Relationship falling apart
Discussion
Hi Funkyrobot may I start by saying that just putting this on here is probably a good thing as you recognise it feels alien and unexpected to feel like this.
The reality is many people feel like you do now and its not the end , things may be strained but they will get better.
Your little family has just been through the most traumatic start and needs time to recover settle down and find the roles that work for you, in that statement I include you all cos birth can be a very traumatic experience even if like I felt I was I was well prepared especially as I had 2 grown up children, when things go not as planned as the father your dealing with concern for your baby and your partner and feeling utterly helpless as it is beyond your normal knowledge.
You are all searching for a common ground and purpose and it is very early days it took 3 months for us to settle down into a routine. it sounds like you are a considerate and loving partner but sometimes it can feel like its not enough and after all your only trying to do what you think is right.
try having a talk about what she needs from you right now even if it is just a constant supply of tea!
Fatherhood is less about doing things right and more about doing the right things in my experience.
I stay at home during the week with our now 2 year old and trust me it gets better very quickly , what I would say is if you feel you are not coping talk to someone there is no shame in asking for help and you have already taken the step of posting on here Health visitors, parents(but take care), siblings, GP and even relate would be opportunities for you , I was lucky in my early days at home my elder sister was a fantastic source of encouragement , she still is today when the terrible twos are in full swing. Try not to get hung up on little failures like spilt milk its not the end of the world and babies will be fickle about feeding especially at the beginning just try and think how could I do that better but don`t beat yourself up (muslin squares were a lifesaver for us when feeding our greedy little man as he got it everywhere as was made up milk if you can stretch to it and are not wholly on draught!
Better get used to being sicked upon though, it comes with the territory, I used to have 4 shirt days sometimes more!
Do some of the nice stuff together like walks in the park on a clear day once your partner is up to it ours were good for rebonding.
Asking for help should not be seen as a sign of weakness more as a sign of strength and a desire to be a better parent and partner.
Your not alone
Good luck and you will look back on this and smile
The reality is many people feel like you do now and its not the end , things may be strained but they will get better.
Your little family has just been through the most traumatic start and needs time to recover settle down and find the roles that work for you, in that statement I include you all cos birth can be a very traumatic experience even if like I felt I was I was well prepared especially as I had 2 grown up children, when things go not as planned as the father your dealing with concern for your baby and your partner and feeling utterly helpless as it is beyond your normal knowledge.
You are all searching for a common ground and purpose and it is very early days it took 3 months for us to settle down into a routine. it sounds like you are a considerate and loving partner but sometimes it can feel like its not enough and after all your only trying to do what you think is right.
try having a talk about what she needs from you right now even if it is just a constant supply of tea!
Fatherhood is less about doing things right and more about doing the right things in my experience.
I stay at home during the week with our now 2 year old and trust me it gets better very quickly , what I would say is if you feel you are not coping talk to someone there is no shame in asking for help and you have already taken the step of posting on here Health visitors, parents(but take care), siblings, GP and even relate would be opportunities for you , I was lucky in my early days at home my elder sister was a fantastic source of encouragement , she still is today when the terrible twos are in full swing. Try not to get hung up on little failures like spilt milk its not the end of the world and babies will be fickle about feeding especially at the beginning just try and think how could I do that better but don`t beat yourself up (muslin squares were a lifesaver for us when feeding our greedy little man as he got it everywhere as was made up milk if you can stretch to it and are not wholly on draught!
Better get used to being sicked upon though, it comes with the territory, I used to have 4 shirt days sometimes more!
Do some of the nice stuff together like walks in the park on a clear day once your partner is up to it ours were good for rebonding.
Asking for help should not be seen as a sign of weakness more as a sign of strength and a desire to be a better parent and partner.
Your not alone
Good luck and you will look back on this and smile
I'm in the same position as you OP.
We have a seven month old, when he first came home I'd get up in the night and feed him and change him so she could have a break. Then after about 5 weeks or so my other half started taking over completely. She does all his baths, even though I've offered and want to she just says she'll do it. She now gives him all his bottles and I don't get to feed him his sloppy food after the one time I did I was told off for scooping it back up as he spat it out and trying to feed it back to him (apparently that was 'disgusting'). I don't change nappies anymore, again, I was told off after attempting to change a wet nappy that 'wasn't wet enough' so she does them now. It's that bad that she even insists on getting him out of his car seat when we've been out in the car.
