Being told " I don't love you anymore"

[Rude-boy]

Tuvra said:

I don't trust her fully, I barely know her, I have been successfully avoiding the situation for months but we meet the weekend after next and I think it could be a "you don't trust me" moment and then my convenient arrangement may be over

This has gone way off Topic, but seeing as I've been there and heard the word's, it's allowed right?

Just start off about an inch from your usual location and then you can do 'it' where she wants as many times as you like with no babies to show for it

TBF i am told it does sting a little when it gets in a girls eyes, and is a right beggar to comb out.

[g3org3y]

mr_spock said:

I'm going to say that standing in the corner of a conference room, talking to my mum and crying my eyes out at the age of 50-something because my builder is applying pressure over an invoice that isn't even overdue, that normally I'd bat away without a blink, means that I'm not coping. Every tiny thing sends me over the edge into panic.

Can't decide whether to go to the docs and get pharmaceutical help or not. I don't mind saying I need it, I'm just scared about side effects of just about every option I've heard of.

Go and have a chat with your GP.

At least by discussing it you can make an informed decision either way with regards to medication.

The meds (usually SSRIs) won't work instantly. They typically take 2-4 weeks to kick in. IME they are generally v well tolerated.

Which side effects are you particularly concerned about?

[bristolracer]

g3org3y said:

mr_spock said:

I'm going to say that standing in the corner of a conference room, talking to my mum and crying my eyes out at the age of 50-something because my builder is applying pressure over an invoice that isn't even overdue, that normally I'd bat away without a blink, means that I'm not coping. Every tiny thing sends me over the edge into panic.

Can't decide whether to go to the docs and get pharmaceutical help or not. I don't mind saying I need it, I'm just scared about side effects of just about every option I've heard of.

Go and have a chat with your GP.

At least by discussing it you can make an informed decision either way with regards to medication.

The meds (usually SSRIs) won't work instantly. They typically take 2-4 weeks to kick in. IME they are generally v well tolerated.

Which side effects are you particularly concerned about?

They can help,it took me a couple of different types to settle with one.
I found they would help me function day to day but when it came to straightening my life out post divorce I had to get off them and face life again.Getting clear of them can take a month or so and can be rough.
As said speak to your GP

[mr_spock]

I am close to someone on Prozac, loss of "drive" and numbness, and the time it takes to get off it. Citalopram - suicidal thoughts (already have that, although it's under control since I don't think I mean it), long term loss of libido, mood swings, behavioural changes.

[mr_spock]

Thanks, that's good to hear - not that you're on it, but that it's helpful I mean.

[zarjaz1991]

Joey Deacon said:

When you start dating/hooking up again keep the fact you have been deactivated a secret. Imagine how sweet it is going to be when some woman who sees you as a wallet tells you "I am pregnant" and you reply "Congratulations!!, who's the father?"

This has got to be one of the most depressing posts I've seen on here.

Does that really go on? I'm so glad I don't get involved in all this stuff.

[Rude-boy]

zarjaz1991 said:

This has got to be one of the most depressing posts I've seen on here.

Does that really go on? I'm so glad I don't get involved in all this stuff.

Yes it does. Not as much as some would have you believe but sadly there are women out there who only want the bloke they are with for 2 things:-

1. Provide baby gravy

2. Provide income that means that they might not have to ever work more than a few shifts at the CoOp for Prosecco money.

[g3org3y]

mr_spock said:

I am close to someone on Prozac, loss of "drive" and numbness, and the time it takes to get off it. Citalopram - suicidal thoughts (already have that, although it's under control since I don't think I mean it), long term loss of libido, mood swings, behavioural changes.

Typical treatment regimen might be ~ 6 months. Coming off sooner can cause issues. I've had patients come off sooner, I've had patients be on them for years.

Some patients report emotional 'blunting' (if that makes sense) but that's often considered a worthwhile trade off compared to being very emotionally volatile, tearful all the time and a complete inability to cope with even minor tasks. It is important to stop the vicious circle of low mood, low confidence, no motivation etc. At the moment even v small things must seem impossible to deal with.

The meds aren't happy pills per se, but they will help you cope and allow a return to some semblance of normality. It takes time.

Libido is variable. IME mood is generally more stable. Increased suicidal ideation/intent is more of a concern in younger patients (teens and early 20s) and this is typically in the first couple of weeks (until the brain chemicals settle) so requires close monitoring.

There are a number of different antidepressants out there and tbh finding the right one that works for you can be a bit trial and error.

The patients who I find meds work the best on are the ones that understand they aren't the 'solution'. They will help but the groundwork has to come from you (eating well, staying healthy and doing exercise to boost your energy levels).

[stuttgartmetal]

And you'd take them, would you ?

[anonymous-user]

mr_spock said:

I am close to someone on Prozac, loss of "drive" and numbness, and the time it takes to get off it. Citalopram - suicidal thoughts (already have that, although it's under control since I don't think I mean it), long term loss of libido, mood swings, behavioural changes.

A few weeks after I separated from the ex I went to a Dr, 5 minutes later and I am walking out with a prescription for anti depressants. I went home, slept on it and ripped it up and threw it in the bin. Very pleased I did as I believe you need to grieve properly, being on anti depressants isn't going to allow this natural process to happen.

Before this I had taken 20mg of Amitriptyline occasionally to help me sleep and I hated the feeling they gave me the next day. Yes I no longer felt depressed but then I didn't feel anything at all I felt totally numb. I wasn't happy with the way I couldn't really make decisions anymore as my "gut feel" no longer seemed to work properly.

