How Would You Feel If I Did This To Your Child.

[Bluebarge]

TBH.

You seem to be:
1. scared of dogs
2. scared of kids
3. unable to control your emotions
4. lacking a sense of perspective.

Seek help somewhere other than a bullstter's forum.

[WestyCarl]

9mm said:

Landlord said:

The people replying with "kids cry at anything"... have you actually read the following:

Tannedbaldhead said:

I was venomous and aggressive.

The result was convulsive sobbing and snot bubbles.

That is the behaviour of an adult losing control and bullying a child. You can be firm and authoritative without being venomous or aggressive. You can reduce a child to tears simply by telling them off assertively but to have them sobbing convulsively is too much. Any parent will know the difference between a child's woe-is-me wailing and a genuine, terrified sob. I wasn't there and can only go on the OP's account but it reads like the latter to me.

OP - I notice that your replies following your original post have mellowed in the description of your conduct compared to the quote above. Not sure if it's deliberate but it smacks of someone amending the "truth" to get the desired responses. Apologies if it's unintentional.

Anyway, as ever, all IMHO but nothing has changed in my original assertion that had I caught you doing it to my child you'd have been the one on the receiving end of venom and aggression. Convulsive sobbing and snot bubbles would be the least of your worries. Sorry, but when it comes to my children, the anger is strong in this one.

That all said, it wasn't my child so please don't get too worked up by a stranger on the internet having a different opinion to yourselves.

Based on what we've been told happened, what would you have said to the child? Exact wording would be useful, rather than generalisations.

How about a rational explination and asking the kid what did he think was going to happen?

All this talk about kids needing to be reduced to tears.....you do relise that when anybody gets to this state their understanding is zero, therefore they don't know why it was wrong. By reducing kids to tears they are not learning not to do things, just not to get caught next time..

On a seperate note, as this was a kid unknown to the OP how do we know he didn't have any sort of learning difficulties or mental problems that meant he didn't realise his actions. Reducing random kids to tears is just wrong.

[Tannedbaldhead]

Landlord said:

The people replying with "kids cry at anything"... have you actually read the following:

Tannedbaldhead said:

I was venomous and aggressive.

The result was convulsive sobbing and snot bubbles.

That is the behaviour of an adult losing control and bullying a child. You can be firm and authoritative without being venomous or aggressive. You can reduce a child to tears simply by telling them off assertively but to have them sobbing convulsively is too much. Any parent will know the difference between a child's woe-is-me wailing and a genuine, terrified sob. I wasn't there and can only go on the OP's account but it reads like the latter to me.

OP - I notice that your replies following your original post have mellowed in the description of your conduct compared to the quote above. Not sure if it's deliberate but it smacks of someone amending the "truth" to get the desired responses. Apologies if it's unintentional.

Anyway, as ever, all IMHO but nothing has changed in my original assertion that had I caught you doing it to my child you'd have been the one on the receiving end of venom and aggression. Convulsive sobbing and snot bubbles would be the least of your worries. Sorry, but when it comes to my children, the anger is strong in this one.

That all said, it wasn't my child so please don't get too worked up by a stranger on the internet having a different opinion to yourselves.

I didn't feel my replies mellowed. What I tried to do was clarify to some posters that I hadn't lost my rag and subjected the kid to a terrifying foaming at the mouth shouty rant. I also found myself annoyed at some posters describing the child as feral and a scumbag and probably sounded a bit touchy-feely, liberal and backtracking when I defended him as being stupid and thoughtless rather than bad to the bone. Everything in the quote below is a near verbatum account and accurate description of the tone of the telling off. As you say "you can reduce a child to tears by simply telling them off assertively". That's more or less what I did. Where I felt, on reflection, "venomous and aggressive" and thus not particularly proud of myself was when I saw the kid start to crumble I continued with the "do you know what sort of people do that sort of thing? Nasty thoughtless idiots" line.

Read what I said and note the tone in which it was delivered (quiet and calm so as not to upset the dog). It was cutting, delivered by an angry articulate adult who knows a quiet word alone can be vicious. It forced the boy to face what he did, the possible consiquences and how another adult looked upon him and his actions.

Tannedbaldhead said:

FredClogs said:

Tannedbaldhead said:

FredClogs said:

You're out of order, mind you're own business you grouchy old fart, does it make you feel like a man making little kids cry? You're a bully.

No it didn't make me feel like a man. If I felt like a man I'd have strode off, powerfully built chest puffed out with pride thinking to myself "well done, that's that little bugger now knowing what's what and who's boss" rather than skulking off wondering if I went too far. I didn't look for or expect tears and was kind of surprised by the kid's reaction.

