opportunity for her to enjoy siblings, family Christmas', family holidays.... it's just too much to bear and brings me to a juddering and tearful halt.
I can't draw on my usual support groups of family and friends as I just don't feel I'm getting impartial opinions - they have all universally warned me off developing my relationship with this other women and universally think the sun shines out of my OHs backside - which it does. She is an amazing mother, cooks, cleans, ensures I have ironed shirts come Monday and host of other clichéd home-making abilities that our society appears to hold dear.
My mother adores her, my brothers and their wife's adore her. She cares for the very sick and asks for little in return. So the mere mention of my unhappiness is met with consternation and disbelief. If I were to leave my fiancé I would be a pariah, my family would look on in disgust, her family who have been nothing but kind to me would be appalled. Society would no doubt judge me harshly and I would be racked with guilt. It would destroy her. I was brought up to value relationships. My mother and father stayed together until my fathers untimely death and I feel their influence strongly in this matter.
Perhaps it is simply my duty to put my daughter and fiancé first and cast this other woman (and life) aside. But something about that feels wrong. You only get one go at this life.
I am really unhappy right now.
I know this is the lounge and I'm asking for it by posting here but PLEASE spare me the popcorn memes etc. It feels like my life is on the brink of destruction.
Thanks for listening anyway.
It's all about you.I've read a number of threads over the years and marvelled at the way PH can be somewhere those of us that aren't great at talking can vent or share personal things and hopefully get some support. I hope to be treated more like Abitdown and less like that chap that got castigated for admitting to cheating on his wife a few weeks back.....
Anyway, I'm in a horrible situation. I have a 18month year old daughter whom I love dearly and is the centre of my world. I have a beautiful, caring, patient and sensitive fiancé who loves me unconditionally and I know will stand by me until the end of our times. I have a large joint mortgage and a life with this women that is interwoven and has been built together.
But I am no longer IN love with this women, I don't think I am anyway. I feel myself tense when she shows physical affection and have found myself even turning my cheek when she attempts to kiss me. I can take or leave sex with her. We have talked, and she has convinced herself it's just some sort of phase and wants to push on with more kids, marriage etc etc - I am not so sure this is wise. I feel incredible protective of her and wish to look after her but that spark of excitement and desire appears to be absent.
To complicate matters a women from my past has recently featured in my life more and the level of passion and emotion we share is hard to put into words. Intellectually she challenges me and stretches me and I think I find this incredibly refreshing and nourishing. She has signalled her desire to take things further, even moving to be with me and giving up a top salary in London to do so.
I feel sick. I feel like if I stay where I am currently I will always wonder what could have been and possibly grow to resent my fiancé. Or simply live a kind of half existence where I have outwardly nothing at all to complain about but inwardly am looking for something quite different.
I feel that if I leave I will be ruining my fiancés life, depriving my daughter of the secure and stable environment I enjoyed as a child, and removing the opportunity for her to enjoy siblings, family Christmas', family holidays.... it's just too much to bear and brings me to a juddering and tearful halt.
I can't draw on my usual support groups of family and friends as I just don't feel I'm getting impartial opinions - they have all universally warned me off developing my relationship with this other women and universally think the sun shines out of my OHs backside - which it does. She is an amazing mother, cooks, cleans, ensures I have ironed shirts come Monday and host of other clichéd home-making abilities that our society appears to hold dear.
My mother adores her, my brothers and their wife's adore her. She cares for the very sick and asks for little in return. So the mere mention of my unhappiness is met with consternation and disbelief. If I were to leave my fiancé I would be a pariah, my family would look on in disgust, her family who have been nothing but kind to me would be appalled. Society would no doubt judge me harshly and I would be racked with guilt. It would destroy her. I was brought up to value relationships. My mother and father stayed together until my fathers untimely death and I feel their influence strongly in this matter.
Perhaps it is simply my duty to put my daughter and fiancé first and cast this other woman (and life) aside. But something about that feels wrong. You only get one go at this life.
I am really unhappy right now.
I know this is the lounge and I'm asking for it by posting here but PLEASE spare me the popcorn memes etc. It feels like my life is on the brink of destruction.
Thanks for listening anyway.
Is this like a what car thread where someone has already decided what they want?
OP: You just like the idea if some new fanny. The reality will be far different.
You have three options:
Buy a s
t load of dildos and have some fun and try and learn to be intimate with your mrs again.
or
Leave your family, shag this other women for a bit then regret it for the rest of your life.
or
Have an affair and don't get caught.
OP: You just like the idea if some new fanny. The reality will be far different.
You have three options:
Buy a s
t load of dildos and have some fun and try and learn to be intimate with your mrs again.or
Leave your family, shag this other women for a bit then regret it for the rest of your life.
or
Have an affair and don't get caught.
Soov535 said:
I tell you this, mate, the second you have finished wiping your dick you will think "WTF have I done".
Unequivocally this. OP, don't discount the counselling, just keep picturing some other mug bringing your daughter up, all the while hating you a little more every day.(to be fair there is so much 'This' I could probably quote everyone.)
If you want something different now and again, go see a prostitute (discreetly!). Some guys just aren't wired to be satisfied with sleeping with the same woman for the rest of their lives. Quite often this bit of excitement keeps some relationships together that would be too messy to break up. With a prostitute, it should be entirely meaning-less aswell.
I'm sure this post will attract some abuse, but its not worth leaving a set up like that IMO.
I'm sure this post will attract some abuse, but its not worth leaving a set up like that IMO.
Soov535 said:
Do. Not. Go. There.
Don't.
Not ever.
When you had a child, your life ceased to be about YOU. That part is done with. You are a lucky man to be where you are. Look at what you HAVE. Have a f*****g word with yourself, frankly.
I GUARANTEE that if you leave, you will regret it, when your daughter is being brought up by some other bloke, who is living in the house you pay for and sleeping with your partner in the bed you assembled. It'll be even worse when your daughter hates you and won't have anything to do with you, and CALLS HIM DADDY.
At the end of the day, the grass looks greener. It's bl00dy not. Days of chasing pussy are done with, m8 - gone.
Make a go of it with your partner and think yourself lucky.
Don't throw three lives away for the sake of "posh w'nk".
GET A fkING GRIP.
This. 100% this.Don't.
Not ever.
When you had a child, your life ceased to be about YOU. That part is done with. You are a lucky man to be where you are. Look at what you HAVE. Have a f*****g word with yourself, frankly.
I GUARANTEE that if you leave, you will regret it, when your daughter is being brought up by some other bloke, who is living in the house you pay for and sleeping with your partner in the bed you assembled. It'll be even worse when your daughter hates you and won't have anything to do with you, and CALLS HIM DADDY.
At the end of the day, the grass looks greener. It's bl00dy not. Days of chasing pussy are done with, m8 - gone.
Make a go of it with your partner and think yourself lucky.
Don't throw three lives away for the sake of "posh w'nk".
GET A f
kING GRIP.Edited by Soov535 on Tuesday 30th September 12:59
Don't do it. You will f*ck everyone's life up if you go.
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