I did take St Johns wort as a "what harm can it do" and I personally think it makes a difference and takes the edge off. This is coming from a very cynical person who thinks herbal medicine is a load of old rubbish....

[jdw100]

Tuvra said:

I don't trust her fully, I barely know her, I have been successfully avoiding the situation for months but we meet the weekend after next and I think it could be a "you don't trust me" moment and then my convenient arrangement may be over

This has gone way off Topic, but seeing as I've been there and heard the word's, it's allowed right?

You barely know her and you're not using a condom?

Ever heard of these things called STIs or HIV?

Maybe have a read up....

[g3org3y]

stuttgartmetal said:

And you'd take them, would you ?

If I was in a state where they would be beneficial, I don't see why not.

I have a number of colleagues who take antidepressants both for anxiety and depression. There is no stigma to their use anymore. A mental health issue is no less valid than a physical health issue.

As mentioned, the use of antidepressants is judged on a case by case basis and requires an informed decision based on discussion of the pros and cons.

It won't 'fix' things but it may help.

Mr Spock, see your GP and have a chat. Even the chat and opportunity to 'debrief' to a professional can have a beneficial effect.

[stuttgartmetal]

Yes or no.

[phil1979]

olly22n said:

stuttgartmetal said:

Yes or no.

No need to be so combative. She said above if she was in a situation where she needed them then she would.

I have stated above that I am currently on them.

What is the issue?

I've been on Cit for 3 years. Only side-affect was a slightly sore jaw in the fist few weeks, as I was unknowingly clenching my teeth together. Quite common apparently.

Hasn't affected anything else in the negative. Libido is the same, and if anything, 'performances' last quite a lot longer, so there are unexpected upsides....

[garylythgoe]

I'm weeks on from my break, and I've had some positive vibes, but mostly negatives.

I've hit a bit of a dead end emotionally, and I've reached out to my GP for a chat/consultation. First time in my life I've felt like this, and I'm a bit scared by it.

Shared friendship group, social media, and just a huge stinking feeling of rejection are currently getting on top of me. Being told 'You can do better', 'You're better than that', 'It's her loss', all feel a bit generic/default and are not helping me.

[g3org3y]

stuttgartmetal said:

Yes or no.

Can you read, yes or no?

Not sure what you're trying to achieve with such a response.

olly22n said:

She said above if she was in a situation where she needed them then she would.

I do have long hair, my wife says it's time to get it cut. Perhaps she's right!?

[g3org3y]

garylythgoe said:

I'm weeks on from my break, and I've had some positive vibes, but mostly negatives.

I've hit a bit of a dead end emotionally, and I've reached out to my GP for a chat/consultation. First time in my life I've felt like this, and I'm a bit scared by it.

Shared friendship group, social media, and just a huge stinking feeling of rejection are currently getting on top of me. Being told 'You can do better', 'You're better than that', 'It's her loss', all feel a bit generic/default and are not helping me.

Natural to feel scared. The first consultation is the toughest.

It's very difficult for guys to admit there is an issue and that they would like help.

Best of luck.

olly22n said:

Sorry!

I only know female georgies and always read your posts as if you are a girl..

Must be my gentle and kind hearted manner.

[WinstonWolf]

Joey Deacon said:

mr_spock said:

I am close to someone on Prozac, loss of "drive" and numbness, and the time it takes to get off it. Citalopram - suicidal thoughts (already have that, although it's under control since I don't think I mean it), long term loss of libido, mood swings, behavioural changes.

A few weeks after I separated from the ex I went to a Dr, 5 minutes later and I am walking out with a prescription for anti depressants. I went home, slept on it and ripped it up and threw it in the bin. Very pleased I did as I believe you need to grieve properly, being on anti depressants isn't going to allow this natural process to happen.

Before this I had taken 20mg of Amitriptyline occasionally to help me sleep and I hated the feeling they gave me the next day. Yes I no longer felt depressed but then I didn't feel anything at all I felt totally numb. I wasn't happy with the way I couldn't really make decisions anymore as my "gut feel" no longer seemed to work properly.

I did take St Johns wort as a "what harm can it do" and I personally think it makes a difference and takes the edge off. This is coming from a very cynical person who thinks herbal medicine is a load of old rubbish....

I've found SJW to be very effective in taking the edge off during times of emotional stress. No real side effects to speak of and it just introduces a sense of wellbeing. I'd certainly try it before trying ADs.

[mr_spock]

It's Valentine's Day. I know it's a Victorian creation by the card industry, or something, and it's not like I got a card or anything most years, but for some reason it's still making me feel bad. Here I am, in a hotel room, trying to work and failing to be productive. Just killing time before I have to go to the airport and go home. Only it doesn't even feel like home any more. It's just a place to be.

My STBX is moving on with her life, and I'm happy for her I guess, but I feel like I'm disengaged from mine. Going out, calling friends, eating OK... not much seems to have any impact. I wish I could clear the decks a bit, get some of my 'projects' moving or done, but motivation is gone. Things like my Land Rover 'project' (read: broken thing) feel like lead weights around my shoulders. I feel completely useless right now - although I know that's not the case, but the feeling seems inescapable.

And I'll feel better this afternoon probably. I seem to get this way in the mornings 3 days out of 5. Weekends are a little easier somehow.

[garylythgoe]

It's not just you feeling a bit grim today, buddy.

Chin up. I know I'm trying