Stuff that's happened which changed your outlook on life.
Discussion
My wife almost dying in childbirth.
Changed pretty much everything.
Friends - you find out who really cares about you. Also you learnt to be more tolerant of those who just don't get it.
Family - Made some things more difficult, in particular with my wife mother who obviously really struggled with it all and affected her relationship with my son.
Finance - Probably cost us about £30k in the 4 1/2 years since in treatment, travel, leave from work and other indirect costs
Relationship - My wife developed PTSD and basically I'm not married to the same person any more. Don't get me wrong, we still love each other, but she is different.
You do learn to be less worried about the small things, grateful for what you have and treasure the moment more, just as people say after near death experience.
What they don't seem to talk about is the bad things from the experience too...
Changed pretty much everything.
Friends - you find out who really cares about you. Also you learnt to be more tolerant of those who just don't get it.
Family - Made some things more difficult, in particular with my wife mother who obviously really struggled with it all and affected her relationship with my son.
Finance - Probably cost us about £30k in the 4 1/2 years since in treatment, travel, leave from work and other indirect costs
Relationship - My wife developed PTSD and basically I'm not married to the same person any more. Don't get me wrong, we still love each other, but she is different.
You do learn to be less worried about the small things, grateful for what you have and treasure the moment more, just as people say after near death experience.
What they don't seem to talk about is the bad things from the experience too...
Becoming a father to twins, grieving for one who died, battling the NHS for the truth, realisation it happens more often than you think, trying to do something about it ( www.17dads.org).. finding a new normal..
For me it would have to be having children, I think it is a pretty obvious answer but so true. (nekrum - I feel for you, I have been through this indirectly with a niece who only lived a week and it was horrific, so I have seen the impact it has and been affected - attending the funeral was the single most horrifying even in my life)
I realise that "stuff" is nice but doesn't really matter. My children don't care if they are wearing designer labels (yet) they care that there Daddy is there everyday and loves them.
I have become less materialistic and most concerned with providing a great environment for my wife and children to grow up in.
I realise that "stuff" is nice but doesn't really matter. My children don't care if they are wearing designer labels (yet) they care that there Daddy is there everyday and loves them.
I have become less materialistic and most concerned with providing a great environment for my wife and children to grow up in.
Adenauer said:
kapiteinlangzaam said:
Our daughter being born prematurely and dying.
It kind of ruins you.
It kind of ruins you.
Its the lowest I have ever been but I am a much calmer and more reasonable person now. When things go wrong I used to shout and get all excited but now I realise nothing really matters at all and we are only here a brief time so its best to try and be nice and enjoy it.
In what way did any of these events change you though ?
As I said, I now walk around with a fatalist outlook, nothing matters so its not worth getting upset about it.
My two surviving children are very important and I live to make sure they will be decent, well brought up and happy. At least if they have good childhood life has more to chip away over the years they will spend as adults.
I guess I am trying to insulate them from the Born-live-die certainty we all manage to ignore every day.
As I said, I now walk around with a fatalist outlook, nothing matters so its not worth getting upset about it.
My two surviving children are very important and I live to make sure they will be decent, well brought up and happy. At least if they have good childhood life has more to chip away over the years they will spend as adults.
I guess I am trying to insulate them from the Born-live-die certainty we all manage to ignore every day.
I had to give CPR to a 17 year old girl, who had been a passenger in a RTA that I had come across one night after work in the early hours. Roughly 6 years ago now when I was give or take about 20 years old. She was in a bad way and stopped breathing, and unfortunately didn't make it. Very sobering experience that I've spoke about on here before, and definitely changed my perspective on life. There's rarely a week goes by that it doesn't cross my mind still, and I still have the occasional teary breakdown to myself. Really opened my eyes to how precious life can be.
kapiteinlangzaam said:
Our daughter being born prematurely and dying.
It kind of ruins you.
Wow. Every now and they you read something on here that stops you in your tracks. We nearly lost our daughter when she was born. I don't know if could have coped with her dying, and I'm not the most emotional of people.It kind of ruins you.
I hope you do get over it in time
Watching my young son have CPR is hospital for 15 mins before being brought back to life (happened on 2 occasions over a 3 day period)
Reset my internal "stress O'meter", work can't even get it to move now I realise what is important.
Obviously wasn't nice at the time (or since) but has made me a much better person
Reset my internal "stress O'meter", work can't even get it to move now I realise what is important.
Obviously wasn't nice at the time (or since) but has made me a much better person
Being told the wife is terminally Ill in her mid 40's.
The longer she goes the older the kids get so hopefully it will be easier as the youngest is nearly out of Primary school which is a bonus.
So now i don't really give a fook there's more important things to life than a poxy job as long as you can get by.
I'm probably a lot more short fused and cannot be doing with d
heads making inane comments.
It also makes life interesting for when people who don't know the score wonder why you make some random (to them) decisions
The longer she goes the older the kids get so hopefully it will be easier as the youngest is nearly out of Primary school which is a bonus.
So now i don't really give a fook there's more important things to life than a poxy job as long as you can get by.
I'm probably a lot more short fused and cannot be doing with d
heads making inane comments. It also makes life interesting for when people who don't know the score wonder why you make some random (to them) decisions
kapiteinlangzaam said:
For me, the whole thing was a weird experience - it was the first time in 30yrs that I had experienced any sort of real grief, so learning to process those feelings was eye opening.
In terms of outlook on life - it gave me perspective and in some ways I have learnt to be more relaxed, as when compared to what happened, other problems seem somewhat insignificant.
Standing back from the whole 'thing', I am actually able to appreciate and be somewhat intrigued by the way in which the mind heals, and to other extents doesnt heal at all.
A certain song appeared on my iPod playlist the other morning on the way to work - it had me blubbing like a baby at 5.45am on my commute. Really weird stuff like that, as im not normally one to cry or be overly emotional, but these sort of events never really leave you and can be conjured back up with virtually no warning.
I can echo this.. during delivery of our twins there was an issue which resulted in our first born fighting for his life for just under an hour - being powerless to help sitting there watching the events unfold. The aftermath changes you for ever and you are no longer the person you once were.In terms of outlook on life - it gave me perspective and in some ways I have learnt to be more relaxed, as when compared to what happened, other problems seem somewhat insignificant.
Standing back from the whole 'thing', I am actually able to appreciate and be somewhat intrigued by the way in which the mind heals, and to other extents doesnt heal at all.
A certain song appeared on my iPod playlist the other morning on the way to work - it had me blubbing like a baby at 5.45am on my commute. Really weird stuff like that, as im not normally one to cry or be overly emotional, but these sort of events never really leave you and can be conjured back up with virtually no warning.
How has it changed my outlook?.. I now appreciate the basics of life and how quickly things can change. Make the most of every moment and put your family and friends first. I am certainly less career driven and less interested in material things.
nekrum said:
I can echo this.. during delivery of our twins there was an issue which resulted in our first born fighting for his life for just under an hour - being powerless to help sitting there watching the events unfold. The aftermath changes you for ever and you are no longer the person you once were.
How has it changed my outlook?.. I now appreciate the basics of life and how quickly things can change. Make the most of every moment and put your family and friends first. I am certainly less career driven and less interested in material things.
+1 How has it changed my outlook?.. I now appreciate the basics of life and how quickly things can change. Make the most of every moment and put your family and friends first. I am certainly less career driven and less interested in material things.
Mrs M3 came perilously close to death in a head on car crash. Fractured two vertebrae, four ribs and her sternum. Collapsed a lung and had a leg skewered by one of the pedals. Doctors said she was incredibly lucky that it wasn't worse.
It brought us closer together and I think we both learned what real love meant.
It brought us closer together and I think we both learned what real love meant.
Having a stroke 4 years ago and surviving with just some memory loss.
Being in a stroke specialist hospital (Charing Cross hosp at Hammersmith) certainly made a big difference getting the right treatment early enough.
Seeing some of the other patients that were much worse off than me was very sobering .
Then two months later my ex brother -in - law had a mini stroke but was followed by a full blown one in the ambulance , he didn't make it out of his street .
Now if I get the chance to do something of interest to me I don't hesitate .
If something or someone urinates on my bonfire it is dealt with swiftly and very bluntly .
Life really is too fragile and too short to waste worrying and putting up with idiots .
Being in a stroke specialist hospital (Charing Cross hosp at Hammersmith) certainly made a big difference getting the right treatment early enough.
Seeing some of the other patients that were much worse off than me was very sobering .
Then two months later my ex brother -in - law had a mini stroke but was followed by a full blown one in the ambulance , he didn't make it out of his street .
Now if I get the chance to do something of interest to me I don't hesitate .
If something or someone urinates on my bonfire it is dealt with swiftly and very bluntly .
Life really is too fragile and too short to waste worrying and putting up with idiots .
nekrum said:
What a great thing to do. All the best with it.The thing that changed my outlook was being diagnosed with cancer at 24. Prior to diagnosis it seemed so unlikely to actually be happening, but then I was just left thinking about Richard Burns, Paul Hunter and others to know that life is no certainty. After a year of treatment (chemo & radio) and seven years of being in remission, I discharged myself from hospital a month ago cancer free.
How did it change me? As others above (who have sadly experienced far worse than i have
) have said, when you get a good view mortality you learn what's worth worrying about. Seeing people treat minor issues at work as if the galaxy was about to implode is a constant source of bafflement for me these days. Two other things I've noticed are firstly that I'm a spender now rather than the saver i used to be (what's the point of saving if you won't be around to enjoy it?) Secondly, during the stressful moments, such as finding out whether the treatment had been successful, I look back and my coping mechanism was along the lines of 'i won't be overly happy if I'm cured, nor overly upset if I'm not, I'll accept whatever comes equally'. I suppose you could say i was preemptively numbing myself to the potential pain. The curious thing is i seemed to have ingrained that belief into myself so much that i don't feel overly happy or sad about anything anymore. Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff