Child Maintenance - when does it stop?
Discussion
Tell her that you will keep paying if he passes the GCSEs that he needs for college?
http://www.oxfordhomeschooling.co.uk/gcse-and-igcs...
Cant just say he's being home schooled and plans to go to college, they need to see exam passes to let him in for A-Levels, etc.
There is some 11+ and 13+ example exams on this page:
http://www.elevenplusexams.co.uk/advice/sample-11-...
Give him a test if you want to make certain its not working.
http://www.oxfordhomeschooling.co.uk/gcse-and-igcs...
Cant just say he's being home schooled and plans to go to college, they need to see exam passes to let him in for A-Levels, etc.
There is some 11+ and 13+ example exams on this page:
http://www.elevenplusexams.co.uk/advice/sample-11-...
Give him a test if you want to make certain its not working.
Ari said:
Du1point8 said:
they need to see exam passes to let him in for A-Levels, etc.
In theory they do. I know someone that simply lied about school exam results and was accepted into college. They never checked (or perhaps were just short on numbers).I would not be paying without some serious proof as word of the Ex would not come close to being valid.
its a nightmare because I would need to report her for benefit fraud and she would just lie and say that he is being home educated informally etc..
The claim against me by the Child maintenance service continues and they have the power to eventually get an attachment of earnings order (for miles more than I actually earn on average monthly as I get a yearly bonus, which can be up to half my yearly wage)
The claim against me by the Child maintenance service continues and they have the power to eventually get an attachment of earnings order (for miles more than I actually earn on average monthly as I get a yearly bonus, which can be up to half my yearly wage)
I think the pragmatic action is to start paying the mother again because if you don't the CMS will likely take it from you plus an additional 20% for their effort.
I thought CM was payable to the end of the academic year after age 16, and if the college course is deemed full time you would have to restart then anyway. Her actions are going to cost you money but there is bugger all you can do about it.
I thought CM was payable to the end of the academic year after age 16, and if the college course is deemed full time you would have to restart then anyway. Her actions are going to cost you money but there is bugger all you can do about it.
I think I will have to try and do a deal with her somehow..
Child Benefit is paid until the August after a child turns 16 I think (and CM is payable whilst CB is paid), but (and this is the big BUT) child benefit is only payable if a child is in full time education. Home schooling is fine but it has to be for 12 hours per week, and this is the grey area, that she try and argue he is being informally educated for 12 hours a week, including watching top gear or something like that or playing minecraft.
Child Benefit is paid until the August after a child turns 16 I think (and CM is payable whilst CB is paid), but (and this is the big BUT) child benefit is only payable if a child is in full time education. Home schooling is fine but it has to be for 12 hours per week, and this is the grey area, that she try and argue he is being informally educated for 12 hours a week, including watching top gear or something like that or playing minecraft.
Ari said:
You have my sympathies OP - it sounds like she has you over a barrel!
What is most staggering is that clearly a parent can simply opt out of having a child educated.
Just tick box 'home education' and job done. No need to actually bother educating...!
It's certainly not like that from my experience. I was a school governor for many years. West London area. We had no input on kids never arriving at our school, but we did have one child taken out for home schooling at the end of year 7. The L.E.A. were all over the parents like a rash, regular inspections, regular testing in a separate room back at the school, examination of learning materials etc.etc. What is most staggering is that clearly a parent can simply opt out of having a child educated.
Just tick box 'home education' and job done. No need to actually bother educating...!
I think they made mum's life hell and a year later she'd thrown in the towel and he was back in school.
SydneyBridge said:
What a nightmare
Isn't it? The government are only concerned about payments. Having been through all this I often tell guys that they're f
ked and just to deal with it. Its absolutely st of course but there's nothing you can do about it. I'm at Court in a day or two because my evil ex says she thinks I am earning more than I say (I'm not!). I have had to provide just about every financial record of everything to disprove her and she only only has to accuse me based on what she thinks without a shred of evidence (she lives 100 miles away). I've been in the top 5 or 10% of UK wage earners most of my life and she's worked p/t plus I lent her £41k for the mortgage when we split saving her £24,000+ And she's till not happy! Oh, and access rights?? Don't make me laugh, not worth the paper they're written on!
/sorry, rant over
Frimley111R said:
Isn't it? The government are only concerned about payments. Having been through all this I often tell guys that they're fked and just to deal with it. Its absolutely st of course but there's nothing you can do about it.
I'm at Court in a day or two because my evil ex says she thinks I am earning more than I say (I'm not!). I have had to provide just about every financial record of everything to disprove her and she only only has to accuse me based on what she thinks without a shred of evidence (she lives 100 miles away). I've been in the top 5 or 10% of UK wage earners most of my life and she's worked p/t plus I lent her £41k for the mortgage when we split saving her £24,000+ And she's till not happy! Oh, and access rights?? Don't make me laugh, not worth the paper they're written on!
/sorry, rant over
Without meaning to appear flippant, can I ask why you married a woman like this in the first place? Assuming she didn't undergo a complete personality change, which would be odd. ked and just to deal with it. Its absolutely st of course but there's nothing you can do about it. I'm at Court in a day or two because my evil ex says she thinks I am earning more than I say (I'm not!). I have had to provide just about every financial record of everything to disprove her and she only only has to accuse me based on what she thinks without a shred of evidence (she lives 100 miles away). I've been in the top 5 or 10% of UK wage earners most of my life and she's worked p/t plus I lent her £41k for the mortgage when we split saving her £24,000+ And she's till not happy! Oh, and access rights?? Don't make me laugh, not worth the paper they're written on!
/sorry, rant over
I read such dreadful stories of horrible women acting with such fury and vengeance and I really struggle to see why you would marry such a witch to start with.
I have a friend who is being put thru the ringer by his ex, but in his case, he turned her from a perfectly nice girl to a bitter and twisted woman thru his own womanising and all round appalling behaviour during their marriage.
Feel for you OP, you are over a barrel. That you have the cheek to even question the mother means she has gone and got CSA involved so you will be financially penalised even more. My hope is that your kid is now old enough to see you when he wants and won't be brainwashed by the mother.
Twig,
I have to agree with others, you clearly have no personal experience of this and do not not understand how painful it can be. Am I right in thinking in the marriage/divorce thread some time ago you came out with the comment 'You should have chosen better'? I'm glad your relationship has worked out but please consider others experiences before criticizing. The theory of being separated and having access to your kids is very different from the reality. There have been numerous cases of men so distraught in the thought of the abuse the kids get and knowing there is nothing that can be done that they take their own and their kids lives.
It's not an easy thing to solve despite the options that should be available.
Twig,
I have to agree with others, you clearly have no personal experience of this and do not not understand how painful it can be. Am I right in thinking in the marriage/divorce thread some time ago you came out with the comment 'You should have chosen better'? I'm glad your relationship has worked out but please consider others experiences before criticizing. The theory of being separated and having access to your kids is very different from the reality. There have been numerous cases of men so distraught in the thought of the abuse the kids get and knowing there is nothing that can be done that they take their own and their kids lives.
It's not an easy thing to solve despite the options that should be available.
Women scorned is what this comes down to a lot of the time.
When my ex & i split up we had a 'private agreement', it went something along the lines of:
'How much do you want'?
'I want X'
'Ok, no problem, if you need extra for uniforms etc. let me know'.
'If you need more, let me know'.
The agreement was to start with cash, as she would not agree to bank transfer, or cheque.
I wasn't happy with this & Paypal was settled on, weekly.
This all went fairly amicably for a while.
All was fine until i met someone else, contact stopped, court proceedings started & it took in excess of 12 months to get sorted, all my savings on solicitors.
Once court was found in my favour & contact re-initiated, back to more than it was before.
She then decided to contact the CSA to let them know that i had 'not paid anything since birth'.
They then phone me, go through everything & give me a calculation, apparently the calculaton is done from when she first contacts them, i had to pay a sum of money & then the increased amount.
The ironic thing was, had she just asked me for more money i would of given her more, but she tried to 'get at me' by going through them.
The next ironic thing is, that if i wanted to, i could get the payments reduced as i see our child more now (detailed in a court order & i pay into a pension fund), it would bring her payments down considerably, but i'm not that petty.
When my ex & i split up we had a 'private agreement', it went something along the lines of:
'How much do you want'?
'I want X'
'Ok, no problem, if you need extra for uniforms etc. let me know'.
'If you need more, let me know'.
The agreement was to start with cash, as she would not agree to bank transfer, or cheque.
I wasn't happy with this & Paypal was settled on, weekly.
This all went fairly amicably for a while.
All was fine until i met someone else, contact stopped, court proceedings started & it took in excess of 12 months to get sorted, all my savings on solicitors.
Once court was found in my favour & contact re-initiated, back to more than it was before.
She then decided to contact the CSA to let them know that i had 'not paid anything since birth'.
They then phone me, go through everything & give me a calculation, apparently the calculaton is done from when she first contacts them, i had to pay a sum of money & then the increased amount.
The ironic thing was, had she just asked me for more money i would of given her more, but she tried to 'get at me' by going through them.
The next ironic thing is, that if i wanted to, i could get the payments reduced as i see our child more now (detailed in a court order & i pay into a pension fund), it would bring her payments down considerably, but i'm not that petty.
Rick101 said:
There have been numerous cases of men so distraught in the thought of the abuse the kids get and knowing there is nothing that can be done that they take their own and their kids lives.
Unfortunately not in that order!I hope you're not trying to justify the actions of men (and some women) have killed their own kids before killing themselves.
Many of us are going to have some fun and games no doubt as the CSA winds down and 'live' cases closed.
I haven't heard a single thing from my ex for over 8 years. It will be interesting to see if she abandons the CM claim, contacts me to arrange direct payment, or tries to use the CMS.
I haven't heard a single thing from my ex for over 8 years. It will be interesting to see if she abandons the CM claim, contacts me to arrange direct payment, or tries to use the CMS.
Ok, constructive.
If you read the "describe your missus" thread, there's plenty of posts from people saying stuff along the lines of:
"not wife but girlfriend, beautiful, funny, volatile, insane, vicious temper but adorable. Hope to make my wife soon."
Sorry, but beautiful, funny and adorable do not balance out volatile, insane and vicious temper. Not in my world.
Beauty fades, but mental is forever.
If you read the "describe your missus" thread, there's plenty of posts from people saying stuff along the lines of:
"not wife but girlfriend, beautiful, funny, volatile, insane, vicious temper but adorable. Hope to make my wife soon."
Sorry, but beautiful, funny and adorable do not balance out volatile, insane and vicious temper. Not in my world.
Beauty fades, but mental is forever.
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