Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
Wolfer said:
Hi chaps,
Can't explain fully, haven't got long, but yes, joint mortgage, we'll split everything equally. Including furnishings (although I just want to sell the lot, do not want reminders). She will take the dogs, again as they will be reminders. Only trouble with her taking the dogs is that it will be harder for her to find a place to stay once house is sold.
One complication came up last night, I came back from work ready to ask about getting separate accounts and just paying into the joint account the bills we need to pay. However, before I got that far, she explained she is being made redundant.
Now it will look like spite if I was to go ahead with conversation about getting separate accounts!
Her responsibilities are still equal to yours. It's no longer "what's mine is yours" Etc. Unless you're her boss and made her redundant or something, I see no reason why it's morally your responsibility to pay extra let alone practically.Can't explain fully, haven't got long, but yes, joint mortgage, we'll split everything equally. Including furnishings (although I just want to sell the lot, do not want reminders). She will take the dogs, again as they will be reminders. Only trouble with her taking the dogs is that it will be harder for her to find a place to stay once house is sold.
One complication came up last night, I came back from work ready to ask about getting separate accounts and just paying into the joint account the bills we need to pay. However, before I got that far, she explained she is being made redundant.
Now it will look like spite if I was to go ahead with conversation about getting separate accounts!
craig_m67 said:
menousername said:
She would not know my balances or assets or would underestimate them due to my understating them
Hej,With respect, this is a bit naive.
1. As a partner (married or defacto) she/he gets half (or more) of everything regardless of when it was acquired or who's account (personal, joint, family member) it's in. Hiding or disposing of assets and wealth is frowned upon by the courts, besides a solicitor can compel banks and other institutions to provide your financial details and history very easily. I'm just about to initiate this myself. By all means have a walk away fund in separate account to sleep easier, just double your budget/estimate as half of it will go.
2. What's the point of relationship that's not built upon absolute trust and transparency?
Edited by craig_m67 on Thursday 8th January 07:16
I married 10 years ago, wife has had online dalliances, never met anyone except online. I found out twice, each time she assured me it was just a silly bit of a thing. We are now in the process of a divorce as she no longer loves me etc etc. She brought nothing financially into the relationship and has never worked. I have agreed to half my assets as everyone tells me I would be skinned for future payments to keep her in the manner she has been used to along with the daughter she brought with her as well as a division of assets if it went to court or the solicitors. I am 60 years old retired, with no long term earning potential to recover.
It has cost me north of £500,000. It is morally unjust but the law seems to think it is fair.I am sure this country is not alone in seeing women as the delicate flower that needs to be protected. Other countries have a fairly simple approach, what you brought in is your what was acquired whilst married is joint and should be divided up.
I suggest that the hide some money away approach is in part driven by an unfair system.
Spoke to my solicitor today, his wife died of cancer 9 years ago. He told me he has recently met a nice lady but as she had zero assets, he has made the decision that he will not co habit and will not marry simply because he feels too exposed to what would be a life changing financial hit.
I wonder how many other older couples are in a similar situation. The law needs to be reviewed ( I believe there is a private members bill in process that would alter substantially the way assets are divided).
Shelsleyf2 said:
It has cost me north of £500,000. It is morally unjust but the law seems to think it is fair.I am sure this country is not alone in seeing women as the delicate flower that needs to be protected. Other countries have a fairly simple approach, what you brought in is your what was acquired whilst married is joint and should be divided up.
I suggest that the hide some money away approach is in part driven by an unfair system.
Spoke to my solicitor today, his wife died of cancer 9 years ago. He told me he has recently met a nice lady but as she had zero assets, he has made the decision that he will not co habit and will not marry simply because he feels too exposed to what would be a life changing financial hit.
I wonder how many other older couples are in a similar situation. The law needs to be reviewed ( I believe there is a private members bill in process that would alter substantially the way assets are divided).
Yes it's a big hit. Been there, had that, but at a stage in life and business development that after a clean break there was some time to 'trade a pathway out of the sI suggest that the hide some money away approach is in part driven by an unfair system.
Spoke to my solicitor today, his wife died of cancer 9 years ago. He told me he has recently met a nice lady but as she had zero assets, he has made the decision that he will not co habit and will not marry simply because he feels too exposed to what would be a life changing financial hit.
