On the subject of life and women
Discussion
BryanC said:
My wife died
Oh, s
t, sorry, thought you were divorced like me and others here.Having said that, mine is still alive but her personality changed overnight and she's not the person I spent 25 years with. She's still around and it's like having someone else walking around in her dead body. It got better with time, but bloody weird and difficult for a long time after the event.
Nice thread Bryan, I enjoyed your very eloquent précis of your life now and the enjoyment of mates getting together, it patently is not you need a sh-g or homoerotic just life as it is. I would say that you miss your wife terribly and I'm sorry about that. But life goes on and it is ok to be happy, which I suspect you are feeling a little guilty enjoying yourself, I hope you don't mind me saying but you would probably benefit from a chat with a bereavement counsellor, they can help. There are lots on Men in this position, your not on your own.
Go for it, your only here once.
Go for it, your only here once.
Well I liked this post, felt like I was getting life advice from my Grandad there apart from I didn't get a worthers original afterwards...
Very well put, puts my "problems" in perspective really, like a slap in the face of what am I worried about.
It's good (well, not good but helpful for me) to see that all the games played by women don't seem to end and it's not just me. The ex plays games every 4 or 5 months or so over the course of the last 2 years. Suckered for it for 2 years, now at the point of realising that I've no reason to let her mess with me. Lifes too short, if people want to be in my life they'll make some sort of effort. Being picked up and dropped all the time is tiresome and frankly ruins any of the good memories that were made.
The constant flirt for a few months, then it's just friends because she found a new guy so tells me to stop taling to her. 4 or 5 months later, gets back in touch, rinse and repeat for 2 years.
When I really think about it, I'm doing alright. Got a good job, no baggage, stable person, not bad looking, good friends, plenty hobbies. I've came to the realisation, why am I bothered that an ex from 2 years ago, with her crazy emotional baggage, a kid, wierd life pattern and a love to play mind games knocks me back? It's actually doing me a favour.
Not a comparable situation in the slightest of course
Still, puts it in perspective that people that have suffered loss like yourself and others can still be happy with themselves, I have no reason to not be.
In fact, the newspapers are right, this place is turning into mumsnet. I feel ashamed to have contributed to the downfall.
Very well put, puts my "problems" in perspective really, like a slap in the face of what am I worried about.
It's good (well, not good but helpful for me) to see that all the games played by women don't seem to end and it's not just me. The ex plays games every 4 or 5 months or so over the course of the last 2 years. Suckered for it for 2 years, now at the point of realising that I've no reason to let her mess with me. Lifes too short, if people want to be in my life they'll make some sort of effort. Being picked up and dropped all the time is tiresome and frankly ruins any of the good memories that were made.
The constant flirt for a few months, then it's just friends because she found a new guy so tells me to stop taling to her. 4 or 5 months later, gets back in touch, rinse and repeat for 2 years.
When I really think about it, I'm doing alright. Got a good job, no baggage, stable person, not bad looking, good friends, plenty hobbies. I've came to the realisation, why am I bothered that an ex from 2 years ago, with her crazy emotional baggage, a kid, wierd life pattern and a love to play mind games knocks me back? It's actually doing me a favour.
Not a comparable situation in the slightest of course
Still, puts it in perspective that people that have suffered loss like yourself and others can still be happy with themselves, I have no reason to not be.In fact, the newspapers are right, this place is turning into mumsnet. I feel ashamed to have contributed to the downfall.
I enjoyed it as well. It's most definitely wisdom as somebody else said.
Being human, it's a difficult skill to learn from others' mistakes without making them yourself. But, once I accepted that 'some things don't matter very much and most things don't matter at all,' I found myself being a lot happier with my lot.
Being human, it's a difficult skill to learn from others' mistakes without making them yourself. But, once I accepted that 'some things don't matter very much and most things don't matter at all,' I found myself being a lot happier with my lot.
BryanC said:
As I began this thread I said I don't intend to appear smug, .
I love the fact that you are worried that what you have written will make others envious thus assume you are being smug.In reality it came across as quite a sad maudlin rant. 3 blokes who have lived their lives in denial until it's too late in the erectile sense, to make use of their newfound freedom.
Verdict: Tri-benders
blindswelledrat said:
I love the fact that you are worried that what you have written will make others envious thus assume you are being smug.
In reality it came across as quite a sad maudlin rant. 3 blokes who have lived their lives in denial until it's too late in the erectile sense, to make use of their newfound freedom.
Verdict: Tri-benders
Wow - you've aimed that at a widower... you've managed to out-dIn reality it came across as quite a sad maudlin rant. 3 blokes who have lived their lives in denial until it's too late in the erectile sense, to make use of their newfound freedom.
Verdict: Tri-benders
head yourself. Something I wouldn't have thought was possible.
Landlord said:
blindswelledrat said:
I love the fact that you are worried that what you have written will make others envious thus assume you are being smug.
In reality it came across as quite a sad maudlin rant. 3 blokes who have lived their lives in denial until it's too late in the erectile sense, to make use of their newfound freedom.
Verdict: Tri-benders
Wow - you've aimed that at a widower... you've managed to out-dIn reality it came across as quite a sad maudlin rant. 3 blokes who have lived their lives in denial until it's too late in the erectile sense, to make use of their newfound freedom.
Verdict: Tri-benders
head yourself. Something I wouldn't have thought was possible.He's discussing his love life and his joy at being single and free and that's what I'm taking the piss out of.
blindswelledrat said:
Stop being such a massive drama queen. Just because he happens to be a widower. That has nothing to do with his post.
He's discussing his love life and his joy at being single and free and that's what I'm taking the piss out of.
Look, it's like this: when you act like an ar5e, people will call you on it. This may be your PH schtick, but you will still get called on it. The "Stop being such a massive drama queen" line (or the other PH perennial: "get off your high horse") is vacuous.He's discussing his love life and his joy at being single and free and that's what I'm taking the piss out of.
I simply disagree. If you want to call me childish names for the comment, then go for your life, but trying to twist this into making it appear like I am picking on a poor sad widow is being melodramatic, hysterical and disingenuous.
The OP is happy enough and the fact he is a widow is completely irrelevant to his post. He's not asking for sympathy for it and that's not what his post is about.
The OP is happy enough and the fact he is a widow is completely irrelevant to his post. He's not asking for sympathy for it and that's not what his post is about.
blindswelledrat said:
I simply disagree. If you want to call me childish names for the comment, then go for your life, but trying to twist this into making it appear like I am picking on a poor sad widow is being melodramatic, hysterical and disingenuous.
The OP is happy enough and the fact he is a widow is completely irrelevant to his post. He's not asking for sympathy for it and that's not what his post is about.
All you are doing is making a bit of an arse of yourself, and not just for your gender confusion. Classic attention whoring The OP is happy enough and the fact he is a widow is completely irrelevant to his post. He's not asking for sympathy for it and that's not what his post is about.
blindswelledrat said:
I love the fact that you are worried that what you have written will make others envious thus assume you are being smug.
In reality it came across as quite a sad maudlin rant. 3 blokes who have lived their lives in denial until it's too late in the erectile sense, to make use of their newfound freedom.
Verdict: Tri-benders
Not really adding anything to the thread or continuing the discussion with the OP.In reality it came across as quite a sad maudlin rant. 3 blokes who have lived their lives in denial until it's too late in the erectile sense, to make use of their newfound freedom.
Verdict: Tri-benders
I remember the good days when BBS boards were about staying within context and replying constructively ...
It's ok BSR, all the attention is with you now. Job done. Well done.
OP to add to your post. I live abroad and my Granddad has had to deal with the death of his wife of over 50 years plus his daughter, then his step son hung himself, within the space of 8 months. I'm the only flesh he has left in the world. He went from an Army man to a high flying business man travelling the world to living a life all on his own with hardly any interactions with the world. He is strong and has managed to find a purpose for the rest of his life; admittedly he doesn't "do" a great deal - but he enjoys himself, always has a few projects on the go, maintains his share portfolio, etc. He didn't seem to enter a period of obvious depression, although I imagine he was hurting inside. I wish I was as strong as he is.
stuart-b said:
blindswelledrat said:
I love the fact that you are worried that what you have written will make others envious thus assume you are being smug.
In reality it came across as quite a sad maudlin rant. 3 blokes who have lived their lives in denial until it's too late in the erectile sense, to make use of their newfound freedom.
Verdict: Tri-benders
Not really adding anything to the thread or continuing the discussion with the OP.In reality it came across as quite a sad maudlin rant. 3 blokes who have lived their lives in denial until it's too late in the erectile sense, to make use of their newfound freedom.
Verdict: Tri-benders
I remember the good days when BBS boards were about staying within context and replying constructively ...
It's ok BSR, all the attention is with you now. Job done. Well done.
blindswelledrat said:
Stop being such a massive drama queen.
"3 blokes who have lived their lives in denial until it's too late in the erectile sense, to make use of their newfound freedom"It was the staggering, wanton ignorance of the "lived their lives in denial" bit that got me. I'm not sure how having your missus die on you is living in denial. I'm pretty sure he'd rather not have this "new found freedom" and rather have his wife back.
But that's not for me to say nor assume.
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