Being told " I don't love you anymore"

Being told " I don't love you anymore"

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9mm

3,128 posts

209 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
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Sheets Tabuer said:
visitinglondon said:
Usually means she's seeing someone else ...
This is my experience, happened to me once. I've also had a few mates that had the it's not you it's me or I don't love you spiel. Then the wife met a new bloke at work you've never heard of five minutes after the bloke moved out.

Another thing, if a woman tells you she doesn't love you then I'm sorry to say she doesn't love you.

You still made an effort though right, still went to the gym, held of on the cakes etc?
Yep, almost certainly she's seeing someone although it might be early stages. Women like to, in their eyes, soften the blow, plus it's a lot easier to tell someone you don't love them (or you're not IN love with them) than to confess you've been seeing someone at work.

Pesty

42,655 posts

255 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
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Wolfer said:
Cheers guys,
night on the sofabed, just trying to be strong.

Think I'll have to accept it as over, suppose I'd better tell my family later, that will be nice!
Why are you on the sofa bed? She's the one who should be on it.

Agree with he others if she's got to the stage where she can come out with it, it's over.

Move on.

mr_spock

3,340 posts

214 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
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OK, maybe I'm the old romantic, but I'd give Relate a try (even on your own). At least it will give you a structured way to come to terms with the rejection, at best you may uncover what's really going on. However, as others have said, she's the one "moving on" so why are YOU sleeping on the sofa? Why doesn't she want you to move out (is it just the money and free handyman, or something else)?

I suggest moving back into your bed, and if she doesn't like it, well tough. It will be very difficult for you, but by moving out of the bedroom you're admitting that it's somehow your fault and you're in the wrong. Then tell her you're arranging counselling and if she wants to stay in the house (not "if she doesn't want you to move out") then she's coming too.


Pferdestarke

7,179 posts

186 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
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Wolfer said:
Cheers guys,
night on the sofabed, just trying to be strong.

Think I'll have to accept it as over, suppose I'd better tell my family later, that will be nice!
Tell them nothing at this stage.

You don't know what's going on yet yourself.

Ari

19,328 posts

214 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
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Wolfer said:
20 years, from 16 years old, no kids, live and work together, not one problem in 20 years, one slip-up a few years back when she had depression, but thats it.
One 'slip up' by who?

ShyTallKnight

2,207 posts

212 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
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Pommygranite said:
Just accept it - by the time that comes out she's already planning her exit strategy.

Be civil, no lawyers, be amicable and without anger.

Just as you can't help chemistry with someone sometimes you can't stop it from fading. Brave and decent move by your (soon to be) ex by being honest with you without finding someone else first.
^^^ Best advice you'll get.

Don't waste time trying to make sense of it, trying to convince yourself it was the depression etc when in reality she's moved on emotionally.

You'll feel like st for a while but it gets a whole heap better trust me..... One more thing to add. I won't comment on whether I think anyone else is involved as I don't know but for gods sake don't go looking for proof.... It'll drive you nuts and maybe more damaging if you do uncover any indiscretions.... She doesn't love you anymore for whatever reason, accept it and just move on.

Oh and the best of luck..!!

TVR1

5,460 posts

224 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
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Wolfer said:
Cheers guys,
night on the sofabed, just trying to be strong.

Think I'll have to accept it as over, suppose I'd better tell my family later, that will be nice!
Why are YOU on the sofabed?

At least, if binning someone and then ripping their heart out, I would at least fk off out of the house for a few days. Her out, not you.

TVR1

5,460 posts

224 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
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Wolfer said:
Cheers guys,
night on the sofabed, just trying to be strong.

Think I'll have to accept it as over, suppose I'd better tell my family later, that will be nice!
Why are YOU on the sofabed?

At least, if binning someone and then ripping their heart out, I would at least fk off out of the house for a few days. Her out, not you.

boxst

3,699 posts

144 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
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Just to get all Mumsnet for a second: Has the depression resurfaced? Any other changes in routine?

Otherwise, advice on here is good...

Shelsleyf2

419 posts

231 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
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I can empathise, wife wasn't quit so forthright but when she stopped wearing her wedding and engagement ring I got the message. I have spent the last 3 months trying to re kindle the relationship but she is not interested. I do not believe there is anyone else on the ground, but the internet is a terrible place for bored and immature minds.I have suggested we go to relate etc no go.
Having been married a little over 9 years I look like dividing in two what took me 30 years to acquire with a women who I wonder if I ever really new. Having accepted the inevitable outcome I now need to find out if there is anyway to minimise the financial impact ( my earning days are over and I have no way to recover..too old).

Re trying to find evidence of "someone else" don't bother it will not help at all..




Hoofy

76,253 posts

281 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
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NeMiSiS said:
She will be fine in a couple of days, my wife often says " I don't love you anymore ", sometime she tells me " She has never loved me, ever "....little minx.

But once she has seen the error of her ways, I release the chains and let her out of the cellar, she is usually fine for a while after that, it's for the best.
Try, "It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again." Works a treat, I find.

Wolfer

Original Poster:

185 posts

126 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
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Ari said:
One 'slip up' by who?
She said the same a few years back, but it was found she was depressed. Once she sorted that out with docs it took a while but we were back together.

I'm on the sofa bed by choice, said I'd sleep down here


RobinBanks

17,540 posts

178 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
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Having been in this situation, I would suggest that she may be in depression again (if it ever ended).
She may well love you but cannot see anything through her depression.

I've both done it and had it done to me due to this.

Good luck with whatever happens.

Jasandjules

69,825 posts

228 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
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Are you sure she is not depressed now?

If not, then time to set your affairs in order to ensure you are covered with the split.

Wolfer

Original Poster:

185 posts

126 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
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Jasandjules said:
Are you sure she is not depressed now?

If not, then time to set your affairs in order to ensure you are covered with the split.
Possibly, she says she doesn't love me but doesn't know why or what to do. But as it's happened before, it may well be me thats triggering the depression? I don't know.

I've already spoke about the house, and what we'd do and likely to raise cash wise, however she doesn't understand how I can talk about things like that?

mikerons88

239 posts

112 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
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Wolfer said:
Possibly, she says she doesn't love me but doesn't know why or what to do. But as it's happened before, it may well be me thats triggering the depression? I don't know.

I've already spoke about the house, and what we'd do and likely to raise cash wise, however she doesn't understand how I can talk about things like that?
She's mental.

Time to move on and enjoy your life.

RobinBanks

17,540 posts

178 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
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Wolfer said:
Possibly, she says she doesn't love me but doesn't know why or what to do. But as it's happened before, it may well be me thats triggering the depression? I don't know.

I've already spoke about the house, and what we'd do and likely to raise cash wise, however she doesn't understand how I can talk about things like that?
She's in depression. She feels consumed by it but may not realise.
This is why she can't comprehend other things and process other emotions and thoughts. I've been in that situation and I am 99% that that is the case.

RobinBanks

17,540 posts

178 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
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mikerons88 said:
She's mental.

Time to move on and enjoy your life.
She isn't and that would be a bad thing for each of them.

mikerons88

239 posts

112 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
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RobinBanks said:
She isn't and that would be a bad thing for each of them.
She said SHE DOES NOT LOVE HIM!!!!!

RobinBanks

17,540 posts

178 months

Sunday 23rd November 2014
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mikerons88 said:
RobinBanks said:
She isn't and that would be a bad thing for each of them.
She said SHE DOES NOT LOVE HIM!!!!!
She is also clearly depressed. If they can try to deal with the depression they may well have their old relationship back because she probably does love him.