I wonder how many other older couples are in a similar situation. The law needs to be reviewed ( I believe there is a private members bill in process that would alter substantially the way assets are divided).
t' and get back on track financially. It's not necessary to be a Hedgie or BSD and get into the papers with a record payout to feel hammered. If the law is changing as suggested then it would be long overdue.Wolfer said:
One complication came up last night, I came back from work ready to ask about getting separate accounts and just paying into the joint account the bills we need to pay. However, before I got that far, she explained she is being made redundant.
Now it will look like spite if I was to go ahead with conversation about getting separate accounts!
Absolutely not. How do you think she would have treated you. Now it will look like spite if I was to go ahead with conversation about getting separate accounts!
People you thought you knew (can)get really f
king nasty!! Look after yourself.By the way, half that redundancy is yours - get it noted as an asset.
Get your house on the market (or rented?) and move the f
k out now!If I didn't have a son to consider I'd be backpacking around South America (again) while a broker sold everything up.
Edited by craig_m67 on Thursday 8th January 12:47
Wolfer said:
Hi chaps,
Can't explain fully, haven't got long, but yes, joint mortgage, we'll split everything equally. Including furnishings (although I just want to sell the lot, do not want reminders). She will take the dogs, again as they will be reminders. Only trouble with her taking the dogs is that it will be harder for her to find a place to stay once house is sold.
One complication came up last night, I came back from work ready to ask about getting separate accounts and just paying into the joint account the bills we need to pay. However, before I got that far, she explained she is being made redundant.
Now it will look like spite if I was to go ahead with conversation about getting separate accounts!
Didn't you say you worked for the same company? Hope you're not next, or that her redundancy was 'related' to your break up.Can't explain fully, haven't got long, but yes, joint mortgage, we'll split everything equally. Including furnishings (although I just want to sell the lot, do not want reminders). She will take the dogs, again as they will be reminders. Only trouble with her taking the dogs is that it will be harder for her to find a place to stay once house is sold.
One complication came up last night, I came back from work ready to ask about getting separate accounts and just paying into the joint account the bills we need to pay. However, before I got that far, she explained she is being made redundant.
Now it will look like spite if I was to go ahead with conversation about getting separate accounts!
You are approaching the joint account thing wrongly. Just open up your own personal accounts, and shift half of the money over from the joint account (if there is savings I mean, obviously don't empty it so your direct debits start bouncing). Then tell her you've sorted your own account, it's up to her what she does herself.
She has made her bed.
Karma is a bh.
Expedite things as quickly as possible, I imagine she'll expect you to be bailing her out while you're selling the house too...
If she days it was all a big mistake at this stage and she wants you back (not unlikely) - for gods sake say no.
Still, on the upside you're not going to have to deal with her at work anymore.
Karma is a b
h. Expedite things as quickly as possible, I imagine she'll expect you to be bailing her out while you're selling the house too...
If she days it was all a big mistake at this stage and she wants you back (not unlikely) - for gods sake say no.
Still, on the upside you're not going to have to deal with her at work anymore.
CountZero23 said:
She has made her bed.
Karma is a bh.
Expedite things as quickly as possible, I imagine she'll expect you to be bailing her out while you're selling the house too...
If she days it was all a big mistake at this stage and she wants you back (not unlikely) - for gods sake say no.
Still, on the upside you're not going to have to deal with her at work anymore.
That^^Karma is a b
h. Expedite things as quickly as possible, I imagine she'll expect you to be bailing her out while you're selling the house too...
If she days it was all a big mistake at this stage and she wants you back (not unlikely) - for gods sake say no.
Still, on the upside you're not going to have to deal with her at work anymore.
She started this, you didn't make her redundant, tough s
tAs the war goes on, here's the SP...
10-year marriage.
Properties funded by my side (legacy), she put in work/support.
House worth more than the business (modest earner).
Business plus half her savings = half of house.
My watchword is 'fair', and the above offer is being considered. However, to get this far, it's been a matter of...
Forcing a financial declaration, which she's yet to submit in full.
Finding she's been asset-stripping (funds).
Finding she wants to ring fence her funds.
Adding a property adjustment request to the brief.
As far as I can see, she's fighting for a principle. She could earn with the business (holiday let), or live in it if need be, or even do both. I don't think she can afford to buy me out of the house, which I'm living in. I understand she wants the house for herself, and her non/minimally earning adult 'children'.
