Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
If it helps, 4 years ago I had this 'bombshell', wife hit 40 and seemed to have a real hard time with it, started acting strange, very distant, polite, no complaints but obviously not happy. Nothing I did would get her to say what was going on in her head.
One day she didn't come home from work, eventually turning up about 3AM, really pissed, where she said that the whole relationship had been a lie, didn't love me and unsure she ever had kind of thing.
Hit me like a brick as I totally love her and think she's wonderful, we've been together a million years.
She was fairly clear with her position so I grabbed some stuff and left (I don't have any friends so went to work then checked into a Travelodge
)
Wife called me, asked me to come home, she broke down and all the stuff that had been going on in her head, depression, guilt, long list of stuff that she'd built up came out. Anyway long story, short; it was 4 years ago and everything has been great since.
So to the OP, it might not be as black n white and game over as some suggest.
One day she didn't come home from work, eventually turning up about 3AM, really pissed, where she said that the whole relationship had been a lie, didn't love me and unsure she ever had kind of thing.
Hit me like a brick as I totally love her and think she's wonderful, we've been together a million years.
She was fairly clear with her position so I grabbed some stuff and left (I don't have any friends so went to work then checked into a Travelodge
)Wife called me, asked me to come home, she broke down and all the stuff that had been going on in her head, depression, guilt, long list of stuff that she'd built up came out. Anyway long story, short; it was 4 years ago and everything has been great since.
So to the OP, it might not be as black n white and game over as some suggest.
Monkeylegend - I really can't, everytime I see them it would yet be another reminder, when we had the hiccup a few years back, I kept the dogs, as much as they kept me occupied, everytime I was walking through the woods with them I would end up in tears!
RobinBanks - If you really mean that mate, I may take you up on the offer, our village is only about 7 miles from Knowle. Thanks.
qube_TA said:
If it helps, 4 years ago I had this 'bombshell', wife hit 40 and seemed to have a real hard time with it, started acting strange, very distant, polite, no complaints but obviously not happy. Nothing I did would get her to say what was going on in her head.
One day she didn't come home from work, eventually turning up about 3AM, really pissed, where she said that the whole relationship had been a lie, didn't love me and unsure she ever had kind of thing.
Hit me like a brick as I totally love her and think she's wonderful, we've been together a million years.
She was fairly clear with her position so I grabbed some stuff and left (I don't have any friends so went to work then checked into a Travelodge )
Wife called me, asked me to come home, she broke down and all the stuff that had been going on in her head, depression, guilt, long list of stuff that she'd built up came out. Anyway long story, short; it was 4 years ago and everything has been great since.
So to the OP, it might not be as black n white and game over as some suggest.
Hi Qube - I am so pleased that worked for you, and yes it would actually give me hope, however, when she had depression 3 years ago, and we split for 3 weeks, we did get back together, and I have been thankful for that ever since. I do think now though, that maybe it was a case of "if you love her let her go" maybe? Even though she seemed great once she was on tablets.One day she didn't come home from work, eventually turning up about 3AM, really pissed, where she said that the whole relationship had been a lie, didn't love me and unsure she ever had kind of thing.
Hit me like a brick as I totally love her and think she's wonderful, we've been together a million years.
She was fairly clear with her position so I grabbed some stuff and left (I don't have any friends so went to work then checked into a Travelodge
)Wife called me, asked me to come home, she broke down and all the stuff that had been going on in her head, depression, guilt, long list of stuff that she'd built up came out. Anyway long story, short; it was 4 years ago and everything has been great since.
So to the OP, it might not be as black n white and game over as some suggest.
Thanks
qube_TA said:
If it helps, 4 years ago I had this 'bombshell', wife hit 40 and seemed to have a real hard time with it, started acting strange, very distant, polite, no complaints but obviously not happy. Nothing I did would get her to say what was going on in her head.
One day she didn't come home from work, eventually turning up about 3AM, really pissed, where she said that the whole relationship had been a lie, didn't love me and unsure she ever had kind of thing.
Hit me like a brick as I totally love her and think she's wonderful, we've been together a million years.
She was fairly clear with her position so I grabbed some stuff and left (I don't have any friends so went to work then checked into a Travelodge )
Wife called me, asked me to come home, she broke down and all the stuff that had been going on in her head, depression, guilt, long list of stuff that she'd built up came out. Anyway long story, short; it was 4 years ago and everything has been great since.
So to the OP, it might not be as black n white and game over as some suggest.
quite a story. no idea how you could stay with somebody who came out with that. but if you're happy thats all that matters One day she didn't come home from work, eventually turning up about 3AM, really pissed, where she said that the whole relationship had been a lie, didn't love me and unsure she ever had kind of thing.
Hit me like a brick as I totally love her and think she's wonderful, we've been together a million years.
She was fairly clear with her position so I grabbed some stuff and left (I don't have any friends so went to work then checked into a Travelodge
)Wife called me, asked me to come home, she broke down and all the stuff that had been going on in her head, depression, guilt, long list of stuff that she'd built up came out. Anyway long story, short; it was 4 years ago and everything has been great since.
So to the OP, it might not be as black n white and game over as some suggest.
Figured id add my point of view having been there too...
OP, I didn't keep the dog, broke my heart loosing the little fecker but I'm glad I did it.. I miss Charlie but I don't miss having a dog.
Once all the divorce and grief was out the way I 'found myself', started going out more, met new people, shagged a few and then when I was just getting used to being single she came along.... Man, a level headed independent woman's a good thing. She kicks my arse when I'm being a knob and we share good times together. No hang ups, no lies, no bulls
t.
Nearly two years later and we are getting married in May, life's never been better. I still miss Charlie but my new life doesn't support owning a dog. It's great being able to stay away for the night, jumping on a plane or just going with the flow and not worrying about the dog at home.
It's true, right now things seem terminal and I hope you two work it out, but understand it will get better. I had a year of being down, it wasn't a nice place to be. Slowly it returns to normal and you move on.
I've lost three stone on my way to loosing four, I've got a much bigger, newer house and share it with someone that seems pretty into me.
Keep the chin up.
Tack
OP, I didn't keep the dog, broke my heart loosing the little fecker but I'm glad I did it.. I miss Charlie but I don't miss having a dog.
Once all the divorce and grief was out the way I 'found myself', started going out more, met new people, shagged a few and then when I was just getting used to being single she came along.... Man, a level headed independent woman's a good thing. She kicks my arse when I'm being a knob and we share good times together. No hang ups, no lies, no bulls
t. Nearly two years later and we are getting married in May, life's never been better. I still miss Charlie but my new life doesn't support owning a dog. It's great being able to stay away for the night, jumping on a plane or just going with the flow and not worrying about the dog at home.
It's true, right now things seem terminal and I hope you two work it out, but understand it will get better. I had a year of being down, it wasn't a nice place to be. Slowly it returns to normal and you move on.
I've lost three stone on my way to loosing four, I've got a much bigger, newer house and share it with someone that seems pretty into me.
Keep the chin up.
Tack
TwigtheWonderkid said:
CountZero23 said:
Just had the 'I'm not in love with you' bomb dropped 2 days ago...
Went out for a few beers with a mate last night, ended pretty pissed and woke up next to some random lass 10 years my junior this morning.
Went out for a few beers with a mate last night, ended pretty pissed and woke up next to some random lass 10 years my junior this morning.
Yeah, those first 24 hours can be awful, but time is a great healer.
t for doing that now. Told her I was crashing at a mates, first lie I've told her. Bloody stupid move on my part. No real going back from that. We did some more talking and she even said she wasn't 100% sure she wanted to finshing it but couldn't see it ending well. I've also had doubts and would rather end it now while we are still on good terms and not waste time and end up going through this crap all over again futher down the line.
Good news is her mate has a spare room so she's moving out while I'm back at my parents for the weekend with my sister coming down too. Feeling a bit better after a blast up ther A272. Find it worst when I'm on my own or trying to get to sleep. It's like the devil himself has created a montage of our happiest moments and has it on loop in my head. Just glad I'm no longer sharing a bed with my ex. Going we be strange going back to the flat minus all her stuff.
OP - Hang on in there mate, it will get better.
Some real wisdom on this thread, finding it hugely helpful reading through all this and having a chance to vent.
Merde happens. Always. Time is the best healer.
I see you live local to Knowle. I live outside Shirley and if you would like to meet fellow Midlands pistonheaders to provide a distraction, we have our meet on the 1st Tuesday of every month.
http://thefalconathatton.com/
I believe this is quite local to you. You are more than welcome to join us.
I see you live local to Knowle. I live outside Shirley and if you would like to meet fellow Midlands pistonheaders to provide a distraction, we have our meet on the 1st Tuesday of every month.
http://thefalconathatton.com/
I believe this is quite local to you. You are more than welcome to join us.
Wolfer said:
Thanks all, seems a few have been through this then!
Not getting any better, her dad called round yesterday and said to give it a week or two and things might change. But this morning we have sort of agreed that I need to destroy my crumb of hope. She doesn't feel any different at all.
Last night here tonight I think, will take a few things and go tomorrow. (Before you say, she offered to go if I can't stand it here, but easier if I go)
She thinks that my family have told me to do this to make her suffer, ie stuck here on her own and to make her think about things. But it's not, starting to realise it really is over.
Will be hard back at work next week, if she's not with me in corridors, restraunt, breaks etc I always get asked "wheres xxxx?"
Memories are non-stop at the moment, and every fookin song on the radio is about breaking up, making it bloody harder.
Not had a drink all week, but it's Friday and I usually have a few cans at home on a Friday night, at least I may get off to sleep! Tomorrow busy doing pre-planned things, then will say goodbye to our dogs.
Thanks for reading.
I still recommend that you get her out of the house. Or make sure it is up for sale now. Otherwise she may get comfortable with you not there and then not want to sell ...Not getting any better, her dad called round yesterday and said to give it a week or two and things might change. But this morning we have sort of agreed that I need to destroy my crumb of hope. She doesn't feel any different at all.
Last night here tonight I think, will take a few things and go tomorrow. (Before you say, she offered to go if I can't stand it here, but easier if I go)
She thinks that my family have told me to do this to make her suffer, ie stuck here on her own and to make her think about things. But it's not, starting to realise it really is over.
Will be hard back at work next week, if she's not with me in corridors, restraunt, breaks etc I always get asked "wheres xxxx?"
Memories are non-stop at the moment, and every fookin song on the radio is about breaking up, making it bloody harder.
Not had a drink all week, but it's Friday and I usually have a few cans at home on a Friday night, at least I may get off to sleep! Tomorrow busy doing pre-planned things, then will say goodbye to our dogs.
Thanks for reading.
Edited by boxst on Saturday 29th November 14:17
Small update.
things are still the same, no feelings for me, and as she said she doesn't think there will be now. I still find it hard and confusing that in the space of a few weeks everything has changed, she just seems so cold towards me in that respect. And yet still cooks my dinner at night and makes me coffee etc.
I have noticed she has changed the passwords on phones / tabs, all our gadgets used to have the same password.
So killing me as it is, I reckon 100% over, she doesn't even seem to want to try, and normal day-to-day stuff for her seems no problem and is done with a smile on her face. I struggle to get through the day, let alone sleep at night.
I guess my next steps are house on the market first of Jan, and furniture on ebay as soon as possible (suppose in the next month or two stuff will sell stupidly cheap due to time of year) Found divorce pack at whsmith for 25 quid. Then start sorting out the bank account.
End of an era for me, really struggling to realise it has come to this! Moreso that life is going on the same around me, probably even for her.
Cheers
things are still the same, no feelings for me, and as she said she doesn't think there will be now. I still find it hard and confusing that in the space of a few weeks everything has changed, she just seems so cold towards me in that respect. And yet still cooks my dinner at night and makes me coffee etc.
I have noticed she has changed the passwords on phones / tabs, all our gadgets used to have the same password.
So killing me as it is, I reckon 100% over, she doesn't even seem to want to try, and normal day-to-day stuff for her seems no problem and is done with a smile on her face. I struggle to get through the day, let alone sleep at night.
I guess my next steps are house on the market first of Jan, and furniture on ebay as soon as possible (suppose in the next month or two stuff will sell stupidly cheap due to time of year) Found divorce pack at whsmith for 25 quid. Then start sorting out the bank account.
End of an era for me, really struggling to realise it has come to this! Moreso that life is going on the same around me, probably even for her.
Cheers
If she's changed passwords then there's plenty to hide.
You are better off out of this relationship. It may not feel like it at the moment but in time you'll come to realise that.
Stop clinging on to the little things like meals and making you coffees. They just give you false hope. Don't put your feelings in her control.
Listen to us sceptics on here. We make some valid points which ought to make you see this for what it is.
You are better off out of this relationship. It may not feel like it at the moment but in time you'll come to realise that.
Stop clinging on to the little things like meals and making you coffees. They just give you false hope. Don't put your feelings in her control.
Listen to us sceptics on here. We make some valid points which ought to make you see this for what it is.
Give yourself a shake, she is only a woman and there will be many more for you. This hasn't happened in the spa e of a couple of weeks; she didn't just wake up one day and decide her feelings had changed. She'll have been planning this, probably for months whilst she works out an exit strategy that will see her stand to keep as much as possible of what you both have and share.
Now that the devices are password protected, you could reasonably expect that they contain correspondence with some other bloke, who may or may not know the whole truth behind the current situation. No, I doubt very much she would risk her security on a whim to dump you OP, you are more likely seeing the result of careful planning at work.
The sooner you can leave her and never speak to her again, the sooner you can get on with your life.
Now that the devices are password protected, you could reasonably expect that they contain correspondence with some other bloke, who may or may not know the whole truth behind the current situation. No, I doubt very much she would risk her security on a whim to dump you OP, you are more likely seeing the result of careful planning at work.
The sooner you can leave her and never speak to her again, the sooner you can get on with your life.
I like these last two posts - you two sound switched on! Lol.
If you don't go to the gym, or have a hobby/passion, is there something you can throw yourself into?
Take your mind off everything for an hour a day and get away from her.
You'll be surprised how little you think of when out running or in the gym.
Find some hills and walk up them - you'll be thinking "My legs are going to burst!", rather than my heart.
If you don't go to the gym, or have a hobby/passion, is there something you can throw yourself into?
Take your mind off everything for an hour a day and get away from her.
You'll be surprised how little you think of when out running or in the gym.
Find some hills and walk up them - you'll be thinking "My legs are going to burst!", rather than my heart.
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