Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
Semi moved back today, for convenience of work etc. Probably goes against the grain a bit. But at the moment, it's easier for me, and useful to have home comforts.
I know we won't magically get back together, and I am here purely for an easy life, to get the house, contents and bank sorted, and will only stay as long as I am able to handle it.
Is it stupid? Time will tell.
I know we won't magically get back together, and I am here purely for an easy life, to get the house, contents and bank sorted, and will only stay as long as I am able to handle it.
Is it stupid? Time will tell.
CountZero23 said:
Living with my ex would not equate to an easy life, my situation is different as it's my flat so she's moved out. That said everytime I see her it's like a take a few steps back just as I'm getting back on my feet.
I've got the keys off her and now just need to wait for her to sort her life out and find a proper place to live as she's still sofa surfing (or shacked up with some one else) so I can get rid of all her crap she's left here.
You need as much space and time apart as you can if you want to move on mate.
Got an old FWB coming over to stay next weekend and a girl I've started seeing is back from her holidays the week after so not all bad. That said would love to say getting underneath someone else is some kind of magic pill - but I'm still missing her.
Finding it hard to get excited about anything and just seem to be sitting around on PH and watching movies.
Back to work tomorrow which should hopefully provide some distraction. Really thought I'd be in a much better state than this after a few weeks off.
I should imagine, somewhere in my fooked up mind, I hope there is something there. But I know it's not, I know it doesn't make sense!I've got the keys off her and now just need to wait for her to sort her life out and find a proper place to live as she's still sofa surfing (or shacked up with some one else) so I can get rid of all her crap she's left here.
You need as much space and time apart as you can if you want to move on mate.
Got an old FWB coming over to stay next weekend and a girl I've started seeing is back from her holidays the week after so not all bad. That said would love to say getting underneath someone else is some kind of magic pill - but I'm still missing her.
Finding it hard to get excited about anything and just seem to be sitting around on PH and watching movies.
Back to work tomorrow which should hopefully provide some distraction. Really thought I'd be in a much better state than this after a few weeks off.
She seems in the last week to have had a massive clearout, all junk gone, and a few of my bits stacked up in my/spare room. So I guess its just a case that I get as much stuff as possible that I want shifted now.
We're doing a load of tip runs Saturday, that should then make some room, and help me realise what's going on. Ie, chucking stuff we would normally have kept = the end.
We'll share the cooking the nights we're both in, mad, I know.
CountZero23 said:
Yup, pretty mad. But at least your moving in the right direction getting all the stuff sorted and boxed up.
It's really easy to slip back into the denial stage when you're spending time with them and even having a laugh - this is really holding you back. It has done with me.
Have you made any progress getting the house on the market?
The sooner you can find yourself your own place and get some distance the sooner you can start putting your life back together.
You're 36 and still have plenty of time for a fresh start, the less time you waste in this limbo state the better. Things have already hit the rocks once before - even if you were to get back together I can't see you ever being able to truely relax and would always be thinking in the back of your mind that things would go tits up again.
You certainly deserve allot better than to be in a relationship like this.
I know all you want is her back, same boat as me fella but it's essential that we move on.
Doubt you'll even be thinking on these terms yet but just for the record being a 34/36 year old single guy really isn't so bad. Just need to convince myself of that now!
All the best mate and do keep us posted on your progress!
Hi mate,It's really easy to slip back into the denial stage when you're spending time with them and even having a laugh - this is really holding you back. It has done with me.
Have you made any progress getting the house on the market?
The sooner you can find yourself your own place and get some distance the sooner you can start putting your life back together.
You're 36 and still have plenty of time for a fresh start, the less time you waste in this limbo state the better. Things have already hit the rocks once before - even if you were to get back together I can't see you ever being able to truely relax and would always be thinking in the back of your mind that things would go tits up again.
You certainly deserve allot better than to be in a relationship like this.
I know all you want is her back, same boat as me fella but it's essential that we move on.
Doubt you'll even be thinking on these terms yet but just for the record being a 34/36 year old single guy really isn't so bad. Just need to convince myself of that now!
All the best mate and do keep us posted on your progress!
Edited by CountZero23 on Sunday 4th January 19:13
Pretty much a lot of what you say rings true.
After a little discussion earlier, a few things were made clear.
1, There is no-one else, she just doesn't love me (after 20 years!!)
2, She has no idea where to go, especially with the dogs.
3, Nothings going to change.
4, I'm now a toss3r for questioning things and going on too much.
5, I shouldn't speak about her female relatives that have done the same to blokes, albeit the blokes were iffy.
6, Possibility I'm too nice !!!!!
7, Only asked back as it is also my house, and I was living with family where one was very (possibly terminally) ill.
Beginning to think this was a mistake, except for the fact I can start sorting everything out from here.
As a few of you have said, f
k me it's lonely!How can a woman change, from loving, caring, helpful, considerate, loyal and the person you would die for, and possibly still would, into someone who has no time for you, wants to see things cleared up, and, as tonight has shown, for the first time......start shouting at you!
Wtf!!
Just like to say thanks again guys.
I am taking all advice on board, both from here and family / friends.
Since I have been back, I've just been pleasant, helpful and cheery.
I had a dream last night where I fell to my death, which was nice! Strange as I never remember dreams.
Starting to try and get a plan together in my head, and write things down that I want or need to do over the coming weeks.
I do keep checking this thread when I get chance, and if I dont thank or quote you personally, don't take this as not appreciated or read, I genuinely find this helpful.
Good hours and bad.
Thanks
I am taking all advice on board, both from here and family / friends.
Since I have been back, I've just been pleasant, helpful and cheery.
I had a dream last night where I fell to my death, which was nice! Strange as I never remember dreams.
Starting to try and get a plan together in my head, and write things down that I want or need to do over the coming weeks.
I do keep checking this thread when I get chance, and if I dont thank or quote you personally, don't take this as not appreciated or read, I genuinely find this helpful.
Good hours and bad.
Thanks
Rude-boy said:
I really feel sorry for those that have had real majorly bad breakups and false accusations and the like come their way but I have to say that my break up made me a much stronger, wiser and better person. But then again I always analyse a negative experience for the positives that I can draw from it.
That's all I can do now. and hope to buggery that I come out of this wiser and stronger!One issue I do have, that sounds bloody sad, is that I have hardly any good friends (barr workmates, and the odd few mates I would class as close) as for the last 20 years, everything was done together, nights out, hobbies, working on the houses we have shared. Hindsight is wonderful, and I know people say you shouldn't jack your mates in when you get with a bird, but I suppose everything felt "right" and even up until she ended it. Nearly all of our socialising was done mainly with my family, and or friends of the family. I suppose I could look at this as a positive and join different groups, clubs etc maybe.
Also, the realisation when at work and I think "can't wait to get home now" then remember I haven't really got one, and the house I am in now will soon be gone, and the person that is there does not care if I was even to turn up!
@ 9mm
Now I'm back, we are arranging for 3 different estate agents and will go with the best one (not price, just overall)
WRT moving her out, she will need money from the sale of the house, at the moment it will work as she can help sell stuff off and get the house on ready for the pictures etc
Now I'm back, we are arranging for 3 different estate agents and will go with the best one (not price, just overall)
WRT moving her out, she will need money from the sale of the house, at the moment it will work as she can help sell stuff off and get the house on ready for the pictures etc
Hi chaps,
Can't explain fully, haven't got long, but yes, joint mortgage, we'll split everything equally. Including furnishings (although I just want to sell the lot, do not want reminders). She will take the dogs, again as they will be reminders. Only trouble with her taking the dogs is that it will be harder for her to find a place to stay once house is sold.
One complication came up last night, I came back from work ready to ask about getting separate accounts and just paying into the joint account the bills we need to pay. However, before I got that far, she explained she is being made redundant.
Now it will look like spite if I was to go ahead with conversation about getting separate accounts!
Can't explain fully, haven't got long, but yes, joint mortgage, we'll split everything equally. Including furnishings (although I just want to sell the lot, do not want reminders). She will take the dogs, again as they will be reminders. Only trouble with her taking the dogs is that it will be harder for her to find a place to stay once house is sold.
One complication came up last night, I came back from work ready to ask about getting separate accounts and just paying into the joint account the bills we need to pay. However, before I got that far, she explained she is being made redundant.
Now it will look like spite if I was to go ahead with conversation about getting separate accounts!
Hi,
for anyone that is interested, a bit of an update.
We're making another go of it all. Past behind us and all that.
Nah....turned a bit of a corner now. Not in any way shape or form saying I'm over everything, and the mug inside of me still wants everything to be how it was, but it never will be and I know my life has changed completely.
I look at myself as single now, and refer to the wife as "the ex". Managing work quite well under the circumstances, and keeping my head held high.
Still living at the "house", (no longer home) and we are working as friends there, once house is sold I will cut all ties, but for now, pleasantries all round including going out for the odd meal etc, as friends only.
I asked a friend of hers a couple of weeks back about the situation, and said I was holding off on the sale of the house as she hadn't mentioned it, and wanted to give it some time, you never know.....she replied with the fact that she knew "ex" was adamant she wanted to sell up and move on. Hit me like a brick, as she doesn't talk about it to me too much, but was probably the turning point for me.
Today we have spent the morning getting everything from the sheds, utility, garden and spare rooms that neither of us want / rubbish, and loading it outside. I have Monday off and will take several trips to the tip! Tonight all furniture not wanted is going on ebay with a 99p start. This is all ready for when estate agents come to take pics.
Again, another turning point! Throwing away everything we have accumulated over 20 years as if it's nothing, when before we held it as sacred almost! Wierdly (or not in the case of women) she is keeping all the teddies and other soppy stuff you get your wife when you love her, including wedding dress and rings etc.
I'm taking my Technic Lego, pc stuff and my rc nitro car!
She is posting on facebook more about stuff, probably as she knows I hate facebook ha ha. And still gets the odd dig in about how my family haven't been in touch with her to see how she's doing.
I will admit, the house is looking nice now, and friggin huge! Bonus too that it looks like we got the value wrong on the house, and it's closer to 270k, therefore after all fees, paying everything off etc, we're looking at between 35 and 45k each at least. Which will be handy. Plus I have my 3 cars and the above lego etc. She wants a lot of the furniture to put into storage which is fine by me.
One upside is that I have already lost a stone in weight, plus hardly drinking, every cloud and all that. Determined now to get my 37 year old body back to how it was at 17 when I was lifting.
Don't get me wrong, I will probably break down when the house is sold and we go our seperate ways (will miss my dogs like mad too!!) and even now when walking round the house I get the odd "moment".
And yes, I will be a tw@t / mug / insert what you think, and help her as much as possible to the bitter end......but I'm determined not to be bitter!
I would like to thank everyone for reading, offering advice good or bad, and to say I'm glad I posted here that fateful night, if nothing else, it may even help some other sap!
Cheers,
Will update in a few weeks when more is on the move, if not for you, for me to look back on and for therapy
for anyone that is interested, a bit of an update.
We're making another go of it all. Past behind us and all that.
Nah....turned a bit of a corner now. Not in any way shape or form saying I'm over everything, and the mug inside of me still wants everything to be how it was, but it never will be and I know my life has changed completely.
I look at myself as single now, and refer to the wife as "the ex". Managing work quite well under the circumstances, and keeping my head held high.
Still living at the "house", (no longer home) and we are working as friends there, once house is sold I will cut all ties, but for now, pleasantries all round including going out for the odd meal etc, as friends only.
I asked a friend of hers a couple of weeks back about the situation, and said I was holding off on the sale of the house as she hadn't mentioned it, and wanted to give it some time, you never know.....she replied with the fact that she knew "ex" was adamant she wanted to sell up and move on. Hit me like a brick, as she doesn't talk about it to me too much, but was probably the turning point for me.
Today we have spent the morning getting everything from the sheds, utility, garden and spare rooms that neither of us want / rubbish, and loading it outside. I have Monday off and will take several trips to the tip! Tonight all furniture not wanted is going on ebay with a 99p start. This is all ready for when estate agents come to take pics.
Again, another turning point! Throwing away everything we have accumulated over 20 years as if it's nothing, when before we held it as sacred almost! Wierdly (or not in the case of women) she is keeping all the teddies and other soppy stuff you get your wife when you love her, including wedding dress and rings etc.
I'm taking my Technic Lego, pc stuff and my rc nitro car!
She is posting on facebook more about stuff, probably as she knows I hate facebook ha ha. And still gets the odd dig in about how my family haven't been in touch with her to see how she's doing.
I will admit, the house is looking nice now, and friggin huge! Bonus too that it looks like we got the value wrong on the house, and it's closer to 270k, therefore after all fees, paying everything off etc, we're looking at between 35 and 45k each at least. Which will be handy. Plus I have my 3 cars and the above lego etc. She wants a lot of the furniture to put into storage which is fine by me.
One upside is that I have already lost a stone in weight, plus hardly drinking, every cloud and all that. Determined now to get my 37 year old body back to how it was at 17 when I was lifting.
Don't get me wrong, I will probably break down when the house is sold and we go our seperate ways (will miss my dogs like mad too!!) and even now when walking round the house I get the odd "moment".
And yes, I will be a tw@t / mug / insert what you think, and help her as much as possible to the bitter end......but I'm determined not to be bitter!
I would like to thank everyone for reading, offering advice good or bad, and to say I'm glad I posted here that fateful night, if nothing else, it may even help some other sap!
Cheers,
Will update in a few weeks when more is on the move, if not for you, for me to look back on and for therapy
Update for anyone interested.
We ended up back together, both of us happy as pigs in muck.
All going swimmingly, however, one issue.
She thinks my family hate her, and that they are only pleasant to her as we're back together. From my point of view, my family seem to be making a big effort, especially as she left me, but what do I know. If i explain how i think things are, she in turn thinks I'm not listening to her,
She thinks that they are all horrible to her, and that invites to a show/play are not genuine. I can't see that, and thought it was all going well. I think i may have been seriously misguided!
We used to be massively close to my family, and to a point still are, but this puts a strain on it all. I feel so sorry for her as i think she is paranoid, and seeing her upset kills me. But what do i do?
Hard to explain, but I feel so glad and happy we're back together, but feel so sick that this might come between us!
And to top it off, the M3 rear view mirror has decided to drip!
We ended up back together, both of us happy as pigs in muck.
All going swimmingly, however, one issue.
She thinks my family hate her, and that they are only pleasant to her as we're back together. From my point of view, my family seem to be making a big effort, especially as she left me, but what do I know. If i explain how i think things are, she in turn thinks I'm not listening to her,
She thinks that they are all horrible to her, and that invites to a show/play are not genuine. I can't see that, and thought it was all going well. I think i may have been seriously misguided!
We used to be massively close to my family, and to a point still are, but this puts a strain on it all. I feel so sorry for her as i think she is paranoid, and seeing her upset kills me. But what do i do?
Hard to explain, but I feel so glad and happy we're back together, but feel so sick that this might come between us!
And to top it off, the M3 rear view mirror has decided to drip!
Yeah, I know I took a risk and didn't listen to anyone. 
but I decided that if I didn't at least try, I would always regret it and have that "what if" hanging over me.
Of course I am more wary now, and in that sense it will probably be the unfolding of it all, but at least I can say I gave it a shot. I know there was no-one else, as I wouldn't have entertained getting back if there had been.
Moneywise i'd be fine, as it would be a case of house sold, split 50/50.
If it indeed all goes pear shaped, I'll update and confirm you were correct - I wouldn't be asking for support or advice if it does, as you could rightly tell me to fook right off!
but I decided that if I didn't at least try, I would always regret it and have that "what if" hanging over me.Of course I am more wary now, and in that sense it will probably be the unfolding of it all, but at least I can say I gave it a shot. I know there was no-one else, as I wouldn't have entertained getting back if there had been.
Moneywise i'd be fine, as it would be a case of house sold, split 50/50.
If it indeed all goes pear shaped, I'll update and confirm you were correct - I wouldn't be asking for support or advice if it does, as you could rightly tell me to fook right off!
Starting to worry now re my age if I prolong the perhaps inevitable!
Re the her staying with me due to no money/nowhere to go thing, Near the end, it was amicable enough, and we were living together, just in separate rooms, and I told her I would make sure she was fine until she had a new job and settled in somewhere else, and the house was sold. So she could have kept the split as it was knowing she would be ok. I had decided by then, that if she was brave enough to say we needed to split, and she was going on her own, I couldn't, and wouldn't stop her and would help her as much as possible.
I took her out for a day when we were both at loose ends, and that's when she told me she didn't want to split up. I didn't say one way or the other at the time.
Probably heading for a fall.
Re the her staying with me due to no money/nowhere to go thing, Near the end, it was amicable enough, and we were living together, just in separate rooms, and I told her I would make sure she was fine until she had a new job and settled in somewhere else, and the house was sold. So she could have kept the split as it was knowing she would be ok. I had decided by then, that if she was brave enough to say we needed to split, and she was going on her own, I couldn't, and wouldn't stop her and would help her as much as possible.
I took her out for a day when we were both at loose ends, and that's when she told me she didn't want to split up. I didn't say one way or the other at the time.
Probably heading for a fall.
Few people go through this then don't they!
For all those that have, is this normal? - My stuff has moved to storage ready for house sale, we have both agreed, many months ago it's over, and we're fine with that, however I generally only sleep around 2-4 hours per night now. Works suffering a bit. Feel guilty that I wasted 20 years of her life (and mine)and feel bad as she is going to have to waste a lot of money from the sale of the house to get rented accommodation and pay bills as her lone wages will only just cover bills. Not even sure what I'm going to do yet, but being a bloke, can crash down anywhere.
For all those that have, is this normal? - My stuff has moved to storage ready for house sale, we have both agreed, many months ago it's over, and we're fine with that, however I generally only sleep around 2-4 hours per night now. Works suffering a bit. Feel guilty that I wasted 20 years of her life (and mine)and feel bad as she is going to have to waste a lot of money from the sale of the house to get rented accommodation and pay bills as her lone wages will only just cover bills. Not even sure what I'm going to do yet, but being a bloke, can crash down anywhere.
Ronzx6r said:
Does anyone know if that Wolffy guy came back after they reunited ?! got bored after page 39
Yep, twas me, Lasted approx 11 months, then just before Christmas that year , I got the same again.2 years on, we're both with other people, get on as friends, nothing nasty, but luckily we didnt have kids.
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