Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
Wolfer said:
Yeah, I know I took a risk and didn't listen to anyone. 
but I decided that if I didn't at least try, I would always regret it and have that "what if" hanging over me.
Of course I am more wary now, and in that sense it will probably be the unfolding of it all, but at least I can say I gave it a shot. I know there was no-one else, as I wouldn't have entertained getting back if there had been.
Moneywise i'd be fine, as it would be a case of house sold, split 50/50.
If it indeed all goes pear shaped, I'll update and confirm you were correct - I wouldn't be asking for support or advice if it does, as you could rightly tell me to fook right off!
But what if it going wrong is in 2 years after she's got pregnant, you're paying for the next 18 yrs and you hate her guts so you've got 18 yrs of horrible contact. but I decided that if I didn't at least try, I would always regret it and have that "what if" hanging over me.Of course I am more wary now, and in that sense it will probably be the unfolding of it all, but at least I can say I gave it a shot. I know there was no-one else, as I wouldn't have entertained getting back if there had been.
Moneywise i'd be fine, as it would be a case of house sold, split 50/50.
If it indeed all goes pear shaped, I'll update and confirm you were correct - I wouldn't be asking for support or advice if it does, as you could rightly tell me to fook right off!
Not sure wasting good years on a 'at least I tried' is very wise but I wish you well
Pommygranite said:
Wolfer said:
Yeah, I know I took a risk and didn't listen to anyone. but I decided that if I didn't at least try, I would always regret it and have that "what if" hanging over me.
Of course I am more wary now, and in that sense it will probably be the unfolding of it all, but at least I can say I gave it a shot. I know there was no-one else, as I wouldn't have entertained getting back if there had been.
Moneywise i'd be fine, as it would be a case of house sold, split 50/50.
If it indeed all goes pear shaped, I'll update and confirm you were correct - I wouldn't be asking for support or advice if it does, as you could rightly tell me to fook right off!
But what if it going wrong is in 2 years after she's got pregnant, you're paying for the next 18 yrs and you hate her guts so you've got 18 yrs of horrible contact. but I decided that if I didn't at least try, I would always regret it and have that "what if" hanging over me.Of course I am more wary now, and in that sense it will probably be the unfolding of it all, but at least I can say I gave it a shot. I know there was no-one else, as I wouldn't have entertained getting back if there had been.
Moneywise i'd be fine, as it would be a case of house sold, split 50/50.
If it indeed all goes pear shaped, I'll update and confirm you were correct - I wouldn't be asking for support or advice if it does, as you could rightly tell me to fook right off!
Not sure wasting good years on a 'at least I tried' is very wise but I wish you well
Shnozz said:
You can lead a horse to water...
Sadly I am with the majority here. The saddest part is, you did most of the hard work in terms of the separation. I wish you all the best but sadly think you've been unwise.
I have to agree hereSadly I am with the majority here. The saddest part is, you did most of the hard work in terms of the separation. I wish you all the best but sadly think you've been unwise.
OP put all the effort in to save the relationship, she couldn't afford to split so is now 'giving it another try' more like looking after herself until she can afford to split I think sadly.
She will use the tension with your family as a new reason to split in a few weeks/months maybe years
I hope we're all wrong for your sake OP
axgizmo said:
Well I, for one, wish you all the best of luck (genuinely)
Laura
You are not "for one". Most of those who have posted since the reunion announcement have (genuinely) wished the chap all the best, albeit with their tuppence of opinion also accompanying. I don't think any of us wish more suffering and indeed hope to be proven wrong. Laura
Shnozz said:
axgizmo said:
Well I, for one, wish you all the best of luck (genuinely)
Laura
You are not "for one". Most of those who have posted since the reunion announcement have (genuinely) wished the chap all the best, albeit with their tuppence of opinion also accompanying. I don't think any of us wish more suffering and indeed hope to be proven wrong. Laura
I had a mate, with a wife who no longer loved him. She moved out, taking a flat in a nearby town with the youngest daughter.
The wife had a 30 hour a week job, & the daughter was a junior book keeper. After the daughter moved on to be near a new job, the wife started talking reconciliation. We worked out later she would have been struggling to support herself alone, but he didn't think of that at the time.
There was no indication of another bloke, so, although he had been quite happy single, he took her back.
Bad idea. Very bad idea. She was nice at first then became progressively more b
hy. It appears to be almost impossible for her to even talk civilly to him. It would be so much hassle to chuck her out, he just puts up with it.
I say had a mate, as she has made it so unpleasant to visit him he has lost most of his friends over a few years. He now realises her return was merely financial, & she resents having to return.
