Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
*Badger* said:
Shes gone back to her mums, she has always been very close to her family and I was too, which makes this situation harder. Her mum text and told me a different reason, suggesting that my own insecurity had caused a divide. Whilst I know where her mums loyalties are she is not one to just say things without meaning. I can kind of accept that as she would often put on a front to protect herself and go into a quiet time where as I am the polar opposite and need to find answers, I suppose not getting an answer time after time would lead you to jump to irrational conclusions and over a longer period could cause problems. From reading up on insecurity I can see some factors which may have become part of my life.
Sounds like you are being gaslighted.She gets her attack in first so that when you discover the real reason, that she has been playing around, anything you think, you will doubt and anything you say will be disbelieved.
As has been said, many times, previously, I don't think you should spend any time at all trying to summarise what has happened. Evaluating the relationship and questioning yourself with what it's, but's or maybe's is a complete waste of time and wholly destructive.
I personally feel your attitude should be, f
k her, I'll get on with my own life now and give the whole thing as little thought possible. Whilst upholding a respectable and decent attitude toward her.
I personally feel your attitude should be, f
k her, I'll get on with my own life now and give the whole thing as little thought possible. Whilst upholding a respectable and decent attitude toward her.Martin4x4 said:
*Badger* said:
Shes gone back to her mums, she has always been very close to her family and I was too, which makes this situation harder. Her mum text and told me a different reason, suggesting that my own insecurity had caused a divide. Whilst I know where her mums loyalties are she is not one to just say things without meaning. I can kind of accept that as she would often put on a front to protect herself and go into a quiet time where as I am the polar opposite and need to find answers, I suppose not getting an answer time after time would lead you to jump to irrational conclusions and over a longer period could cause problems. From reading up on insecurity I can see some factors which may have become part of my life.
Sounds like you are being gaslighted.She gets her attack in first so that when you discover the real reason, that she has been playing around, anything you think, you will doubt and anything you say will be disbelieved.
Shame she has only decided to pass on the 'real reason' now she has moved out. She'll be seeing someone else and the last person she'll want to admit that to (after you) will be her parents.
If she's subsequently found out, there's now an excuse. He was friend to me in a time of need, etc.
It is worth finding out, if only to decide what would be fair and equitable in all the circumstances. I'm not concerned about the law in situations like these but I accept others might be.
grumbledoak said:
Because it almost always is the case. There are exceptions, of course. But people, and women particularly, are not normally brave enough to just walk away with no-one to go to.
Well, in that case I will consider myself to be the lucky exception!As a genuine question, posed to those on here who have been through separation / divorce........is it really such a frequent event for the woman to have the next fella lined up, ready & waiting? Equally, will any men admit to having their next lady waiting?
It's very early days. After a ten year relationship which appeared to be going reasonably well it is certainly too early to be jumping to any rash conclusions.
Give her some time and space, when the dust has settled it sounds worth going through things with her and seeing if anything can be salvaged.
Give her some time and space, when the dust has settled it sounds worth going through things with her and seeing if anything can be salvaged.
Robw73 said:
grumbledoak said:
Because it almost always is the case. There are exceptions, of course. But people, and women particularly, are not normally brave enough to just walk away with no-one to go to.
Well, in that case I will consider myself to be the lucky exception!As a genuine question, posed to those on here who have been through separation / divorce........is it really such a frequent event for the woman to have the next fella lined up, ready & waiting? Equally, will any men admit to having their next lady waiting?
Justsmile said:
Not all woman leave because they are seeing someone else, many have no choice because of a partners behaviour and have to start over on their own.
When that happens her behaviour will be completely different.The stories in this thread are typical of what happens when her head has been turned, not when she has been driven out of the home.
Sorry to hear your news fella.
There could / could not be someone else. Kind of irrelevant to be honest. As hurtful as that may be. There won't be any tearful coming back together that will have any lasting impact. It's a done deal. Think of it as one.
They're all unique and difficult situations, but I'm hopeful these snippets will help.
Blood is thicker than water. I know they felt like your family but they're not. They're hers. Cut off all contact. Be polite, but don't have anything to do with them. Nothing good comes of it.
It's your house. Start to think of it that way. Offer to drop off / help her remove her things from it. Clean it, tidy it and make it yours.
Start the financial cutting off discussions ASAP. Nothing like the feeling of her taking money out of the joint account to buy "Dave" drinks.
Surround yourself with your genuine mates and do what makes you happy.
Hope that helps.
There could / could not be someone else. Kind of irrelevant to be honest. As hurtful as that may be. There won't be any tearful coming back together that will have any lasting impact. It's a done deal. Think of it as one.
They're all unique and difficult situations, but I'm hopeful these snippets will help.
Blood is thicker than water. I know they felt like your family but they're not. They're hers. Cut off all contact. Be polite, but don't have anything to do with them. Nothing good comes of it.
It's your house. Start to think of it that way. Offer to drop off / help her remove her things from it. Clean it, tidy it and make it yours.
Start the financial cutting off discussions ASAP. Nothing like the feeling of her taking money out of the joint account to buy "Dave" drinks.
Surround yourself with your genuine mates and do what makes you happy.
Hope that helps.
Davey S2 said:
Robw73 said:
^^^^^^^
I actually owe a huge amount of respect to Shnozz.
He wrote some things back after I separated that have made a real difference to me.
Funnily enough I used Shnozz as a shoulder to cry on when I had a nasty break up with an ex girlfriend many years ago.I actually owe a huge amount of respect to Shnozz.
He wrote some things back after I separated that have made a real difference to me.
Although a lawyer I think his talents would be better used as a Relate counsellor
Fcker.
Well, rightly or wrongly her mobile bill arrived on my email today (As its registered to me due to my staff discounts).
So I opened the PDF, and there have been a few times where she has been repeatedly texting one number.
The first time it occurred was last Thursday when I was working nights, next it was last Saturday when I was fitting facia's with her brother.
So I then looked at usage since last bill on the account, and low and behold she spent the entire night last night texting this number.
Bit of quick detective work and I know who it is, and yes I know him, its someone we both knew. She works with him and I know him due to that.
It could be innocent, its probably not.
Its true what many of you said, its normally someone you know.
So I opened the PDF, and there have been a few times where she has been repeatedly texting one number.
The first time it occurred was last Thursday when I was working nights, next it was last Saturday when I was fitting facia's with her brother.
So I then looked at usage since last bill on the account, and low and behold she spent the entire night last night texting this number.
Bit of quick detective work and I know who it is, and yes I know him, its someone we both knew. She works with him and I know him due to that.
It could be innocent, its probably not.
Its true what many of you said, its normally someone you know.
olly22n said:
grumbledoak said:
Robw73 said:
Why does everyone automatically assume the lady has someone else lined up?
Because it almost always is the case. There are exceptions, of course. But people, and women particularly, are not normally brave enough to just walk away with no-one to go to.Sometimes, just sometimes they hate you just enough to f
k off with no plan b 
Oldandslow said:
stewies_minion said:
Start the financial cutting off discussions ASAP. Nothing like the feeling of her taking money out of the joint account to buy "Dave" drinks.
Don't buy "Dave" a damn thing until you're sure he's not been banging her behind your back. Buy "Davina" a cocktail.*Badger* said:
Well, rightly or wrongly her mobile bill arrived on my email today (As its registered to me due to my staff discounts).
So I opened the PDF, and there have been a few times where she has been repeatedly texting one number.
The first time it occurred was last Thursday when I was working nights, next it was last Saturday when I was fitting facia's with her brother.
So I then looked at usage since last bill on the account, and low and behold she spent the entire night last night texting this number.
Bit of quick detective work and I know who it is, and yes I know him, its someone we both knew. She works with him and I know him due to that.
It could be innocent, its probably not.
Its true what many of you said, its normally someone you know.
Sorry So I opened the PDF, and there have been a few times where she has been repeatedly texting one number.
The first time it occurred was last Thursday when I was working nights, next it was last Saturday when I was fitting facia's with her brother.
So I then looked at usage since last bill on the account, and low and behold she spent the entire night last night texting this number.
Bit of quick detective work and I know who it is, and yes I know him, its someone we both knew. She works with him and I know him due to that.
It could be innocent, its probably not.
Its true what many of you said, its normally someone you know.
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