I can't understand her aim. If a court says sell up and split, we both lose. If one says sell up by auction, we're screwed.
I thought wimmins were supposed to be smarter?
10-year marriage.
Properties funded by my side (legacy), she put in work/support.
House worth more than the business (modest earner).
Business plus half her savings = half of house.
My watchword is 'fair', and the above offer is being considered. However, to get this far, it's been a matter of...
Forcing a financial declaration, which she's yet to submit in full.
Finding she's been asset-stripping (funds).
Finding she wants to ring fence her funds.
Adding a property adjustment request to the brief.
As far as I can see, she's fighting for a principle. She could earn with the business (holiday let), or live in it if need be, or even do both. I don't think she can afford to buy me out of the house, which I'm living in. I understand she wants the house for herself, and her non/minimally earning adult 'children'.
I can't understand her aim. If a court says sell up and split, we both lose. If one says sell up by auction, we're screwed.
I thought wimmins were supposed to be smarter?
Not smarter. Neither sex is smarter but women are definitely more mental.
However, one thing most women don't seem to do so well is consider any alternatives to their plan.
Thus when plan go according to does not, you are the unreasonable b'stard, they are the victim, bunnies must be boiled, etc.
My ex-wife's 'plan' was truly astonishing and yet it seemed the only people that had any faith in it coming to fruition were her and the boyfriend.
It's almost as if they don't plan, they just write down what they would like to happen in an ideal world (I was supposed to emigrate to the US, a place I had never even visited at that time and give her the house ffs) and that 'vision' is the plan.
However, one thing most women don't seem to do so well is consider any alternatives to their plan.
Thus when plan go according to does not, you are the unreasonable b'stard, they are the victim, bunnies must be boiled, etc.
My ex-wife's 'plan' was truly astonishing and yet it seemed the only people that had any faith in it coming to fruition were her and the boyfriend.
It's almost as if they don't plan, they just write down what they would like to happen in an ideal world (I was supposed to emigrate to the US, a place I had never even visited at that time and give her the house ffs) and that 'vision' is the plan.
Pommygranite said:
Wolfer said:
, she explained she is being made redundant.
Now it will look like spite if I was to go ahead with conversation about getting separate accounts!
And so it begins...Now it will look like spite if I was to go ahead with conversation about getting separate accounts!
You need to stop being such a big f
king pussy - IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM.She chose this path and now the path deviates once again DUE TO HER.
Keep doing what you need to do.
Yazar said:
Pommygranite said:
Wolfer said:
, she explained she is being made redundant.
Now it will look like spite if I was to go ahead with conversation about getting separate accounts!
And so it begins...Now it will look like spite if I was to go ahead with conversation about getting separate accounts!
You need to stop being such a big f
king pussy - IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM.She chose this path and now the path deviates once again DUE TO HER.
Keep doing what you need to do.
You both need to stand on your own two feet because of her decision.
Her problems are no longer your problems.
She will have her redundancy cash to keep her afloat while she finds a new job and half the proceeds from the house sale.
Split the accounts and direct her to http://www.jobsite.co.uk/.
You need to have that conversation NOW.
Remember the title of the thread? She doesn't love you any more; act accordingly.
She has already f
ked with your head, don't let her fk up your finances any more than she already has. Edited by CountZero23 on Thursday 8th January 18:36
Shelsleyf2 said:
Spoke to my solicitor today, his wife died of cancer 9 years ago. He told me he has recently met a nice lady but as she had zero assets, he has made the decision that he will not co habit and will not marry simply because he feels too exposed to what would be a life changing financial hit.
Reading that has just made me realise that that is exactly my situation and why I don't want my girlfriend to move in - I must have been doing it subconsciously. She doesn't have any assets either and has been making some comments recently about moving out of her rented, which I have ignored. I got burned by my ex (but not as much as I could have been as I retained most of the assets), and there's no fking way I'm risking that again.Edited by mikefacel on Thursday 8th January 19:18
smack said:
I would put money on (this is not want you want) she is about to press the self destruct button. Stand well back and don't get caught up in it.
No, I suspect she's about to press the "please take me back, I really honestly, truly love you, here's a BJ, button". The self-destruct comes later.TOP TIP: My "friend" had this and this is how it turned out:
Wife: "Please take me back"
Husband: "I can't trust you"
Wife: "What do I need to do for you to take me back?"
