Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
Pferdestarke said:
If she's changed passwords then there's plenty to hide.
You are better off out of this relationship. It may not feel like it at the moment but in time you'll come to realise that.
Stop clinging on to the little things like meals and making you coffees. They just give you false hope. Don't put your feelings in her control.
Listen to us sceptics on here. We make some valid points which ought to make you see this for what it is.
As much as I don't like sceptics and think they're 'everything's sYou are better off out of this relationship. It may not feel like it at the moment but in time you'll come to realise that.
Stop clinging on to the little things like meals and making you coffees. They just give you false hope. Don't put your feelings in her control.
Listen to us sceptics on here. We make some valid points which ought to make you see this for what it is.
t and always will be' attitude and bad experienced with women are formed as much from their poor ability to judge character and weakness for a nice rack, as it is from anything else.However, on this occasion I fear he may be right.
Vocal Minority said:
As much as I don't like sceptics and think they're 'everything's st and always will be' attitude and bad experienced with women are formed as much from their poor ability to judge character and weakness for a nice rack, as it is from anything else.
However, on this occasion I fear he may be right.
The OP has shared enough with us to form a reasonable view of what she's doing. I wouldn't offer an opinion normally in these types of threads but reading this one it seems fairly obvious what the reality is. t and always will be' attitude and bad experienced with women are formed as much from their poor ability to judge character and weakness for a nice rack, as it is from anything else.However, on this occasion I fear he may be right.
I want the OP to see that, face facts and move himself onwards and upwards.
It happened to a good mate. He did that. And he's much better now.
Pferdestarke said:
Vocal Minority said:
As much as I don't like sceptics and think they're 'everything's st and always will be' attitude and bad experienced with women are formed as much from their poor ability to judge character and weakness for a nice rack, as it is from anything else.
However, on this occasion I fear he may be right.
The OP has shared enough with us to form a reasonable view of what she's doing. I wouldn't offer an opinion normally in these types of threads but reading this one it seems fairly obvious what the reality is. t and always will be' attitude and bad experienced with women are formed as much from their poor ability to judge character and weakness for a nice rack, as it is from anything else.However, on this occasion I fear he may be right.
I want the OP to see that, face facts and move himself onwards and upwards.
It happened to a good mate. He did that. And he's much better now.
The password changes don't mean there's another bloke on the scene, although I bet there is, but they do mean she is having converstations about the relationship that she isn't having with the OP. Whoever they're with, they won't be about the OP's best interests, they'll be about hers. Meals and drinks are just to keep you off the scent and a bit of guilt.
OP, where are her friends in all this and what changes in behaviour have you noticed other than those posted?
She will have a plan. The sooner you get one the better.
OP, where are her friends in all this and what changes in behaviour have you noticed other than those posted?
She will have a plan. The sooner you get one the better.
Thanks guys
As for behaviour, nothing that stuck out like a sore thumb, been a little ill for the last month, which is what I put a few things down to. Not as touchy feely with me if you get what I mean, again, put this down to being ill. Other than that nothing really, come back a few months ago from out anniversary trip, and been doing the house up every night/weekend, all seemed pretty good.
Cheers
9mm said:
The password changes don't mean there's another bloke on the scene, although I bet there is, but they do mean she is having converstations about the relationship that she isn't having with the OP. Whoever they're with, they won't be about the OP's best interests, they'll be about hers. Meals and drinks are just to keep you off the scent and a bit of guilt.
OP, where are her friends in all this and what changes in behaviour have you noticed other than those posted?
She will have a plan. The sooner you get one the better.
She hasn't many friends as we have been together since leaving school pretty much, so a couple of work colleagues, but mainly my family are her friends.OP, where are her friends in all this and what changes in behaviour have you noticed other than those posted?
She will have a plan. The sooner you get one the better.
As for behaviour, nothing that stuck out like a sore thumb, been a little ill for the last month, which is what I put a few things down to. Not as touchy feely with me if you get what I mean, again, put this down to being ill. Other than that nothing really, come back a few months ago from out anniversary trip, and been doing the house up every night/weekend, all seemed pretty good.