At least you get left with yours. In seven months I've never looked after our son whilst she goes out and does something. At most I'm left with him for 10-20minutes whilst she has a shower or makes dinner. I offered to take him to my mums on Saturdays so my mum could spend some time with him (she rarely gets to see him) and give her a break (something she complains she never gets) but her response to that idea was like I'd just suggested kidnapping him.
All of this caused no end of arguments as I felt I wasn't getting to bond with my son but I soon realised it was futile so now I simply don't bother arguing about it.
It's frustrating because I have a 15yr old from a previous relationship we had when we were 17 and I had none of these issues. His mother would look after him in the day, I'd come home from work, we'd have dinner, she'd go out to work from 6pm till 10.30pm and I was left to feed, bath and put baby to sleep. There was never any arguments about who did what, we just got on with things equally. It's odd to think this was easier when I was 17.
We have a seven month old, when he first came home I'd get up in the night and feed him and change him so she could have a break. Then after about 5 weeks or so my other half started taking over completely. She does all his baths, even though I've offered and want to she just says she'll do it. She now gives him all his bottles and I don't get to feed him his sloppy food after the one time I did I was told off for scooping it back up as he spat it out and trying to feed it back to him (apparently that was 'disgusting'). I don't change nappies anymore, again, I was told off after attempting to change a wet nappy that 'wasn't wet enough' so she does them now. It's that bad that she even insists on getting him out of his car seat when we've been out in the car.
At least you get left with yours. In seven months I've never looked after our son whilst she goes out and does something. At most I'm left with him for 10-20minutes whilst she has a shower or makes dinner. I offered to take him to my mums on Saturdays so my mum could spend some time with him (she rarely gets to see him) and give her a break (something she complains she never gets) but her response to that idea was like I'd just suggested kidnapping him.
All of this caused no end of arguments as I felt I wasn't getting to bond with my son but I soon realised it was futile so now I simply don't bother arguing about it.
It's frustrating because I have a 15yr old from a previous relationship we had when we were 17 and I had none of these issues. His mother would look after him in the day, I'd come home from work, we'd have dinner, she'd go out to work from 6pm till 10.30pm and I was left to feed, bath and put baby to sleep. There was never any arguments about who did what, we just got on with things equally. It's odd to think this was easier when I was 17.
I apologise in advance for not having read the whole thread. I have two children under 2, the most recent is 11 weeks old and it is tough; apparently incidences of separation/ divorce increase by 1800% within 6 months of the birth of a child.
Suck it up and hold tight, it isn't easy but people give up too easily these days.
Good luck.
Suck it up and hold tight, it isn't easy but people give up too easily these days.
Good luck.
Just to add to what others have said.
I can distinctly remember being ready to leave home after 3 months of my first being born (many years ago now
).
However, once the little cherubs are past 3 months and starting to sleep through the night it all becomes soooo much easier as everyone starts to get a proper 7 hours kip.
It's also worth bearing in mind the complete and utter change to your lifestyle that the first baby brings with it.
Stick in there, it'll get better in a few months or so.
I can distinctly remember being ready to leave home after 3 months of my first being born (many years ago now
).However, once the little cherubs are past 3 months and starting to sleep through the night it all becomes soooo much easier as everyone starts to get a proper 7 hours kip.
It's also worth bearing in mind the complete and utter change to your lifestyle that the first baby brings with it.
Stick in there, it'll get better in a few months or so.
I've not read all 6 pages of this thread but your OP says it all.
First of all thanks for being blunt - you care enough about your lady and baby for you to ask what you can do to recover.
Can I say it seems that you need to try a bit harder and go the extra mile. And i mean if it takes cutting a ball off then you have to do it. The lady has had a tough time, but now is the time to let her know you are all in it together. Flowers, a shared heart to heart, regrets expressed openly is essential. You have to be true to others before you can be true to yourself. Hang in there.
First of all thanks for being blunt - you care enough about your lady and baby for you to ask what you can do to recover.
Can I say it seems that you need to try a bit harder and go the extra mile. And i mean if it takes cutting a ball off then you have to do it. The lady has had a tough time, but now is the time to let her know you are all in it together. Flowers, a shared heart to heart, regrets expressed openly is essential. You have to be true to others before you can be true to yourself. Hang in there.
Can't believe some of the posts on hear and I really feel for the guys who are struggling. All I can suggest is stick with it and talk to your other halves. These should be the best months / years if your life. Take your kids out for a walk around the park on your own, encourage your partners to go out for an evening with their friends who cares if you can't get the little one to sleep it's giving them a break! It's tough but it's well worth sticking at it you really don't want to be weekend dads.
I've read the OP and not every reply - but hornetrider is spot on. Immediately after birth is probably one of the most stressful times of your life. It's all hands to the pump.
My kids are older now but I remember this time well. I feel like a knob 'giving advice' as we all do things differently, but happy to share some thoughts for you to take or leave. I've a good friend going through not a dissimilar phase asking me for advice, so I've spent some time collating my thoughts:
This is when times are tough - both of you are exhausted, rationale thought seems like something you used to do and basically your routines and lives have been turned upside down.
Your life has changed massively, I'm not underestimating that - but your lady carried the child and then gave birth a few weeks ago. She is potentially in a whole different world - physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. She is also potentially worried about how to be a good mum, confused, hoping to live up to all these expectations - basically very fragile.
Be there to give everything you've got and expect absolutely nothing in return. A lot of pre-kid relationships have an element of 'friendly bargaining' - 'if I get the groceries this week, can you cook on the weekend'. Normal stuff and part of being a team I guess. But at this moment in time all bets are off - you just do everything you can to help with your waking hours. If she wants to take over a feed that might not be going so well, smile, hand baby over and tell her that she's a great mum. Go put some washing in the machine instead.
Be kind to her, genuinely kind. If a small tensions is brewing, diffuse it as best you can as quick as you can. Even if she is wrong, just eat it. Tell her she is great. Try to get home as early as you can. When you've bought the same nappies she asked for last week, but freaks out this week that baby doesn't like that brand any more, just get in the car and buy them other ones. Offer to help with whatever. Do some spontaneous housework. If baby is sleeping, run her a bath and tell her to take an hour to herself.
Share the small moments and love them for what they are. The baby smiles, burbs, holding your fingers. Spend time all three of you and make sure your phone is off. Every time there is a nice moment, tell her that she is a great mum. Tell that you are proud and that you love her dearly.
Take time out together. Treat her a bit. If you are not ready to leave baby with someone yet, just make a nice meal and light a couple of candles. And get some support around you. Friends and family you trust. Except that her folks might become more important to her than you've ever experienced in your relationship to date.
Chin up chap, it's not easy but you can do it. And remember they didn't write a book on how to be a parent (well, this is a whole internet / library full of conflicting info...)
Best bit of advice my old man gave me when I became a Dad for the first time - if it feels right for the three of you, then you're doing it right.
Hang in there
My kids are older now but I remember this time well. I feel like a knob 'giving advice' as we all do things differently, but happy to share some thoughts for you to take or leave. I've a good friend going through not a dissimilar phase asking me for advice, so I've spent some time collating my thoughts:
This is when times are tough - both of you are exhausted, rationale thought seems like something you used to do and basically your routines and lives have been turned upside down.
Your life has changed massively, I'm not underestimating that - but your lady carried the child and then gave birth a few weeks ago. She is potentially in a whole different world - physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. She is also potentially worried about how to be a good mum, confused, hoping to live up to all these expectations - basically very fragile.
Be there to give everything you've got and expect absolutely nothing in return. A lot of pre-kid relationships have an element of 'friendly bargaining' - 'if I get the groceries this week, can you cook on the weekend'. Normal stuff and part of being a team I guess. But at this moment in time all bets are off - you just do everything you can to help with your waking hours. If she wants to take over a feed that might not be going so well, smile, hand baby over and tell her that she's a great mum. Go put some washing in the machine instead.
Be kind to her, genuinely kind. If a small tensions is brewing, diffuse it as best you can as quick as you can. Even if she is wrong, just eat it. Tell her she is great. Try to get home as early as you can. When you've bought the same nappies she asked for last week, but freaks out this week that baby doesn't like that brand any more, just get in the car and buy them other ones. Offer to help with whatever. Do some spontaneous housework. If baby is sleeping, run her a bath and tell her to take an hour to herself.
Share the small moments and love them for what they are. The baby smiles, burbs, holding your fingers. Spend time all three of you and make sure your phone is off. Every time there is a nice moment, tell her that she is a great mum. Tell that you are proud and that you love her dearly.
Take time out together. Treat her a bit. If you are not ready to leave baby with someone yet, just make a nice meal and light a couple of candles. And get some support around you. Friends and family you trust. Except that her folks might become more important to her than you've ever experienced in your relationship to date.
Chin up chap, it's not easy but you can do it. And remember they didn't write a book on how to be a parent (well, this is a whole internet / library full of conflicting info...)
Best bit of advice my old man gave me when I became a Dad for the first time - if it feels right for the three of you, then you're doing it right.
Hang in there
I have three grown up lads over 25, so have been through this years ago, trust me things will get better, regarding the "milk" episode you should have just handed little 'un over and said "Fine, you try", and I don't mean in a stroppy voice.
Relationships/Marriage are not easy. (except for the lucky few), sometimes you have to bite your lip and let things blow over.
Also keep a box to save things like school reports etc, I still have mine from 1957.....
Relationships/Marriage are not easy. (except for the lucky few), sometimes you have to bite your lip and let things blow over.
- Off topic*
Also keep a box to save things like school reports etc, I still have mine from 1957.....
Many good points on this thread.
First 6-9 months is the hardest.
Communication and patience is really, really important.
Sit together and feed.
Birth and all the new things attached to increased responsibilities and change is really hard. As the father you are now bottom of the stack in terms of priority for emotions. I could say "man up" - but is is really really hard. Basically you need to put your life on hold for a few months and learn new boundaries to your relationship.
Many mothers don't like the idea of support - they are mothers - so must be able to do all things baby and find it hard to accept support - especially if they have a mother nearby (pressure of expectations). Combine this with Facebook, etc and all their friends extolling how happy they are whilst secretly craving just 5 mins extra sleep...
Oh, and hormones are all over the place as well for most mothers, especially in early months.
The new priority in many houses is:
Baby
Other kids
Mum
Cat
Dog
Goldfish
Bills
Shopping
Cleaning
Dad
Accept this - the first 6 months are about keeping the newborn alive. Once you get past that and you have routine and they are a bit more robust and start to interact more, it gets easier and harder, in different ways.
Then they learn to crawl...
First 6-9 months is the hardest.
Communication and patience is really, really important.
Sit together and feed.
Birth and all the new things attached to increased responsibilities and change is really hard. As the father you are now bottom of the stack in terms of priority for emotions. I could say "man up" - but is is really really hard. Basically you need to put your life on hold for a few months and learn new boundaries to your relationship.
Many mothers don't like the idea of support - they are mothers - so must be able to do all things baby and find it hard to accept support - especially if they have a mother nearby (pressure of expectations). Combine this with Facebook, etc and all their friends extolling how happy they are whilst secretly craving just 5 mins extra sleep...
Oh, and hormones are all over the place as well for most mothers, especially in early months.
The new priority in many houses is:
Baby
Other kids
Mum
Cat
Dog
Goldfish
Bills
Shopping
Cleaning
Dad
Accept this - the first 6 months are about keeping the newborn alive. Once you get past that and you have routine and they are a bit more robust and start to interact more, it gets easier and harder, in different ways.
Then they learn to crawl...
Scanned through some of the thread after reading the OP, for gods sake it's been seven weeks since she has become a mother and experienced a traumatic birth, you've become a dad and are now suddenly playing second fiddle to the baby, you have a few rows and are thinking of jacking it all in?
Chill out, life for the next year or so will be f
king st apart from the amazing feelings your child will bring you.
Then just as it starts to get better again and you're going out together for meals, and fking again regularly she will decide she wants another baby....................
I've got three, the youngest one, my boy, is now nine and we went clay pigeon shooting together today, worth every bit of aggro when they were younger, but yeah it can be a bit stty.
Hang on in there mate, really don't quit and fk off after a couple of months.
Chill out, life for the next year or so will be f
king st apart from the amazing feelings your child will bring you.Then just as it starts to get better again and you're going out together for meals, and f
king again regularly she will decide she wants another baby....................I've got three, the youngest one, my boy, is now nine and we went clay pigeon shooting together today, worth every bit of aggro when they were younger, but yeah it can be a bit s
tty.Hang on in there mate, really don't quit and f
k off after a couple of months.
