Stuff that's happened which changed your outlook on life.
Discussion
Amazing stories I really don't know how I would cope in such situations, I really think my mind would fracture.
On a lighter note, the beginning of a story.
My outlook on life changed when I met my other half. I was quite happy living the bachelor life and wasn't looking to change it. But now I'm not a "me" I'm an "us" and we have a future to enjoy together. I didnt know before but it feels like I was waiting for my life to start.
On a lighter note, the beginning of a story.
My outlook on life changed when I met my other half. I was quite happy living the bachelor life and wasn't looking to change it. But now I'm not a "me" I'm an "us" and we have a future to enjoy together. I didnt know before but it feels like I was waiting for my life to start.
I have much sympathy for all the awful things that people are posting in here, for all of you i really hope the future brings better luck.
For myself there are a couple of things that stick out recently, I wrote my Astra VXR off into a tree in February through driving like an idiot, nearly killed me and my passenger, left arm broken(Radius and Ulna, the full job) 5 broken ribs 2 facial fractures, and my passnger received much the same. This changed my view on driving like a tool and I learned and matured as a driver a lot.
The second thing is just pure chance, I was scrolling down Facebook(boo!) on these car groups I am part of and saw someone who was a similar age(around 20) as me, but had gone down the route I wish I had done and followed my passion (cars) and was now a graduate at Aston Martin working as an engineer. 2 months later and I am singing up to an engineering course(Didnt do A Levels, and am currently in a dead end office job) to get me into University where I will hopefully study Automotive Engineering and trading in my A3 soon to get something cheaper for when I start the course next september.
All happened this year, it hasnt half been a rollercoaster, but if the first thing didnt happen, I wouldnt even have been considering the second, it made me realise am I where I want to be and life is too short and can be taken away so easily, so just follow your dreams(deep).
For myself there are a couple of things that stick out recently, I wrote my Astra VXR off into a tree in February through driving like an idiot, nearly killed me and my passenger, left arm broken(Radius and Ulna, the full job) 5 broken ribs 2 facial fractures, and my passnger received much the same. This changed my view on driving like a tool and I learned and matured as a driver a lot.
The second thing is just pure chance, I was scrolling down Facebook(boo!) on these car groups I am part of and saw someone who was a similar age(around 20) as me, but had gone down the route I wish I had done and followed my passion (cars) and was now a graduate at Aston Martin working as an engineer. 2 months later and I am singing up to an engineering course(Didnt do A Levels, and am currently in a dead end office job) to get me into University where I will hopefully study Automotive Engineering and trading in my A3 soon to get something cheaper for when I start the course next september.
All happened this year, it hasnt half been a rollercoaster, but if the first thing didnt happen, I wouldnt even have been considering the second, it made me realise am I where I want to be and life is too short and can be taken away so easily, so just follow your dreams(deep).
Suddenly losing my wife after 36 years happy marriage.
You have to learn to live again, try to get some sense back into your life, you meet a few fruitcakes along the way but thinking you can't ever feel the same again. Even thought of topping myself on two occasions but realised that you just leave your family to face more grief. That is never the answer.
Learnt who my real friends are.
Learnt how to cope on my own ( she was always at home, house-keeping, laundry, garden and decorating, and I put my simply wedge on the table when I got home from work, so that took some getting used to.
Faced up to councelling and how to cope emotionally.
Have since learnt how to face each day without regret ( that means not having a lump in my throat and a tear in my eye when I talked about how it was )although now she remains a fond memory, and I don't screw myself up inside anymore.
After 5 years can now move forward, I have the freedom to do what I want, have discovered new friends, travelled further and done stuff I never thought I would, and at last life is good. Light really is at the end of the tunnel.
As an aside, returning from Le Mans last year, I met a fellow ronin from Canada who had had lost his son from a tumour, was clearly now single and after he put a gun in his mouth and coming back from the brink, he packed in work and cycled down both US coasts,through the Caribbean, southern Ireland and the UK, was now heading down the west coast of France and then heading for the eastern Mediterranean. Following a simple lifestyle on $17Kpa. His advice - man up, seize every opportunity and experience, you will never meet another to match her, realise that if you hitch with another lady, you will never be able to have the same investment of time so stop searching that hard for nirvana.