Cheers
Same pattern happened to me a few years back. She was able to do the 'let's be friends' thing because she had someone else in the pipeline and had moved on. It might come out of the blue to you, but it will be the result of weeks or months of cheating or planning to on her behalf. Awfully sad, but true.
Cheers guys.
Been looking at self help crap on the internet, trouble with that is one of the main things they all seem to say is this "focus on bad parts of the relationship, and use them" and a few other ways to rid your mind of her. However, in 20 years, apart from when she had depression, we had hardly any arguments, maybe a handful, always resolved in a few minutes/hours.
Been looking at self help crap on the internet, trouble with that is one of the main things they all seem to say is this "focus on bad parts of the relationship, and use them" and a few other ways to rid your mind of her. However, in 20 years, apart from when she had depression, we had hardly any arguments, maybe a handful, always resolved in a few minutes/hours.
Get out while you can dude.
Pros:
Your single now, play the field
Your single now, do what you want -go on holiday, go to Auss, go to the States, do whatever the feck you want.
Get a sports car, loud stereo and join the gym.
Cons:
You invested 20 yrs into someone you thought would be there to the end.
Pros:
Your single now, play the field
Your single now, do what you want -go on holiday, go to Auss, go to the States, do whatever the feck you want.
Get a sports car, loud stereo and join the gym.
Cons:
You invested 20 yrs into someone you thought would be there to the end.
She's bored of you. Bored enough to leave the comfy life with you behind. The reason it's come to a head is that there is someone else who tickles her fancy, if you get my drift.
Don't mope, it's not all your fault. There's nothing you can do to turn it around. Embrace the opportunity to look after number 1 for a while before you end up besotted with a girl who makes you realise your old relationship was crap.
Don't mope, it's not all your fault. There's nothing you can do to turn it around. Embrace the opportunity to look after number 1 for a while before you end up besotted with a girl who makes you realise your old relationship was crap.
Been through very similar about 7 years ago and it really crushed me to the point of serious depression.
Took a few years to get back on my feet. You find out who your real friends are in a situation like this and you must rely on them, this is when you need them most. Not sure how but I managed to hold down my job and fund my home on my own for so long after, but I pulled through the other side.
I am really kicking myself for moping about for so long after and taking so long to get the spring back in my step. I used my love of cars to take my mind off it... spent a shed loads of cash building a drift car and mud plugging off roader then spent a year of sundays with my mates having good times.
Now I'm with the girl of my dreams who is a million times more spectacular than the girl who crushed me. If anything I am a much stronger and more loving person because of what happened.
I wouldn't necessarily say the OP is being cheated on though, but it is likely his ex has met someone who she has taken a liking to and that has been the catalyst for her wanting to move on.
Took a few years to get back on my feet. You find out who your real friends are in a situation like this and you must rely on them, this is when you need them most. Not sure how but I managed to hold down my job and fund my home on my own for so long after, but I pulled through the other side.
I am really kicking myself for moping about for so long after and taking so long to get the spring back in my step. I used my love of cars to take my mind off it... spent a shed loads of cash building a drift car and mud plugging off roader then spent a year of sundays with my mates having good times.
Now I'm with the girl of my dreams who is a million times more spectacular than the girl who crushed me. If anything I am a much stronger and more loving person because of what happened.
I wouldn't necessarily say the OP is being cheated on though, but it is likely his ex has met someone who she has taken a liking to and that has been the catalyst for her wanting to move on.
Wolfer said:
Cheers guys.
Been looking at self help crap on the internet, trouble with that is one of the main things they all seem to say is this "focus on bad parts of the relationship, and use them" and a few other ways to rid your mind of her. However, in 20 years, apart from when she had depression, we had hardly any arguments, maybe a handful, always resolved in a few minutes/hours.
