Being told " I don't love you anymore"

[9mm]

Joey Deacon said:

Wolfer said:

One, because I thought it would be a waste of time before Christmas as people are so busy, 2, due to the fact I need to finish off the few rooms that we had nearly completed. Also, she has asked why the rush.

Do you think she is thinking that she is somehow going to keep the house? The woman's fantasy is to move the husband out, keep the house and to move the boyfriend in.

That does seem to be quite common with women - they want to keep everything from the cat to the house but simply substitute you for the new squeeze.

Why wouldn't you want the house sold at the earliest opportunity? Just tell her you want to get on with your life and it's fine for her to screw about with hers but not with yours. Every day the house is unsold is a day longer stuck in a bad place.

[CountZero23]

Wolfer said:

One, because I thought it would be a waste of time before Christmas as people are so busy, 2, due to the fact I need to finish off the few rooms that we had nearly completed. Also, she has asked why the rush.

As for furniture, She wants a few bits that we got together, I made etc, but I don't want anything that reminds me of us together when it's all gone south. That and the fact I will be in a room with one of my parents so will have no space for anything. ( and will make the house look neater)

Same situation with my ex, she's still living in my flat. The room she was moving into 'was a bit pokey' and she seems to think there is 'no rush' as well!? Seems more bothered about leaving my nice cushty flat and the cats than me.

Still on 'good terms' and she has been as kind and honest as she could be so not going to kick her out into some st hole; though this does mean we're stuck togther till new year.

Trying to avoid MY flat as much as possible; meeting up with an old mate tonight and off to visit my cousin for the weekend. Bit of space really helps, try to get away as much as possible. Hard getting the space you need to begin moving on when your still living togther.

Good luck OP

[Wolfer]

Cheers guys.
believe it or not, venting on here really has helped.

I have some massive decisions to make this weekend. If interested, I will update. Might even help out a fellow PH'er in the future.

Thanks

[mikerons88]

Yes, please update and follow the good advice given

[Pferdestarke]

Wolfer said:

Cheers guys.
believe it or not, venting on here really has helped.

I have some massive decisions to make this weekend. If interested, I will update. Might even help out a fellow PH'er in the future.

Thanks

Of course. We're all ears!

Think big.

As in grand scheme...

This, is a drip on a hot plate.

They fizzle out fast.

Get some beer in you tonight. No moping.

[Wolfer]

mikerons88 said:

Yes, please update and follow the good advice given

Thanks, strangely, family and friends advice is slightly polar to advice here, but as effin ste as its looking likely, I need to be a bit more of a double-hard-bd starting tomorrow.

Cheers

[boxst]

Wolfer said:

Thanks, strangely, family and friends advice is slightly polar to advice here, but as effin ste as its looking likely, I need to be a bit more of a double-hard-bd starting tomorrow.

Cheers

That you do otherwise it'll just drag on ..

[Wolfer]

Pferdestarke said:

Of course. We're all ears!

Think big.

As in grand scheme...

This, is a drip on a hot plate.

They fizzle out fast.

Get some beer in you tonight. No moping.

Ha ha. Funnily enough, I was breaking my rule of no alcohol on a school night tonight, and I have, however, only 5 cans in! Probably best as I'll be popping into work tomorrow.

Tomorrow night is a different matter, I may well get st-faced. But in a good way of course.

Cheers

[mjb1]

Wolfer said:

Ha ha. Funnily enough, I was breaking my rule of no alcohol on a school night tonight, and I have, however, only 5 cans in! Probably best as I'll be popping into work tomorrow.

Tomorrow night is a different matter, I may well get st-faced. But in a good way of course.

Cheers

Just be careful not to get stfaced and then come home to find her in bed with the new bloke! Alcohol might encourage to do something you regret!

As for family, they are kind of stuck in the middle to an extent, a) they perhaps have hope that you will reconcile, b) they know her as well, so they are more likely to be neutral. Whereas on PH, we know nothing of 'her side of the story', so we can give it all the gung ho, double hard bd, snakes with tits treatment.

As others have said, don't move out of the house, just spend as much time out as you can. You move out, she gets comfortable, and has no incentive on her part to get the place sold. Meanwhile you're in limbo.

[B17NNS]

Wolfer said:

I need to be a bit more of a double-hard-bd starting tomorrow.

[Wolfer]

mikerons88 said:

mjb1 said:

Just be careful not to get stfaced and then come home to find her in bed with the new bloke! Alcohol might encourage to do something you regret!

join in?

One thing I have found, is that she is not seeing anyone else, obviously I don't know whether she has designs on someone else, but it doesn't look that way either. Won't say how I know, but I do.

On the other hand, that would have been, strangely, easier to deal with!! One reason being, there is no way on earth I would consider trying again!

That said, it doesn't really matter, as whether she did or didn't, we're over. I know that.

[TVR1]

OP indeed you do need to get a bit of about you.

As others have said, your EX is playing a long game and keeping HER options open. Like it or not, as others have mentioned, your EX has been planning this for a while. In her mind, the end game will be you moving out and your EX (are you understanding?) moving someone else in.

Frankly, SHE should be moving out, not you. Being decent and nice is fine. But stand your ground. Its your house FFS!!!!

I promise you this.... In a couple of weeks time, over Christmas and specifically when you haven't been a pushover, she will realise that you are a bit harder than she thought.

What will happen is this.....

You will come home to a lovely meal (december 23rd is my best guess, to give you enough time to tell your respective parents that ' things are looking better' and also to allow both of you to attend Christmas dinner) and then, she will tell you how sorry she is and how she hates herself for what she has done (december 26th) and then, she will say...

'I want to make Love' or variations of.

You will succumb. And you WILL dump a load in her. And then, a few weeks later, you will have that magic conversation that includes the words, 'its not working' 'im really sorry' but......... 'I'm Pregnant'

Mark my words. If you leave the house now, you are only going back on Your EX girlfriends terms. Except you wont't be going back.

I would point you to a post of Tacklebury. No need to repeat or link to his posts 2 years ago but he learned the hard way.

Meet a decent girl, like mine. Neither of us a pot to piss in (relatively )both in our 40's, first child on the way, married 2 weeks ago, not even living together but it WORKS. And we are having the best time of our lives.

Totally OT but i hope things are going as well as you sayTackleB?



Cut the cord NOW OP.

[mjb1]

Wolfer said:

mikerons88 said:

mjb1 said:

Just be careful not to get stfaced and then come home to find her in bed with the new bloke! Alcohol might encourage to do something you regret!

join in?

One thing I have found, is that she is not seeing anyone else, obviously I don't know whether she has designs on someone else, but it doesn't look that way either. Won't say how I know, but I do.

On the other hand, that would have been, strangely, easier to deal with!! One reason being, there is no way on earth I would consider trying again!

That said, it doesn't really matter, as whether she did or didn't, we're over. I know that.

I was semi joking, but fact is she could get together with someone else before you get things finalised. She's been plotting this for some time - as hard as it is for you to stomach, she will have made her mind up a while ago, and simply been going through the motions while she gets her head around it. So she'll be further down the road emotionally.

[singlecoil]

What makes this thread so fascinating is that most of the readers know what the OP is going through, and they know how it will turn out, and they know he will get better eventually, and they know that he can't see those things for himself (just like we couldn't when it happened to us ). He can acknowledge them, but he doesn't really believe them yet, he hasn't moved on yet. It can be very frustrating for the onlookers.

[Wolfer]

singlecoil said:

What makes this thread so fascinating is that most of the readers know what the OP is going through, and they know how it will turn out, and they know he will get better eventually, and they know that he can't see those things for himself (just like we couldn't when it happened to us ). He can acknowledge them, but he doesn't really believe them yet, he hasn't moved on yet. It can be very frustrating for the onlookers.

