Being told " I don't love you anymore"

[Pothole]

Wacky Racer said:

Is it possible to live with somebody if you don't "love" them,....... you can "like" them, "respect" them etc.

Isn't "love" something that only happens to sixteen year old schoolgirls living in a fantasy world?


btw, We have been happily married 34 years.............I was just posing the question.

I'm 50. I'm not a schoolgirl. I don't live in a fantasy world. I'm deeply, deliriously, wonderfully in love with my fiancé. 100 days till we get married.

[Impasse]

jshell said:

Well, at least you're not bitter!

Sounds more like experience to me.

[Tuvra]

Joey Deacon said:

xjay1337 said:

I think asking her what she wants to do is a waste of time. Clear what she wants to do already, by her actions.
As Adam says, box her stuff up and take to her parents. Explain to her parents, but don't get into detail, just say you've seemed to have drifted apart, you've tried your best but you can't do it anymore - if you get on that well then I'm sure they will understand. Change the locks - very important. Call the ex-mrs and explain you've moved all of her stuff back to her parents. Say you are sorry and wish her all the best. As suggested a few posts above then just plan something with some mates on Sunday, Go-Karting / Paintballing or just go for a drive and catch a movie on your way back as a distraction. But sounds like you are pretty much used to the "single life" so to speak.

Totally agree, asking her what she wants to do is a total waste of time. I can give you the speech now "I need Space", "I love you, but I am not in love with you", "I am not happy". Basically what she is saying is that she needs space without you in it so she can shag her new boyfriend. Let's be honest, this was a gradual her wanting to give it a try at being single while keeping you hanging on incase it didn't work out.

I would definitely box all her stuff up and give it to her parents. I wouldn't worry about changing the locks too much as it would appear that she doesn't really want anything to do with you so she is unlikely to let herself into the house for no reason.

Then once you have the house to yourself just do what you want to do and be single for a while. If that is banging anything that moves go for it, if that is playing computer games, go karting or whatever then that is also cool.

Guys, I meant ask her what to do with house hold bills, how to get rid of her stuff etc not look to resolve the issue

I found chasing skirt helped me enormously, within 2 months I had stopped thinking about her all together and spent most of my time plotting sexual escapades with people scattered all over the place ensuring A didn't meet B, C didn't meet D and so on.....I kept all these women under wraps from everyone bar my closest mate to ensure my long term reputation with the local women wasn't damaged. I didn't want to become known as a "fkboi".

The first mistake I made was leaving the ex back in and believing she was giving me another go when she wasn't, looking back I believe she wanted to shag someone after meeting him on her xmas party, broke up with me so shes no cheat, shagged him, realised he was only after a shag, he stopped being the guy she wanted him to be and realised the grass isn't always greener and tried to return, problem was she tried giving me all the aggro she used to when we were together despite not being together. Second mistake was admitting that I'd shagged a few birds as I was about to bang my ex for the first time, probably should have kept that in and just shagged her up the ass for old times sake

12 months on I feel reasonably settled, I have stopped "hunting" continuously for the next target and I have my first serious date with a local girl I've had my eye on for a while this coming Saturday

[Don1]

Tony427 said:

Best thing that stface ever did was to feck off and leave me the 3 piece suite.

What a great story.

[xjay1337]

Tuvra said:

Guys, I meant ask her what to do with house hold bills, how to get rid of her stuff etc not look to resolve the issue

Ah fair enough haha!
Whoever owns the house stays and pays the bills really! :-)

[CountZero23]

Axionknight said:

Tony427 said:

Sofa story

Brilliant ending to a grim tale

[br d]

Pothole said:

I'm 50. I'm not a schoolgirl. I don't live in a fantasy world. I'm deeply, deliriously, wonderfully in love with my fiancé. 100 days till we get married.

You're a contrary bugger on here most of the time Pot and I rarely warm to you but that bought a big smile to my face.
I hope you both enjoy many years of happiness together.

Now, back to normal service!

[The Moose]

Pothole said:

I'm 50. I'm not a schoolgirl. I don't live in a fantasy world. I'm deeply, deliriously, wonderfully in love with my fiancé. 100 days till we get married.

40 days before me (well, also 47 but that's another matter!)

[anonymous-user]

jshell said:

zygalski said:

Lads, each time this happens to you console yourself in the knowledge that it's all their fault & there's no valid 'other' side to the story.
Women are hateful things. They lure us in, take everything we've got & then leave us penniless for no good reason whatsoever.

Well, at least you're not bitter!

Sounds more like a decent man who provided everything for his wife, only for her to have a Facebook affair and put him through divorce rape.

jshell, come back to us if the 50/50 chance of your perfect little snowflake doing the same to you doesn't work out.

[barchetta_boy]

The idea that human beings' capacity to be sts to one another skews by gender is laughable.

[jshell]

Joey Deacon said:

jshell said:

zygalski said:

Lads, each time this happens to you console yourself in the knowledge that it's all their fault & there's no valid 'other' side to the story.
Women are hateful things. They lure us in, take everything we've got & then leave us penniless for no good reason whatsoever.

Well, at least you're not bitter!

Sounds more like a decent man who provided everything for his wife, only for her to have a Facebook affair and put him through divorce rape.

jshell, come back to us if the 50/50 chance of your perfect little snowflake doing the same to you doesn't work out.

Au Contraire, mon ami! I'm under no misapprehensions about the effect of long term relationship failure. I have that T-shirt, But, being bitter about it, as he obviously is, is so counter-productive. Turning into a woman hater because of a bad experience is cutting off one's nose to spite their boat-race. There are many magnificent, stable and wonderfully hot/sexy/experimental women out there. If you write them all off, then that's your/his loss.

Relationships turn sour for a myriad reasons, but there are usually two sides to every story. In my industry especially, oil, I see relationships frequently turn to dust, but almost all of the ones I've seen have been due to faults on both sides not being dealt with properly.

[mikefacel]

barchetta_boy said:

The idea that human beings' capacity to be sts to one another skews by gender is laughable.

80% of divorces are filed by women. Statistical fact, skewed by gender. Many of those will be with good reason, many not of course, but there's certainly a gender bias.

[James2593]

Thanks all for the replies, I've waited to reply as I wanted to do it when it was all done and finished, my original post is back on page 43.

Changed the locks yesterday, just incase. I don't believe she'd do anything malicious, but I don't know what to believe with that woman anymore! You only know when it's too late, for the sake of £50, it's well worth doing.

Bagged up her stuff and went round to her parents' house this afternoon, her mum was at work so had a brief chat with her dad. He had no idea what had gone on and he's not even seen her since November. To be honest, it did feel good to box it all off, he didn't admit it but he was very happy that i'd been round and had a chat face to face and he respects me for that. Which is nice.

Life plows on though, on to the next adventure, eh! Until then i'm spending a sunday evening home alone with my tea in the oven wondering what film to watch tonight.

[mondeoman]

Smart move, you'll feel a lot better for it. Sky or netflix, the world is your oyster

[xjay1337]

James2593 said:

Thanks all for the replies, I've waited to reply as I wanted to do it when it was all done and finished, my original post is back on page 43.

Changed the locks yesterday, just incase. I don't believe she'd do anything malicious, but I don't know what to believe with that woman anymore! You only know when it's too late, for the sake of £50, it's well worth doing.

Bagged up her stuff and went round to her parents' house this afternoon, her mum was at work so had a brief chat with her dad. He had no idea what had gone on and he's not even seen her since November. To be honest, it did feel good to box it all off, he didn't admit it but he was very happy that i'd been round and had a chat face to face and he respects me for that. Which is nice.

Life plows on though, on to the next adventure, eh! Until then i'm spending a sunday evening home alone with my tea in the oven wondering what film to watch tonight.

Good man.
Hope things pick up for you.
Plenty of good stuff on netflix :-)

[Pommygranite]

xjay1337 said:

James2593 said:

Thanks all for the replies, I've waited to reply as I wanted to do it when it was all done and finished, my original post is back on page 43.

Changed the locks yesterday, just incase. I don't believe she'd do anything malicious, but I don't know what to believe with that woman anymore! You only know when it's too late, for the sake of £50, it's well worth doing.

Bagged up her stuff and went round to her parents' house this afternoon, her mum was at work so had a brief chat with her dad. He had no idea what had gone on and he's not even seen her since November. To be honest, it did feel good to box it all off, he didn't admit it but he was very happy that i'd been round and had a chat face to face and he respects me for that. Which is nice.

Life plows on though, on to the next adventure, eh! Until then i'm spending a sunday evening home alone with my tea in the oven wondering what film to watch tonight.

Good man.
Hope things pick up for you.
Plenty of good stuff on Beeg :-)

Efa

[Whattodonow]

I had this happen to me last year.

Short version-
She told me she wasn't in love with me any more, I thought my job and working away was one of the main reasons for this so ended up taking voluntary redundancy and moving back to her home town.

Spent about 9 months looking for work, found another job which she hated.

Made an appointment with Relate for marriage counselling, started to make progress, she needed space and time to figure out what she wanted from life.

Skip forwards 3 months and in a moment of madness, i look at her phone one morning, turns out at the same time as we had started counselling, she had started an affair with a random guy from an adult dating site. I confronted her over it and over the course of the next few days and weeks, we actually became much closer and realised that we did still want it to work.

2 months on and our 10 year marriage is the best it has been in years but trust is going to take a long time to return.

Looking back, if she hadn't had the affair, i think our marriage would probably have ended!!

(Posted from a second username to protect what little dignity I still have, sorry mods 😉)

[Timmy40]

Evolved said:

Been there and have the tshirt. Come home from work to discover the 3 bed house lacking anything resembling furniture though did still have the big arse heavy tv so every cloud and all that...

All these revenge of the ex posts remind me of that "stty cushions" thread.

[xjay1337]

Whattodonow said:

snip

Ffs. Dump her. Cheating on you while councilling. Where is your self respect.

She probably just feels very guilty.

[theboss]

xjay1337 said:

Whattodonow said:

snip

Ffs. Dump her. Cheating on you while councilling. Where is your self respect.

She probably just feels very guilty.

I don't normally agree with these 'dump like a sack of st' posts but to commence an affair whilst whattodonow has made significant sacrifices and sought to genuinely try to repair the relationship is reprehensible and a dire reflection of her capability to inflict damage... I do sincerely hope it works out, but good luck to him!