Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
Try to drag yourself out to exercise first thing in the morning. It will feel like the last thing you want to be doing but getting the endorphins going first thing can totally change your perspective on the day. In essence, you will bring the afternoon forward. When i was in a love rut I found early mornings hard and also sleep wasn't great so I took it upon myself to start running at 6am. Tunes on headphones getting me going and after half a mile in became quite cathartic to free the mind. By the time I was home and in the shower by 7am and a coffee inside me I was feeling a lot better. Added bonus was then getting more in shape and the more I got in shape, the more confidence I got to boot. The more confidence you have, the more in shape you are, the more women show interest. The more women show interest, the more confident you become and so the cycle continues.
Completely off on a tangent but today marks the 1 year anniversary of the ex telling me she'd rather be with some other guy, and proposing we end things.
Ill be having a nice dinner with the new GF tonight, and while the past year was tough at times, ive come out a lot better then where i was a year ago
Ill be having a nice dinner with the new GF tonight, and while the past year was tough at times, ive come out a lot better then where i was a year ago
Shnozz said:
Try to drag yourself out to exercise first thing in the morning. It will feel like the last thing you want to be doing but getting the endorphins going first thing can totally change your perspective on the day. In essence, you will bring the afternoon forward. When i was in a love rut I found early mornings hard and also sleep wasn't great so I took it upon myself to start running at 6am. Tunes on headphones getting me going and after half a mile in became quite cathartic to free the mind. By the time I was home and in the shower by 7am and a coffee inside me I was feeling a lot better. Added bonus was then getting more in shape and the more I got in shape, the more confidence I got to boot. The more confidence you have, the more in shape you are, the more women show interest. The more women show interest, the more confident you become and so the cycle continues.
Bit of a tangent, as I'm married but struggle with depression.I've been going to the gym 5 mornings a week for six months now, I have found the above to be completely untrue for me. No runner's high, no improved sleep patterns, no great sense of fulfilment. It's just another task that has to be completed in order to responsibly look after myself.
elvismiggell said:
Bit of a tangent, as I'm married but struggle with depression.
I've been going to the gym 5 mornings a week for six months now, I have found the above to be completely untrue for me. No runner's high, no improved sleep patterns, no great sense of fulfilment. It's just another task that has to be completed in order to responsibly look after myself.
Sorry to hear that. I guess it might not work for all. Have you thought about swapping the gym for the outdoors? I do gym 5 times a week but find that more of a chore than when I am running or cycling outside which I find more therapeutic than just a process.I've been going to the gym 5 mornings a week for six months now, I have found the above to be completely untrue for me. No runner's high, no improved sleep patterns, no great sense of fulfilment. It's just another task that has to be completed in order to responsibly look after myself.
elvismiggell said:
Shnozz said:
Try to drag yourself out to exercise first thing in the morning. It will feel like the last thing you want to be doing but getting the endorphins going first thing can totally change your perspective on the day. In essence, you will bring the afternoon forward. When i was in a love rut I found early mornings hard and also sleep wasn't great so I took it upon myself to start running at 6am. Tunes on headphones getting me going and after half a mile in became quite cathartic to free the mind. By the time I was home and in the shower by 7am and a coffee inside me I was feeling a lot better. Added bonus was then getting more in shape and the more I got in shape, the more confidence I got to boot. The more confidence you have, the more in shape you are, the more women show interest. The more women show interest, the more confident you become and so the cycle continues.
Bit of a tangent, as I'm married but struggle with depression.I've been going to the gym 5 mornings a week for six months now, I have found the above to be completely untrue for me. No runner's high, no improved sleep patterns, no great sense of fulfilment. It's just another task that has to be completed in order to responsibly look after myself.
elvismiggell said:
Bit of a tangent, as I'm married but struggle with depression.
I've been going to the gym 5 mornings a week for six months now, I have found the above to be completely untrue for me. No runner's high, no improved sleep patterns, no great sense of fulfilment. It's just another task that has to be completed in order to responsibly look after myself.
I've been running for about 3 years but only in the last couple of months have I really enjoyed it. Not sure what has changed but I'm not complaining. I've been going to the gym 5 mornings a week for six months now, I have found the above to be completely untrue for me. No runner's high, no improved sleep patterns, no great sense of fulfilment. It's just another task that has to be completed in order to responsibly look after myself.
trackdemon said:
And another counter. I've found exercise to be an incredible help in maintaining a steady mind when things are tough; and there is an overarching weight of evidence to back up it's mental health benefits. How hard do you exercise? I find that I have to do minimum 20mins, and always at a fairly high intensity (ie, super heavy breathing, sweating buckets, usually get beyond 165bpm at 42yo) to get the real high, but it's soooo worth it.
I have two workouts - one cardio for Mon, Weds and Fri and one strength, Tues and Thurs. Both are around an hour.Cardio is an easy 140-170bpm during each exercise. Strength doesn't get the pulse quite so high, but by the end of the hour I can barely lift my arms. Plenty of sweat!
elvismiggell said:
trackdemon said:
And another counter. I've found exercise to be an incredible help in maintaining a steady mind when things are tough; and there is an overarching weight of evidence to back up it's mental health benefits. How hard do you exercise? I find that I have to do minimum 20mins, and always at a fairly high intensity (ie, super heavy breathing, sweating buckets, usually get beyond 165bpm at 42yo) to get the real high, but it's soooo worth it.