My current saying is 'Stop chasing butterflies cos you won't catch one, but when you are not looking, one might just land on your shoulder'. I've stopped chasing and think things seem to be working out.
Stay Cool...
You have to learn to live again, try to get some sense back into your life, you meet a few fruitcakes along the way but thinking you can't ever feel the same again. Even thought of topping myself on two occasions but realised that you just leave your family to face more grief. That is never the answer.
Learnt who my real friends are.
Learnt how to cope on my own ( she was always at home, house-keeping, laundry, garden and decorating, and I put my simply wedge on the table when I got home from work, so that took some getting used to.
Faced up to councelling and how to cope emotionally.
Have since learnt how to face each day without regret ( that means not having a lump in my throat and a tear in my eye when I talked about how it was )although now she remains a fond memory, and I don't screw myself up inside anymore.
After 5 years can now move forward, I have the freedom to do what I want, have discovered new friends, travelled further and done stuff I never thought I would, and at last life is good. Light really is at the end of the tunnel.
As an aside, returning from Le Mans last year, I met a fellow ronin from Canada who had had lost his son from a tumour, was clearly now single and after he put a gun in his mouth and coming back from the brink, he packed in work and cycled down both US coasts,through the Caribbean, southern Ireland and the UK, was now heading down the west coast of France and then heading for the eastern Mediterranean. Following a simple lifestyle on $17Kpa. His advice - man up, seize every opportunity and experience, you will never meet another to match her, realise that if you hitch with another lady, you will never be able to have the same investment of time so stop searching that hard for nirvana.
My current saying is 'Stop chasing butterflies cos you won't catch one, but when you are not looking, one might just land on your shoulder'. I've stopped chasing and think things seem to be working out.
Stay Cool...
Two things -
Watching my dad die of a heart attack when I was 4. I don't think this changed my outlook as at 4 years old you don't have one, but it made me grow up with a distrust of life in general, thinking I'd lose anyone I loved. I can remember it like it was yesterday
Thankfully I've moved on from this and love my wife and kids dearly.
Second thing was losing my best mate to cancer, I was 30 he was 36. It made me realise my age, and that every second of life is precious, so enjoy it, and do what makes you happy.
Watching my dad die of a heart attack when I was 4. I don't think this changed my outlook as at 4 years old you don't have one, but it made me grow up with a distrust of life in general, thinking I'd lose anyone I loved. I can remember it like it was yesterday
Thankfully I've moved on from this and love my wife and kids dearly. Second thing was losing my best mate to cancer, I was 30 he was 36. It made me realise my age, and that every second of life is precious, so enjoy it, and do what makes you happy.
Adenauer said:
pincher said:
My wife dying about 40 years too early
Oh Jesus, that's awful. I'm not opening this thread ever again.
Im only recently married (3 years nearly) and I literally dont know what I would do if that happened. Ive had a few 'oh my god' moments day dreaming if it could happen in a 'before her time' sort of way and it makes me feel nauseous. Im pretty sure it totally destroy me.
My thoughts are with everyone in this thread.
In the last couple of years I've seen 15 years or so of retirement savings go down the drain (£150K of RBS shares), been made redundant, my mother diagnosed with terminal cancer and the very next day my wife wrongfully dismissed from her job of 20 years (linked to the same issue as above). My mother died in my arms a couple of months later, I was temping and my wife was unemployed. All of a sudden the world you live in seems a very cruel and unforgiving place, and it is. Life takes no prisoners.
Things are turning around slowly, I've now been in full time employment for 2 years. I believe I got the job I did which I'm not really qualified to do because I went into the interview knowing I literally had nothing to lose, when I walked out of the interview I looked up to the sky and thanked my mother as I knew it went well which was thanks to her and the strength her death gave me. My wife has now been taken on full time too and we took an out of court settlement from the bank that dismissed her.
What I've learnt from this is to appreciate the small things, make time for your friends and family and look after those that deserve it. Never put all of your eggs in one basket. At least once a day take 10 minutes time away from everything and just sit and contemplate the things that really matter whilst doing nothing more than sitting and breathing.
I read a book through this period that helped me too, its called The Way of the Peaceful Warrior, by Dan Millman and I'd recommend it highly to anyone going through a tough time.
Things are turning around slowly, I've now been in full time employment for 2 years. I believe I got the job I did which I'm not really qualified to do because I went into the interview knowing I literally had nothing to lose, when I walked out of the interview I looked up to the sky and thanked my mother as I knew it went well which was thanks to her and the strength her death gave me. My wife has now been taken on full time too and we took an out of court settlement from the bank that dismissed her.
What I've learnt from this is to appreciate the small things, make time for your friends and family and look after those that deserve it. Never put all of your eggs in one basket. At least once a day take 10 minutes time away from everything and just sit and contemplate the things that really matter whilst doing nothing more than sitting and breathing.
I read a book through this period that helped me too, its called The Way of the Peaceful Warrior, by Dan Millman and I'd recommend it highly to anyone going through a tough time.
Edited by RowntreesCabana on Wednesday 19th November 16:21
vescaegg said:
Adenauer said:
pincher said:
My wife dying about 40 years too early
Oh Jesus, that's awful. I'm not opening this thread ever again.
Im only recently married (3 years nearly) and I literally dont know what I would do if that happened. Ive had a few 'oh my god' moments day dreaming if it could happen in a 'before her time' sort of way and it makes me feel nauseous. Im pretty sure it totally destroy me.
My thoughts are with everyone in this thread.
Mine died 40 years too early to. We had 22 together. It feels like five minutes.
My outlook on life is still the same. I promised to grow old disgracefully. I still intend to. I promised to laugh, to be child like at times, to love, to be kind and compassionate and to not be angry with cancer and all it did. I am, for the most, still winning that challenge, though cancer pretty much had the head start and three lengths on me the first couple of years.
You know, you can't dwell on what might be and what could be. That way if madness. We none of us know how we would react or what we would do in any given situation so why fret over it. I told my lass every day I loved her. Every day she told me likewise. Have no regrets, have no uncertainty in your love and just be.
Life, it's short and precious and no matter what it presents us with, we can choose how we react, how we respond and how we move forwards. This dance of life... the tune may change, but it's for us to dance no matter what, no matter how badly we do so. Even when the tears stream and we ache inside, we owe it to ourselves to not stop.
Realising that both of my Sons are Autistic. I've had some very important people in my life pass away, some in very sad circumstances, but I have managed to come to terms with that and it didnt really change my outlook.
Having 2 very challenging children that require all of my attention all of the time and also having to deal with ' the establishment' about their care and education has totally changed me. I used to get angry quite easily and get annoyed at things, now I have had to learn infinite patience and calm which has permeated into every aspect of my daily life. I am a very different person now.
Having 2 very challenging children that require all of my attention all of the time and also having to deal with ' the establishment' about their care and education has totally changed me. I used to get angry quite easily and get annoyed at things, now I have had to learn infinite patience and calm which has permeated into every aspect of my daily life. I am a very different person now.
After some time, I discovered that an acquaintance is an alcoholic. I had no idea beforehand. He has been getting money from everywhere and leaving a trail of devastation behind him in the form of disenchanted friends and broken promises.
No amount of help and advice seems to do any good, he is in complete denial.
The thing that has upset me most is the effect on my way of thinking. I consider myself a tolerant and forgiving sort, but his deceit has made me very angry and my attitude is a very negative one.
His poor wife is in bits, the effect on his kids is catastrophic and he just does no care. My attitude is to let him kill himself and help his family. I am not happy with the way I think about it, but there it is.
No amount of help and advice seems to do any good, he is in complete denial.
The thing that has upset me most is the effect on my way of thinking. I consider myself a tolerant and forgiving sort, but his deceit has made me very angry and my attitude is a very negative one.
