Thinking of leaving the OH
Discussion
Just read this from beginning to end. Starts getting good from Page 12.
Same guy?
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...
Same guy?
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...
AndStilliRise said:
Just read this from beginning to end. Starts getting good from Page 12.
Same guy?
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...
Wow that man has issues! Actual serious ones.. cant be same guy surely? 'Our' op is a self centred prick but not quite so brainfSame guy?
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...
ked crazy I'm sure!frumpytrickle said:
AndStilliRise said:
Just read this from beginning to end. Starts getting good from Page 12.
Same guy?
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...
Wow that man has issues! Actual serious ones.. cant be same guy surely? 'Our' op is a self centred prick but not quite so brainfSame guy?
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...
ked crazy I'm sure!To the O.P
If you split with your fiancée and abandon your daughter you must be prepared to never see your child again. Yes abandon is emotive language but trust me, this is how your actions will be perceived by your daughter and reinforced by her mother.
Think very very carefully about what you do.
If you split with your fiancée and abandon your daughter you must be prepared to never see your child again. Yes abandon is emotive language but trust me, this is how your actions will be perceived by your daughter and reinforced by her mother.
Think very very carefully about what you do.
AndStilliRise said:
Just read this from beginning to end. Starts getting good from Page 12.
Same guy?
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...
Got a bit too much time on your hands there? Same guy?
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...
Just read through the lot - lucky I've not had a lot to do this morning!
I think most people in this thread are being overly harsh and critical of the OP. To me he comes accross as a reasonable person, considering his options in a relationship he is no longer happy in. It has been mentioned before a couple of times, but would it really be worse to end an unhappy replationship before things get worse and resentment gets greater and greater, and create a happy stable environment for the child with seperated parents.
The big problem with this is that decision making is being scewed by the other women. As has been said a million times, the grass is always greener philosophy has massive effect here - it very rarely is.
IMO the OP should try very hard to make things better with his fiance, and ditch the OW. If you decide that you really can't ever be happy in this relationship then you should leave her - it is your life and you should be happy, and it is totally possible to bring up a happy child as seperated parents but this will not happen if you leave your fiance for another women. You should break things off with your fiance for the sole reason that she is not the one for you, not because you think you can currently do better with this OW.
Like others have said, it does seem like you may have already done the deed with OW which TBH means you're probably to far gone to take my advice. If this is the case, I would still break things off with OW, speak to your fiance and be totally honest about what you've done and the reasons behind it and try to move on either together, or not.
If the current OW has been a past flame I expect there was a reason not to be together. If you really are "meant to be together" a bit more time away from each other while you sort out the situation with your family will not neccesarily stop you being together in the future, after all you've been apart for at least 18 months.
I think most people in this thread are being overly harsh and critical of the OP. To me he comes accross as a reasonable person, considering his options in a relationship he is no longer happy in. It has been mentioned before a couple of times, but would it really be worse to end an unhappy replationship before things get worse and resentment gets greater and greater, and create a happy stable environment for the child with seperated parents.
The big problem with this is that decision making is being scewed by the other women. As has been said a million times, the grass is always greener philosophy has massive effect here - it very rarely is.
IMO the OP should try very hard to make things better with his fiance, and ditch the OW. If you decide that you really can't ever be happy in this relationship then you should leave her - it is your life and you should be happy, and it is totally possible to bring up a happy child as seperated parents but this will not happen if you leave your fiance for another women. You should break things off with your fiance for the sole reason that she is not the one for you, not because you think you can currently do better with this OW.
Like others have said, it does seem like you may have already done the deed with OW which TBH means you're probably to far gone to take my advice. If this is the case, I would still break things off with OW, speak to your fiance and be totally honest about what you've done and the reasons behind it and try to move on either together, or not.
If the current OW has been a past flame I expect there was a reason not to be together. If you really are "meant to be together" a bit more time away from each other while you sort out the situation with your family will not neccesarily stop you being together in the future, after all you've been apart for at least 18 months.
DoTheRightThing said:
Regular PHer here, sorry for using a pseudonym but all very raw and personal.
I've read a number of threads over the years and marvelled at the way PH can be somewhere those of us that aren't great at talking can vent or share personal things and hopefully get some support. I hope to be treated more like Abitdown and less like that chap that got castigated for admitting to cheating on his wife a few weeks back.....
Anyway, I'm in a horrible situation. I have a 18month year old daughter whom I love dearly and is the centre of my world. I have a beautiful, caring, patient and sensitive fiancé who loves me unconditionally and I know will stand by me until the end of our times. I have a large joint mortgage and a life with this women that is interwoven and has been built together.
But I am no longer IN love with this women, I don't think I am anyway. I feel myself tense when she shows physical affection and have found myself even turning my cheek when she attempts to kiss me. I can take or leave sex with her. We have talked, and she has convinced herself it's just some sort of phase and wants to push on with more kids, marriage etc etc - I am not so sure this is wise. I feel incredible protective of her and wish to look after her but that spark of excitement and desire appears to be absent.
To complicate matters a women from my past has recently featured in my life more and the level of passion and emotion we share is hard to put into words. Intellectually she challenges me and stretches me and I think I find this incredibly refreshing and nourishing. She has signalled her desire to take things further, even moving to be with me and giving up a top salary in London to do so.
I feel sick. I feel like if I stay where I am currently I will always wonder what could have been and possibly grow to resent my fiancé. Or simply live a kind of half existence where I have outwardly nothing at all to complain about but inwardly am looking for something quite different.
I feel that if I leave I will be ruining my fiancés life, depriving my daughter of the secure and stable environment I enjoyed as a child, and removing the opportunity for her to enjoy siblings, family Christmas', family holidays.... it's just too much to bear and brings me to a juddering and tearful halt.
I can't draw on my usual support groups of family and friends as I just don't feel I'm getting impartial opinions - they have all universally warned me off developing my relationship with this other women and universally think the sun shines out of my OHs backside - which it does. She is an amazing mother, cooks, cleans, ensures I have ironed shirts come Monday and host of other clichéd home-making abilities that our society appears to hold dear.
My mother adores her, my brothers and their [b] wife's[/] adore her. She cares for the very sick and asks for little in return. So the mere mention of my unhappiness is met with consternation and disbelief. If I were to leave my fiancé I would be a pariah, my family would look on in disgust, her family who have been nothing but kind to me would be appalled. Society would no doubt judge me harshly and I would be racked with guilt. It would destroy her. I was brought up to value relationships. My mother and father stayed together until my fathers untimely death and I feel their influence strongly in this matter.
Perhaps it is simply my duty to put my daughter and fiancé first and cast this other woman (and life) aside. But something about that feels wrong. You only get one go at this life.
I am really unhappy right now.
I know this is the lounge and I'm asking for it by posting here but PLEASE spare me the popcorn memes etc. It feels like my life is on the brink of destruction.
Thanks for listening anyway.
Does your country bumpkin fiancée know the difference between woman and women? Or is she too intellectually challenged?I've read a number of threads over the years and marvelled at the way PH can be somewhere those of us that aren't great at talking can vent or share personal things and hopefully get some support. I hope to be treated more like Abitdown and less like that chap that got castigated for admitting to cheating on his wife a few weeks back.....
Anyway, I'm in a horrible situation. I have a 18month year old daughter whom I love dearly and is the centre of my world. I have a beautiful, caring, patient and sensitive fiancé who loves me unconditionally and I know will stand by me until the end of our times. I have a large joint mortgage and a life with this women that is interwoven and has been built together.
But I am no longer IN love with this women, I don't think I am anyway. I feel myself tense when she shows physical affection and have found myself even turning my cheek when she attempts to kiss me. I can take or leave sex with her. We have talked, and she has convinced herself it's just some sort of phase and wants to push on with more kids, marriage etc etc - I am not so sure this is wise. I feel incredible protective of her and wish to look after her but that spark of excitement and desire appears to be absent.
To complicate matters a women from my past has recently featured in my life more and the level of passion and emotion we share is hard to put into words. Intellectually she challenges me and stretches me and I think I find this incredibly refreshing and nourishing. She has signalled her desire to take things further, even moving to be with me and giving up a top salary in London to do so.
I feel sick. I feel like if I stay where I am currently I will always wonder what could have been and possibly grow to resent my fiancé. Or simply live a kind of half existence where I have outwardly nothing at all to complain about but inwardly am looking for something quite different.
I feel that if I leave I will be ruining my fiancés life, depriving my daughter of the secure and stable environment I enjoyed as a child, and removing the opportunity for her to enjoy siblings, family Christmas', family holidays.... it's just too much to bear and brings me to a juddering and tearful halt.
I can't draw on my usual support groups of family and friends as I just don't feel I'm getting impartial opinions - they have all universally warned me off developing my relationship with this other women and universally think the sun shines out of my OHs backside - which it does. She is an amazing mother, cooks, cleans, ensures I have ironed shirts come Monday and host of other clichéd home-making abilities that our society appears to hold dear.
My mother adores her, my brothers and their [b] wife's[/] adore her. She cares for the very sick and asks for little in return. So the mere mention of my unhappiness is met with consternation and disbelief. If I were to leave my fiancé I would be a pariah, my family would look on in disgust, her family who have been nothing but kind to me would be appalled. Society would no doubt judge me harshly and I would be racked with guilt. It would destroy her. I was brought up to value relationships. My mother and father stayed together until my fathers untimely death and I feel their influence strongly in this matter.
Perhaps it is simply my duty to put my daughter and fiancé first and cast this other woman (and life) aside. But something about that feels wrong. You only get one go at this life.
I am really unhappy right now.
I know this is the lounge and I'm asking for it by posting here but PLEASE spare me the popcorn memes etc. It feels like my life is on the brink of destruction.
Thanks for listening anyway.
You come across as a very shallow and self-centered individual,I think you should leave, your fiancée deserves better
CountZero23 said:
Can't be arsed going through 30 odd pages but after a quick flick has he posted anything after page 2?
Repeatedly.To protect their 'good name' and to confirm that they have still yet to make their mind up.
They haven't answered the direct questions asking if they have shown the OW the old slug yet though. General consensus is that they have, they were about to make the final split, have now seen their pre-planned justification ripped apart and are planning their next move so as not to have to deal with two scorned women.
Rude-boy said:
They haven't answered the direct questions asking if they have shown the OW the old slug yet though. General consensus is that they have, they were about to make the final split, have now seen their pre-planned justification ripped apart and are planning their next move so as not to have to deal with two scorned women.
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