Relationship falling apart
Discussion
ShyTallKnight said:
What you both are experiencing is totally normal in my experience it's a voyage of discovery with the first child.... Take a step back accept everything your OH says is gospel (even if you disagree) and I'm sure you'll be fine we've all been there.... Chin up kidda 
Okey dokey.I'll see how it goes.
I'll still be in the wrong though.
funkyrobot said:
Dan_1981 said:
7 weeks since a difficult birth?
Suck it up. Get used to it.
Things will never be the same again.
Do not down tools and run off at this stage.
They won't. But we shouldn't be this unhappy, should we.Suck it up. Get used to it.
Things will never be the same again.
Do not down tools and run off at this stage.
What you've got to get your head around is that women are hormonal monsters, forget 'time of the month', she's just had a 9 month period and delivered a child into the world, hormones all over the place. She's mega protective over the baby, and that's just nature/mothering. Nothing you can do about it, except bite you lip and take a step back.
All this modern man thing is all well and good, but as soon as a baby arrives on the scene most women just want you to concentrate on the hunter/gatherer role. So do that, but just be there to take over when mum is exhausted. Don't worry about missing time with the baby, you will still be getting that. And as they get older, they'll start to want to spend more time with you (possibly to the annoyance of mum), but it will be much more rewarding than they are at 7 weeks old - all you can do is stick a rubber teet in them, change a nappy or settle them to sleep.
But whatever you do, don't quit now. Otherwise they won't bond with you, and you'll never have a proper father/child relationship. Worst case is she'll bugger off, claim DV, get an injunction, and you won't see the child ever again.
Just take a step back, take a deep breath and let her get on with it, whilst being supportive.
funkyrobot said:
mart 63 said:
I'm old and there aint much light in our cardboard box.So sorry about the keyboard error.
Have you tried white cardboard? It reflects the light better.mart 63 said:
funkyrobot said:
mart 63 said:
I'm old and there aint much light in our cardboard box.So sorry about the keyboard error.
Have you tried white cardboard? It reflects the light better.funkyrobot said:
mart 63 said:
funkyrobot said:
mart 63 said:
I'm old and there aint much light in our cardboard box.So sorry about the keyboard error.
Have you tried white cardboard? It reflects the light better.The first 8-10 weeks of baby arrival is just an extension of labour OP, where the evil witch that resides in every female comes to the surface and if the cup of tea you have made her isn't exactly 73.4'c then your going to be wearing it.
You will have a good few "wtf have i done wrong now" moments during this time but you just have to do exactly what she says and grin and bear it. Me and the mrs are rock solid but i wanted to karate chop her in the throat so many times during the first 8 weeks.
Baby will start to sleep more on a night and thats when you start to get back to normal again. Stick with it. Your relationship isn't falling apart you fool
You will have a good few "wtf have i done wrong now" moments during this time but you just have to do exactly what she says and grin and bear it. Me and the mrs are rock solid but i wanted to karate chop her in the throat so many times during the first 8 weeks.
Baby will start to sleep more on a night and thats when you start to get back to normal again. Stick with it. Your relationship isn't falling apart you fool
I'm half cut and this in no way represents sensible advice.
That being said.
This is the hardest thing you will ever do.
This is the hardest thing you will ever do.
You cannot underestimate how tired and s
tty both of you feel right now.
PND is very real.
Your main useful task for the next few months is to keep the fridge full of food and run interference when it all gets too much for your beloved.
The new arrival (congratulations) is the most important thing in both your lives. But don't forget the second most important thing.
That being said.
This is the hardest thing you will ever do.
This is the hardest thing you will ever do.
You cannot underestimate how tired and s
tty both of you feel right now.PND is very real.
Your main useful task for the next few months is to keep the fridge full of food and run interference when it all gets too much for your beloved.
The new arrival (congratulations) is the most important thing in both your lives. But don't forget the second most important thing.
OP, having kids is hard.
I'm sure any parent on here will confirm.
Life will never be the same again. Not bad but just different.
It takes time time to adjust.
You both want to do the best you can and not get it wrong. This puts extra pressure on the relationship.
You are both tired and stressed and the slightest thing sets you both off.
In the post birth period the Mother is in charge.
Just do what she wants for now.
Things will settle down in due course and your relationship will return to some sort of normality over time.
Be patient.
I'm sure any parent on here will confirm.
Life will never be the same again. Not bad but just different.
It takes time time to adjust.
You both want to do the best you can and not get it wrong. This puts extra pressure on the relationship.
You are both tired and stressed and the slightest thing sets you both off.
In the post birth period the Mother is in charge.
Just do what she wants for now.
Things will settle down in due course and your relationship will return to some sort of normality over time.
Be patient.
Practical advice. The only advice I ever give to new parents.
You are both cream crackered.
Take alternate nights getting up for and feeding the baby. The off duty parent does NOT get up. Sadly if you are working this is a challenge but I have been thanked for this advice so often. Getting a full night's sleep every second night is far better than a st night every night. Your fiancée will love you for it. At the moment neither of you probably sleeps very well, anxious about an interrupted night.
More and better sleep makes for more rationale behaviour.
Best of luck.
You are both cream crackered.
Take alternate nights getting up for and feeding the baby. The off duty parent does NOT get up. Sadly if you are working this is a challenge but I have been thanked for this advice so often. Getting a full night's sleep every second night is far better than a s
t night every night. Your fiancée will love you for it. At the moment neither of you probably sleeps very well, anxious about an interrupted night.More and better sleep makes for more rationale behaviour.
Best of luck.
funkyrobot said:
ShyTallKnight said:
What you both are experiencing is totally normal in my experience it's a voyage of discovery with the first child.... Take a step back accept everything your OH says is gospel (even if you disagree) and I'm sure you'll be fine we've all been there.... Chin up kidda
Okey dokey.I'll see how it goes.
I'll still be in the wrong though.
MOTHER knows best
just chill and let her get on with it , provide support when needed
Thanks for the advice all. Very, very useful and all being taken on board.
I'm going to let my fiancée do what she wants to do. I'll keep playing the support role.
Feel shattered again this morning, but that's normal now. I think it's worse for me when you get to the weekend after a long week at work.
Will see if I can do anything today and let my fiancée rest. I have been doing this since they got home. I just need to take a step back.
I'm going to let my fiancée do what she wants to do. I'll keep playing the support role.
Feel shattered again this morning, but that's normal now. I think it's worse for me when you get to the weekend after a long week at work.
Will see if I can do anything today and let my fiancée rest. I have been doing this since they got home. I just need to take a step back.
Mate, it's not easy but it's not about you any more unfortunately. You just need to learn when to say "yes dear, sorry dear"
You are now living with a very protective mentaler, you need to find ways to adjust and to figure out coping strategies of your own
She's gone through massive changes, it could well be PND, it comes in lots of different flavours and degrees. Do you have access to a health visitor you could talk to?
I've just had a look and there's fk all advice out there for new dads, it's all about mum. Yeah, we all know that but where does dad turn when he finds it tough adapting to the changes?
My advice is you're a bit of a st pedaller, I'd go for long bike rides when she's cranky. It'll get you out of the way and is a great way of destressing so you're better able to cope with her understandable mood swings.
My other advice is ignore my advice, we split up 18 months after the birth of my youngest mainly due to PND.
You are now living with a very protective mentaler, you need to find ways to adjust and to figure out coping strategies of your own
She's gone through massive changes, it could well be PND, it comes in lots of different flavours and degrees. Do you have access to a health visitor you could talk to?
I've just had a look and there's f
k all advice out there for new dads, it's all about mum. Yeah, we all know that but where does dad turn when he finds it tough adapting to the changes?My advice is you're a bit of a s
t pedaller, I'd go for long bike rides when she's cranky. It'll get you out of the way and is a great way of destressing so you're better able to cope with her understandable mood swings.My other advice is ignore my advice, we split up 18 months after the birth of my youngest mainly due to PND.
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