Husband: "I paid for almost everything we've got. I'll take you back if you sign a post-nuptial agreement saying that should we divorce in future I get most of the assets and primary care of the kids because you're mental. I'm not investing in the relationship again without protection."
Wife: "OK"
Lawyers: "That'll be £8,000 please"
Husband (after a year): "You're still mental, I can't trust you, I want a divorce..."
Divorce occurs, husband gets most of assets/kids.
My friend didn't plan it that way, genuinely wanted to give the marriage one last shot, and went through hell, but still, RESULT!
Edited by mikefacel on Thursday 8th January 19:14
Edited by mikefacel on Thursday 8th January 19:32
mikefacel said:
Shelsleyf2 said:
Spoke to my solicitor today, his wife died of cancer 9 years ago. He told me he has recently met a nice lady but as she had zero assets, he has made the decision that he will not co habit and will not marry simply because he feels too exposed to what would be a life changing financial hit.
Reading that has just made me realise that that is exactly my situation and why I don't want my girlfriend to move in - I must have been doing it subconsciously. She doesn't have any assets either and has been making some comments recently about moving out of her rented, which I have ignored. I got burned by my ex (but not as much as I could have been as I retained most of the assets), and there's no fking way I'm risking that again.Ensure all bills are in your name and she pays rent into your account (or cash) and does not pay for anything in her name.
mikefacel said:
No, I suspect she's about to press the "please take me back, I really honestly, truly love you, here's a BJ, button". The self-destruct comes later.
TOP TIP: My "friend" had this and this is how it turned out:
Wife: "Please take me back"
Husband: "I can't trust you"
Wife: "What do I need to do for you to take me back?"
Husband: "I paid for almost everything we've got. I'll take you back if you sign a post-nuptial agreement saying that should we divorce in future I get most of the assets and primary care of the kids because you're mental. I'm not investing in the relationship again without protection."
Wife: "OK"
Lawyers: "That'll be £8,000 please"
Husband (after a year): "You're still mental, I can't trust you, I want a divorce..."
My friend didn't plan it that way, genuinely wanted to give the marriage one last shot, and went through hell, but still, RESULT!
What purpose would such an agreement serve? TOP TIP: My "friend" had this and this is how it turned out:
Wife: "Please take me back"
Husband: "I can't trust you"
Wife: "What do I need to do for you to take me back?"
Husband: "I paid for almost everything we've got. I'll take you back if you sign a post-nuptial agreement saying that should we divorce in future I get most of the assets and primary care of the kids because you're mental. I'm not investing in the relationship again without protection."
Wife: "OK"
Lawyers: "That'll be £8,000 please"
Husband (after a year): "You're still mental, I can't trust you, I want a divorce..."
My friend didn't plan it that way, genuinely wanted to give the marriage one last shot, and went through hell, but still, RESULT!
Edited by mikefacel on Thursday 8th January 19:14
CountZero23 said:
Looked into it when my ex moved in; as far as I'm aware as long as they pay 'rent' and don't contribute directly towards the mortage then you don't expose yourself to any risk. Well, not unless you get them up the duff.
Ensure all bills are in your name and she pays rent into your account (or cash) and does not pay for anything in her name.
Good comment, and I'd agree, but there seem to be some politicians who think that it would be a good idea that if people co-habit then it should be the same as if they married and might bring in new legislation accordingly. (BTW, realise she's your ex but if she paid rent in cash I'd suggest a rent book for evidence.)Ensure all bills are in your name and she pays rent into your account (or cash) and does not pay for anything in her name.
As in my post above, I'd suggest some form of legal agreement if moving in with someone - in this case a "no-nup" (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/9863556/Number-of-no-nups-soar-as-cohabiting-couples-seek-to-protect-assets.html). The future is no-nups, pre-nups and post-nups IMO if people want to get together. Sad, I know, but it's a consequence of the legal bias and society as a whole.
RobinBanks said:
What purpose would such an agreement serve?
After divorce, assets are divided as per the agreement and not the typical "wife gets everything". Post-nups and pre-nups are becoming more common. Part of that is driven by in-laws who may want to help the couple to buy a property by giving them a wad of cash but may want their gift to their son/daughter protected should the couple split.ETA: I've added a last line to my original post as I wasn't clear on the end result, ta.
Edited by mikefacel on Thursday 8th January 19:32
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