I have two workouts - one cardio for Mon, Weds and Fri and one strength, Tues and Thurs. Both are around an hour.Cardio is an easy 140-170bpm during each exercise. Strength doesn't get the pulse quite so high, but by the end of the hour I can barely lift my arms. Plenty of sweat!
I used to swim a lot or do a lot of exercise and be physically shattered, but I couldnt not shut the brain off at all, I had to either be mentally knackered or meditate.
I have been know to lie awake all night for 2 days, I lie there without moving and close my eyes, Im sure I have micro sleeps, but if I cant clear my head forget the sleep patterns.
Alcohol helps, but that like chemical stuff is something I will never rely on.
elvismiggell said:
trackdemon said:
And another counter. I've found exercise to be an incredible help in maintaining a steady mind when things are tough; and there is an overarching weight of evidence to back up it's mental health benefits. How hard do you exercise? I find that I have to do minimum 20mins, and always at a fairly high intensity (ie, super heavy breathing, sweating buckets, usually get beyond 165bpm at 42yo) to get the real high, but it's soooo worth it.
I have two workouts - one cardio for Mon, Weds and Fri and one strength, Tues and Thurs. Both are around an hour.Cardio is an easy 140-170bpm during each exercise. Strength doesn't get the pulse quite so high, but by the end of the hour I can barely lift my arms. Plenty of sweat!
Just checking in... hope you're all doing ok!
My depression seems to be lifting. I can at least manage to get motivated a bit to do stuff. Work is a little more secure, not long term but enough for now. It's very busy too, which is a good sign. The STBX and I are getting along enough to be able to function, we stay out of each others' way mostly. My friends have been great! The house is on the market, and actually looks really good, had a viewing before it was even online. I still don't know how much money I'll have for a new place, but have looked at a range of places online and been to see a couple.
The kids are home for the holidays which has been nice. Although it will be nice to have my own place, it will be horrible to not see them every day - although going to Uni/6th form will change that anyway.
Onwards and upwards, and all that... Soon we start working on a financial agreement, which is likely to be tough going, but will be better than firing lawyers at each other. It may all be over by the summer. Fingers crossed... Then the "what car" thread will start
My depression seems to be lifting. I can at least manage to get motivated a bit to do stuff. Work is a little more secure, not long term but enough for now. It's very busy too, which is a good sign. The STBX and I are getting along enough to be able to function, we stay out of each others' way mostly. My friends have been great! The house is on the market, and actually looks really good, had a viewing before it was even online. I still don't know how much money I'll have for a new place, but have looked at a range of places online and been to see a couple.
The kids are home for the holidays which has been nice. Although it will be nice to have my own place, it will be horrible to not see them every day - although going to Uni/6th form will change that anyway.
Onwards and upwards, and all that... Soon we start working on a financial agreement, which is likely to be tough going, but will be better than firing lawyers at each other. It may all be over by the summer. Fingers crossed... Then the "what car" thread will start
mr_spock said:
. Then the "what car" thread will start
SOTW for you matey!my first post divorce car was a mondeo with 260k on the clock and awful pink (was once red) paint. Had a file of bills with it, the PO had not scrimped on anything,it had all been done.
Seriously good luck with it
The kids will be fine,they adapt,its not the stigma it used to be,many of their mates will be the same.
Its good to busy at work too,when my divorce happened it was at a seriously flat time at work,i had maybe an hours work in the morning and then 7 hours of sitting about,not good for my mental health.Busy is good.
Sounds like you are making progress!...when I had mine I threw myself into work, and went to the gym, No interest at the time in meeting anyone although it happened naturally. I agree that being busy is incredibly therapeutic, and it is excellent that you have friends. Instead of buying a Caterham, build one!!..great social project if you have a few mates
Steve, how are you managing storage of stuff while you wait for your house?
I have a couple of project cars, so won't be getting into building anything! But I think I'm going to have to move some way away, so my mileage will go up and my L322 is probably not the best tool for that job, despite the LPG.
I have a couple of project cars, so won't be getting into building anything! But I think I'm going to have to move some way away, so my mileage will go up and my L322 is probably not the best tool for that job, despite the LPG.
It's just boxes of stuff and furniture which will be stored by the removals company. My bicycles will go in my mums or friends garage and one with me in the boot of my car.
I imagine your cars might be more of a challenge. Are there any council lock ups you could rent or do you have a friendly specialist nearby who could store them?
I imagine your cars might be more of a challenge. Are there any council lock ups you could rent or do you have a friendly specialist nearby who could store them?
Amazingly, already got a good offer on the house and many more viewings booked over the rest of the week. We should be into the financial discussion next week, hopefully we can both be reasonable. It could all be over by the summer - but I still have to find somewhere to live, and that's turning out to be a hard decision. Do I stay near where I am now, and get something tiny and a bit crap, or move 30-45 mins away and get something nicer? It would still be within driving range of school, social life etc. Until we're though the initial financial discussion I don't even know what I can spend! Still, it's a better position to be in than a couple of months ago.
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