Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
romeogolf said:
My mate was saying "It's not like..." and then reversed the roles, reminding me that it's not he who thought it was going fine and then I decided to leave, and thus it's sensible for me to want to protect myself now that he's making me unsure.
Ah, I see. That makes sense.Reminds me of this song:
Darkslider said:
She's had an NHS bursary and help from her mum whilst in uni so she has been paying into the joint account something like 40% and I've been making up the other 60%, so while I've been supporting her a little it's not been excessive.
This will be ignored by Joey and he'll continue with the usual 'it's always the woman's fault, they'll all snakes etc' rhetoric!GreatGranny said:
Darkslider said:
She's had an NHS bursary and help from her mum whilst in uni so she has been paying into the joint account something like 40% and I've been making up the other 60%, so while I've been supporting her a little it's not been excessive.
This will be ignored by Joey and he'll continue with the usual 'it's always the woman's fault, they'll all snakes etc' rhetoric!Alltrack said:
You need to do something about the joint account as I assume there's nothing to stop her (or you) emptying it?
Divide it up 50:50 and split any direct debits between you accordingly?
The joint account only has the bare minimum needed to cover the house bills in it day to day, we both paid what we needed in to run the house. I'm 100% confident she wouldn't steal from me/us, even after what has gone on. And even if she did, we're staying amicable at the moment she'd be daft to risk that for the sake of a few hundred quid or whatever is in there. Divide it up 50:50 and split any direct debits between you accordingly?
It will of course need dealing with in due course though, I'll have to get all the direct debits into my name once she's moved out and get it closed down I suppose. I'll add it to the list!
Darkslider said:
The joint account only has the bare minimum needed to cover the house bills in it day to day, we both paid what we needed in to run the house. I'm 100% confident she wouldn't steal from me/us, even after what has gone on. And even if she did, we're staying amicable at the moment she'd be daft to risk that for the sake of a few hundred quid or whatever is in there.
It will of course need dealing with in due course though, I'll have to get all the direct debits into my name once she's moved out and get it closed down I suppose. I'll add it to the list!
Out of interest, is she still living at 'home'? How is that working?It will of course need dealing with in due course though, I'll have to get all the direct debits into my name once she's moved out and get it closed down I suppose. I'll add it to the list!
Dr Murdoch said:
Out of interest, is she still living at 'home'? How is that working?
Nope, she's moved out for a week at my request to give me some head space. Then the current plan is for her to stay in the spare room, we'll both continue to pay the mortgage for now but try and keep out of each others way as best we can while I try and raise the money I need. Sounds like trouble on paper I know, but I still can't bring myself to hate her even though I know I should. I'm just a genuinely 'nice guy' and I've never really harboured any anger or hate towards anyone, I sometimes think maybe I don't have the capacity for it. The only real pitfall I can see is if having her in the house prevents me from moving on or healing my emotions somehow, but only time will tell that bit. I'm going to do my very best to fill my time with working, the gym, bike rides and re-connecting with friends, so hopefully my time spent in the house will be minimal anyway. We shall see.
ClaphamGT3 said:
GreatGranny said:
This will be ignored by Joey and he'll continue with the usual 'it's always the woman's fault, they'll all snakes etc' rhetoric!
Have we had his "no man who has got divorced has ever been able to buy a house again" spiel?I understand that this repeated narrative might be irritating to some, but can we please not attack each other. Some people are more willing to forgive, to be accepting and others are much more hostile to people they once trusted and hurt them.
Bitterness and outbursts of misogyny aren’t usually helpful to others reading them, but it should be unwritten here, that this is a good place to vent those feelings and have them at least a little understood by others. That doesn’t mean endorsed or accepted with a nod, but it should mean those reading see them in the context of the experiences of those posting.
Understanding and not judgement.
Gargamel said:
This thread would greatly benefit from refraining from personal attacks on posters. We all have our individual experiences, sometimes we aren’t really writing advice we are merely re-polishing and refining our own stories and each time editing them a little to make them more acceptable to ourselves.
I understand that this repeated narrative might be irritating to some, but can we please not attack each other. Some people are more willing to forgive, to be accepting and others are much more hostile to people they once trusted and hurt them.
Bitterness and outbursts of misogyny aren’t usually helpful to others reading them, but it should be unwritten here, that this is a good place to vent those feelings and have them at least a little understood by others. That doesn’t mean endorsed or accepted with a nod, but it should mean those reading see them in the context of the experiences of those posting.
Understanding and not judgement.
Whilst your broad sentiment is sound, I can't agree with the specific. Joey has form for going beyond sharing perspectives & personal experience and posting his own prejudices dressed up as advice, which isn't helpful for anyone.I understand that this repeated narrative might be irritating to some, but can we please not attack each other. Some people are more willing to forgive, to be accepting and others are much more hostile to people they once trusted and hurt them.
Bitterness and outbursts of misogyny aren’t usually helpful to others reading them, but it should be unwritten here, that this is a good place to vent those feelings and have them at least a little understood by others. That doesn’t mean endorsed or accepted with a nod, but it should mean those reading see them in the context of the experiences of those posting.
Understanding and not judgement.
In fairness to him, he is not the only one - Tonker used to be terrible for it when he was around - and plenty, including you, very clearly avoid doing so but it needs calling out when it becomes a regular occurrence
Edited by ClaphamGT3 on Wednesday 3rd January 10:27
CharlesdeGaulle said:
Yeah, I'd forgotten those until you mentioned it. He became a very angry man. Is he still around?
No. He has left the site and has had all his posting history erased. I believe from his posts towards the end of his time here - but do not know for sure - that aspects of his divorce became subject to some extremely toxic allegations with significant potential ramifications for his relationship with his child as well as for his new marriage and career.ClaphamGT3 said:
No. He has left the site and has had all his posting history erased. I believe from his posts towards the end of his time here - but do not know for sure - that aspects of his divorce became subject to some extremely toxic allegations with significant potential ramifications for his relationship with his child as well as for his new marriage and career.
Ouch. Poor chap. Darkslider said:
Dr Murdoch said:
Out of interest, is she still living at 'home'? How is that working?
Nope, she's moved out for a week at my request to give me some head space. Then the current plan is for her to stay in the spare room, we'll both continue to pay the mortgage for now but try and keep out of each others way as best we can while I try and raise the money I need. Sounds like trouble on paper I know, but I still can't bring myself to hate her even though I know I should. I'm just a genuinely 'nice guy' and I've never really harboured any anger or hate towards anyone, I sometimes think maybe I don't have the capacity for it. The only real pitfall I can see is if having her in the house prevents me from moving on or healing my emotions somehow, but only time will tell that bit. I'm going to do my very best to fill my time with working, the gym, bike rides and re-connecting with friends, so hopefully my time spent in the house will be minimal anyway. We shall see.
I’ve had it where I came home and the ex had removed every single item of furniture and possession from the house except my clothes. She left a mirror with some lipstick quotations off one of her trash telly programmes, to then come back the next day whilst I was at work to take the mirror too. In the end I had to phone the police to get my laptop back. They incidentally weren’t helpful either.
Get her out dude.
Get her out dude.
I don't think you are being too nice just doing what you believe is the right thing. (not chucking her out on the street).
Unfortunately for both you and her the co-habiting isn't going to help your emotional and mental wellbeing.
Agree timescales and get moving on living separate lives in different locations.
Living under the same roof is just going to cause a situation where disagreements will prevent you both from healthily moving on.
You cannot have frank discussions and come to decisions since inevitably each decision will disadvantage one of you.
You will be a better man than any of us to achieve a right level of compromise whilst living under the same roof.
Good Luck
Unfortunately for both you and her the co-habiting isn't going to help your emotional and mental wellbeing.
Agree timescales and get moving on living separate lives in different locations.
Living under the same roof is just going to cause a situation where disagreements will prevent you both from healthily moving on.
You cannot have frank discussions and come to decisions since inevitably each decision will disadvantage one of you.
You will be a better man than any of us to achieve a right level of compromise whilst living under the same roof.
Good Luck
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