Being told " I don't love you anymore"

[grumbledoak]

zygalski said:

So your wife & your daughter both disowned you.
Are you absolutely certain there isn't another side to the story... another perspective?
Drink, domestic abuse & the fella not being able to keep it in his trousers seem to be the most common factors in marriage & family break ups. With all the failed relationships being aired in threads like this I'm amazed at how sober, peaceful & celibate our resident PH'ers seem to be.
Those cruel women. Dumping us for absolutely no good reason...

A new low. Impressive.

[zygalski]

grumbledoak said:

A new low. Impressive.

My pleasure. The reality check is free. Blaming multiple relationship breakdowns on everyone else but yourself isn't going to get you anywhere.
I'll leave the thread alone now, best to leave you alpha males in your little wimmin-hater land of make believe.

[elanfan]

Your daughter is of an age where she can make up her own mind now. If in the past she has been poisoned against you by her mum she can probably work this out for herself. You can virtually guarantee that she will underneath what bitterness and angst there may be she will want you in her life. What little girl doesn't want their daddy. I would expect it is very hard for her to make the first move so why don't you.. A Facebook message or a letter or if you are brave a phone call. Answer her questions as best you can without being critical of her mum and take it slowly.

Very best of luck to you. My 3 are a right royal pain at times but I cannot imagine never speaking to any of them again.

[Impasse]

zygalski said:

My pleasure. The reality check is free. Blaming multiple relationship breakdowns on everyone else but yourself isn't going to get you anywhere.
I'll leave the thread alone now, best to leave you alpha males in your little wimmin-hater land of make believe.

I expect the woman cheating IS the fault of the man, yes. That excuse always works when the genders are reversed, so I can't see why it's not valid here.
If you think acts of despicable behaviour are restricted to one sex then I'd suggest you don't actually know much about human nature and maybe this isn't the thread for you to impart your "knowledge".

[MrOrange]

elanfan said:

Your daughter is of an age where she can make up her own mind now. If in the past she has been poisoned against you by her mum she can probably work this out for herself. You can virtually guarantee that she will underneath what bitterness and angst there may be she will want you in her life. What little girl doesn't want their daddy. I would expect it is very hard for her to make the first move so why don't you.

Everyone's circumstances are different. I left 24 years ago, divorced a couple years later. Ignoring some nuances, the fault was entirely mine.

My son broke all contact with me 15 years ago and my 24 yr old daughter has only the most tenuous link now. I beat myself up for years, unable to counteract the "poisoning" but after 2 decades I've come to the realisation that sometimes that's the way it goes. I was the perpetrator of it going wrong, the bad man, so can understand the bitterness. Still hope they will be back in contact. Some day, maybe.

/Thanks for listening

[elanfan]

Then I'd write to your kids and admit your guilt, apologise, make no excuses. Say you'd like the opportunity to apologise in person and say you'll answer any questions they might have. If you've not been actively trying to be there for them you certainly owe them for that. Only then can you hope to have more regular contact

[stuttgartmetal]

zygalski said:

stuttgartmetal said:

Yep


Wow

I know I'll never hear from her again.

She may see the whole picture one day
She may want to see her Dad

It's all up to her.
No one else.

So your wife & your daughter both disowned you.
Are you absolutely certain there isn't another side to the story... another perspective?
Drink, domestic abuse & the fella not being able to keep it in his trousers seem to be the most common factors in marriage & family break ups. With all the failed relationships being aired in threads like this I'm amazed at how sober, peaceful & celibate our resident PH'ers seem to be.
Those cruel women. Dumping us for absolutely no good reason...

Did all that, yup

Abuse is shouting at your wife nowadays
Or grabbing her dressing gown as you shout.
Straight down the Police Station for a statement.
They moved into a flat already organised months before

Every man reacts to provocation
It's just about the quantity of it
Women and the unread like you Fella, romanticise about the carte blanche women think they should have regarding how they behave

If you unfortunately hook up with a passive aggressive control freak like I did, you end up in a very different environment than you imagine it to be.
She was very clever

As I said, draw aline under it
Move on.

Life's for living.

[Andy Zarse]

zygalski said:

grumbledoak said:

A new low. Impressive.

My pleasure. The reality check is free. Blaming multiple relationship breakdowns on everyone else but yourself isn't going to get you anywhere.

He isn't you utter moron. Your level of presumption is quite disgusting. Now crawl back under you fly-blown cow turd.

[BrabusMog]

zygalski said:

So your wife & your daughter both disowned you.
Are you absolutely certain there isn't another side to the story... another perspective?
Drink, domestic abuse & the fella not being able to keep it in his trousers seem to be the most common factors in marriage & family break ups. With all the failed relationships being aired in threads like this I'm amazed at how sober, peaceful & celibate our resident PH'ers seem to be.
Those cruel women. Dumping us for absolutely no good reason...

I agree with this, LOL. Too many "heroes" on here that did nothing wrong etc. And I'm not saying any people that couldn't make a relationship work are at fault but... Relationships usually break down for a reason and PH single posters usually have a toe curlingly cringeworthy rhetoric of "it's her fault".

Fair play zygalski, you've said what lots and lots of people were thinking.

[xjay1337]

BrabusMog said:

I agree with this, LOL. Too many "heroes" on here that did nothing wrong etc. And I'm not saying any people that couldn't make a relationship work are at fault but... Relationships usually break down for a reason and PH single posters usually have a toe curlingly cringeworthy rhetoric of "it's her fault".

Fair play zygalski, you've said what lots and lots of people were thinking.

I wasn't thinking that.
It can happen. One parent poisoning the child against the other.

[Chicken Chaser]

Regardless of blame there are still some stories to tell here. No doubt for those who are posting its some kind of therapy too. Good luck to everyone going through a relationship breakdown at present.

[mudy]

BrabusMog said:

I agree with this, LOL. Too many "heroes" on here that did nothing wrong etc. And I'm not saying any people that couldn't make a relationship work are at fault but... Relationships usually break down for a reason and PH single posters usually have a toe curlingly cringeworthy rhetoric of "it's her fault".

Fair play zygalski, you've said what lots and lots of people were thinking.

+1 far too many bitter 'snake-with-tits' comments on here; if you really think it's all someone else's fault then you are totally deluded and will just repeat the same mistakes with the next poor woman who comes along; another 'evil' woman no doubt ...

[Pieman68]

Although there are some "Alpha male" types on here blaming everything on the other person, I think you will find in amongst that some stories where people can see the other side

I have 2 failed long term relationships behind me, one with the mother of my daughter and one with my ex wife

In the first instance I can see her side of it. We had our daughter and my ex suffered from PND. I was working both a full time and part time job in order to keep a roof over our heads and my focus was on supporting my family, but at the detriment of our relationship. A new guy came along who knew what buttons to press and became the rock that I should have been (turned out that he was a sleazy, serial cheating scumbag and a con artist but that's by the by)

11 years on and we are good friends. I am lucky that I speak to my daughter regularly and see her every weekend plus school holidays. The ex has had her moments but on the whole we have always managed to work together for the sake of our daughter, who I am proud to say is now a well rounded and pleasant teenager

I learned from my mistakes and was a very different person with my ex wife. I was doting, caring, loving and affectionate and provided her with all that I could. Helped her to better herself and get a decent job and become the person that she could be, rather than the deadbeat that her manipulative mother put her down as. I was a doormat. I borrowed money to buy "us" things. In short, I was too soft and she took advantage and didn't respect me.

She got bored and ran off with another bloke after 14 months of marriage, leaving me with all of the debt that was all in my name. In hindsight I don't believe he was the first. Her parting words of "I'm sick of working to pay your debts" rang a little harsh - she left with 40 bin bags of clothes and 100 pairs of shoes, I had the house with negative equity, a £600 car and outgoings that massively outweighed my single income. Bankruptcy was seen as a possibility but I felt morally obliged to pay back money that I had borrowed and spent and fought it tooth and nail.

6 years down the line now. I sold the house when I moved in with my current partner but am still paying for it. Was promoted at work last year and the difference in salary is such that I am in a good place - if I hit all of my targets I will be debt free in 18 months

I am getting married again in July. I am a different, stronger person for all of my experiences and my current fiancée could not be more different to either of my exes. Both of my previous relationships ended with me being cheated on but I simply let them go and moved on, and can honestly say that trust has never raised it's head in my current situation. Ironic that my honeymoon will be my first foreign holiday since my honeymoon

Whether the relationship can survive depends on a number of factors and I hope it works out in the case above. I know in my case that neither of them had a strong enough foundation to build on so the decisions to split were the right ones

Oh, and for the record - I don't drink and have never raised a hand to a woman in my life. Not sure if being a "pieaholic" can have a detrimental effect on a relationship but, if so, I can hold my hands up to that one

[TwigtheWonderkid]

Pieman68 said:

Although there are some "Alpha male" types on here blaming everything on the other person, I think you will find in amongst that some stories where people can see the other side

I have 2 failed long term relationships behind me, one with the mother of my daughter and one with my ex wife

In the first instance I can see her side of it. We had our daughter and my ex suffered from PND. I was working both a full time and part time job in order to keep a roof over our heads and my focus was on supporting my family, but at the detriment of our relationship. A new guy came along who knew what buttons to press and became the rock that I should have been (turned out that he was a sleazy, serial cheating scumbag and a con artist but that's by the by)

11 years on and we are good friends. I am lucky that I speak to my daughter regularly and see her every weekend plus school holidays. The ex has had her moments but on the whole we have always managed to work together for the sake of our daughter, who I am proud to say is now a well rounded and pleasant teenager

I learned from my mistakes and was a very different person with my ex wife. I was doting, caring, loving and affectionate and provided her with all that I could. Helped her to better herself and get a decent job and become the person that she could be, rather than the deadbeat that her manipulative mother put her down as. I was a doormat. I borrowed money to buy "us" things. In short, I was too soft and she took advantage and didn't respect me.

She got bored and ran off with another bloke after 14 months of marriage, leaving me with all of the debt that was all in my name. In hindsight I don't believe he was the first. Her parting words of "I'm sick of working to pay your debts" rang a little harsh - she left with 40 bin bags of clothes and 100 pairs of shoes, I had the house with negative equity, a £600 car and outgoings that massively outweighed my single income. Bankruptcy was seen as a possibility but I felt morally obliged to pay back money that I had borrowed and spent and fought it tooth and nail.

6 years down the line now. I sold the house when I moved in with my current partner but am still paying for it. Was promoted at work last year and the difference in salary is such that I am in a good place - if I hit all of my targets I will be debt free in 18 months

I am getting married again in July. I am a different, stronger person for all of my experiences and my current fiancée could not be more different to either of my exes. Both of my previous relationships ended with me being cheated on but I simply let them go and moved on, and can honestly say that trust has never raised it's head in my current situation. Ironic that my honeymoon will be my first foreign holiday since my honeymoon

Whether the relationship can survive depends on a number of factors and I hope it works out in the case above. I know in my case that neither of them had a strong enough foundation to build on so the decisions to split were the right ones

Oh, and for the record - I don't drink and have never raised a hand to a woman in my life. Not sure if being a "pieaholic" can have a detrimental effect on a relationship but, if so, I can hold my hands up to that one

What a well thought out, honest, balanced and informative post. It has no place on this thread.

[Shnozz]

TwigtheWonderkid said:

What a well thought out, honest, balanced and informative post. It has no place on this thread.

Only blighted by the fact he's swiftly off to get married again, at which point his sanity was brought into question.

[xjay1337]

It is well thought out, but assuming it's true, he was working presumably all hours to keep a roof over his family's head and she joffs off with another guy.

Now yes he could have maybe been more attentive but unfortunately attentiveness doesn't pay the bills.
The PND was not his fault, so in this situation, yes it seems it was a two-titted snake.

That old Facebook picture of marriage/divorce seems so true!

I think we have all made mistakes. I will openly admit in previous relationships I have been less than perfect and contributed to them failing but in parts these were reactory behaviours. No-one claims to be perfect I think and while I do believe a great deal of people are genuinely wronged by their partners (both male and female) it's probably not as one sided as posted, but that's always the case when explaining something from a first person perspective.

[anonymous-user]

xjay1337 said:

That old Facebook picture of marriage/divorce seems so true!

For every snake with tits there is a bloke spending half his time snagging Tina in accounts whilst 'working late' as his wife sorts the kids out.

There are some terrible stories on here but it isn't exactly reflective of the whole.

[xjay1337]

desolate said:

For every snake with tits there is a bloke spending half his time snagging Tina in accounts whilst 'working late' as his wife sorts the kids out.

There are some terrible stories on here but it isn't exactly reflective of the whole.

Oh I fully agree! I'm not saying men or women are worse than one another, just that the stories we hear about on here is somewhat true of the above poster.

[Pieman68]

xjay1337 said:

It is well thought out, but assuming it's true, he was working presumably all hours to keep a roof over his family's head and she joffs off with another guy.

Now yes he could have maybe been more attentive but unfortunately attentiveness doesn't pay the bills.
The PND was not his fault, so in this situation, yes it seems it was a two-titted snake.

That old Facebook picture of marriage/divorce seems so true!

I think we have all made mistakes. I will openly admit in previous relationships I have been less than perfect and contributed to them failing but in parts these were reactory behaviours. No-one claims to be perfect I think and while I do believe a great deal of people are genuinely wronged by their partners (both male and female) it's probably not as one sided as posted, but that's always the case when explaining something from a first person perspective.

I can assure you it's true, but simplified for the sake of being readable. Understand why some would see this as an SWT, but I just see it as all in the past and best left there for the sake of my relationship with my daughter

As for my sanity being questioned - third time lucky? In all honesty I said that I would never do it again but my relationship is so different to the past ones that I have no doubts. She even loves rugby

She has helped me go from a broken man, to being in a better place than I have ever been. I play rugby again, I started running, I have lost weight and stopped smoking with her support. I have a better job and more money, and we are both happy to have our own interests as well as shared ones - light years apart from the previous "living in each others pocket" scenario

[stargazer30]

Pieman68 said:

Although there are some "Alpha male" types on here blaming everything on the other person, I think you will find in amongst that some stories where people can see the other side

Interesting perspective. Usually Alpha males don't blame everyone else as they don't give a monkeys either way. Its the terminal Beta male who usually ends up in this trap. They do everything for that one special person in there life, who then gets bored and either dumps them, cheats or generally treats them like dirt.

The sad fact is today marriage is a dangerous game for the guy, the woman has everything to gain and nothing to loose. For the guy its pretty much the opposite. So its no wonder really most divorces are started by women.

IMO the best strategy for a guy who wants to marry/have kids is to be a mix of the alpha and beta male. The alpha provides the fun and excitements and keeps the relationship fresh. His beta side takes care of **** that needs doing, keeps finances in check and is the dependable one/back bone.