Having no clue where to go in life.

[F1GTRUeno]

Anyone else hit that massive brick wall and had no idea what to do?

I learnt that I'm a massive waster who can't stick at anything, has crippling anxiety and self-confidence issues and literally doesn't know what to do next.

I'm 24 so will inevitably get the 'you're still young' comments but it really doesn't feel like that. Feels like I've already wasted every opportunity to make something of myself.

I went to uni straight from college, hated the place so I dropped out after 1st year. Went on to either be on the dole or work in jobs where I had zero interest but needed money and always wanted to go back to uni and get a degree in something I might be interested in.

Somehow, by an absolute miracle I got back in last year and went to Sheffield to do a programming course specialising in video games design. I love games, I wanted to learn programming anyway, seemed like a win win. Never been so happy in my life.

Long story short, I fked up. I got so swept up in being back in uni and meeting new people and loving being there that I basically spent the year drunk or in bed and failed the year. I was passing fine upto christmas, wasn't top of the class but wasn't barely scraping it either but then stopped being able to sleep when I went back and drank to solve that problem which obviously didn't solve anything and meant I missed so much and of course, failed.

All my fault obviously, I'm a complete fk up though I hated my coursemates (nobody spoke, nobody helped out when you asked, they all seemed like the types to spent their lives on World of Warcraft than say hello and make friends in real life) so that made it a whole lot less worth going in for.

Uni said I would be able to resit the year as they've seen this happen a million times before and I desperately wanted to go back and make things right but then student finance said after failing twice I'd have to fund it myself. Obviously I'm not made of money and neither are my parents (not that I wanted to lend the money off them because as mentioned, I'm a fk up and I'd probably end it all if I wasted that much of their cash) so now I'm stuck working for barely minimum wage in McDonalds and have absolutely no hope in life, I actually feel worse that they hired me because I seemed semi-positive in the interview and I'm just not at all, not worth employing.

I've been up visiting people from Uni and being in Sheffield where I love and every time I get the train back and come back to reality I wonder why I bother and why I bother waking up in the morning.

Beyond a basic understanding of programming I have absolutely no skills, no determination, no hope and no clue what to do now so does anyone have any ideas of how I can get myself out of this?

Edited by F1GTRUeno on Sunday 19th October 23:53

[Captainawesome]

Dude, you're wallowing a bit. I dropped out of uni when I was 21 and fked about for the next ten years odd. Finally settled down in my early thirties Nd very happy now. Stop worrying about it and enjoy your youth. You'll either end up sorted out or you'll be one of those random Jupiter inhabiting weirdos and won't care.

Here we go....you are still very young (although it won't feel like it) and you have loads of time to figure it out. Just go and have fun for now because in ten years time your life will be unrecognisable from now.

[Mr Whippy]

My 2p.

If you really loved what you were doing you wouldn't have buggered it up.

Deep down you probably don't really know what you want to do still.



Join the club. I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up and I'm 34

For some reason I'm sat here into my 8th hour today, working on something I'm good at like all the things I bother turning my efforts to... but it's still not what I want to be doing for the rest of my life.




If I were you I'd go with the flow. Life is all about the journey I think. Live in the moment. Plan for the future, but don't be a slave to it.

Dave

Edited by Mr Whippy on Monday 20th October 00:23

[RedBull]

You sound close to the edge and I hesitated to respond in case I somehow unwittingly tip you over it , but here goes anyway:

Firstly, dropping out of Uni and then failing the course later is not the end of the world, maybe it's just not for you. I never went anywhere near Uni and I'm happy with how I'm doing in life. Anyway, if you found your course mates boring and unfriendly then there's a chance you'd have found the same with colleagues in that occupation and ended up unhappy in work. That's how I'd look at it if it were me.

It may not seem it to you, and I know you're expecting this, but 24 is definately still young, with time to sort things out for yourself. I would suggest having a long hard think about what type of work you would be comfortable doing. It is never too late to get some sort of apprenticeship for example. I know a guy in his thirties and another in his forties both of whom are, through choice, undergoing complete career changes right now, and both getting on with it just fine.

People are different, but having had jobs when I was starting out where I dreaded going to work, as in physically struggling to get up in the morning due to sheer dread that this would be the rest of my working life, a pretty unsettling experience and one I still remember some 30 years later. I now take the approach that I work to live not live to work, and as such I feel that a job which I don't mind doing each day and doesn't occupy my mind when I'm not at work is good enough (assuming other variables such as pay and conditions are acceptable of course). I do not expect to have a job that I adore doing so much that I'd keep working even if I won the lottery. There simply isn't anything I can think of that I would want to do that much, with the possible exception of porn star or MotoGP rider, neither of which I really think I'm cut out for.

Finally, I can't quite understand the reference to Sheffield: If you love it there so much then why not just move there? I can't see that a job in McDonalds would be a reason to stay where you are, or have I missed something?

