The recently single thread

[boroandy87]

I find it sad that, in this day and age, a man can't just walk up to a woman and flat ask her out.

Hell, if you know her it should be simple? I'm not one of these walk over to a random girl and ask for her number type but i'm confident enough to make small talk and get there.

Come on chaps, find your balls! You have so many tools available now. Dating websites, POF, Tinder, etc etc. Be brave and just ask. The answer will always be no if you don't ask.

Load of my friends use these things and they're not all lookers or can talk the spots off a leopard but they "apparently" ( no visual confirmation) do ok. A few I can well imagine as the moral compass has somewhat gone south. Think a lot of these things depend on what your after.

Crazy - Yes
Single Mums - Yes
Red Heads - yes
Girls Called Tiffany - Yes
Strippers - Probably


I would suggest a youtube of the crazy/hot matrix for anyone unsure.

I'm sure there is some lovely ones on there as well....somewhere

[AndStilliRise]

CountZero23 said:

AndStilliRise said:

Wife went away for 4/5 weeks over the summer. Took the two boys as well. Before that I was in a hotel for work living away and travelling on Mondays & Fridays for 3 mths.

I thought it would be great, with lots of running and gym however found it completely boring.

Its ok when you are in the 20's however I found that people are generally more settled at home with wife and kids.

As Chris Rock once said, you have two choices in life:
1) Single and lonely or
2) Married and bored

OP if you are so busy getting laid with all your mates in gay bars how come you are on here?

The point is that if I was OK I wouldn't be stumbling around a gay bar on a school night.

You're right - it's fine when you're in your twenties and I had allot of fun. That said I'm 34 and thought I'd met a girl I could settle down with. Won't lie, had a much nicer time watching crap TV with her and going to nice country pubs than running around town chasing skirt.

Now I've only got two choices:
A) Give up and meditate on how unfair life is and how I'll be forever single.
B) Sort my st out, hit the gym, get some new clothes and go out and meet as many smart, pretty and nice girls as possible.

Had a bloody awfull few weeks of it, starting to sleep a bit better now and getting more than the 2-4 hours I was last week.


[/quote

Good attitude. Found your balls then.

Try running, you get lots of single girls running in the local group.

[CountZero23]

CBR JGWRR said:

CountZero23 said:

CBR JGWRR said:

Took 4 years for me. Trouble is, and it is so very cliché to say it, but she is literally like someone or something has made the perfect woman for me - I really don't want to mess this up...

I must sound so childish.

No. you sound pretty normal to be fair.

When you've got real feelings it makes it a hell of allot harder. Thought I'd met 'the one' a couple of times (perfect woman for me and all that), has taken me a year or two to get over those in the past.

Thing is, another one always turns up and suddenly you realise that you had been wasting time worrying about the past.

Get out there, hit some bars, tinder, grab any single mates who are alright with women and try to move forwards. Maybe pick up a copy of 'The Game'

I know, there must be upwards of 3 or 4 billion women on Earth, one of them must be single, attractive and interested in me after all - but I do so wish it would be her.

I know it really is the same old line blokes have uttered since the sun first shone upon the world, but she really is it, on any factor I can think of apart from ability in bed - pure assumption on my part given she's a Christian and a pastor's daughter, so probably valid - Ok, that is an important aspect, but it isn't like married men get much anyway, and I do want a marriage, I don't want to just be whacking it up some other whom I will forget in the morning, I want it to be meaningful...


Gagh.

You have a severe case of oneitis. Sorry to say it but "whacking it up some other whom I will forget in the morning" a few times will help. Sounds like the issue you had was having the confidence / sense of entitlement to just ask her out.

Going out and having some fun with some nice girls is the best tonic; you don't have to be looking for a relationship. Just hang out and have some fun with the oposite sex, meet enough of them and you should find a totally new girl to et hung up on and fk it up with :P

[DottyMR2]

CBR JGWRR said:

Boy meets girl.
Boy likes girl.
Boy gives flowers to other girl.
Boy and other girl fail spectacularly.
Man goes, alone, into a wide world man isn't yet ready for. Makes mistakes, gets burnt.
Woman goes, not alone, into a wide world woman is ready for. Thrives and succeeds.
Man re-meets woman.
Man likes woman.
Man lacks confidence to talk to woman, after previous failure with other woman.
Man thinks, and over thinks, as time flows ever onward.
Woman meets other man, unknown to man.
Man finally builds up enough will to overcome man's worrying to ask woman out on date. Fluffs lines and has to stop mid sentence thrice...
Woman says no, as woman is with other man, but if it wasn't for that...
Man likes woman; woman likes man?


Story of the past ten years for myself... Why does it have to be so difficult...

Edited by CBR JGWRR on Sunday 7th December 14:21

Same boatish.

2 years of maybes with the ex. Broke up because she had a total mental breakdown, was a great relationship before that. I still supported her etc. through all her ups and downs for nearly a year while there was a trail of other guys. Eventually we had a backslide, she screamed at me all I wanted was sex and was just using her etc.
6 months later, back in touch, so many sorrys and I wish I had never done that to you etc etc. but her with new boyfriend and me with a girlfriend.
Boy still loves girl
Girl still loved guy
Neither told each other
Boy left girlfriend
Girls boyfriend left her
Eventually got a chance, flirting, went round to hers etc.
Girl pushed boy away when he kissed her, said she didn't want to rush into anything.
Boy gets hella drunk the next week, scared "take it slow" is just holding me off until something better comes along so end up having a bit of a rant while drunk. Boy can't remember any of it.
Boy wakes up to text saying never contact me again
Girl gets back in touch after 3 months, has new boyfriend now but "can't holda grudge".

Now boy is still left with the feeling he's had for 2 years, does she actually want him or is girl messing with him? Does he hang in there for girl, or give up and find someone else boy doesn't think he'd ever love as much...

Edited by DottyMR2 on Tuesday 9th December 16:31

[Loudy McFatass]

boroandy87 said:

The answer will always be no if you don't ask.

What if the answer is always no even when you do ask?

[boroandy87]

Loudy McFatass said:

boroandy87 said:

The answer will always be no if you don't ask.

What if the answer is always no even when you do ask?

At least you tried.

Then re-evaluated your choices. No point chasing a worldy if your not and that's what she's after. Its a relative and a woman will soon tell you. They don't told hold their punches.

[CBR JGWRR]

CountZero23 said:

You have a severe case of oneitis. Sorry to say it but "whacking it up some other whom I will forget in the morning" a few times will help. Sounds like the issue you had was having the confidence / sense of entitlement to just ask her out.

Going out and having some fun with some nice girls is the best tonic; you don't have to be looking for a relationship. Just hang out and have some fun with the oposite sex, meet enough of them and you should find a totally new girl to et hung up on and fk it up with :P

You're probably right, I just don't want to accept it...

[croyde]

As I mentioned previously, I'm in my 50s and thought I was settled down. I miss all the stuff that goes with being part of your own family. Kids jumping on you in the morning, the banter, dinner parties and being invited to dinner parties, days out, holidays, sharing moments, sharing problems etc

I have holidayed with the kids on my own but boy! is it hard work and still in the end quite lonely.

The thought of having to start that all over again is just too much.

[WinstonWolf]

DottyMR2 said:

Now boy is still left with the feeling he's had for 2 years, does she actually want him or is girl messing with him? Does he hang in there for girl, or give up and find someone else boy doesn't think he'd ever love as much...

You're being played. Find someone who wants you and only you.

[CountZero23]

CBR JGWRR said:

CountZero23 said:

You have a severe case of oneitis. Sorry to say it but "whacking it up some other whom I will forget in the morning" a few times will help. Sounds like the issue you had was having the confidence / sense of entitlement to just ask her out.

Going out and having some fun with some nice girls is the best tonic; you don't have to be looking for a relationship. Just hang out and have some fun with the oposite sex, meet enough of them and you should find a totally new girl to et hung up on and fk it up with :P

You're probably right, I just don't want to accept it...

Not accepting it is much easier in the short term, you can stay in your comfort zone. To start going out and making mistakes and working on yourself is much harder.

Long term you don't want to look back at even more wasted years hankering after a girl you blew it with. I've blown plenty of chances with great girls over the years - just try not to make the same mistakes and for gods sake have some fun while you're at it!

It's easy to say and to be honest I'm not having the best festive season. Not going to let this one take me down for a daft amount of time like relationships have in the past though.

AndStilliRise said:

Good attitude. Found your balls then.

Try running, you get lots of single girls running in the local group.

Finally dropping back into place

Gym again tonight and sending out a few more Tinder messages too. How I'll explain the fact my flat is still full of my ex's stuff if a bridge I'll cross when I come to it

[DottyMR2]

WinstonWolf said:

DottyMR2 said:

Now boy is still left with the feeling he's had for 2 years, does she actually want him or is girl messing with him? Does he hang in there for girl, or give up and find someone else boy doesn't think he'd ever love as much...

You're being played. Find someone who wants you and only you.

Slight edit to my post, I missed out the part about me getting blackout drunk the next weekend, the lads warning me to be careful and not let her fk me over again. I ended up going off a bit by text saying she'll probably find someone else anyway and she just closes off from me. This is what I have gathered from what she's told me. I have zero memory (round at a mates house party, got very messy!). So didn't help myself although it's not exactly the worst thing in the world to do. Speaking to me the next day when sober would have done it

But yep, probably still am. If only I had the ability to read peoples minds it would make it a lot easier. 2 years of maybes, she tells me she thought I wasn't interested for a while so just tried to find someone to replace me. Back and forth like this until now.

Edited by DottyMR2 on Tuesday 9th December 16:38

[DottyMR2]

WinstonWolf said:

DottyMR2 said:

Now boy is still left with the feeling he's had for 2 years, does she actually want him or is girl messing with him? Does he hang in there for girl, or give up and find someone else boy doesn't think he'd ever love as much...

You're being played. Find someone who wants you and only you.

Slight edit to my post, I missed out the part about me getting blackout drunk the next weekend, the lads warning me to be careful and not let her fk me over again. I ended up going off a bit by text saying she'll probably find someone else anyway and she just closes off from me. This is what I have gathered from what she's told me. I have zero memory (round at a mates house party, got very messy!). So didn't help myself although it's not exactly the worst thing in the world to do. Speaking to me the next day when sober would have done it

But yep, probably still am. If only I had the ability to read peoples minds it would make it a lot easier. 2 years of maybes, she tells me she thought I wasn't interested for a while so just tried to find someone to replace me. Back and forth like this until now.

Edited by DottyMR2 on Tuesday 9th December 16:38

[DottyMR2]

WinstonWolf said:

DottyMR2 said:

Now boy is still left with the feeling he's had for 2 years, does she actually want him or is girl messing with him? Does he hang in there for girl, or give up and find someone else boy doesn't think he'd ever love as much...

You're being played. Find someone who wants you and only you.

Slight edit to my post, I missed out the part about me getting blackout drunk the next weekend, the lads warning me to be careful and not let her fk me over again. I ended up going off a bit by text saying she'll probably find someone else anyway and she just closes off from me. This is what I have gathered from what she's told me. I have zero memory (round at a mates house party, got very messy!). So didn't help myself although it's not exactly the worst thing in the world to do. Speaking to me the next day when sober would have done it

But yep, probably still am. If only I had the ability to read peoples minds it would make it a lot easier. 2 years of maybes, she tells me she thought I wasn't interested for a while so just tried to find someone to replace me. Back and forth like this until now.

Edited by DottyMR2 on Tuesday 9th December 16:38

[CountZero23]

DottyMR2 said:

Slight edit to my post, I missed out the part about me getting blackout drunk the next weekend, the lads warning me to be careful and not let her fk me over again. I ended up going off a bit by text saying she'll probably find someone else anyway and she just closes off from me. This is waht I have gathered from waht she's told me. I have zero memory (round at a mates house party, got very messy!).

So after having a full mental breakdown, messing you around and hardly being sensitive to your feelings you get pissed and say a load of stuff you regret. Given the amount of bullst you've had to put up with, the least she could do is cut you a bit of slack.

Lost the plot with my ex last week, thought I was handling things ok but finally snapped. Wasn't clever but you can't beat yourself up, you got angry and had a barny.

DottyMR2 said:

But yep, probably still am. If only I had the ability to read peoples minds it would make it a lot easier. 2 years of maybes, she tells me she thought I wasn't interested for a while so just tried to find someone to replace me. Back and forth like this until now.

Women seem to love the dish out the 'maybes' and if you do mess up the classic I got was 'I wasn't sure I wanted to break up with you until you did X'. Don't think they even mean to tear your guts out but they seem to have natural ability for it.

Not all girls are like this and there are some decent ones out there. Neither of you were making each other happy and there is no way I'd want that amount of drama in my life.

Go find someone who makes your life easier not a living hell.

[CBR JGWRR]

CountZero23 said:

Not accepting it is much easier in the short term, you can stay in your comfort zone. To start going out and making mistakes and working on yourself is much harder.

Long term you don't want to look back at even more wasted years hankering after a girl you blew it with. I've blown plenty of chances with great girls over the years - just try not to make the same mistakes and for gods sake have some fun while you're at it!

It's easy to say and to be honest I'm not having the best festive season. Not going to let this one take me down for a daft amount of time like relationships have in the past though.

Umm, just to say, as I think I need to clarify it: (my fault, should have been clearer - I think you've read one woman where I meant two...)

Spoilered for brevity.


I haven't actually blown it with this one (yet, that of course is what I fear will happen...) it was the other one I blew it with - she started off straight and using the name she was born with, by the end she I'm fairly sure was bi or lesbian, and had definitely changed her name.


Now, on top of said failure of manhood of turning a previously straight woman lesbian, I ended up in a very bad place as a pale, quivering wreck less than a tenth of the man I am today. I am on the way out of that, but I am still a work in progress.

Now, the current woman I'm sat at home hankering after, I asked her out on a date on Sunday, and she only said no because she was already in a relationship - she actually likes me, and said if she was single it would have been a yes. She isn't single of course, so unless they split...

Now, I do not want to split her and her current squeeze up - that just isn't right - but, what do I do? Obviously, I need to MTFU. But I am working on that bit.




Hope your endeavours go well of course, goes for us all. Christmas/Winter is a very hard time of year, I know that far too well...

[CountZero23]

CBR JGWRR said:

I haven't actually blown it with this one (yet, that of course is what I fear will happen...) it was the other one I blew it with - she started off straight and using the name she was born with, by the end she I'm fairly sure was bi or lesbian, and had definitely changed her name.

Now, on top of said failure of manhood of turning a previously straight woman lesbian, I ended up in a very bad place as a pale, quivering wreck less than a tenth of the man I am today. I am on the way out of that, but I am still a work in progress.

Now, the current woman I'm sat at home hankering after, I asked her out on a date on Sunday, and she only said no because she was already in a relationship - she actually likes me, and said if she was single it would have been a yes. She isn't single of course, so unless they split...

Now, I do not want to split her and her current squeeze up - that just isn't right - but, what do I do? Obviously, I need to MTFU. But I am working on that bit.
[/spoiler]

Hope your endeavours go well of course, goes for us all. Christmas/Winter is a very hard time of year, I know that far too well...

Having spent the last few weeks on these relationship threads this is not the first time this has come up, seems like us PHers do a pretty good job of turning them

I once managed to turn a lesbian; though it only took a number of weeks for me to turn her back and swear to never sleep with another man ever again

Cheers fella, yea - Christmas and New Year really does suck when you're single. Was really looking forward to spending it with my ex. Still, women get it even worse and it's probably the easiest time of year to pull.

Onwards and upwards!

[DottyMR2]

CountZero23 said:

DottyMR2 said:

Slight edit to my post, I missed out the part about me getting blackout drunk the next weekend, the lads warning me to be careful and not let her fk me over again. I ended up going off a bit by text saying she'll probably find someone else anyway and she just closes off from me. This is waht I have gathered from waht she's told me. I have zero memory (round at a mates house party, got very messy!).

So after having a full mental breakdown, messing you around and hardly being sensitive to your feelings you get pissed and say a load of stuff you regret. Given the amount of bullst you've had to put up with, the least she could do is cut you a bit of slack.

Lost the plot with my ex last week, thought I was handling things ok but finally snapped. Wasn't clever but you can't beat yourself up, you got angry and had a barny.

DottyMR2 said:

But yep, probably still am. If only I had the ability to read peoples minds it would make it a lot easier. 2 years of maybes, she tells me she thought I wasn't interested for a while so just tried to find someone to replace me. Back and forth like this until now.

Women seem to love the dish out the 'maybes' and if you do mess up the classic I got was 'I wasn't sure I wanted to break up with you until you did X'. Don't think they even mean to tear your guts out but they seem to have natural ability for it.

Not all girls are like this and there are some decent ones out there. Neither of you were making each other happy and there is no way I'd want that amount of drama in my life.

Go find someone who makes your life easier not a living hell.

Thanks CountZero, you're right cutting me some slack would have been the thing to do, espeically if she actually wanted to make it work.

We were happy together with nothing wrong with the realtionship, all signs pointy to going to go far then overnight, after some big massive love message etc. I got ditched at the airport when we were meant to be going away for my birthday for the weekend. I still get really nervous when going away with people to this day.

She does just seem to have a talent for crushing me. Cutting contact might be the best thing, this wierd sort of friends thing we have but any time we are both single we meet up probably isn't healthy. That's a hard thing though, bringing myself to cut contact.

At least 1 plus point, I don't have any crippling fear of talking to people. I nearly got out last year after she screamed at me I only wanted sex and she hated me, that made it easier with a bit of anger there. A few one nighters and I was getting there. Then just when I thought I was out, she pulled me back in! This year I've gone backwards but I suppose I just have to accept she doesn't want me, doesn't appreicate me so I should find someone who does. Gave it a try, hopefully someone else out there will appreicate me.

[CBR JGWRR]

CountZero23 said:

Having spent the last few weeks on these relationship threads this is not the first time this has come up, seems like us PHers do a pretty good job of turning them

I once managed to turn a lesbian; though it only took a number of weeks for me to turn her back and swear to never sleep with another man ever again

Cheers fella, yea - Christmas and New Year really does suck when you're single. Was really looking forward to spending it with my ex. Still, women get it even worse and it's probably the easiest time of year to pull.

Onwards and upwards!

Well, at least for you she was already batting for the other side so it isn't so bad.

[CountZero23]

DottyMR2 said:

Thanks CountZero, you're right cutting me some slack would have been the thing to do, espeically if she actually wanted to make it work.

We were happy together with nothing wrong with the realtionship, all signs pointy to going to go far then overnight, after some big massive love message etc. I got ditched at the airport when we were meant to be going away for my birthday for the weekend. I still get really nervous when going away with people to this day.

She does just seem to have a talent for crushing me. Cutting contact might be the best thing, this wierd sort of friends thing we have but any time we are both single we meet up probably isn't healthy. That's a hard thing though, bringing myself to cut contact.

At least 1 plus point, I don't have any crippling fear of talking to people. I nearly got out last year after she screamed at me I only wanted sex and she hated me, that made it easier with a bit of anger there. A few one nighters and I was getting there. Then just when I thought I was out, she pulled me back in! This year I've gone backwards but I suppose I just have to accept she doesn't want me, doesn't appreicate me so I should find someone who does. Gave it a try, hopefully someone else out there will appreicate me.

Mate, there is a very clear pattern here.

Totally messed up about my ex, she's finally leaving today after 3 weeks of living togther post split. First time in 5 months I'll be coming back to an empty house. Feel like doing anything to have her stay or get her back but from painful experience unless it's some drunken row - when you finish with some one - never go back. All the same issues will be there with a whole lot less trust.

I have a 6 month rule with ex's where I won't meet up with them. Gives you a good amount of time to get over your feelings for them and you'll probably be worried about the next relationship you've been pulled into.

You need to break off ALL contact until you can move on. Breaking up is painful but dragging it out over years and still having all these feelings is just going to fk your head up.

She has a serious case of the MENTAL and now is the time to cut her out.

Lot's of other awesome girls out there. Doesn't feel like that after a breakup and I don't feel like that at all right now, but I know it's true!!

[jshell]

WinstonWolf said:

DottyMR2 said:

Now boy is still left with the feeling he's had for 2 years, does she actually want him or is girl messing with him? Does he hang in there for girl, or give up and find someone else boy doesn't think he'd ever love as much...

You're being played. Find someone who wants you and only you.