Being told " I don't love you anymore"

[Theoldman]

Just read through whole thread, got me through the night shift!

Wishing all heartbroken souls a better new year.


My 1st wife said it to me (a long time ago), story would need a new thread.

But she came back to say she had made a mistake and wanted to get back together!
I responded with a very difficult to say NO, as for me the trust had been broken and I'd seen her true nature.

To help me get over her, in my mind I treated her like a Car I'd looked after and maintained with love, but sold it to someone over the road and he can do what he likes with it now.

Anyway, as has been said there is always a new road to follow and I met someone much nicer and many years later with 2 grown up kids, we are stil together.
Up and Downs for sure, but still have that trust which cements a relationship.

Stay strong Wolfie!

[Wolfer]

Just like to say thanks again guys.

I am taking all advice on board, both from here and family / friends.

Since I have been back, I've just been pleasant, helpful and cheery.

I had a dream last night where I fell to my death, which was nice! Strange as I never remember dreams.

Starting to try and get a plan together in my head, and write things down that I want or need to do over the coming weeks.

I do keep checking this thread when I get chance, and if I dont thank or quote you personally, don't take this as not appreciated or read, I genuinely find this helpful.

Good hours and bad.

Thanks

[stuttgartmetal]

Oh the dreams

You baad the one where everything gets resolved ?
That ones a real killer when you wake up.
I had that one recurring, to wake up in an empty room alone.

Dreams are the brain preparing you for change
Something to be endured.

The relief of felling to your death and relief.
What a nightmare, however it's your brain telling you something.
It's telling you how bad this all feels

Stay strong
Keep busy
Keep out of her way.

[ChocolateFrog]

Some sound advice on this thread.

It's amazing how much rings true, as painful as the truth can be at times.

Genuinely envy the guys and girls that have never had to go through it. Twice for me know and it doesn't get any easier just a little wiser.

[Adenauer]

SM, what's up with you today, why are you posting everything in the style of a poem?

[Rude-boy]

ChocolateFrog said:

Genuinely envy the guys and girls that have never had to go through it. Twice for me know and it doesn't get any easier just a little wiser.

I really feel sorry for those that have had real majorly bad breakups and false accusations and the like come their way but I have to say that my break up made me a much stronger, wiser and better person. But then again I always analyse a negative experience for the positives that I can draw from it.

[Wolfer]

Rude-boy said:

I really feel sorry for those that have had real majorly bad breakups and false accusations and the like come their way but I have to say that my break up made me a much stronger, wiser and better person. But then again I always analyse a negative experience for the positives that I can draw from it.

That's all I can do now. and hope to buggery that I come out of this wiser and stronger!

One issue I do have, that sounds bloody sad, is that I have hardly any good friends (barr workmates, and the odd few mates I would class as close) as for the last 20 years, everything was done together, nights out, hobbies, working on the houses we have shared. Hindsight is wonderful, and I know people say you shouldn't jack your mates in when you get with a bird, but I suppose everything felt "right" and even up until she ended it. Nearly all of our socialising was done mainly with my family, and or friends of the family. I suppose I could look at this as a positive and join different groups, clubs etc maybe.

Also, the realisation when at work and I think "can't wait to get home now" then remember I haven't really got one, and the house I am in now will soon be gone, and the person that is there does not care if I was even to turn up!

[9mm]

Wolfer said:

That's all I can do now. and hope to buggery that I come out of this wiser and stronger!

One issue I do have, that sounds bloody sad, is that I have hardly any good friends (barr workmates, and the odd few mates I would class as close) as for the last 20 years, everything was done together, nights out, hobbies, working on the houses we have shared. Hindsight is wonderful, and I know people say you shouldn't jack your mates in when you get with a bird, but I suppose everything felt "right" and even up until she ended it. Nearly all of our socialising was done mainly with my family, and or friends of the family. I suppose I could look at this as a positive and join different groups, clubs etc maybe.

Also, the realisation when at work and I think "can't wait to get home now" then remember I haven't really got one, and the house I am in now will soon be gone, and the person that is there does not care if I was even to turn up!

OK I'll try one more time. You seem to have plenty of time to post on here so what have you done about:

a)moving her out?
b)putting the property on the market?

[Wolfer]

@ 9mm

Now I'm back, we are arranging for 3 different estate agents and will go with the best one (not price, just overall)

WRT moving her out, she will need money from the sale of the house, at the moment it will work as she can help sell stuff off and get the house on ready for the pictures etc

[julian64]

Wolfer said:

Just like to say thanks again guys.

I am taking all advice on board, both from here and family / friends.