Edited by RedBull on Monday 20th October 00:25

[Wacky Racer]

Don't panic. Duncan Bannatyne was a bum and penniless until he was 32, when he bought his first ice cream van

You have got years yet, enjoy life, you are in your prime.

Life isn't about how much money you make, you could be happy being a dustman.

I'm 61 and wished I'd realised that forty years ago.

[F1GTRUeno]

RedBull said:

You sound close to the edge and I hesitated to respond in case I somehow unwittingly tip you over it , but here goes anyway:

Firstly, dropping out of Uni and then failing the course later is not the end of the world, maybe it's just not for you. I never went anywhere near Uni and I'm happy with how I'm doing in life. Anyway, if you found your course mates boring and unfriendly then there's a chance you'd have found the same with colleagues in that occupation and ended up unhappy in work. That's how I'd look at it if it were me.

It may not seem it to you, and I know you're expecting this, but 24 is definately still young, with time to sort things out for yourself. I would suggest having a long hard think about what type of work you would be comfortable doing. It is never too late to get some sort of apprenticeship for example. I know a guy in his thirties and another in his forties both of whom are, through choice, undergoing complete career changes right now, and both getting on with it just fine.

People are different, but having had jobs when I was starting out where I dreaded going to work, as in physically struggling to get up in the morning due to sheer dread that this would be the rest of my working life, a pretty unsettling experience and one I still remember some 30 years later. I now take the approach that I work to live not live to work, and as such I feel that a job which I don't mind doing each day and doesn't occupy my mind when I'm not at work is good enough (assuming other variables such as pay and conditions are acceptable of course). I do not expect to have a job that I adore doing so much that I'd keep working even if I won the lottery. There simply isn't anything I can think of that I would want to do that much, with the possible exception of porn star or MotoGP rider, neither of which I really think I'm cut out for.

Finally, I can't quite understand the reference to Sheffield: If you love it there so much then why not just move there? I can't see that a job in McDonalds would be a reason to stay where you are, or have I missed something?

I definitely figured out pretty early on that I didn't want to do what I was doing for a career. I was considering my options for this current year when I found out it wouldn't be possible to go anyway.

The Sheffield reference was simply because I lived there and loved it, made so many friends last year that I'd do pretty much anything for and most of my friends back home are tied up in their lives so I barely see them. I can't move there because I have no money whatsoever and given the complete lack of skills I have, I'm not exactly going to find a job with a decent enough wage to enable me to live anywhere but where I am right now. I could be wrong but that's what it feels like.

[TheAngryDog]

Can't help, but Sheffield is st. I work there and its only plus point is that it isn't Leeds!

[northwest monkey]

F1GTRUeno said:

I could be wrong but that's what it feels like.

It might feel like that, but that doesn't neccessarily make it true. If I was you, I'd stop living for the future, and live for right now. Don't look at the negatives or what's happened in the past - you can't change anything about that so you need to move on.

You're 24, not 54 so enjoy yourself and lighten up a bit.

You might only have a job paying minimum wage, but that's more than a lot of people have & the fact you can be arsed getting up and going to work says a lot about you. It would be much easier to sit at home watching daytime TV and claiming JSA but you haven't.

[RedBull]

F1GTRUeno said:

The Sheffield reference was simply because I lived there and loved it, made so many friends last year that I'd do pretty much anything for and most of my friends back home are tied up in their lives so I barely see them. I can't move there because I have no money whatsoever and given the complete lack of skills I have, I'm not exactly going to find a job with a decent enough wage to enable me to live anywhere but where I am right now. I could be wrong but that's what it feels like.

It sounds like you are at a low point right now, but things can and will get better. I had no particular skills when I left school many years ago. I drifted between a few jobs and then I landed a job with a big company, pretty low down the ladder, and over time specialised and became skilled. I found what I was good at and was able to capitalise on it. You can do the same. In your position I would be tempted to look at what you could achieve within McDonalds. That might sound daft, but I have heard that quite a lot of people have gone on to have good careers within that company. If I remember correctly there was something about them having a policy on trying to promote from within and people going from serving food to becoming area managers, that sort of thing. It might not be what you want but it is an option.
Basically, try to remain positive and think longer term. You won't suddenly land a well paid job out of the blue, no-one does, you will have to progress towards that. But it is certainly something you can do. If you go from day to day just doing what has to be done and nothing more then I'm afraid nothing will happen. It is down to you to make it happen. You already know where you have made mistakes so you are off to a good start, learn from them and avoid making the same ones again. Start thinking about what you want, make a decision, then figure out what you need to do to achieve it, and go from there. That's the best advice I can offer I'm afraid.

[fttm]

Time to travel mate ,get away from the comfort zone and bs . Whilst away you'll see life from a different outlook which in turn will give you the motivation required , don't say you cannot afford it just go and enjoy .Best of etc .

[King Herald]

F1GTRUeno said:

I learnt that I'm a massive waster who can't stick at anything, has crippling anxiety and self-confidence issues and literally doesn't know what to do next.


Long story short, I fked up. I got so swept up in being back in uni and meeting new people and loving being there that I basically spent the year drunk or in bed and failed the year.

I spent six years doing an apprenticeship in a bitterly cold, unfriendly and miserable factory, and I thought it just could not get any worse than that. Truly miserable working conditions, bring, repetitive and depressing. I thought often of hurting myself in a big machine just so I could get out of the place and maybe get some compo....

But it got better, as the years passed and I learned stuff.

So, I've not really got any advice, except to tell you to stop being such a fk up. Simple as that, you are responsible for your own actions, and if you prefer to get drunk and lay in bed all day then you are your own worse enemy.

While I was doing the misery of the apprenticeship I had lots of friends on the Dole, because they were too lazy to work, or simply did not bother going in after a heavy weekend, but I wanted something out of life, I liked my big motorbikes, and there is no free ride in this life, unless you are happy to live on the Dole.

[GetCarter]

I was in a dead end job for about a year after I left school. I could see no way of getting out of the work/pub/sleep cycle I was in. The only thing that I had any real enthusiam for was music, so I thought I'd give it everything for a couple of years. I was lucky and have made a living as a musician ever since. My point is that you need to find what really turns you on (women apart), and find a way of making a career in that field. It's only enthusiasm that will provide enough 'get up and go' to get up and go for it. You say you are into programming. I'd be spending LOTS of time and engery finding a niche that you could fill, either self employed, or taking ideas to tech companies.

[R_U_LOCAL]

fttm said:

Time to travel mate ,get away from the comfort zone and bs . Whilst away you'll see life from a different outlook which in turn will give you the motivation required , don't say you cannot afford it just go and enjoy .Best of etc .

Some good advice in this thread so far, but travelling and taking yourself out of your comfort zone are two good ones.

I'm 45 and looking back on my life so far, my regrets are settling down too early with my first wife (married with a mortgage at 22) and committing to a fairly rigid career path at 21 which gave me little or no freedom to travel or expand my horizons.

If I had my time again, I would do a few years in the armed forces - probably the Royal Navy. If you're young and fit, it gives you some discipline and direction, and the opportunity to make some true friends for life. Your wage is basically mostly spending money because your living costs are covered by the job, so you could save up a reasonable amount in a short time. You would also get the chance to travel and be involved in some stuff that you would never get to do in civilian life.

Do a few years in the forces, save up, then spend a year or so travelling and spending your savings and just enjoying life and meeting people.

Part of my job these days is recruiting members of staff, and I would much rather employ someone with some life experience and maybe some service in the armed forces, than someone with an excellent degree but no life experience.

Despite how you feel, 24 is very young - in a few years you'll look back and wonder what you were worrying about!

[red_slr]

OP-Where are you based?

[AW111]

IF you are genuinely interested in programming, see if there's an open source project you are interested in. You have to be aware that some people will know loads more then you, and some can be dismissive, but you will learn a lot if you participate, even if it just from reading code and figuring out what it does.

It gives you something real to put on your CV, and you may make useful contacts as well as learning something.



ps I dropped out of uni twice and never returned : I'm 52 now, and getting by ok as a programmer / designer. I might even be rich if I was prepared to wear a suit and work in the city doing boring financial st all day.

[THX]

I think you should go to KFC. At 24, you'll be able to go to KFC loads and not worry about getting fat.

Go to KFC.

[MitchT]

F1GTRUeno said:

Anyone else hit that massive brick wall and had no idea what to do?

Yes.

F1GTRUeno said:

I learnt that I'm a massive waster who can't stick at anything, has crippling anxiety and self-confidence issues and literally doesn't know what to do next.

I'm the opposite. Too good at sticking at something far beyond the point where I should have given up and moved on.

F1GTRUeno said:

I'm 24

Good for you. I'm 40!

[TwigtheWonderkid]

F1GTRUeno said:

Obviously I'm not made of money and neither are my parents (not that I wanted to lend the money off them )

OP, it's borrow money off them, not lend! I hope this helps you.

But seriously, you're 24! When I was 24 my life was a sad and empty sham and I was trapped in a vicious vortex of despair. But here I am, nearly 30 yrs later and my life is .........exactly the same!

[Mr Whippy]

RedBull said:

In your position I would be tempted to look at what you could achieve within McDonalds. That might sound daft, but I have heard that quite a lot of people have gone on to have good careers within that company.

I know a few people who drifted into these jobs, found their 'thing' and then became managers over a time and are now doing well and perfectly happy with themselves.

There is nothing wrong with it if that is what happens... going with the flow is best if you want to end up happy imo!

Dave

[nottyash]

Car designer ;-)