Ive hit rock bottom hold me guy's!
Discussion
In your posts, you mention what-ifs etc about arguments between the two of you.
Why is this so poignant now? Was an argument the cause of the tragic accident?
Do you mind if I ask what exactly happened?
Popping pills is certainly one route through it and works for some people. For me, I wouldn't, but it's an option for you. There is no shame in going down that route however.
It sounds like you loved this girl with everything you have. People will tell you otherwise with phrases such as "time heals" etc - absolute, total bulls
t. The pain will never leave you. You do however learn to cope with the pain, move on and carry on with your life regardless.
How long can you last without income? It's a good time to start your own business as you'll be able to really throw yourself into it and make it a great success.
If she was with you for 10+ years, whilst you may have had arguments, you also had to have been doing something right to keep her (assuming she wasn't chained up in the basement!) so you should be able to find some peace in that.
Good luck
Why is this so poignant now? Was an argument the cause of the tragic accident?
Do you mind if I ask what exactly happened?
Popping pills is certainly one route through it and works for some people. For me, I wouldn't, but it's an option for you. There is no shame in going down that route however.
It sounds like you loved this girl with everything you have. People will tell you otherwise with phrases such as "time heals" etc - absolute, total bulls
t. The pain will never leave you. You do however learn to cope with the pain, move on and carry on with your life regardless.How long can you last without income? It's a good time to start your own business as you'll be able to really throw yourself into it and make it a great success.
If she was with you for 10+ years, whilst you may have had arguments, you also had to have been doing something right to keep her (assuming she wasn't chained up in the basement!) so you should be able to find some peace in that.
Good luck
The argument has nothing to do with the accident at all it just makes you wish you had cherished every single moment in the past.I think of people who hold grudges with family their entire life and never get to reconcile before they pass We were pretty happy before she passed but i know i could have been a better partner still and this kills me, i could have made her short life much better part of me feels guilty for this. Its me me realize life is so precious and never take anybody for granted. I don't care about money at the moment i quit my job because i realized its not for fulling me im determined to use this as an opportunity to do something i love i want to make peoples lives better even if thats just from small things they make a big diffidence i don't know what or how but the fire is in my belly, all the small things are helping me out tremendously right now i could not keep going without seeing the genuine compassion and love from other people especially from people i don't even know it gives me so much hope.
Dont beat yourself up over arguments and things you could have done better, its part of life no ones relationship is perfect. She was happy before she passed away, cherish the memories and time will make things easier but she will always be a major part of your life. Its true that they say the good go young
OP - you've done the right thing by being strong enough to be able to talk. Trust us - some of us have been there - being able to open up about it is a massive step forward. A massive step forward.
I've spent over half my life suffering depression to some level, and of that, 6, 7 years so bad that in essence I have only lived for maybe a few years either side of it. (well, unless mere breathing is enough to qualify as alive. I don't think so.) I wouldn't wish what I've gone through on anyone.
A few years back, I was at rock bottom to use your term, only worse, near constant thoughts of suicide - could not even walk facing into oncoming traffic for fear of jumping into the path of a car, looked a lampposts as gallows to hang from etc. - was so depressed and lonely, completely fked up, turned inside out, upside down and gutted like a fish. I was shaking constantly, voices in my head, the whole fking lot. I dreaded being awake for the pain, and I dreaded falling asleep for the nightmares, never ending pain. I felt I had no one to help me, I just lived one day at a time, the only thing keeping me this side of eternity was I feared death more than I feared being alive. I couldn't bear to think more than one week into the future, it frightened me so badly, paralyzed me...
I have to stop, it is... too painful. I was a pale, quivering shadow of a man, bereft of passion, of love, of dignity, of friendship, of life itself... It still pains me to discuss it, and even now I am not certain I will ever recover completely.
Until I finally managed to talk to someone about it - I went loopy and left everything, just walked out and slept rough for a while, hoping hypothermia would take me - it didn't, and I ended up having a long discussion with a guy I respected in a pub.
That set the ball rolling, and now I am a mostly functional member of society again. I've even managed to ask the guy's daughter for a date, something that would have been totally beyond me only a few months ago - she said no, but, that was only because she was with someone else, not any failing on my part apart from my lost decade. Since then, I actually have some sort of self esteem, a bit of self confidence and I no longer fear anything that moved and most stuff that didn't.
I'm still depressed, but I am climbing out of it - You will come out of this stronger than when you went in. You can quote me on that later. That is coming from someone whose been there - I know you don't feel like it right now, I sure as hell didn't, but you are on your way out of this.
Oh, and PH does help. Yes, you get the piss taken sometimes, but fundamentally it is a great bunch of men (and some women) who do care - I wouldn't be alive on any level today if it wasn't for the support this place has offered without knowing it over the last three years.
Most importantly, your dearly departed missus would not want you to spiral downwards into despair. Think of the good times with her, and cherish every memory - and don't let your past mistakes and arguments rob you of your future.
TL;DR - former fked up guy rambles on about a sad tale with a happier ending, hoping the reader takes away the main point of "yes, it fking hurts now, but it will be better in the end".
I've spent over half my life suffering depression to some level, and of that, 6, 7 years so bad that in essence I have only lived for maybe a few years either side of it. (well, unless mere breathing is enough to qualify as alive. I don't think so.) I wouldn't wish what I've gone through on anyone.
A few years back, I was at rock bottom to use your term, only worse, near constant thoughts of suicide - could not even walk facing into oncoming traffic for fear of jumping into the path of a car, looked a lampposts as gallows to hang from etc. - was so depressed and lonely, completely f
ked up, turned inside out, upside down and gutted like a fish. I was shaking constantly, voices in my head, the whole fking lot. I dreaded being awake for the pain, and I dreaded falling asleep for the nightmares, never ending pain. I felt I had no one to help me, I just lived one day at a time, the only thing keeping me this side of eternity was I feared death more than I feared being alive. I couldn't bear to think more than one week into the future, it frightened me so badly, paralyzed me...I have to stop, it is... too painful. I was a pale, quivering shadow of a man, bereft of passion, of love, of dignity, of friendship, of life itself... It still pains me to discuss it, and even now I am not certain I will ever recover completely.
Until I finally managed to talk to someone about it - I went loopy and left everything, just walked out and slept rough for a while, hoping hypothermia would take me - it didn't, and I ended up having a long discussion with a guy I respected in a pub.
That set the ball rolling, and now I am a mostly functional member of society again. I've even managed to ask the guy's daughter for a date, something that would have been totally beyond me only a few months ago - she said no, but, that was only because she was with someone else, not any failing on my part apart from my lost decade. Since then, I actually have some sort of self esteem, a bit of self confidence and I no longer fear anything that moved and most stuff that didn't.
I'm still depressed, but I am climbing out of it - You will come out of this stronger than when you went in. You can quote me on that later. That is coming from someone whose been there - I know you don't feel like it right now, I sure as hell didn't, but you are on your way out of this.
Oh, and PH does help. Yes, you get the piss taken sometimes, but fundamentally it is a great bunch of men (and some women) who do care - I wouldn't be alive on any level today if it wasn't for the support this place has offered without knowing it over the last three years.
Most importantly, your dearly departed missus would not want you to spiral downwards into despair. Think of the good times with her, and cherish every memory - and don't let your past mistakes and arguments rob you of your future.
TL;DR - former f
ked up guy rambles on about a sad tale with a happier ending, hoping the reader takes away the main point of "yes, it fking hurts now, but it will be better in the end". TheBurgerKing said:
We were pretty happy before she passed but i know i could have been a better partner still and this kills me, i could have made her short life much better part of me feels guilty for this.
She stayed with you when all her mates were out 'having adventures'. I think this proves that you did a pretty good job at being her partner 
It's something that we all go through, the "what ifs". It's amplified when the person has died; be it friend, lover/wife/husband/partner, Father, Mother, child. It's normal, but it won't get you anything but heartbreak.
Counselling is what you need; your GP will be able to prescribe it or talk direct to http://www.cruse.org.uk/
There are four stages of bereavement:
• accepting that your loss is real
• experiencing the pain of grief
• adjusting to life without the person who has died
• putting less emotional energy into grieving and putting it into something new (in other words, moving on)
Stephen King - Pet Sematary said:
The immediate personal and most agonising grief begins about three days after the death of a loved one and holds hard from 4 to 6 weeks most cases.
Time then welds one state of human feeling into another until they become something like a rainbow; strong grief becomes a softer more mellow grief; mellow grief becomes mourning; mourning at last becomes remembrance - a process that may take from six months to 3 years and still be considered normal.
Time then welds one state of human feeling into another until they become something like a rainbow; strong grief becomes a softer more mellow grief; mellow grief becomes mourning; mourning at last becomes remembrance - a process that may take from six months to 3 years and still be considered normal.
Not a great deal to add, but please know that you can be happy again as much as you feel otherwise right now.
I endured the worst Day (Christmas Day) of my life in 2004 and exactly 366 days later experienced the best day of my life. So dramatic can the feelings of sadness and transition to happiness can be.
Remain positive. Don't give up. Cry, mourn, remember, but don't give up. And as cheesy as this line is and I sometimes cringe when I hear it, it's actually so true when you give it some real thought..."Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"
Thoughts with you OP.
I endured the worst Day (Christmas Day) of my life in 2004 and exactly 366 days later experienced the best day of my life. So dramatic can the feelings of sadness and transition to happiness can be.
Remain positive. Don't give up. Cry, mourn, remember, but don't give up. And as cheesy as this line is and I sometimes cringe when I hear it, it's actually so true when you give it some real thought..."Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"
Thoughts with you OP.
My condolences. I'm sorry to learn of this OP. I can't add too much as I have never been through anything like what you are going through. All i can say though is not to dwell on the arguments etc. You say she was happy and she was with you, which she wouldn't have been if she was unhappy, so you clearly added value to her life and made her happy as well. Think about that and know that you had a positive impact on her life.
Although not connected anymore I saw this happen to a friend of mine.
It was not pretty. He lost his wife and kids in a freak accident. As far as I know he has lost the plot a little.
As many people have suggested turning to the GP for help is not a biggie, they are there to support you in these times. PH only specialises in mick taking and general advice.
..and yes at some stage in my younger days i did hit rock bottom, life fu-cked me over - hardcore.
PM me for the details.
MTFU
It was not pretty. He lost his wife and kids in a freak accident. As far as I know he has lost the plot a little.
As many people have suggested turning to the GP for help is not a biggie, they are there to support you in these times. PH only specialises in mick taking and general advice.
..and yes at some stage in my younger days i did hit rock bottom, life fu-cked me over - hardcore.
PM me for the details.
MTFU
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