Stuff that's happened which changed your outlook on life.
Discussion
HD Adam, why do these things happen? So unfair.
Liam, I lost my mum at that age, it definitely changed my life path. I'm the converse though, I settled down quite young, have a family and career, own house, the usual really! I do like to travel though, yes need to see the world while I can.
Liam, I lost my mum at that age, it definitely changed my life path. I'm the converse though, I settled down quite young, have a family and career, own house, the usual really! I do like to travel though, yes need to see the world while I can.
Living on a steep hill at the epicentre of the Christchurch major earthquake and during the 4000 aftershocks over the next 2 years.
40 second clip of Lyttelton 2 minutes after the quake with my ex-wife's little Peugeot van driving past the deli as its wall collapses:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1No75PM5xE
40 second clip of Lyttelton 2 minutes after the quake with my ex-wife's little Peugeot van driving past the deli as its wall collapses:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1No75PM5xE
Adenauer said:
Oh Jesus, that's awful. 
I'm not opening this thread ever again.
This. I'm crying & it gets worse the further I read.I'm not opening this thread ever again.
Going to leave a positive note though. Our Wedding Day
We honestly hadn't thought it would change us, we were already blissfully happy (despite the loss of our baby (miscarriage), the loss of my Mum & both Fathers having Alzheimer's). We'd discussed it & didn't know how it could change.
But it has, we both feel whole/complete; we hadn't realised there was anything missing.
Edited by ali_kat on Thursday 20th November 08:25
anonymous said:
[redacted]
I think if my mum was around id be in your shoes, settled, family, good education and my own house - no doubt with her financial help. Certainly not a bad situation to be in and I wish you all the best 
Instead I had to forge my own path and learn by myself, and when that happens you make mistakes along the way, I've made plenty!! I may grow up one day, for now I'll keep on ticking things off the bucket list
doogle83 said:
I've been stressing this to anyone who'll listen recently! We lost our twins 5 weeks ago and my entire world is still upside down but family and friends are playing such an important part of working towards that new normal.
Hi Doogle - I'm so sorry to read that. Feel free to PM me if you want a chat with someone who can relate to what you and your family are going through..Nice But Dim said:
Deep respect for you Sir........... We lost our first son 14 years ago and at the time there was little or no support for dads.
Thanks Nice But Dim - the events of the last year have undoubtably changed my outlook on life in so many different ways. I have only just begun to understand the way it affects me everyday. 17dads is a reflection of this and if in some small way, if the death of my son through me can do some good in this world, then his short life was not wasted..Edited by nekrum on Friday 21st November 12:16
nekrum said:
Becoming a father to twins, grieving for one who died, battling the NHS for the truth, realisation it happens more often than you think, trying to do something about it ( www.17dads.org).. finding a new normal..
Signed up for the newsletter, and thinking about ways to increase awareness. Great cause!
In October a bungalow across the road caught fire early one Sunday morning. Elderly lady, practically bedbound, whose family we are friends with. The dog went ballistic for some reason and woke me up. I managed to get into the house by smashing the front door in, but couldn't get to her because the hallway was full of flames. Fire brigade turned up within two minutes and went straight in, found her unconscious in the lounge. I helped drag her out and we got hold of her family quickly. She lived for four days in hospital before it got the better of her. At the funeral her family thanked me and the other neighbours personally for what we did. Every time I open my front door, I see the burnt out house. Haunts me still, but I have found a new respect for fire. Our house is as fire-proof now as it could possibly be, bar escape ladders (three storey house). As a police officer, I have seen some horrendous sights, but this was too close to home and too close for comfort. Completely changed how I value fire-safety and also family.
The beauty of this thread which sadly most members will miss is the fact not one person will mention anything material.
The one thing we all share billionaire or beggar, we all want to love and be loved.
When you lose someone who you loved/ loved you, a small peace of you dies, but from that good things can and do grow.
I was lucky life gave me a second chance and I am as happy now as I have ever been.
It made me a better person and a more caring person ( although I do come across as a bit of a prat on here sometimes )
I will always have empathy with all who have posted on this thread and know they will have with me too.
Life really is a b
h sometimes but it does continue and 99% of the time it gets back to normal or even better.
So as much as these posts make us shed a tear they also make us appreciate what we have and who we love.
The one thing we all share billionaire or beggar, we all want to love and be loved.
When you lose someone who you loved/ loved you, a small peace of you dies, but from that good things can and do grow.
I was lucky life gave me a second chance and I am as happy now as I have ever been.
It made me a better person and a more caring person ( although I do come across as a bit of a prat on here sometimes )
I will always have empathy with all who have posted on this thread and know they will have with me too.
Life really is a b
h sometimes but it does continue and 99% of the time it gets back to normal or even better.So as much as these posts make us shed a tear they also make us appreciate what we have and who we love.
LiamM45 said:
I think if my mum was around id be in your shoes, settled, family, good education and my own house - no doubt with her financial help. Certainly not a bad situation to be in and I wish you all the best
Instead I had to forge my own path and learn by myself, and when that happens you make mistakes along the way, I've made plenty!! I may grow up one day, for now I'll keep on ticking things off the bucket list
Well the way I try to think about it is that they brought us into the world, they nurtured us when we were most in need, they did well for us while they were here. From thereon every good thing that happens to us is as a result of their passing, because this changed our life path and allowed these things to happen. Don't get me wrong, life has not been a bed of roses for me at all either and I really wish she was still here but now I've made it this far it's all up to me. Starting my own family in some ways closed that chapter in my life, now instead of looking back at what I've lost i look forward to what I have to come. I think it's made me self reliant, it sounds like you are too?Instead I had to forge my own path and learn by myself, and when that happens you make mistakes along the way, I've made plenty!! I may grow up one day, for now I'll keep on ticking things off the bucket list
nekrum said:
Becoming a father to twins, grieving for one who died, battling the NHS for the truth, realisation it happens more often than you think, trying to do something about it ( www.17dads.org).. finding a new normal..
Sorry to hear that, I lost one of my twins to TTFS. I fought the NHS when I suspected something was wrong and was repeatedly told I was wrong.When the worst happened they said 'no one could have predicted it'. My surviving son is still paying the price 6 years on.
Somewhere in a sandy country i once saw two men executed. Innocent people? I don't think so, and clearly neither did the guy who shot them at point blank range.
He then walked back to his collegues looking pretty bored and had a cigarette. It occured to me this probably wasn't the first time this had happened, and that was why he was so unfazed. Death isn't rare there, it is every day for them, something i think most people living in the western world just couldn't comprehend.
As a country a lot of our problems are very trivial and we have no idea how much.
He then walked back to his collegues looking pretty bored and had a cigarette. It occured to me this probably wasn't the first time this had happened, and that was why he was so unfazed. Death isn't rare there, it is every day for them, something i think most people living in the western world just couldn't comprehend.
As a country a lot of our problems are very trivial and we have no idea how much.
In the last 2 years quite a lot has happened to me and my family
My father losing his 2yrs10months old daughter for no known cause, my grandfather getting prostate cancer, my uncle having a stroke but only because of a genetic vascular anomaly and, despite the odds, surviving. A colleague at work losing his brother totally unexpected at 32 years old, they still don't know why he died. A close friend of mine... His parter lost over 4 litres of blood and very nearly died when miscarrying a child, my step father had another serious heart attack and needed yet another sent put in and then, to cap it all off... 3 weeks ago I get diagnosed with a brain tumour in an extremely rare location for which I'm currently waiting on surgery following my 3rd and (hopefully final) scan Thursday.
What have I learned? The human body can be extremely resilient, but life's too fking short so just enjoy yourself, cherish your loved ones, and never forget how lucky we are to have friends and family so dear to us.
My father losing his 2yrs10months old daughter for no known cause, my grandfather getting prostate cancer, my uncle having a stroke but only because of a genetic vascular anomaly and, despite the odds, surviving. A colleague at work losing his brother totally unexpected at 32 years old, they still don't know why he died. A close friend of mine... His parter lost over 4 litres of blood and very nearly died when miscarrying a child, my step father had another serious heart attack and needed yet another sent put in and then, to cap it all off... 3 weeks ago I get diagnosed with a brain tumour in an extremely rare location for which I'm currently waiting on surgery following my 3rd and (hopefully final) scan Thursday.
What have I learned? The human body can be extremely resilient, but life's too f
king short so just enjoy yourself, cherish your loved ones, and never forget how lucky we are to have friends and family so dear to us. E65Ross said:
In the last 2 years quite a lot has happened to me and my family
My father losing his 2yrs10months old daughter for no known cause, my grandfather getting prostate cancer, my uncle having a stroke but only because of a genetic vascular anomaly and, despite the odds, surviving. A colleague at work losing his brother totally unexpected at 32 years old, they still don't know why he died. A close friend of mine... His parter lost over 4 litres of blood and very nearly died when miscarrying a child, my step father had another serious heart attack and needed yet another sent put in and then, to cap it all off... 3 weeks ago I get diagnosed with a brain tumour in an extremely rare location for which I'm currently waiting on surgery following my 3rd and (hopefully final) scan Thursday.
What have I learned? The human body can be extremely resilient, but life's too fking short so just enjoy yourself, cherish your loved ones, and never forget how lucky we are to have friends and family so dear to us.
fMy father losing his 2yrs10months old daughter for no known cause, my grandfather getting prostate cancer, my uncle having a stroke but only because of a genetic vascular anomaly and, despite the odds, surviving. A colleague at work losing his brother totally unexpected at 32 years old, they still don't know why he died. A close friend of mine... His parter lost over 4 litres of blood and very nearly died when miscarrying a child, my step father had another serious heart attack and needed yet another sent put in and then, to cap it all off... 3 weeks ago I get diagnosed with a brain tumour in an extremely rare location for which I'm currently waiting on surgery following my 3rd and (hopefully final) scan Thursday.
What have I learned? The human body can be extremely resilient, but life's too f
king short so just enjoy yourself, cherish your loved ones, and never forget how lucky we are to have friends and family so dear to us. k me if you didn't have bad luck you would not have any luck at all Just wanted to wish you all the best for the future mateA very very good friend of mine - In fact he was my best mate, we had served and worked together for years and had been in some bad situations together, cue normal married life for Pete, he met and married a gorgeous girl (I was proud to be his best man) and they had a lovely baby boy.
We stayed best mates, I was always round the flat and was god parent to young Jake. Pete doted on Jake, he could be a big rough tough guy at work but when it came to his son he was a big softie.
Pete took Clare and Jake to visit his parents one weekend, driving home they were involved in an accident. Pete was badly hurt, Clare and Jake were both killed.
Without going into the finer details Pete blamed himself, he was tired, should have stopped for a break, if head stopped for a break......................
I was the one Pete turned to, he was a broken man. I helped with funeral arrangements, stood with him as he buried his wife and son - one of the worst days of my life
Pete wished he had died with them, then he wouldnt feel so guilty, lonely etc
I was always there for him as a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to - sometimes not in person, if work took me away he knew he could call me at anytime, I would always answer even if it was to say I can't talk right now, I will call you back ASAP.
As time moved on, round came his wedding anniversary (I knew it was coming and made sure I was around for him) he hit the bottle quite hard for a while and I would get drunken phone calls, and I would always drop what I was doing and go sort him out.
I got to know his neighbours, as they would see me quite a lot taking him food etc when he was on a bad week. I took the girl from upstairs out for dinner and drinks and spent a bit of time with her. Sadly this clouded my judgement, Pete was on a downward spiral he constantly blamed himself for what happened, I tried my best to get him to go for councilling but he refused point blank.
I took his neighbour out one night, and Pete called me, for once I didn't answer, I was sidetracked, Pete tried calling me again later that evening and again I didnt answer, as the lady concerned looked at me and said leave it when my phone rang. I missed a third call from Pete that evening (I never heard the phone ring the third time)
Pete ended his life that evening, and I was no more than 40 feet away from him and I didn't pick up the phone I listened to his voice mail the next morning.......................
I could never admit to his parents that I ignored the phone
I've never ignored my phone since, it goes everywhere with me - toilet, on a shelf in the shower..........
We stayed best mates, I was always round the flat and was god parent to young Jake. Pete doted on Jake, he could be a big rough tough guy at work but when it came to his son he was a big softie.
Pete took Clare and Jake to visit his parents one weekend, driving home they were involved in an accident. Pete was badly hurt, Clare and Jake were both killed.
Without going into the finer details Pete blamed himself, he was tired, should have stopped for a break, if head stopped for a break......................
I was the one Pete turned to, he was a broken man. I helped with funeral arrangements, stood with him as he buried his wife and son - one of the worst days of my life
Pete wished he had died with them, then he wouldnt feel so guilty, lonely etc
I was always there for him as a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to - sometimes not in person, if work took me away he knew he could call me at anytime, I would always answer even if it was to say I can't talk right now, I will call you back ASAP.
As time moved on, round came his wedding anniversary (I knew it was coming and made sure I was around for him) he hit the bottle quite hard for a while and I would get drunken phone calls, and I would always drop what I was doing and go sort him out.
I got to know his neighbours, as they would see me quite a lot taking him food etc when he was on a bad week. I took the girl from upstairs out for dinner and drinks and spent a bit of time with her. Sadly this clouded my judgement, Pete was on a downward spiral he constantly blamed himself for what happened, I tried my best to get him to go for councilling but he refused point blank.
I took his neighbour out one night, and Pete called me, for once I didn't answer, I was sidetracked, Pete tried calling me again later that evening and again I didnt answer, as the lady concerned looked at me and said leave it when my phone rang. I missed a third call from Pete that evening (I never heard the phone ring the third time)
Pete ended his life that evening, and I was no more than 40 feet away from him and I didn't pick up the phone I listened to his voice mail the next morning.......................
I could never admit to his parents that I ignored the phone
I've never ignored my phone since, it goes everywhere with me - toilet, on a shelf in the shower..........
Pagey said:
A very very good friend of mine - In fact he was my best mate, we had served and worked together for years and had been in some bad situations together, cue normal married life for Pete, he met and married a gorgeous girl (I was proud to be his best man) and they had a lovely baby boy.
We stayed best mates, I was always round the flat and was god parent to young Jake. Pete doted on Jake, he could be a big rough tough guy at work but when it came to his son he was a big softie.
Pete took Clare and Jake to visit his parents one weekend, driving home they were involved in an accident. Pete was badly hurt, Clare and Jake were both killed.
Without going into the finer details Pete blamed himself, he was tired, should have stopped for a break, if head stopped for a break......................
I was the one Pete turned to, he was a broken man. I helped with funeral arrangements, stood with him as he buried his wife and son - one of the worst days of my life
Pete wished he had died with them, then he wouldnt feel so guilty, lonely etc
I was always there for him as a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to - sometimes not in person, if work took me away he knew he could call me at anytime, I would always answer even if it was to say I can't talk right now, I will call you back ASAP.
As time moved on, round came his wedding anniversary (I knew it was coming and made sure I was around for him) he hit the bottle quite hard for a while and I would get drunken phone calls, and I would always drop what I was doing and go sort him out.
I got to know his neighbours, as they would see me quite a lot taking him food etc when he was on a bad week. I took the girl from upstairs out for dinner and drinks and spent a bit of time with her. Sadly this clouded my judgement, Pete was on a downward spiral he constantly blamed himself for what happened, I tried my best to get him to go for councilling but he refused point blank.
I took his neighbour out one night, and Pete called me, for once I didn't answer, I was sidetracked, Pete tried calling me again later that evening and again I didnt answer, as the lady concerned looked at me and said leave it when my phone rang. I missed a third call from Pete that evening (I never heard the phone ring the third time)
Pete ended his life that evening, and I was no more than 40 feet away from him and I didn't pick up the phone I listened to his voice mail the next morning.......................
I could never admit to his parents that I ignored the phone
I've never ignored my phone since, it goes everywhere with me - toilet, on a shelf in the shower..........
We stayed best mates, I was always round the flat and was god parent to young Jake. Pete doted on Jake, he could be a big rough tough guy at work but when it came to his son he was a big softie.
Pete took Clare and Jake to visit his parents one weekend, driving home they were involved in an accident. Pete was badly hurt, Clare and Jake were both killed.
Without going into the finer details Pete blamed himself, he was tired, should have stopped for a break, if head stopped for a break......................
I was the one Pete turned to, he was a broken man. I helped with funeral arrangements, stood with him as he buried his wife and son - one of the worst days of my life
Pete wished he had died with them, then he wouldnt feel so guilty, lonely etc
I was always there for him as a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to - sometimes not in person, if work took me away he knew he could call me at anytime, I would always answer even if it was to say I can't talk right now, I will call you back ASAP.
As time moved on, round came his wedding anniversary (I knew it was coming and made sure I was around for him) he hit the bottle quite hard for a while and I would get drunken phone calls, and I would always drop what I was doing and go sort him out.
I got to know his neighbours, as they would see me quite a lot taking him food etc when he was on a bad week. I took the girl from upstairs out for dinner and drinks and spent a bit of time with her. Sadly this clouded my judgement, Pete was on a downward spiral he constantly blamed himself for what happened, I tried my best to get him to go for councilling but he refused point blank.
I took his neighbour out one night, and Pete called me, for once I didn't answer, I was sidetracked, Pete tried calling me again later that evening and again I didnt answer, as the lady concerned looked at me and said leave it when my phone rang. I missed a third call from Pete that evening (I never heard the phone ring the third time)
Pete ended his life that evening, and I was no more than 40 feet away from him and I didn't pick up the phone I listened to his voice mail the next morning.......................
I could never admit to his parents that I ignored the phone
I've never ignored my phone since, it goes everywhere with me - toilet, on a shelf in the shower..........
This reminds me of the other thread.
For me there are a few.
Coach crash during the first year at secondary school, teacher and pupil killed and a handful badly injured.
Father being diagnosed with dementia, sectioned and dead with 4 years at the age of 69.
Our second child being still born at 26 weeks.
Somebody I inducted on their first day on a construction site getting killed on another section 2-3 years later whilst also working on T5.
Being the first to stop at a RTA, calling 999 and requesting an ambulance and fire only to get to the cars and realise both drivers were dead.
All have changed my perspective on life.
For me there are a few.
Coach crash during the first year at secondary school, teacher and pupil killed and a handful badly injured.
Father being diagnosed with dementia, sectioned and dead with 4 years at the age of 69.
Our second child being still born at 26 weeks.
Somebody I inducted on their first day on a construction site getting killed on another section 2-3 years later whilst also working on T5.
Being the first to stop at a RTA, calling 999 and requesting an ambulance and fire only to get to the cars and realise both drivers were dead.
All have changed my perspective on life.
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