His poor wife is in bits, the effect on his kids is catastrophic and he just does no care. My attitude is to let him kill himself and help his family. I am not happy with the way I think about it, but there it is.
"Stuff that's happened which changed your outlook on life."
Well, I think reading this thread has cemented my appreciation of the fact that, when speaking to/interacting with people, you really have no clue of what may be going on in their world and it might be sensible to give them the benefit of the doubt and to not judge them too harshly.
Hope you're doing OK.
Well, I think reading this thread has cemented my appreciation of the fact that, when speaking to/interacting with people, you really have no clue of what may be going on in their world and it might be sensible to give them the benefit of the doubt and to not judge them too harshly.
nekrum said:
Becoming a father to twins, grieving for one who died, battling the NHS for the truth, realisation it happens more often than you think, trying to do something about it ( www.17dads.org).. finding a new normal..
It happened to a friend of mine. That must be the most bittersweet experience ever; The elation of the birth of a child but, at the same time, unimaginable grief and loss. Hope you're doing OK.
Becoming a dad 11 weeks ago changed my perspective on things. When your child is born, you have real responsibility.
The birth process was harrowing, yet not as bad as some mentioned in this thread by a long way. When they took our little girl out of her mummy, she cried a bit then gargled. Her lungs were still sticky and she needed help right away. Mummy and baby were ill afterwards too.
The funny thing is, it hits me harder now when I think about it than when it happened at the end of August. Even though she was my little girl at that time, I didn't know her like I do now. Everything was so mad that it didn't really hit me until quite recently.
Brings a tear to my eye now when I think about it.
Fortunately for us, she seems ok now. I know my example isn't a patch on what has been mentioned by others on here, but it's something that changed me.
The birth process was harrowing, yet not as bad as some mentioned in this thread by a long way. When they took our little girl out of her mummy, she cried a bit then gargled. Her lungs were still sticky and she needed help right away. Mummy and baby were ill afterwards too.
The funny thing is, it hits me harder now when I think about it than when it happened at the end of August. Even though she was my little girl at that time, I didn't know her like I do now. Everything was so mad that it didn't really hit me until quite recently.
Brings a tear to my eye now when I think about it.
Fortunately for us, she seems ok now. I know my example isn't a patch on what has been mentioned by others on here, but it's something that changed me.
t completely minor.Changed my outlook on life?
Hmmm…
My father took his own life when I was 13.
Close family friend (almost an uncle) went 7 months later- cancer
Grandma and Granddad (dad’s parents) went within 3 months of each other 7 months after that, both still in severe emotional shock of my dad.
At 20, 3 of my mates died in 14 months with motor cycle crashes. All 3 were by drink drivers.
Being made redundant 3 times in 5 years (21-26), was a bummer too. Welcome to engineering, and it made me realise that long term I was not to work in Lancashire again. And I haven’t.
A good friend lost his brother to cancer at just 34 - another good friend lost his brother to a stroke at 47.
It’s all made me realise that life can be short, life can be cruel, don’t put off too much enjoyable stuff until tomorrow, if you can do it today (within reason) that’s a hard one to get right. If anyone has any logic to help with the decisions on this - I’m all ears….
Hmmm…
My father took his own life when I was 13.
Close family friend (almost an uncle) went 7 months later- cancer
Grandma and Granddad (dad’s parents) went within 3 months of each other 7 months after that, both still in severe emotional shock of my dad.
At 20, 3 of my mates died in 14 months with motor cycle crashes. All 3 were by drink drivers.
Being made redundant 3 times in 5 years (21-26), was a bummer too. Welcome to engineering, and it made me realise that long term I was not to work in Lancashire again. And I haven’t.
A good friend lost his brother to cancer at just 34 - another good friend lost his brother to a stroke at 47.
It’s all made me realise that life can be short, life can be cruel, don’t put off too much enjoyable stuff until tomorrow, if you can do it today (within reason) that’s a hard one to get right. If anyone has any logic to help with the decisions on this - I’m all ears….
speedyguy said:
It also makes life interesting for when people who don't know the score wonder why you make some random (to them) decisions 
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