Since I have been back, I've just been pleasant, helpful and cheery.

I had a dream last night where I fell to my death, which was nice! Strange as I never remember dreams.

Starting to try and get a plan together in my head, and write things down that I want or need to do over the coming weeks.

I do keep checking this thread when I get chance, and if I dont thank or quote you personally, don't take this as not appreciated or read, I genuinely find this helpful.

Good hours and bad.

Thanks

Really don't thank anyone on this thread. Its the same as any other thread on PH. If you as the poster are getting benefit from letting off steam on here then go on. But don't think any of the advice given to you on here is anything you should take with anything other than a pinch of salt, mine included.

I've been on PH a while and these threads always split into two types of people

The bitter twisted, 'it happened like this in my relationship, so thats bound to happen to you'. Madness really. imagining they know the interaction between you and your wife. They want you to get the revenge they never got, and that is pretty much their motivation for posting. Grudge against the way the courts delt with them, or the way their wives acted. Trouble is they are very much a self fulfillinh prophecy, because by the time she realises you are cutting up the credit cards or hiding the money the frail trust left will be gone and their prohecy of events to come will almost certainly be true.

The group huggers, harmless people who just want to take part in a group hug for one of a number of reasons.

.
.

My advice would be to think of her as someone you had just met in a bar. Someone you don't really know. And start again to see if that person in the bar is someone you actually want to spend time with. Realise that when you meet someone in a bar it requires both of you to agree to spend time together, and this is no different. Try to speak to her with none of the assumptions you previously had about her. Always be civil and respectful even if it hurts, and if you couldn't picture yourself saying it to a girl you've just met, don't say it. As hard as it is almost nothing in your previous relationship with her has any bearing.

If you can't do that and want to rehash or even worse punish like the bitter and twisted then realise that you are as much responsible for how a relationship ends as how it starts.

[singlecoil]

Some good stuff there from Julian.

[fido]

Theoldman said:

To help me get over her, in my mind I treated her like a Car I'd looked after and maintained with love, but sold it to someone over the road and he can do what he likes with it now.

Sorry, just spat my sparkling water (New Years Resolution = less coffee) over keyboard reading that!

[Rude-boy]

fido said:

Theoldman said:

To help me get over her, in my mind I treated her like a Car I'd looked after and maintained with love, but sold it to someone over the road and he can do what he likes with it now.

Sorry, just spat my sparkling water (New Years Resolution = less coffee) over keyboard reading that!

I'm just trying to get the image of some bloke pouring 4 litres of Mobil 1 into their lady's foofoo out of my head...

[cootuk]

...more like you hear him ragging it something rotten late at night

[stuttgartmetal]

julian64 said:

Really don't thank anyone on this thread etc..........

So let me get this right

The way to move forward is to unilaterally start all over again. Repressing any thoughts or experience of her.


I have never laughed so much in my life.

Sounds almost as though youre advising to act like an halfwit.

Well I for one would be very interested to see the rest of this kind of reaction

My first thoughts are that she would walk all over him.
But hey Ho, give it a go.

I won't thank you for that advice.

No biggy.

[lord trumpton]

stuttgartmetal said:

julian64 said:

Really don't thank anyone on this thread etc..........

So let me get this right

The way to move forward is to unilaterally start all over again. Repressing any thoughts or experience of her.


I have never laughed so much in my life.

Sounds almost as though youre advising to act like an halfwit.

Well I for one would be very interested to see the rest of this kind of reaction

My first thoughts are that she would walk all over him.
But hey Ho, give it a go.

I won't thank you for that advice.

No biggy.

Dear Mr. Stuttgartmetal

I've read all your posts in this thread and it's quite alarming how poisoned you seem to be.

I have no idea who the 'real' you is but to an outsider it seems like you need to get some help, maybe some CBT and talk things through. You are obviously still very hurt and mistrusting and its just not healthy to be so bitter - especially after 5 years or whatever.

Another thing - just because your woman did what she did and behaved like she did does not mean all of them are evil or that the OP's ex is from the same stable. Maybe she has just fallen out of love with him - sometimes it can happen for no malicious reason. Especially if that love was formed when very young.

OP just needs to come to terms with the break up in his own way.

[Theoldman]

Got a friend who's wife was having an affair with someone at her work.
She waited until my friends Father died before she left him, so as to get "Her Half".

He is still very bitter about that, and it was at least 15 years ago now.


To add something positive.
This morning I said to my (2nd) wife of 30 years "So glad I met you"!
Made her day I think!!

[mjb1]

Wolfer said:

That's all I can do now. and hope to buggery that I come out of this wiser and stronger!

One issue I do have, that sounds bloody sad, is that I have hardly any good friends (barr workmates, and the odd few mates I would class as close) as for the last 20 years, everything was done together, nights out, hobbies, working on the houses we have shared. Hindsight is wonderful, and I know people say you shouldn't jack your mates in when you get with a bird, but I suppose everything felt "right" and even up until she ended it. Nearly all of our socialising was done mainly with my family, and or friends of the family. I suppose I could look at this as a positive and join different groups, clubs etc maybe.

Also, the realisation when at work and I think "can't wait to get home now" then remember I haven't really got one, and the house I am in now will soon be gone, and the person that is there does not care if I was even to turn up!

I've got a couple of old friends in a similar situation to you (breakup excluded, so far). Got 'attached' at 16/17 and have hardly been seen since, neglected all their friends for a girl. If they ever find themselves single they don't have a network of friends to support them. I'm not a particularly social person (to put it mildly), but I still have a few current friends locally that would have a shoulder to cry on if needed. I've also made a bit of an effort to keep in touch with a few older friends in my home town, it's pretty easy these days with email and social media.

Do you have any peers (friends rather than family), that you can catch up with over a pint or something? If not, you probably need to take up some sociable hobbies to fill your newly created spare time, and meet some new people.

There has been lots of good advice on this thread so far, although some is a bit OTT - be careful (separate your finances quick, don't move out, prepare yourself for things to turn nasty), but don't provoke things. There's no point being a nasty bd as it'll only provoke the same response from her.

I'm sure it is possible to conduct an amicable divorce if both sides stay rational, especially when there are no children involved. I think if there was another man already on the scene, you'd be well aware of it by now. Not sure if that helps or hinders from a coping/understanding perspective though? At some point though, one of you will start dating again, hopefully you can get the house sold and some distance between yourselves first, because that's when things often turn nasty.

9mm said:

what have you done about:

a)moving her out?
b)putting the property on the market?

Why should he be moving her out? That's just double standards - the house is both jointly theirs, he has no more right to sole use of it than her.

[GloverMart]

I know its been said before but thank goodness it happened now and not in a few months time when she was pregnant. That would have been a whole new ball game.

[9mm]

mjb1 said:

Wolfer said:

That's all I can do now. and hope to buggery that I come out of this wiser and stronger!

One issue I do have, that sounds bloody sad, is that I have hardly any good friends (barr workmates, and the odd few mates I would class as close) as for the last 20 years, everything was done together, nights out, hobbies, working on the houses we have shared. Hindsight is wonderful, and I know people say you shouldn't jack your mates in when you get with a bird, but I suppose everything felt "right" and even up until she ended it. Nearly all of our socialising was done mainly with my family, and or friends of the family. I suppose I could look at this as a positive and join different groups, clubs etc maybe.

Also, the realisation when at work and I think "can't wait to get home now" then remember I haven't really got one, and the house I am in now will soon be gone, and the person that is there does not care if I was even to turn up!

I've got a couple of old friends in a similar situation to you (breakup excluded, so far). Got 'attached' at 16/17 and have hardly been seen since, neglected all their friends for a girl. If they ever find themselves single they don't have a network of friends to support them. I'm not a particularly social person (to put it mildly), but I still have a few current friends locally that would have a shoulder to cry on if needed. I've also made a bit of an effort to keep in touch with a few older friends in my home town, it's pretty easy these days with email and social media.

Do you have any peers (friends rather than family), that you can catch up with over a pint or something? If not, you probably need to take up some sociable hobbies to fill your newly created spare time, and meet some new people.

There has been lots of good advice on this thread so far, although some is a bit OTT - be careful (separate your finances quick, don't move out, prepare yourself for things to turn nasty), but don't provoke things. There's no point being a nasty bd as it'll only provoke the same response from her.

I'm sure it is possible to conduct an amicable divorce if both sides stay rational, especially when there are no children involved. I think if there was another man already on the scene, you'd be well aware of it by now. Not sure if that helps or hinders from a coping/understanding perspective though? At some point though, one of you will start dating again, hopefully you can get the house sold and some distance between yourselves first, because that's when things often turn nasty.

9mm said:

what have you done about:

a)moving her out?
b)putting the property on the market?

Why should he be moving her out? That's just double standards - the house is both jointly theirs, he has no more right to sole use of it than her.

I don't think the ownership situation has ever been confirmed, but in any event, I think that if she wants to end the relationship, so she should be the one to move out. Her continued presence in the property doesn't seem to be helping anyone and the sooner all parties confront the reality of the situation and start acting accordingly, the sooner both can move on.