I've been there myself looking for answers on the internet but truth be told there are no answers. You're grieving the loss of your relationship, normal life, the memories of the good times. Only time will help you to get over it and you will. I now look back and know that I wasn't truly happy, I can see that now but love is blind isn't it.Been looking at self help crap on the internet, trouble with that is one of the main things they all seem to say is this "focus on bad parts of the relationship, and use them" and a few other ways to rid your mind of her. However, in 20 years, apart from when she had depression, we had hardly any arguments, maybe a handful, always resolved in a few minutes/hours.
She's gone mate. Sorry to be blunt but the only person you should give a s
t about now is yourself. Get yourself out of the house, don't be at home for tea as that's a head fk. Spend as little time at home as possible even if it's just to go for a drive out somewhere. Do things for you and given time the hurt you are feeling now will diminish.When my wife and I met we were at an age not too far from the OP's current age. We were both old enough to have learned an important lesson, and that is, that when you are unhappy it's not necessarily the other person's fault.
The trouble with childhood romances is that if the parties stay together, they won't normally have the opportunity to learn that lesson. Everybody has periods of unhappiness, and the tendency is to believe that the unhappiness is caused by being with the person they are with, that belief builds until it's strong enough to turn into action.
There may well be another man in the background somewhere, or maybe not, it actually doesn't matter either way.
The trouble with childhood romances is that if the parties stay together, they won't normally have the opportunity to learn that lesson. Everybody has periods of unhappiness, and the tendency is to believe that the unhappiness is caused by being with the person they are with, that belief builds until it's strong enough to turn into action.
There may well be another man in the background somewhere, or maybe not, it actually doesn't matter either way.
Pferdestarke said:
The OP has shared enough with us to form a reasonable view of what she's doing. I wouldn't offer an opinion normally in these types of threads but reading this one it seems fairly obvious what the reality is.
I want the OP to see that, face facts and move himself onwards and upwards.
It happened to a good mate. He did that. And he's much better now.
Sadly what the OP writes rings very true to my experience. I want the OP to see that, face facts and move himself onwards and upwards.
It happened to a good mate. He did that. And he's much better now.
Wife of 17 years, the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" announcement, the shutting down of any meaningful interaction, mobile phone becoming something that is password locked and treated like the crown jewels, needing lots of "me time".
Eventually she moved out into her own flat. Lo and behold 2 weeks later she announced she was pregnant ( not mine ).
Tough times ahead - but like a lot of others have said, rationalise it, think of your own happiness and realise that her happiness means that she doesn't want you in her life any more....be selfish....look after yourself...take the opportunity to catchup with friends and family....do something with your empty time...keep active. You'll get to the other side and when you do you'll be stronger, wiser and happier.
I'd agree with the others....you should insist on staying in the family home - be tough and think of yourself and your future. My biggest regret is not playing things with a harder hand at the time...I was so messed up mentally I just wanted the easy route.....now that I'm trying to build my "new life" it angers me that I never fought harder for what, in hindsight, was legitimately mine.
OP i know this is tough but I can promise you one thing for certain - if you had children then the pain would be a LOT worse than what you are feeling and last a lot longer.
It's no consolation as its still a bh but you will come out of this a better man. Just grit your teeth and take your medicine son, things will get better.
This Christmas will be st though so you might as well prepare for that one
It's no consolation as its still a b
h but you will come out of this a better man. Just grit your teeth and take your medicine son, things will get better.This Christmas will be s
t though so you might as well prepare for that oneWolfer said:
I still find it hard and confusing that in the space of a few weeks everything has changed
Only for you is it a shock in a short space of time. For her, she has had months to get used to the idea.Why are you waiting until January to get the house on the market? Do it now. Sounds to me like you are hoping things will change over Christmas. They won't unfortunately.
Why are you going to sell furniture? You'll both need furniture moving forward. Split it up. Saves hassle and cash.
The sooner you take control of the situation and start moving it forward the sooner you will recover from his.
When you're both at home on an evening/weekend, go out for an hour or so and do anything as long as you're away from the house. Do it every other day, and one day at the weekend. Her womanly instinct to be a nosey bh will kick in but never let on where you're going, it will keep her suspicions aroused and shows her you won't be a pushover.
h will kick in but never let on where you're going, it will keep her suspicions aroused and shows her you won't be a pushover.B17NNS said:
Only for you is it a shock in a short space of time. For her, she has had months to get used to the idea.
Why are you waiting until January to get the house on the market? Do it now. Sounds to me like you are hoping things will change over Christmas. They won't unfortunately.
Why are you going to sell furniture? You'll both need furniture moving forward. Split it up. Saves hassle and cash.
The sooner you take control of the situation and start moving it forward the sooner you will recover from his.
One, because I thought it would be a waste of time before Christmas as people are so busy, 2, due to the fact I need to finish off the few rooms that we had nearly completed. Also, she has asked why the rush.Why are you waiting until January to get the house on the market? Do it now. Sounds to me like you are hoping things will change over Christmas. They won't unfortunately.
Why are you going to sell furniture? You'll both need furniture moving forward. Split it up. Saves hassle and cash.
The sooner you take control of the situation and start moving it forward the sooner you will recover from his.
As for furniture, She wants a few bits that we got together, I made etc, but I don't want anything that reminds me of us together when it's all gone south. That and the fact I will be in a room with one of my parents so will have no space for anything. ( and will make the house look neater)
Sound as though you have found your balls.
Wolfer, why don't you get yourself on speed date websites, get the interest going a little. The OH's mind will start to wonder. With any luck you may even get a couple of dates which will cause her to loose sleep.
Love is unfortunately tactical warfare, you have to use all the means available to yourself to make sure you win. She has lunched a warhead at you believing it will be enough to destroy. Now is the time to MTFU and start playing aggressive. You will find when she sees you dressed up, going for a night of romance it will cause her to start questioning what she has done.
Remember the key rules:
1. MTFU
2. Get some dates
3. Get some new clothes/look
4. Ensure you are busy with FB, WhatsUp chatting/talking with birds
5. Join a gym (The girls who frequently chat are the available ones, the ones which just workout are completely attached)
I might be crass/brash but hey world is still turning dude.
Wolfer, why don't you get yourself on speed date websites, get the interest going a little. The OH's mind will start to wonder. With any luck you may even get a couple of dates which will cause her to loose sleep.
Love is unfortunately tactical warfare, you have to use all the means available to yourself to make sure you win. She has lunched a warhead at you believing it will be enough to destroy. Now is the time to MTFU and start playing aggressive. You will find when she sees you dressed up, going for a night of romance it will cause her to start questioning what she has done.
Remember the key rules:
1. MTFU
2. Get some dates
3. Get some new clothes/look
4. Ensure you are busy with FB, WhatsUp chatting/talking with birds
5. Join a gym (The girls who frequently chat are the available ones, the ones which just workout are completely attached)
I might be crass/brash but hey world is still turning dude.
Wolfer said:
One, because I thought it would be a waste of time before Christmas as people are so busy
It will help you psychologically. It won't sell before Christmas you're right but it might generate interest. It will give you back an element of control over your situation.Wolfer said:
Also, she has asked why the rush.
Because that's your prerogative and because the sooner it is dealt with the sooner you can start to get over this.Wolfer said:
As for furniture, She wants a few bits that we got together, I made etc,
Fine. Agree a value for those pieces, tell her you expect half the value in return. If she doesn't want to buy your half. Sell the lot.Wolfer said:
I don't want anything that reminds me of us together when it's all gone south.
Fair enough.Wolfer said:
I will be in a room with one of my parents so will have no space for anything.
The sooner you deal with the sale of the house, the sooner you can be out of your parents spare room.in short, you can be completely passive in the whole thing or you can take control of what is happening to you. Please do the latter.
Wolfer said:
One, because I thought it would be a waste of time before Christmas as people are so busy, 2, due to the fact I need to finish off the few rooms that we had nearly completed. Also, she has asked why the rush.
Do you think she is thinking that she is somehow going to keep the house? The woman's fantasy is to move the husband out, keep the house and to move the boyfriend in.Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff