Classic from the Mrs! Vol 2

[Shakermaker]

Anyway, another from my mother in law.

Last weekend when we were all visiting my wife's sister, the MiL asked me "would beer that has gone a couple of months past the best before date be OK to drink" to which I replied if its only a couple of months, it'll be fine really, maybe a bit flat.

My wife pips in with "Well if anything else, Alex can put it in the ice bucket and we'll have it at our party" which sounded reasonable enough, I don't think my mates would be too worried as I know I wouldn't.

This weekend, MiL comes to visit us and goes "Oh, Alex, I brought that beer that you said would be good at your party" at which point, I'm heading towards the boot of her car expecting half a crate of something or other, but no, she reaches into her handbag and happily presents me with a single 330ml bottle of Tiger.

Bless.

[sidekickdmr]

Nanook said:

Jimmy Recard said:

sidekickdmr said:

This just reminded me of the time we purchased our first Hoover as a couple (new house).

I went out and got a lovely new Henry, brand new and still in the box, happily she is hoovering away in no time.

About 2-3 months later I go to pick it up and move it and it weighs more than a small car, I remark that its way overdue a bag empty and I’m surprised its still working, she says "Bag? I thought it was bagless", I remark that she knows full well that’s it’s not as she would have put a bag in it before she used it for the first time and I get a blank/shocked look.

I open it up and there, buried underneath months of dust and grime is the instruction manual, the wheels in a little plastic bag, and 3 hoover bags, still in their wrapper. She had got it out the box, clipped the hose on and started using it immediately.

And a hoover completely and utterly knackered that had to go in the bin

We have a Henry at work that is used day in, day out purely to suck up incredibly fine wood dust. We've never put a bag in and it's at least twenty years old now, working perfectly.

It does have the filter though.

I didn't know it was possible to break a Henry. They're bombproof!

Yes they are (I used to have one for my valeting business and never missed a beat), but the filter was folded neatly at the bottom under the wheels, so it just blocked the fans/motor completely.

[Markytop]

Overheard from the couples sitting on the table next to me in the pub at lunchtime. They were talking about the Paralympics and how the British team are doing really well. One of the guys was explaining that we had won some more medals in the dressage, to which his wife/partner asked "Was it the rider or the horse that was disabled?......"

[MikeT66]

On the way to the Goodwood Revival last week we were heading around the M25 to our hotel in Guildford. As we passed the motorway signs she said "Hmm, I wonder if Leatherhead was named after the turtle...". I was struggling to comprehend this when she found her own solution to her query... "No, because they are LeatherBACK turtles, aren't they, so probably not, really...". An 'almost understandable' mistake, but I'm still pondering on how she could think that deep ocean turtles could be linked to a land-locked town in Surrey.

[bobtail4x4]

bleeding the clutch today, new master cyl, the pressure bleeder would not seal, so I asked her,
down, down, pump it, opened the bleed screw, nothing,
close screw, pump it a few times and hold it, still nothing,

ohh st.... er are you pressing the clutch? yes she says "the middle pedal" this is someone who has had manual cars for the last 15 years.

[stuttgartmetal]

When bleeding the brakes she was pressing the accelerator.
When I checked she said I'd been pressing the accelerator
Mental

[Whoozit]

DELETED: Comment made by a member who's account has been deleted.

Easy to repair though. Done the brushes and the hi power switch on ours in the last year. Good value for something that is used every day and cost less than £200 5 years ago. Even a new motor is seemingly a doddle. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJnSGUppAuQ

[hairyben]

probably not in the exact spirirt of the thread....

Reading an article the other day on the new mclaren P14, Mrs Hairy looks down and goes "P14, well thats a bit more likely than P1 isnt it"

[GreigM]

hairyben said:

probably not in the exact spirirt of the thread....

Reading an article the other day on the new mclaren P14, Mrs Hairy looks down and goes "P14, well thats a bit more likely than P1 isnt it"

oooh, my neighbour works in a McLaren dealership, might be using that soon

[morgs_]

GreigM said:

hairyben said:

probably not in the exact spirirt of the thread....

Reading an article the other day on the new mclaren P14, Mrs Hairy looks down and goes "P14, well thats a bit more likely than P1 isnt it"

oooh, my neighbour works in a McLaren dealership, might be using that soon

Depends on the race series https://twitter.com/McLaren_GT/status/777550086725... (Fair play to your mrs though, that's great ).

[gmaz]

We were watching a US TV show and there was a house shown with the house number something like "12506", as they often have in the US.

Mrs goes: "Jeez I wouldn't like to be a postman for that street"

[Jimmy Recard]

"Is there anything on TV?"
"Not much good. I might watch Men Behaving Badly."
"I don't like that though."
"Have you ever seen it?"
"Yeah, it has that old bloke with the white hair from Airplane."
"What? No it doesn't. Are you thinking of Naked Gun?"
"Ah yeah, that's it."

[WilliamWoollard]

Settling down to Watch the latest Guy Martin adventure, I explain that he's attempting to be the first person to fly a human powered airship across the channel. "He's got to do a lot of farts to get that far..."

[Issi]

gmaz said:

We were watching a US TV show and there was a house shown with the house number something like "12506", as they often have in the US.

Mrs goes: "Jeez I wouldn't like to be a postman for that street"

Eh?

[Vaud]

Issi said:

Eh?

The implication being there are 12000+ houses to deliver to.

[Issi]

But surely then, that's entirely logical.

Like saying "Blimey, I wouldn't like to weed Kew Gardens"

[xRIEx]

Issi said:

But surely then, that's entirely logical.

Like saying "Blimey, I wouldn't like to weed Kew Gardens"

Of course, it's impossible for Kew Gardens to hire more than one person to do the weeding at any one time. It's in their charter and everything.

[callmedave]

"Are Milkmen extinct?"

Seriously, i don't how she dresses herself sometimes.

[Benjo42]

Close female friend and I were about to watch The Martian.

"Ok so this is the one where he gets stuck on the Moon, right?", I repeated the tittle. she replies "Yes!!! so, is it?"

When I said it was Mars, hence Martian..."yes but it would still be hard to get him!" I then explained how Mars was a bit further away. I thought there could be too much detail, arising in more questions, when I just wanted to get on with it.....then watch the film

[Vipers]

Her, "Do you want egg and bacon or fish tonight"

Me, "Egg and bacon".

Her, "Not fish then".

Me thinking God give me strength......