Don't worry, I'm starting to realise!

Just never been an asshole to anyone before, and that's how I'm feeling I'm being (well, once my double-hard-bd st starts tomorrow)

Ffs, I even went phsyco on a lad in front of me one night when I saw him intentionally swerve to hit a hedgehog (he may, or may not do that again)

[cardigankid]

Wolfer said:

Ha ha. Funnily enough, I was breaking my rule of no alcohol on a school night tonight, and I have, however, only 5 cans in! Probably best as I'll be popping into work tomorrow.

Tomorrow night is a different matter, I may well get st-faced. But in a good way of course.

Cheers

Good to hear you thinking like that. You need to ditch the emotional dependence. With respect, she doesn't sound the most stable of people and I suspect that you have probably had as much of that as you need. Get back to reality, and when you do that her ability to affect you in any way will have ceased.

By the way, you will know you have succeeded when she introduces her new boyfriend, and you can smile and say, 'good luck'.

Edited by cardigankid on Thursday 4th December 21:38

[MikeGoodwin]

Does she watch Hollyoaks?

My mrs watches that and thinks its real life. She even cried when they all died in that train crash (which I thought was ridiculous). So she tries stuff on now and again and plays silly fkers but I tell her NO this is not Hollyoaks and she shuts up after that. A verbal slap to the face so to speak.

Need to learn to stop women in their tracks whenever their minds bend. It happens frequently; a genetic flaw in the female brain.

Years of experience has taught me to keep them guessing all the time rather than assuring them you love and care for them that way they dont have time to consider whats really happening. Occasionally a little reassurance is fine but dont let them get comfy. IMO a fine art.

[Monkeylegend]

MikeGoodwin said:

Does she watch Hollyoaks?

My mrs watches that and thinks its real life. She even cried when they all died in that train crash (which I thought was ridiculous). So she tries stuff on now and again and plays silly fkers but I tell her NO this is not Hollyoaks and she shuts up after that. A verbal slap to the face so to speak.

Need to learn to stop women in their tracks whenever their minds bend. It happens frequently; a genetic flaw in the female brain.

Years of experience has taught me to keep them guessing all the time rather than assuring them you love and care for them that way they dont have time to consider whats really happening. Occasionally a little reassurance is fine but dont let them get comfy. IMO a fine art.

And if that doesn't work, drag them around by their hair to let then know who's boss. In your spare time you could even invent the wheel.

[Robatr0n]

Monkeylegend said:

MikeGoodwin said:

Does she watch Hollyoaks?

My mrs watches that and thinks its real life. She even cried when they all died in that train crash (which I thought was ridiculous). So she tries stuff on now and again and plays silly fkers but I tell her NO this is not Hollyoaks and she shuts up after that. A verbal slap to the face so to speak.

Need to learn to stop women in their tracks whenever their minds bend. It happens frequently; a genetic flaw in the female brain.

Years of experience has taught me to keep them guessing all the time rather than assuring them you love and care for them that way they dont have time to consider whats really happening. Occasionally a little reassurance is fine but dont let them get comfy. IMO a fine art.

And if that doesn't work, drag them around by their hair to let then know who's boss. In your spare time you could even invent the wheel.

A verbal slap so to speak.

[menousername]

CountZero23 said:

Same situation with my ex, she's still living in my flat. The room she was moving into 'was a bit pokey' and she seems to think there is 'no rush' as well!? Seems more bothered about leaving my nice cushty flat and the cats than me.

Still on 'good terms' and she has been as kind and honest as she could be so not going to kick her out into some st hole; though this does mean we're stuck togther till new year.

Trying to avoid MY flat as much as possible; meeting up with an old mate tonight and off to visit my cousin for the weekend. Bit of space really helps, try to get away as much as possible. Hard getting the space you need to begin moving on when your still living togther.

Good luck OP

how did you get yourself into this situation... if its your flat as in yours on your own and not a joint-ownership / tenancy?

Should she not be making plans and getting out asap?