Oakey said:
I'm in the same position as you OP.
We have a seven month old, when he first came home I'd get up in the night and feed him and change him so she could have a break. Then after about 5 weeks or so my other half started taking over completely. She does all his baths, even though I've offered and want to she just says she'll do it. She now gives him all his bottles and I don't get to feed him his sloppy food after the one time I did I was told off for scooping it back up as he spat it out and trying to feed it back to him (apparently that was 'disgusting'). I don't change nappies anymore, again, I was told off after attempting to change a wet nappy that 'wasn't wet enough' so she does them now. It's that bad that she even insists on getting him out of his car seat when we've been out in the car.
At least you get left with yours. In seven months I've never looked after our son whilst she goes out and does something. At most I'm left with him for 10-20minutes whilst she has a shower or makes dinner. I offered to take him to my mums on Saturdays so my mum could spend some time with him (she rarely gets to see him) and give her a break (something she complains she never gets) but her response to that idea was like I'd just suggested kidnapping him.
All of this caused no end of arguments as I felt I wasn't getting to bond with my son but I soon realised it was futile so now I simply don't bother arguing about it.
It's frustrating because I have a 15yr old from a previous relationship we had when we were 17 and I had none of these issues. His mother would look after him in the day, I'd come home from work, we'd have dinner, she'd go out to work from 6pm till 10.30pm and I was left to feed, bath and put baby to sleep. There was never any arguments about who did what, we just got on with things equally. It's odd to think this was easier when I was 17.
Wow. I really feel for you.We have a seven month old, when he first came home I'd get up in the night and feed him and change him so she could have a break. Then after about 5 weeks or so my other half started taking over completely. She does all his baths, even though I've offered and want to she just says she'll do it. She now gives him all his bottles and I don't get to feed him his sloppy food after the one time I did I was told off for scooping it back up as he spat it out and trying to feed it back to him (apparently that was 'disgusting'). I don't change nappies anymore, again, I was told off after attempting to change a wet nappy that 'wasn't wet enough' so she does them now. It's that bad that she even insists on getting him out of his car seat when we've been out in the car.
At least you get left with yours. In seven months I've never looked after our son whilst she goes out and does something. At most I'm left with him for 10-20minutes whilst she has a shower or makes dinner. I offered to take him to my mums on Saturdays so my mum could spend some time with him (she rarely gets to see him) and give her a break (something she complains she never gets) but her response to that idea was like I'd just suggested kidnapping him.
All of this caused no end of arguments as I felt I wasn't getting to bond with my son but I soon realised it was futile so now I simply don't bother arguing about it.
It's frustrating because I have a 15yr old from a previous relationship we had when we were 17 and I had none of these issues. His mother would look after him in the day, I'd come home from work, we'd have dinner, she'd go out to work from 6pm till 10.30pm and I was left to feed, bath and put baby to sleep. There was never any arguments about who did what, we just got on with things equally. It's odd to think this was easier when I was 17.
Our situation isn't like that, yet. I'm hoping it doesn't get like that either.
However, my fiancee has already taken over all of the night stuff. It's very rare that I do much apart from cuddle the baby or change a nappy after midnight.
I do hope you can get something sorted, if you still can. Your situation reminds me of that which one of my fiancee's work colleagues is in. She simply won't let the father do anything with their two children. My fiancee has been saying she doesn't want us to end up like them. I'm hoping we don't.
castex said:
Yes it was. OP you have to really swallow your ego at this point; it's all about mummy and baby.
This is the thing, I don't have an ego and I'm not being selfish. I posted because we are having problems. If anything, my issues have arisen from trying too hard and worrying too much.Off to do more with the baby now.
funkyrobot said:
Wow. I really feel for you.
Our situation isn't like that, yet. I'm hoping it doesn't get like that either.
However, my fiancee has already taken over all of the night stuff. It's very rare that I do much apart from cuddle the baby or change a nappy after midnight.
I do hope you can get something sorted, if you still can. Your situation reminds me of that which one of my fiancee's work colleagues is in. She simply won't let the father do anything with their two children. My fiancee has been saying she doesn't want us to end up like them. I'm hoping we don't.
That's how it started, taking over the night stuff. Then it was the feeds, then the nappies, then getting him out of the car. Now I just feel like a spare wheel and constantly feel guilty I'm not doing enough.Our situation isn't like that, yet. I'm hoping it doesn't get like that either.
However, my fiancee has already taken over all of the night stuff. It's very rare that I do much apart from cuddle the baby or change a nappy after midnight.
I do hope you can get something sorted, if you still can. Your situation reminds me of that which one of my fiancee's work colleagues is in. She simply won't let the father do anything with their two children. My fiancee has been saying she doesn't want us to end up like them. I'm hoping we don't.
To make matters worse, we live with her parents. I thought we were going to be moving out at the start of this year, before he was born, but her mum said "I don't want you to go yet" so we're still here and it looks like we'll never leave! She has two brothers here as well, and a dog, so it's a full house and I often feel I'm going insane.
Every night is a constant battle to keep the baby asleep, from 8pm to 8am. They're all just a bunch of noisy f
ks, constantly up and down the stairs, in and out the kitchen, banging doors, the dog's paws constantly tip tapping on the laminate floor, etc. It drives me crazy, it's like they're incapable of doing anything quietly. Tonight for example; baby was up at 8.30am, had 30mins sleep at 3pm, fell asleep at 8pm and was wide awake again at 8.20pm because some ahole clomped up the stairs. The result is an angry girlfriend who has spent the last hour trying to get him back to sleep and who will vent her frustration on me because she can't say anything to her family.I wouldn't mind but they don't even offer a reprieve, her mother never says "I'll have him a few hours so you two can have a break". They do nothing with him, which annoys me no end as my mother rarely gets to see him and I know she'd love living under the same roof as him.
Oakey said:
That's how it started, taking over the night stuff. Then it was the feeds, then the nappies, then getting him out of the car. Now I just feel like a spare wheel and constantly feel guilty I'm not doing enough.
To make matters worse, we live with her parents. I thought we were going to be moving out at the start of this year, before he was born, but her mum said "I don't want you to go yet" so we're still here and it looks like we'll never leave! She has two brothers here as well, and a dog, so it's a full house and I often feel I'm going insane.
Every night is a constant battle to keep the baby asleep, from 8pm to 8am. They're all just a bunch of noisy fks, constantly up and down the stairs, in and out the kitchen, banging doors, the dog's paws constantly tip tapping on the laminate floor, etc. It drives me crazy, it's like they're incapable of doing anything quietly. Tonight for example; baby was up at 8.30am, had 30mins sleep at 3pm, fell asleep at 8pm and was wide awake again at 8.20pm because some ahole clomped up the stairs. The result is an angry girlfriend who has spent the last hour trying to get him back to sleep and who will vent her frustration on me because she can't say anything to her family.
I wouldn't mind hut they don't even offer a reprieve, her mother never says "I'll have him a few hours so you two can have a break". They do nothing with him, which annoys me no end as my mother rarely gets to see him and I know she'd love living under the same roof as him.
If you have the money to get a flat/house - I would do so. I am all for family life and sacrificing, but sometimes it's a bridge too far. To make matters worse, we live with her parents. I thought we were going to be moving out at the start of this year, before he was born, but her mum said "I don't want you to go yet" so we're still here and it looks like we'll never leave! She has two brothers here as well, and a dog, so it's a full house and I often feel I'm going insane.
Every night is a constant battle to keep the baby asleep, from 8pm to 8am. They're all just a bunch of noisy f
ks, constantly up and down the stairs, in and out the kitchen, banging doors, the dog's paws constantly tip tapping on the laminate floor, etc. It drives me crazy, it's like they're incapable of doing anything quietly. Tonight for example; baby was up at 8.30am, had 30mins sleep at 3pm, fell asleep at 8pm and was wide awake again at 8.20pm because some ahole clomped up the stairs. The result is an angry girlfriend who has spent the last hour trying to get him back to sleep and who will vent her frustration on me because she can't say anything to her family.I wouldn't mind hut they don't even offer a reprieve, her mother never says "I'll have him a few hours so you two can have a break". They do nothing with him, which annoys me no end as my mother rarely gets to see him and I know she'd love living under the same roof as him.
There is NO f
kING WAY that is reasonable unless as a temporary stopgap between homes or if you actually like being there.desolate said:
If you have the money to get a flat/house - I would do so. I am all for family life and sacrificing, but sometimes it's a bridge too far.
There is NO fkING WAY that is reasonable unless as a temporary stopgap between homes or if you actually like being there.
I've got a bit saved, enough to cover a deposit, bond and few months rent and then some but I'm starting to think she doesn't want to leave. She says she does, but I'm not convinced. It's insane, with my first kid me and his mother were renting a house by around this point and we were barely 18 by then. One of her brothers is moving out in a month and she mentioned her mother talking about us swapping rooms with the remaining brother (they have the bigger bedroom), that just sounds like we're hunkering down, not planning to leave anytime soon!There is NO f
kING WAY that is reasonable unless as a temporary stopgap between homes or if you actually like being there.Oakey said:
That's how it started, taking over the night stuff. Then it was the feeds, then the nappies, then getting him out of the car. Now I just feel like a spare wheel and constantly feel guilty I'm not doing enough.
To make matters worse, we live with her parents. I thought we were going to be moving out at the start of this year, before he was born, but her mum said "I don't want you to go yet" so we're still here and it looks like we'll never leave! She has two brothers here as well, and a dog, so it's a full house and I often feel I'm going insane.
Every night is a constant battle to keep the baby asleep, from 8pm to 8am. They're all just a bunch of noisy fks, constantly up and down the stairs, in and out the kitchen, banging doors, the dog's paws constantly tip tapping on the laminate floor, etc. It drives me crazy, it's like they're incapable of doing anything quietly. Tonight for example; baby was up at 8.30am, had 30mins sleep at 3pm, fell asleep at 8pm and was wide awake again at 8.20pm because some ahole clomped up the stairs. The result is an angry girlfriend who has spent the last hour trying to get him back to sleep and who will vent her frustration on me because she can't say anything to her family.
I wouldn't mind but they don't even offer a reprieve, her mother never says "I'll have him a few hours so you two can have a break". They do nothing with him, which annoys me no end as my mother rarely gets to see him and I know she'd love living under the same roof as him.
Well that's a proper sTo make matters worse, we live with her parents. I thought we were going to be moving out at the start of this year, before he was born, but her mum said "I don't want you to go yet" so we're still here and it looks like we'll never leave! She has two brothers here as well, and a dog, so it's a full house and I often feel I'm going insane.
Every night is a constant battle to keep the baby asleep, from 8pm to 8am. They're all just a bunch of noisy f
ks, constantly up and down the stairs, in and out the kitchen, banging doors, the dog's paws constantly tip tapping on the laminate floor, etc. It drives me crazy, it's like they're incapable of doing anything quietly. Tonight for example; baby was up at 8.30am, had 30mins sleep at 3pm, fell asleep at 8pm and was wide awake again at 8.20pm because some ahole clomped up the stairs. The result is an angry girlfriend who has spent the last hour trying to get him back to sleep and who will vent her frustration on me because she can't say anything to her family.I wouldn't mind but they don't even offer a reprieve, her mother never says "I'll have him a few hours so you two can have a break". They do nothing with him, which annoys me no end as my mother rarely gets to see him and I know she'd love living under the same roof as him.
t situation, but don't feel guilty, it's not of your making. I think you need to start dropping unsubtle hints about moving out (with or without partner and baby if it comes to it). Also, put your foot down and insist that your partner let's you get more hands on with the baby. Other than that, I don't know what to suggest. When your son gets a bit older, he'll be gagging to spend more time with you, at which point she'll either begin to realise parenthood is a team job, or it'll make her seething with envy.It sounds like she's more into her family than she is to you. How old are you and your partner?
Oakey said:
I've got a bit saved, enough to cover a deposit, bond and few months rent and then some but I'm starting to think she doesn't want to leave. She says she does, but I'm not convinced. It's insane, with my first kid me and his mother were renting a house by around this point and we were barely 18 by then. One of her brothers is moving out in a month and she mentioned her mother talking about us swapping rooms with the remaining brother (they have the bigger bedroom), that just sounds like we're hunkering down, not planning to leave anytime soon!
Sounds like a nightmare.You've got to do what you have to do but i would be renting a 2 bed and moving out, with our without the Mrs.
Edited by anonymous-user on Saturday 18th October 21:57
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff