Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
Harry Flashman said:
As someone recently engaged, I have been reading this thread with interest.
You wouldn't have a wastrel/sponger for a best friend, so why on earth would you marry one? One of the least attractive characteristics someone can have is a sense of entitlement/that they deserve a lifestyle paid for by someone else.
Lady F has asked that we do a prenup, despite the fact that most of the assets in our partnership are currently mine (even though she earns a similar salary to me these days). I have agreed. We love each other very, very much - but people can change. I watched my father descend into alcoholism and madness, and him become a different person. A knock to the head could do it too. Precautions need to be taken - either of us could become a lunatic, and the other should not lose everything because of that.
Sorry to hear the tales of woe on this thread. Some of them are heartbreaking. The woman who waited to divorce the man until his father died, so that she could get her half?
My brother had a similar situation where his then wife had our parents property including a holiday property in the Lakes valued to add a potential inheritance to his overall wealth prior to divorce, unfortunately they were staying there when the valuer came round.
I've genuinely never seen my parents get so angry in their lives, they were both late 70's when this happened .
She would have ended up under the Flashman patio. Along with all the others.
You wouldn't have a wastrel/sponger for a best friend, so why on earth would you marry one? One of the least attractive characteristics someone can have is a sense of entitlement/that they deserve a lifestyle paid for by someone else.
Lady F has asked that we do a prenup, despite the fact that most of the assets in our partnership are currently mine (even though she earns a similar salary to me these days). I have agreed. We love each other very, very much - but people can change. I watched my father descend into alcoholism and madness, and him become a different person. A knock to the head could do it too. Precautions need to be taken - either of us could become a lunatic, and the other should not lose everything because of that.
Sorry to hear the tales of woe on this thread. Some of them are heartbreaking. The woman who waited to divorce the man until his father died, so that she could get her half?
My brother had a similar situation where his then wife had our parents property including a holiday property in the Lakes valued to add a potential inheritance to his overall wealth prior to divorce, unfortunately they were staying there when the valuer came round.
I've genuinely never seen my parents get so angry in their lives, they were both late 70's when this happened .
She would have ended up under the Flashman patio. Along with all the others.
Edited by Harry Flashman on Monday 19th January 19:33
Sheets Tabuer said:
Another thing, if a woman tells you she doesn't love you then I'm sorry to say she doesn't love you.
Yeah, thats the code I live by.There's an old adage which I can't remember right now but the gist of it is that when a woman tells you its over - IT'S OVER. There's usually nothing left in it for her and the disadvantages of the relationship outweigh any remaining advantages. Women also don't have quite the sexual imperative men do and a lack of sex for a short time is something they can easily cope with. The reality is of course they won't have to wait too long anyway.
Whereas a bloke will tell a woman its over and go running back the minute plan A starts to come apart at the seams.
Spot on , its so so true, actually made me laugh out loud as it was so close to my own situation.
9mm said:
Not smarter. Neither sex is smarter but women are definitely more mental.
However, one thing most women don't seem to do so well is consider any alternatives to their plan.
Thus when plan go according to does not, you are the unreasonable b'stard, they are the victim, bunnies must be boiled, etc.
My ex-wife's 'plan' was truly astonishing and yet it seemed the only people that had any faith in it coming to fruition were her and the boyfriend.
It's almost as if they don't plan, they just write down what they would like to happen in an ideal world (I was supposed to emigrate to the US, a place I had never even visited at that time and give her the house ffs) and that 'vision' is the plan.
However, one thing most women don't seem to do so well is consider any alternatives to their plan.
Thus when plan go according to does not, you are the unreasonable b'stard, they are the victim, bunnies must be boiled, etc.
My ex-wife's 'plan' was truly astonishing and yet it seemed the only people that had any faith in it coming to fruition were her and the boyfriend.
It's almost as if they don't plan, they just write down what they would like to happen in an ideal world (I was supposed to emigrate to the US, a place I had never even visited at that time and give her the house ffs) and that 'vision' is the plan.
I'm glad to see that you're starting to look forward Wolf. Especially reading this from start to finish in one go.
I can totally understand your viewpoint on being as nice and as helpful as possible. When all is said and done you can never be held accountable for being a sod, and anything blamed on you, because believe me, they will try.
Now you're recently single, enjoy life. you mentioned an RC Nitro car, get that running and go out with it, and there are loads of tracks and clubs all over, where you can go and do it with other people. It might be worth spending time with old friends and getting on Facebook (I know) to connect with old friends. Facebook can be an incredibly good tool.
I saw what kind of effect that can have on men, I saw my 50+ year old (at the time) dad blubbing like a good'un because he thought he was to blame for my mother leaving him, which it transpired it wasn't. Modern society expects us to be all kinds of hard men and to shrug off our emotions like it doesn't matter.
My OH fell pregnant about a year ago, and whilst not planned I was delighted, the thought of having a little one to teach about cars and spend weekends playing with sounded amazing. She was 6 months gone and went for a normal check-up and they couldn't find a heartbeat for the baby, she'd miscarried. She told me, and although she was in tears and was so sorry I tried to stay strong, and I did, for about a week. Then, completely randomly, I think I was driving, an old song on the radio which I hadn't heard in ages and I just burst into tears. I couldn't stop, and I had to pull over as I couldn't see. I had tried to keep everything together and comfort her whilst she was mourning, and that helped me take my mind off of it, but when I had time to think about it, I was gutted. Still am TBH.
I know it's not in the same league, but society leads us to believe that it's ghey to talk about how we feel or show it, but frankly if people if blubbing at the thought of no longer being a Dad makes me ghey, so be it.
I can totally understand your viewpoint on being as nice and as helpful as possible. When all is said and done you can never be held accountable for being a sod, and anything blamed on you, because believe me, they will try.
Now you're recently single, enjoy life. you mentioned an RC Nitro car, get that running and go out with it, and there are loads of tracks and clubs all over, where you can go and do it with other people. It might be worth spending time with old friends and getting on Facebook (I know) to connect with old friends. Facebook can be an incredibly good tool.
I saw what kind of effect that can have on men, I saw my 50+ year old (at the time) dad blubbing like a good'un because he thought he was to blame for my mother leaving him, which it transpired it wasn't. Modern society expects us to be all kinds of hard men and to shrug off our emotions like it doesn't matter.
My OH fell pregnant about a year ago, and whilst not planned I was delighted, the thought of having a little one to teach about cars and spend weekends playing with sounded amazing. She was 6 months gone and went for a normal check-up and they couldn't find a heartbeat for the baby, she'd miscarried. She told me, and although she was in tears and was so sorry I tried to stay strong, and I did, for about a week. Then, completely randomly, I think I was driving, an old song on the radio which I hadn't heard in ages and I just burst into tears. I couldn't stop, and I had to pull over as I couldn't see. I had tried to keep everything together and comfort her whilst she was mourning, and that helped me take my mind off of it, but when I had time to think about it, I was gutted. Still am TBH.
I know it's not in the same league, but society leads us to believe that it's ghey to talk about how we feel or show it, but frankly if people if blubbing at the thought of no longer being a Dad makes me ghey, so be it.
R2T2 said:
...
I know it's not in the same league, but society leads us to believe that it's ghey to talk about how we feel or show it, but frankly if people if blubbing at the thought of no longer being a Dad makes me ghey, so be it.
The one thing that I am 100% sure of is that it is only the idiots that always bottle, bottle, bottle and refuse to show emotion. Okay there is a time and a place and also everyone is different but I have always been of the opinion that when things go wrong a 30 second to 5 minute paddy (time and circumstance allowing) is a good thing to clear your head of that emotion and then full force to the solution. I know it's not in the same league, but society leads us to believe that it's ghey to talk about how we feel or show it, but frankly if people if blubbing at the thought of no longer being a Dad makes me ghey, so be it.
Obviously in your case we are talking about far more than a burst tire or s
t news in the office but whilst we like to stay strong for our partners there is a point that you have to consider yourself. After all if someone can't look after number one how the hell do they presume they can look after others!Rude-boy said:
The one thing that I am 100% sure of is that it is only the idiots that always bottle, bottle, bottle and refuse to show emotion. Okay there is a time and a place and also everyone is different but I have always been of the opinion that when things go wrong a 30 second to 5 minute paddy (time and circumstance allowing) is a good thing to clear your head of that emotion and then full force to the solution.
Obviously in your case we are talking about far more than a burst tire or st news in the office but whilst we like to stay strong for our partners there is a point that you have to consider yourself. After all if someone can't look after number one how the hell do they presume they can look after others!
Exactly. I didn't bottle it up, I was just keeping myself too busy to really think about it, and when that song came on, I did nothing but think about it, and burst into tears. Obviously in your case we are talking about far more than a burst tire or s
t news in the office but whilst we like to stay strong for our partners there is a point that you have to consider yourself. After all if someone can't look after number one how the hell do they presume they can look after others!Exactly my point! I stayed strong and comforted the OH initially, and then once she came to terms with it, I grieved. It seems odd, but it's the way I work, I make sure everyone else is okay, before I grieve.
ugofirst said:
Sheets Tabuer said:
Another thing, if a woman tells you she doesn't love you then I'm sorry to say she doesn't love you.
Yeah, thats the code I live by.There's an old adage which I can't remember right now but the gist of it is that when a woman tells you its over - IT'S OVER. There's usually nothing left in it for her and the disadvantages of the relationship outweigh any remaining advantages. Women also don't have quite the sexual imperative men do and a lack of sex for a short time is something they can easily cope with. The reality is of course they won't have to wait too long anyway.
Whereas a bloke will tell a woman its over and go running back the minute plan A starts to come apart at the seams.
Update for anyone interested.
We ended up back together, both of us happy as pigs in muck.
All going swimmingly, however, one issue.
She thinks my family hate her, and that they are only pleasant to her as we're back together. From my point of view, my family seem to be making a big effort, especially as she left me, but what do I know. If i explain how i think things are, she in turn thinks I'm not listening to her,
She thinks that they are all horrible to her, and that invites to a show/play are not genuine. I can't see that, and thought it was all going well. I think i may have been seriously misguided!
We used to be massively close to my family, and to a point still are, but this puts a strain on it all. I feel so sorry for her as i think she is paranoid, and seeing her upset kills me. But what do i do?
Hard to explain, but I feel so glad and happy we're back together, but feel so sick that this might come between us!
And to top it off, the M3 rear view mirror has decided to drip!
We ended up back together, both of us happy as pigs in muck.
All going swimmingly, however, one issue.
She thinks my family hate her, and that they are only pleasant to her as we're back together. From my point of view, my family seem to be making a big effort, especially as she left me, but what do I know. If i explain how i think things are, she in turn thinks I'm not listening to her,
She thinks that they are all horrible to her, and that invites to a show/play are not genuine. I can't see that, and thought it was all going well. I think i may have been seriously misguided!
We used to be massively close to my family, and to a point still are, but this puts a strain on it all. I feel so sorry for her as i think she is paranoid, and seeing her upset kills me. But what do i do?
Hard to explain, but I feel so glad and happy we're back together, but feel so sick that this might come between us!
And to top it off, the M3 rear view mirror has decided to drip!
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff