Being told " I don't love you anymore"

[Wolfer]

Just popped on to PH to check...

Lots of similar stories here!

Thanks for sharing.

g3org3y said:

Out of interest OP, you mentioned in one of your earlier posts that you were trying for a baby with the now ex.

When did this stop?

Not sure in her head? I asked about this and she said "well, it didn't look like it was happening anyway, my fault"

Cheers

[Wolfer]

Will read replies properly shortly, but got home from work, saw my sofabed was put away and xmas heart wreath up.....I am going to admit, for a few mins, I thought "she's changed her mind!!!" Few mins later, I realised, room had been put back to normal ready for boiler service!

Hit the beers now.

Going to stick to main plan.

Hurts as it does, Skip being ordered in the morning, estate agent being contacted, boxes ready for stuff to store. Popping back to whsmith for the divorce pack. In the meantime taking pics of all furniture ready for sale on ebay/gumtree/wherever.

Can someone tell me, is it worth waiting till after xmas for selling furniture on ebay? Some bloody good stuff, paid a fortune, but do not want it. By the same token, although sounds bad, I don't want it to go for feck all!

Cheers

[Wolfer]

Ok, you lot may have been right.

Got everything in for dinner tonight, she got the odd text. I said, if you want to go out you may aswell.

She did, apparently meeting at the village pub for a drink with her sis before getting a take-away.

She said to follow her if I don't believe her, but id had a drink prior to thinking about dinner, and still trust her.

Anyhoo, couldn't resist, (I know, im bad) so popped round to said pub 10 mins later and looked in, she wasn't there, nor was her sis's car in the car park!

fkin hit me like a brick.

Too pissed to go anywhere, so guess will have it out with her when she gets back. She probably wants this.

I feel sick!

At least I know we're done.

[Wolfer]

lord trumpton said:

Maybe they decided to go somewhere else instead?

It doesn't mean she's getting her box drilled by some big bloke just because she wasn't there when you decided to check up on her.

I know it makes me sound like a stalker, and I feel bad for doing it.

But the food was ready to cook, and she decided to pop out! I could have gone out tonight, with family, but stayed in like a tt as I didn't want her on her own. Man what a complete tt!

I know you all have said not too, but I will find this guy, and I may have a "chat" with him.

[Wolfer]

I know what you mean, and my old man told me the same, he spent a night in the cells when he beat the st out of the bloke my mum was having an affair with....luckily the charge was dropped as the guy didn't want to die.

He admitted he wasn't the best husband though, so could half understand it....he doesn't understand this anymore than me!

Btw, dad is not some thug, he just saw red when he lost everything. I saw what he did to my mum's at that point , "fella"

WTF

[Wolfer]

mondeoman said:

She wont. Not ever.

I frikkin know that now.

Guess she will be dropped off down the lane around 11 ish. I may pop down the lane and wait, just to see who drops her off. I'll go from there, play it by ear as it were.

[Wolfer]

Hi guys,

Saturday night, my sis came and picked me up and took me there, so no drama.

I don't think there was a bloke involved, I was just p1ssed, and angry.

Feeling crap today, but am making plans, guy knocked the door last night to see if I was selling the M3, which I may do.

Cheers for the advice!

[Wolfer]

Couple of questions, with regards selling all our furniture, most of what we have is very good stuff. Bearing in mind it's the 8th December, are we likely to get bugger all for selling it on ebay now? Or is it worth waiting until the new year as only a month away?

She's being, it seems to me, quite cold about all this, so guess I'm going to have to be too!

Bloody all odd to me this is!

[Wolfer]

B17NNS said:

Stick a reserve on it if you're concerned. I thought you'd found your balls? Crack on eh.

More pissed off than anything to be honest......bloody waste of my time.

Mates trying to get me to double date with him and his missus at the weekend, feck that at the moment!

Good call on reserve.

[Wolfer]

Small update for anyone that may be interested.

After 20 years, 3 weeks has hardened me.

Going to buy some toys for a charity Christmas event, sounds strange, but it gives a massive high, knowing I'm helping, even in a little way. And eleviates some of the ste on me, realising the absolute st some poor bds have to put up with.

Keeping M3

Have massive storage.

Realise life is worth living, and can't wait.

[Wolfer]

Cheers chaps,

Feelgood factor done, does help.

Still living with now ex, but completely fine about it. House etc will be sorted in Jan. Don't get me wrong, that will kill me, and I have the odd moment, but every day getting much stronger, and also I realise I need someone for me, and by the same token, I hope my wife finds happiness without me.

Thanks to all again for all the kind / wake-up words of advice.

Wolfer

[Wolfer]

Small update.
been a st Christmas. I have been the relative no fecker wants in their house but feel obliged to invite.
Got on really well with ex all through, apart from a blip where I kicked the st out of the room. I know, tt. But for 5 weeks keeping it all in, I just snapped.

Moving out in the morning. Cars packed up and I'll be off in a few hours.

Cheers

[Wolfer]

Hi all,
Small update for anyone who may have been interested.