People should realise, you can never go back. Not to places, jobs or people. It is never the same, & almost invariably fails. It is foolish to put yourself through the heart ache again, with almost no chance of success.
The wife had a 30 hour a week job, & the daughter was a junior book keeper. After the daughter moved on to be near a new job, the wife started talking reconciliation. We worked out later she would have been struggling to support herself alone, but he didn't think of that at the time.
There was no indication of another bloke, so, although he had been quite happy single, he took her back.
Bad idea. Very bad idea. She was nice at first then became progressively more b
hy. It appears to be almost impossible for her to even talk civilly to him. It would be so much hassle to chuck her out, he just puts up with it. I say had a mate, as she has made it so unpleasant to visit him he has lost most of his friends over a few years. He now realises her return was merely financial, & she resents having to return.
People should realise, you can never go back. Not to places, jobs or people. It is never the same, & almost invariably fails. It is foolish to put yourself through the heart ache again, with almost no chance of success.
Well, good luck to the OP. I really hope it works out.
Just don't go back out of fear of the alternative.
I recently divorced after a 20 year marriage.
The last 12 months have been hard work.
But I have finally emerged, blinking into the sunlight. And I find that single life is pretty good.
In fact, I am much happier than when I was stuck in a miserable marriage.
My biggest regret is persevering for as long as I did.
If the OP's relationship was on the rocks, then an awful lot is going to have to change to fix it.
Maintaining a happy relationship is not always easy. Fixing a broken relationship is very difficult indeed.
My ex-wife and I are on pretty good terms and we both agree that we should have canned it five years earlier than we did.
So I wish the OP all the best. But he should keep an eye on the clock.
Just don't go back out of fear of the alternative.
I recently divorced after a 20 year marriage.
The last 12 months have been hard work.
But I have finally emerged, blinking into the sunlight. And I find that single life is pretty good.
In fact, I am much happier than when I was stuck in a miserable marriage.
My biggest regret is persevering for as long as I did.
If the OP's relationship was on the rocks, then an awful lot is going to have to change to fix it.
Maintaining a happy relationship is not always easy. Fixing a broken relationship is very difficult indeed.
My ex-wife and I are on pretty good terms and we both agree that we should have canned it five years earlier than we did.
So I wish the OP all the best. But he should keep an eye on the clock.
Starting to worry now re my age if I prolong the perhaps inevitable!
Re the her staying with me due to no money/nowhere to go thing, Near the end, it was amicable enough, and we were living together, just in separate rooms, and I told her I would make sure she was fine until she had a new job and settled in somewhere else, and the house was sold. So she could have kept the split as it was knowing she would be ok. I had decided by then, that if she was brave enough to say we needed to split, and she was going on her own, I couldn't, and wouldn't stop her and would help her as much as possible.
I took her out for a day when we were both at loose ends, and that's when she told me she didn't want to split up. I didn't say one way or the other at the time.
Probably heading for a fall.
Re the her staying with me due to no money/nowhere to go thing, Near the end, it was amicable enough, and we were living together, just in separate rooms, and I told her I would make sure she was fine until she had a new job and settled in somewhere else, and the house was sold. So she could have kept the split as it was knowing she would be ok. I had decided by then, that if she was brave enough to say we needed to split, and she was going on her own, I couldn't, and wouldn't stop her and would help her as much as possible.
I took her out for a day when we were both at loose ends, and that's when she told me she didn't want to split up. I didn't say one way or the other at the time.
Probably heading for a fall.
Wolfer said:
Starting to worry now re my age if I prolong the perhaps inevitable!
From the original post you are 36? Assuming that to be correct, its the same age as me and, believe me, its an utterly fantastic age to be single. You'll fall under the radar of women of almost any age category. As men we benefit additionally from the fact you do not even have temporal considerations in relation to fatherhood.
That said, life in general is short and do not waste it pursuing something that is not worth pursuing. As Pat H alluded to below, the first X number of months will always be full of remorse and a gaping loss where rose-tinter specs feed you images only of the good times and never the bad. Get beyond those, find yourself (avoid rebound relationships IMO), and get out the other side and you'll often look back with more pragmatic realism of the past and find a spring in your step to move on.
OP - you sound like you're with her due to obligation, history, feeling a bit sorry for her and also worried about lots of 'what ifs' for yourself. They don't appear to be great reasons to be with someone.
If she's someone you love spending time with, great fun, a true friend and you still fancy her like mad then stay but if she doesn't make you feel the way you did when you first got together then leave. Leave now whilst it's easy.
If she's someone you love spending time with, great fun, a true friend and you still fancy her like mad then stay but if she doesn't make you feel the way you did when you first got together then leave. Leave now whilst it's easy.
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff