You're 31, with £11,000, and failed miserably in life...
Discussion
andy-xr said:
Really sounds like you're expecting your life should have turned out different.
Is it this?
You know....that dream that Marketers try and sell you on, dashingly good looking Dad, slightly too young for him and still hot Mum with 2 kids that seem so well behaved?
None of it's real you know? It's made up to make you feel s
t and go on holiday/buy shiny thing/ eat less / whatever
You've got where you are from whatever you've done, and it probably wouldnt have happened any other way. Any if's but's wouldacouldashoulda's really arent relevant.
Beating yourself up over the past doesnt change it, it just makes you feel st.
It's easier to look for positives than spend time swerving and jumping around negatives. But you know that already, right?
Maybe your g/f doesnt want or need anything other than you?
I'm looking at his abs and now am feeling as desolate as the OP.Is it this?
You know....that dream that Marketers try and sell you on, dashingly good looking Dad, slightly too young for him and still hot Mum with 2 kids that seem so well behaved?
None of it's real you know? It's made up to make you feel s
t and go on holiday/buy shiny thing/ eat less / whateverYou've got where you are from whatever you've done, and it probably wouldnt have happened any other way. Any if's but's wouldacouldashoulda's really arent relevant.
Beating yourself up over the past doesnt change it, it just makes you feel s
t. It's easier to look for positives than spend time swerving and jumping around negatives. But you know that already, right?
Maybe your g/f doesnt want or need anything other than you?
andy-xr said:
Really sounds like you're expecting your life should have turned out different.
Is it this?
You know....that dream that Marketers try and sell you on, dashingly good looking Dad, slightly too young for him and still hot Mum with 2 kids that seem so well behaved?
None of it's real you know? It's made up to make you feel st and go on holiday/buy shiny thing/ eat less / whatever
You've got where you are from whatever you've done, and it probably wouldnt have happened any other way. Any if's but's wouldacouldashoulda's really arent relevant.
Beating yourself up over the past doesnt change it, it just makes you feel st.
It's easier to look for positives than spend time swerving and jumping around negatives. But you know that already, right?
Maybe your g/f doesnt want or need anything other than you?
Made me chuckle. I know it doesn't exist as such. But I don't want perfection- I just want a bit more normality...Is it this?
You know....that dream that Marketers try and sell you on, dashingly good looking Dad, slightly too young for him and still hot Mum with 2 kids that seem so well behaved?
None of it's real you know? It's made up to make you feel s
t and go on holiday/buy shiny thing/ eat less / whateverYou've got where you are from whatever you've done, and it probably wouldnt have happened any other way. Any if's but's wouldacouldashoulda's really arent relevant.
Beating yourself up over the past doesnt change it, it just makes you feel s
t. It's easier to look for positives than spend time swerving and jumping around negatives. But you know that already, right?
Maybe your g/f doesnt want or need anything other than you?
Leicesterdave - it sounds like you don't have a job?
I can genuinely guarantee that getting a job you enjoy, no matter how little (or much) it pays will make things seem a lot easier. In 2013 I took a 50% pay cut and moved 120 miles to start a new career. Something I'm absolutely thrilled by and I once again 'love' life. Obviously if you have a house with your O/H that's less easy.
But...
- Do you have any formal qualifications?
- What jobs have you done in the past that might give you some experience that could be useful?
I can genuinely guarantee that getting a job you enjoy, no matter how little (or much) it pays will make things seem a lot easier. In 2013 I took a 50% pay cut and moved 120 miles to start a new career. Something I'm absolutely thrilled by and I once again 'love' life. Obviously if you have a house with your O/H that's less easy.
But...
- Do you have any formal qualifications?
- What jobs have you done in the past that might give you some experience that could be useful?
I think you should get some help, no shame in that.
Then do something that interests you. Don't chase the money, let the money chase you. If you are doing something you enjoy, you will be good at it and people will want more of it and thats when the money starts rolling in. Good luck.
Then do something that interests you. Don't chase the money, let the money chase you. If you are doing something you enjoy, you will be good at it and people will want more of it and thats when the money starts rolling in. Good luck.
Walk dogs or muck out horses. Seriously shovel st for a living. The money's crap but the best jobs in the world for someone feeling low.
I was at a very low point when the credit crunch bit. I lost my job, (a very senior position at a level I've got no-where near since) and I wasn't long out of a failed marriage. My whole industry was in a state of collapse with more and more surveyors trying to find work with an ever decreasing number of construction companies. At my lowest eb I mucked out the stables where my gf's horses were liveried and walked dogs for pocket money. Like I said the money wasn't great but it gave me a sense of purpose, something to get up for, kept me fit and active and even though I'm back doing a proper job making proper money I miss all the horses and all the dogs being so delighted to see me every day.
t for a living. The money's crap but the best jobs in the world for someone feeling low.I was at a very low point when the credit crunch bit. I lost my job, (a very senior position at a level I've got no-where near since) and I wasn't long out of a failed marriage. My whole industry was in a state of collapse with more and more surveyors trying to find work with an ever decreasing number of construction companies. At my lowest eb I mucked out the stables where my gf's horses were liveried and walked dogs for pocket money. Like I said the money wasn't great but it gave me a sense of purpose, something to get up for, kept me fit and active and even though I'm back doing a proper job making proper money I miss all the horses and all the dogs being so delighted to see me every day.
Dr Interceptor said:
It doesn't exist - trust me.
I'm 31 and a poofter. I've been seeing my other half for nearly two years (in 2 weeks), I still live at home, I'm not out to my folks, and I've lived a double life since I was 17.
Wouldn't it be better to just "come out" to your parents. Your mum probably knows anyway. I'm 31 and a poofter. I've been seeing my other half for nearly two years (in 2 weeks), I still live at home, I'm not out to my folks, and I've lived a double life since I was 17.
Dr Interceptor said:
It doesn't exist - trust me.
I'm 31 and a poofter. I've been seeing my other half for nearly two years (in 2 weeks), I still live at home, I'm not out to my folks, and I've lived a double life since I was 17.
Bloody hell man, that must be difficult for you!I'm 31 and a poofter. I've been seeing my other half for nearly two years (in 2 weeks), I still live at home, I'm not out to my folks, and I've lived a double life since I was 17.
So go on then, what's the chances of the day of big reveal your folks turning round and saying words to the effect of "Is that all son? We've know it for years and were scared s
tless you were about to tell us you were a Jehovah Witness!" 
Dr Interceptor said:
It doesn't exist - trust me.
I'm 31 and a poofter. I've been seeing my other half for nearly two years (in 2 weeks), I still live at home, I'm not out to my folks, and I've lived a double life since I was 17.
Now that is difficult to live with I imagine. What would the reaction of your parents be do you think? What is it putting you off telling them?I'm 31 and a poofter. I've been seeing my other half for nearly two years (in 2 weeks), I still live at home, I'm not out to my folks, and I've lived a double life since I was 17.
andy-xr said:
Really sounds like you're expecting your life should have turned out different.
Is it this?
You know....that dream
That dude may have abs and good looking family, but he can still only afford a £10 holiday. OP can get much better than Butlins with £11k in the bank Is it this?
You know....that dream
In all seriousness though, OP you've got a good base to work from, but like all health problems, you're not going to make use of it if you're in poor health (mental or otherwise). I'd address that, starting with some exercise (a routine not just a few press ups) and good food, and some (nice) flowers for your mrs to say thanks.
Then sit down and talk with some people you are close too about your options. Just take things one step at a time. Whether that starts with writing a new CV or coming up with a basic business plan.
BTT :
OP, you have stated that you were into counselling of different (all?) sorts,
did you try out cognitive therapy ?
It got me out of dark times, mild alcoholism and heavy resin abuse.
Not easy though, as the doc is doing about 10% of the work and you have to do the rest.
Some very basic Freud reading can be useful, more here :
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ego_and_the_Id
OP, you have stated that you were into counselling of different (all?) sorts,
did you try out cognitive therapy ?
It got me out of dark times, mild alcoholism and heavy resin abuse.
Not easy though, as the doc is doing about 10% of the work and you have to do the rest.
Some very basic Freud reading can be useful, more here :
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ego_and_the_Id
Two things:
Firstly, OP - you (will have) mail from me later tonight when I get the chance to write the email, so keep an eye on your inbox
Secondly, the contrast on PH is amazing at times, and yes, I realise that such contrasts are reflective of society as a whole, but still, at one end we've got people without a button, we've got the OP who's got £11k and then we've got those who earn significantly more than that figure per month!
Firstly, OP - you (will have) mail from me later tonight when I get the chance to write the email, so keep an eye on your inbox
Secondly, the contrast on PH is amazing at times, and yes, I realise that such contrasts are reflective of society as a whole, but still, at one end we've got people without a button, we've got the OP who's got £11k and then we've got those who earn significantly more than that figure per month!
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff