Do you filter her out ?
Discussion
Ruskie said:
PositronicRay said:
I get questioned on what's just been said. 
I get the same. I have to repeat back what's been said. I get it wrong a lot of the time! With practice, you can absorb and regurgitate the last 30 or so seconds of their conversation. If you're having difficulty, try to focus on the nouns and adjectives. With confidence, you'll repeat convincingly ;-)
Council Baby said:
It's things like this that mean that I don't tend to stay with the same one for very long.
Because I do listen and tell them when they're interrupting or talking s
te.
Thanks for letting me know where I'm going wrong and causing arguments
It's not just ignoring them though - that would be too easy and also lead to arguments. Because I do listen and tell them when they're interrupting or talking s
te.Thanks for letting me know where I'm going wrong and causing arguments
You need to learn the art of filtering out inane stuff like "You won't believe what Sophie's Auntie's next door neighbours cousin has done", or "have you heard about Mel B and her husband" without missing the more important stuff like "I've asked someone round to give us a quote for a new kitchen" or "we should have another baby".
Mine gives me a run down on her day over dinner every night.
Obviously hers is the worst, most stressful office job ever, so it's all bad, and being female all the stories revolve around the kind of minutiae of human interaction that is of no interest to a normal man at all.
So I tend to find that if I make vaguely sympathetic, consolatory noises, she is quite content. In fact I'm not sure she wants to me to interrupt, so just muttering "Oh dear, you poor thing, that's so unfair" is quite satisfactory.
Obviously hers is the worst, most stressful office job ever, so it's all bad, and being female all the stories revolve around the kind of minutiae of human interaction that is of no interest to a normal man at all.
So I tend to find that if I make vaguely sympathetic, consolatory noises, she is quite content. In fact I'm not sure she wants to me to interrupt, so just muttering "Oh dear, you poor thing, that's so unfair" is quite satisfactory.
Almost constantly in the doghouse for this.
"You pay more attention to the random on PH than you do me".
Yes, because it's both interesting and funny, of which you're generally neither.
Also, trying to capture my attention whilst I'm concentrating on something, she really should start with my name - so I know she's talking to me and not wittering with the kids. Apparently I'm supposed to pay attention to everything and recognise what's for me and what's not.
Love her really, but I have more interest in the log I laid laid down this morning than her cousin's brother in law's baby...
"You pay more attention to the random on PH than you do me".
Yes, because it's both interesting and funny, of which you're generally neither.
Also, trying to capture my attention whilst I'm concentrating on something, she really should start with my name - so I know she's talking to me and not wittering with the kids. Apparently I'm supposed to pay attention to everything and recognise what's for me and what's not.
Love her really, but I have more interest in the log I laid laid down this morning than her cousin's brother in law's baby...
I am guilty of this, I suspect most married men are, but a word of warning.
While back my wife made reference to something she had told me and of course I hadn't a clue what she was talking about, she went into a mini rant about me never listening, this is where I went very very wrong.
I said that as she talked so much I had problems filtering out the ste from the important stuff. I am still hearing about how I accused her of talking ste months later.
While back my wife made reference to something she had told me and of course I hadn't a clue what she was talking about, she went into a mini rant about me never listening, this is where I went very very wrong.
I said that as she talked so much I had problems filtering out the s
te from the important stuff. I am still hearing about how I accused her of talking ste months later.philthy said:
Ruskie said:
PositronicRay said:
I get questioned on what's just been said.
I get the same. I have to repeat back what's been said. I get it wrong a lot of the time! With practice, you can absorb and regurgitate the last 30 or so seconds of their conversation. If you're having difficulty, try to focus on the nouns and adjectives. With confidence, you'll repeat convincingly ;-)
It's nice to know I'm not on my own
Edited by PositronicRay on Thursday 18th December 09:00
I have a huge problem with this at the moment. I've burst an eardrum which means only one ear is working properly. The plus side is it's the ear that normally faces her so I can't hear her waffle so much, the bad side is I used to tune that ear to her and keep the other one focused on the TV,
Now I've only got one working ear I can't tune in to two things at once and I actually have to listen to her.
In true Mumsnet style, does anyone have any helpful advice?
Now I've only got one working ear I can't tune in to two things at once and I actually have to listen to her.
In true Mumsnet style, does anyone have any helpful advice?
C.A.R. said:
You get a proper ear-bashing if she works out you aren't listening though, because "you never listen when I have something to say" apparently. Trouble is, they say SO MUCH it's pretty impossible to absorb it all, so I think it's natural to filter out what sounds like waffle.
Another problem is that women are capable of discussing multiple subjects simultaneously whilst still making sense (to one another). This I find completely baffling and I quite often ask my Mrs to start again from the beginning, usually only to be criticised for "not listening" again...
This post isn't intended to be sexist, not at all, if anything women share this distinct talent whereas all the blokes I've ever met are like me and like to discuss one thing at a time!
Are you sure your second paragraph is actually true though? I am not convinced they make sense to each other, or even care as all they both(all the group l) want to do is say stuff relevant to them irrespective of the other person. If you watch women talking closely you will see lots of head nodding and minor vocal expressions ("eeeeee" "never" "AhHa" repeat ad nauseam) but I suspect they are more focused on how to get their own bit of tittle tattle into the conversation than actually hear what is being said.Another problem is that women are capable of discussing multiple subjects simultaneously whilst still making sense (to one another). This I find completely baffling and I quite often ask my Mrs to start again from the beginning, usually only to be criticised for "not listening" again...
This post isn't intended to be sexist, not at all, if anything women share this distinct talent whereas all the blokes I've ever met are like me and like to discuss one thing at a time!
It reminds me if the Viz book of records,,where a woman held the world record for talking the longest (2weeks) without saying anything of value at all
KrazyIvan said:
I give Mrs Ivan my undevided attention, usually by pausing what ever were watching. This will normal happen about 3 or 4 times before she asks why I keep pausing it, all I say is "well darling I can listen to you or the tv". Silence normal ensues.
I do that but never with the same result. Woe betide me if I try to talk to her while she's watching strictly though 
TO be fair it doesn't happen that often though.My mother is terrible for this. She's convinced that films don't actually start until after the opening credits, which is when many films lay out the basic premise of the whole thing. So she talks through the intro and then spends the next half hour asking what's going on because she missed the intro, and then falls asleep
Clearly it's a family thing as my grandmother used to get half way through watching something, then ask my grandfather if he wanted a cup of tea, potter off to make one, and later complain that she missed half the programme because my grandfather wanted a cuppa Most of the time I can filter out the babble with an occasional murmur of acknowledgement. She does carry on talking even though my head is down and my eyes are closed. From time to time a snoring noise stops her and she then says "well if you can't be bothered to listen why should I carry on?" - I then repeat verbatim everything she has just said. The look I get is not translatable into words.
I also don't think they realise that the TV can be of interest.
"Sorry dear, would you like me to turn off the TV so that it stops interrupting you" is a usual one of mine, or I'll just turn it off, to which she says "why have you done that?" to which I reply "I can only properly listen to one source of noise at a time and I thought you'd prefer me to listen to you".
Wife and daughter together - I just give up if it's something interesting and go upstairs to watch it instead.
I also don't think they realise that the TV can be of interest.
"Sorry dear, would you like me to turn off the TV so that it stops interrupting you" is a usual one of mine, or I'll just turn it off, to which she says "why have you done that?" to which I reply "I can only properly listen to one source of noise at a time and I thought you'd prefer me to listen to you".
Wife and daughter together - I just give up if it's something interesting and go upstairs to watch it instead.
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