I moved out last weekend to ease things a bit. Me being there hoping things would get better, her being there and probably not.

Moved in with my dad and his partner, although they really want me here, I feel bad as my dads partner is just getting over cancer treatment. I try just to be here to sleep, and say I don't need food etc, that way I can just grab a sandwich from a garage and not put any more pressure on them.

st Christmas as you can imagine, I was "that" relative that turns up at places I'm invited but doesn't want to be there and I should imagine they don't want me there either. Not in a bad way, but I do feel I ruined what should be a happy time. I just feel that I lowered the happiness of my whole family, but couldn't even leave anywhere as no one would let me.

Been going to work still, can't lose my job too!

NYE was strange to say the least, both my ex and I were going to be on our own. I offered to pop round for company as we'd both been alone a lot, and I wanted to see the dogs too. Had a reasonably pleasant evening with a take-away, some drink for me, and general conversation but strictly nothing said regarding the situation with us at all. Got up this morning and said goodbye, back to my "half-life".

Originally, me moving out was for a week, to "help me get over it" but not sure its a good idea to go back next week. But stupidly I'm thinking I should, just in case, but also we are going to now have to arrange house being sold, all our stuff (think 3 removal wagons at least) the dogs, the finances, the lists go on!

Good days and bad days.

Thanks for letting me vent!

Lone Wolf er

Edit to say.....I did make some old dears New Years Eve, (well hopefuly) I bought the ex some flowers on the way yesterday, came out the shop, realised it was pathetic of me / mug / stupid / insert suitable comment. Saw an old girl walking along and said "Happy New Year", and handed her the flowers....she looked over the moon! She seemed to be very happy about it, at least I hope it wasn't a heart attack coming on!

Edited by Wolfer on Thursday 1st January 19:25

[Wolfer]

TheLordJohn said:

Haven't been 'following' as such, but aren't you doing the opposite of what EVERYONE recommends by moving out?
You seem to be half-hoping it'll all go back to normal?
st situation to be in, but can't you just MTFU, accept it's over, get all the admin sorted ASAP, take the dogs with you and forget about her?
It reads as if you're making it much harder than it has to be.

I see where you are coming from, and in a nutshell, yes.

Monday though will see me sorting the joint bank account out, getting stuff prepared to sell, moving my cars etc.

I am starting to now think of myself as "on my own" which to me is a big step.

Unfortunately, I can't take the dogs as much as I love them, one is she loves them to bits, also I have this week told my boss I have no commitments any more and will go fully mobile.

Cheers

[Wolfer]

lord trumpton said:

Thanks for the update Wolfer

It does seem you are stuck in limbo really. Moving out for a week won't help you at all. How could it - seriously? You feel just as bad by being at your dad's gaff.

It seems (from what you write) that you have still not accepted it. Living in limbo doesn't help

Look - she has made the decision to end things. Its highly unlikely she will fall back in love with you I'm afraid. Her feelings will have been changing for years and once they had she probably sat on them for a few more years before coming clean. It's over Wolfer. Over.

The house is yours as much as hers and you deserve to live there. Putting her first and 'helping' her wont make her suddenly realise how caring you are and come back to you. All you are doing is making it harder for everyone.

Find the value of your house then slash it and sell it quickly or buy her half or whatever. You need to start getting a grip now and get on with things; you have pissed about quite enough now.

Thanks.

Hard to hear, but yes, ultimately I know you are right.

On a positive note....not one but two! Lords replying to me!

[Wolfer]

9mm said:

Lots of truth in there. It's funny how people split looking for excitement and how often they seem to end up in a far worse place. I guess for many they confuse interest from one person with them being someone who is far more attractive than they actually are. Hence when it doesn't work out with the new beau they can find it very difficult to get someone else, not least because they now have to compete.

Wolfer - you seem to have gone against all the advice that has been offered so I will wish you well and bow out of offering any more.

I have actually took advice on board, and after speaking to family last night, I am going back for one main reason, to get everything sorted, ie House straight / finished off and on the market. What stuff I want into storage. bills etc all sorted out.

[Wolfer]

stuttgartmetal said:

Mate, it's a life experience you just don't want.
Truth is, I'll never ever get over my wife leaving me
Ever
I think of her every f cking day
Sometimes I accept it's over, then sometimes, just sometimes I think well be back together
one day.
Five years on.
What a crock of sh t eh?

Get a grip of the rail
Hold the fk on
You'll come out if it the other side.

Edited by stuttgartmetal on Friday 2nd January 18:19

I know its bad now mate, and will possibly get worse before it gets better. In fact I know it will!!

To be honest, I am expecting a ststorm of doom, gloom and general bks.

Hard seeing my family cry for me I will admit. Like you, I fking miss her.


However, I need to move on, and move on I will.

100% I know I will. Pissed up now, which is when I get emotional and all that crap, but no, even dying inside as I feel, I am on my own now.

I owe it to all the family that love me to be strong, and sort this, and to other fellas that go through it!

And I loved stuttgartmetal's post. Brilliant, possibly an award there? And I mean it!

Stupidly, and ghey as it sounds, I am, looking forward to someone wanting me for who I am, and being the centre of their attention. Yep, gheyyyy

I know that at 30 odd, 20 years partner/wife behind me, and the rut that I've made for myself, will hold me back. I have become boring, lost the build, and possibly even my sense of humour.

Cheers

[Wolfer]

AndStilliRise said:

I remember going through a rough patch which seemed to last for a couple of years.

In my case I had done nothing wrong. Loving husband and a farther who would spend time with the kids. Including sports on the weekend and trips to museums, zoos and restaurants. I would take her out and would be met with the silent treatment throughout the evening and when we got back it was different rooms.

It got to the stage where she would cook food for herself and the kids and i was left to fend for myself. Not a biggie but I do remember going to bed several times hungry. Again not an issue, as it would help with training. However started wondering if it was a phase or that this was the way things would be for the future.

I wondered what would happen if she would be more supporting, if she supported my aspirations and desires. How much further in life we would we be? In a sense I made some notes and these were the things she wanted:

1) further and deeper commitment from me for her wants and desires
2) a third child
3) someone who would do everything for her at the drop of a hat

They were all related points. It was a standoff between me and her in the sense that she wanted the third child. I understood it as if we had the third child it would have given her a free license for the other points. I offered to comprise with adoption but again did not wash. She was convinced that a divorce would solve all her problems.

I offered her the divorce and then she suggested that i get all the papers sorted out and contact a solicitor? I then understood her to mean that I would have to divorce her. Then the game changed. Once i understood what she really wanted i bucked up and created a mental barrier between us. I made her realise how much I actually did do to support her and the family.

For me, it was the fact that my 2 kids meant more to me than she did so if she wanted a divorce she would have to do the hard work and get the paperwork sorted. Which she was not prepared to do.

In the end, with my work moving me away for 6 mths and she taking the kids on hols for 2 mths we had what she wanted a separation and she didn't like it. Then came flying back with a different attitude.

I know this doesn't help, but I wanted to show you people do have similar problems. If there is anything unclear with my post please do ask.

Edited by AndStilliRise on Saturday 3rd January 16:12

Hi,
this is one of those posts that slightly gives me some hope (I know, I know!) But in the back of my mind I had been hoping she would miss me while gone.....however in my case that doesn't seem to be.

I know its only been a week away, but even so, nothing there.

[Wolfer]

cookmysock said:

wow! Just finished reading this complete thread and my faith in PistonHeads is restored. Far from it losing its mojo and the incessant petty ranting / keyboard fightsd of a select few, this thread has really drawn many people together. Complete strangers offering the OP for a night out and a shoulder to cry on.

Fortunately I have not had the displeasure of a divorce and I can see from all the postings here it is a heartbreaking, soul destroying affair.

To all who have posted so far, take a bow for the great support offered to the OP and several others. I know if I have to ever go thought anything messy like this, it will be worth starting a thread.

OP. Best of luck getting thought what must be the most difficult period in your life and I sincerely hope you find happiness since it sounds like you genuinely deserve it. You will come out the other side stronger and wiser.

Happy to catch up and buy you a drink if you find yourself in Sydney!

I agree, when I wrote / posted this, I must admit I thought at best it would be met with less than helpful replies, couldn't have been more wrong.

Something therapeutic about talking to anonymous people and it bloody does help!

Thanks all

[Wolfer]

stuttgartmetal said:

What you miss is that bliss you once had
I don't miss what she was like near the end

I wanted migigation, easy split, she recruited a rottwellier legal advisor
A struck off bent solicitor.
He was a nightmare

It ended badly
I haven't seen or heard from my 14 yo daughter since that night in March 2010
That's what I miss.

I can't foresee any circumstance that would reconcile the ex wife and me
There are some things that can't be forgiven.
Strange, but when you love someone so much you'd give your life for theirs, it's such a shock when they dump your, or provoke a break up.
I regret my life everyday

I've moved on
Found someone else who I love.
There is always hope

You don't believe it at the time
It's mind blowing
It shreds you
I had to write down the conclusion of a thought process tha at started every morning
Why ?
You go round and round and round in circles

And spite?
You have never experienced spite like that from. a woman

The sh t I went through
And all the time I lived in our family home praying she would come home

You try packing up your 14yo daughters bedroom, and disposing of it all
You try clearing your family home
You try selling the house home you loved alone
You try going to the solicitors over and over again
You try family court Holborn 4 times
Just getting ready for courts enough
Takes ten years off your life, and what's worse is, you can't think of anything else.

Mental

Get out the other side, and move on
To do this you have to process everything
Only then do you get to acceptance

Me, 5 years on, apart from my daughter disowning me, which is very hard to deal with, life's good.

Struth, I see I have this to come!

Barr, luckily, any children, stupidly we treated our dogs like kids and I will miss them very much.

Glad you're starting to rebuild your life.