Well at least you're self aware enough to realise you were in the wrong, maybe you need an outlet for your aggression or some strategies for coping under stress. You failed yourself, both the boys, provided a poor role model and most of all put yourself at risk (I would have taken you to task, and my missus would have fked you up), you lost control.

Bare in mind I've stated I never shouted (after my initial shocked "OI! WHAT U DOING?"), swore or lost the plot. Just doled out a quiet (mainly so as not to upset the poor dog or the other kid) but hard hitting row with lots of "how do you think the dog felt? do you realise what could of happened? have u seen the mess of the dog? what will the owner think? have you seen the mess of that boys clothes? don't you realise that poor dog's soaked on a cold day? That was nasty, cruel and thoughtless. Do you know what sort of people do what you've just done? Nasty cruel idiots." Bearing in mind what the Coca Cola kid did to deserve the talking to and now you are aware it was delivered quietly so as not to upset the dog or attract attention from passers by and wasn't a shouty rant I'm assuming I'm now avoiding an ass kicking from your wife should the wee boy turn out to be your's.

I doubt you'd have been as aggressive and venomous as you claim. Had you approached after the incident what you'd have seen was myself and the soaked kid standing by the dog and me down on haunches quietly stroking the dog. Your kid would be standing next to us in snot bubble mode and incohearant. I'd be quiet and calm and tell you what your kid had done. You'd have been a bit ashamed. You'd assume your kid was in the state because he'd been caught and was feeling sick of him self. You'd be embarassed that your kid had done what he'd done and been caught by A.N. Other making it even worse, You'd be angry at the kid and ignore me as I skulked off wondering if I'd gone a bit too far and hope the dad isn't too harsh with him as he's already had a pretty hard time

[Amateurish]

You went too far, OP. If I saw you behaving like that towards my kids, I would be furious. Not because I can't effectively discipline them, but because your reaction was totally over the top. I suggest next time that you try to find said kid's parents, and deal with them direct.

[DrDoofenshmirtz]

Amateurish said:

You went too far, OP. If I saw you behaving like that towards my kids, I would be furious. Not because I can't effectively discipline them, but because your reaction was totally over the top. I suggest next time that you try to find said kid's parents, and deal with them direct.

If my Son did what the OP says, I would be furious with my Son...wouldn't you be in a similar situation?

That said, I'm fairly sure my Son wouldn't do such a thing...if he did, he would get an even bigger rollocking from me after the OP had finished with him that is for sure.

[Amateurish]

DrDoofenshmirtz said:

If my Son did what the OP says, I would be furious with my Son...wouldn't you?

That said, I'm fairly sure my Son wouldn't do such a thing...if he did, he would get an even bigger rollocking from me after the OP had finished with him that is for sure.

Of course, I would be equally furious and mortified. But it's still my child, and it's my prerogative to discipline them. A stern word from a stranger would be OK, but not the behaviour described by the OP.

The fact is that no matter how well behaved you think your children are, they will still do stupid things, and it's not necessarily a result of bad parenting. I did some pretty stupid things at that age, and I don't think I can blame my parents!

[DrDoofenshmirtz]

I did a similar thing several years ago.
My Son was getting some hassle from the local scrote (broken family, useless mother, new boyfriend who couldn't give a toss, but they had a very nice house and decent car etc...so not the usual chav scum by any means) anyway...said scrote who was about 8 at the time, maliciously knocked my son of his bike and then stamped on the wheel buckling it, laughing. Kid had a history of low level bullying towards several kids including my Son (also 8 at the time), but this was a new level.
The bike was quite new, my Son was very upset (some road rash, bleeding etc) and I was properly furious.

I stormed round to his house, past his Mum who was doing some gardening and gave the kid a verbal telling off he probably hasn't forgotten (he's now 17).
Net result - an apology from his (rather shocked) Mum. A promise to fix the bike and no more bullying from the kid at all...in fact, I would go so far as to say it may have been one of those life changing moments for him which kicked him back on track? Who knows. He's actually a nice chap now, and we even say hello when passing.

[FredClogs]

Crikey, there is a lot of Basil Fawltys out there.

[j4ckos mate]

You did the right thing


kids have to be brought up to respect animals, but not to be scared of them,


his parents want their arse kicking as well.

bet if the dog had bit the kid with the can, theyd be at the solicitors before theyd be at the hospital

[parakitaMol.]

Perhaps a little on the aggressive side, however, there is a complete lack of collective responsibility these days.

Everyone in fear of intervening, taking any sort of stand, offending someone, upsetting someone, being labelled a racist/sexist/etc-ist. The whole world gets offended by proxy... personally, I would have probably told the OP to calm the f*ck down but I would have equally re-enforced to my child, that just because my back was turned, the rest of the world's back wasn't.... so stop blubbing and face the consequences.

[Landlord]

Tannedbaldhead said:

Bare in mind I've stated I never shouted (after my initial shocked "OI! WHAT U DOING?"), swore or lost the plot. Just doled out a quiet (mainly so as not to upset the poor dog or the other kid) but hard hitting row with lots of "how do you think the dog felt? do you realise what could of happened? have u seen the mess of the dog? what will the owner think? have you seen the mess of that boys clothes? don't you realise that poor dog's soaked on a cold day? That was nasty, cruel and thoughtless. Do you know what sort of people do what you've just done? Nasty cruel idiots." Bearing in mind what the Coca Cola kid did to deserve the talking to and now you are aware it was delivered quietly so as not to upset the dog or attract attention from passers by and wasn't a shouty rant I'm assuming I'm now avoiding an ass kicking from your wife should the wee boy turn out to be your's.

This is at odds with your original post and is the "mellowing" I referred to. "I've stated I never... lost the plot" is diametrically opposed to "I was venomous and aggressive" to my mind. I can only go on my interpretation of your writing and, as such, neither you nor I can claim to really know how I'd react as you suggest in your closing paragraph.

In principle I completely agree that the child should know the potential implications of their actions but I, in your situation, would seek out the parent and suggest (perhaps "assertively") that they do the discipling. With that in mind - how come the kid wasn't with his parents? That's the question I'd be asking. I wouldn't leave my primary school children outside if I could help it and if I did, I'd certainly make a point telling them to go nowhere near "the strange dog".

So - in closing - based on my interpretation of your posts, I think you were wrong but that's all it is - something I think. Not the answer - correct or otherwise, just what I think and I strongly suspect that there's nothing that will change my mind. Nor do I think that my opinion should change yours or anyone elses.

[sanguinary]

Sounds fair to me. If it were you telling me off as a kid and my Mother knew about it, I'd then have to endure a bking from her too, then by my Father. So, not surprisingly, you wouldn't have found me in a similar situation as a kid!

[Landlord]

sanguinary said:

Sounds fair to me. If it were you telling me off as a kid and my Mother knew about it, I'd then have to endure a bking from her too, then by my Father. So, not surprisingly, you wouldn't have found me in a similar situation as a kid!

Given your username I'm surprised you didn't suggest the OP whimped out.

[Rick101]

FFS, some soft uns on here.

You did right op. If the kid did that in school and decent teacher would have probably done the same.

If it was my kid I'd say clip them round the ear as well, don't forget to tell me which one so I can do the other side later.

Recalls back in the day when petrified of getting a telling of by a policeman.

[Howitzer]

You definitely did the right thing.

When a child is being a bit of a pleb, then you can be far less aggressive. When they are putting themselves or others in a dangerous situation they a bit of shocj is needed imo, just when the thing they are doing wrong occurs. It shows them the seriousness of the situation.

Aslong as you explain what they did wrong so they can understand it, then getting angry and being forceful is no bad thing at all, it's for the childs best interest.

Dave!

[Pints]

If ever there was a thread which divided opinion, this is it. The predictable name-calling isn't really on though.

[Gretchen]

Amateurish said:

You went too far, OP. If I saw you behaving like that towards my kids, I would be furious. Not because I can't effectively discipline them, but because your reaction was totally over the top. I suggest next time that you try to find said kid's parents, and deal with them direct.

If any of my sons acted in way similar to the 'Coca-Cola kid' and a stranger reprimanded him in such a way as the OP I'd be on strangers side.

There should be more of this 'old school' bking these days. I had every respect for my elders/peers/animals when growing up. The thought of a clip round the ear for not being was enough deterrent.

Kids antagonise too much today. The 'claim society' has done it's part to encourage it too.

[DanielJames]

I wish there were more people like you in the world.

[9mm]

Something strange going on with people and criticism that I suspect may have something to do with changes in the way discipline is administered, or isn't. Much more of a pouty, tearful, sulky, resentful, petulant response from the y generation than previous gens. As for "hands up, I'm in the wrong", forget it.

[ATG]

Some have suggested leaving the discipline to the parents. Might be worth considering that a bking from a stranger tells the kid that there are societal norms that they've got to stick to. It isn't just their parents who expect them to behave well, it's all of us. Understanding that is a key part of learning to respect other people, and that in turn is a prerequisite for learning self respect.