Classic from the Mrs! Vol 2
Discussion
TheCandyMan said:
Watching football on the TV, as the players walk out the tunnel hand in hand with the mascots.
‘what happens if the player doesn’t have a kid?’
brilliant! ‘what happens if the player doesn’t have a kid?’
woman in our office, bit thick, comes out with some classics.
we were winding her up yesterday by telling her that Turkeys originated in Turkey, where they were originally bred and she confusedly replied "well, there isn't a country called chicken is there....???!!!"
to which we replied, no but when they first arrived in England they were brough it by ship to "torquay".....kept her quiet for a while and the rest of us more than mildly amused....
Vipers said:
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Ari said:
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Her: Where the hell is my medium yellow pyrex dish. I always put it back with my other dishes but it's not there. So you must've used it last and put it back in the wrong place. It's so annoying. I wish you'd put stuff back where you got it. I've got better things to do with my life than play hunt the pyrex dish you've put back in a stupid place.
She sounds super! You lucky chap...28th wedding anniversary this year. (she reckons she broke 4 mirrors on her wedding day).
A couple of months ago she asked me to go and fetch her purse from her handbag. I found the purse plus of course the spare car keys...
Bless her - she's put up with me for 31 years now
- Regrettably, this is completely true
Vipers said:
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Ari said:
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Her: Where the hell is my medium yellow pyrex dish. I always put it back with my other dishes but it's not there. So you must've used it last and put it back in the wrong place. It's so annoying. I wish you'd put stuff back where you got it. I've got better things to do with my life than play hunt the pyrex dish you've put back in a stupid place.
She sounds super! You lucky chap...28th wedding anniversary this year. (she reckons she broke 4 mirrors on her wedding day).
A couple of months ago she asked me to go and fetch her purse from her handbag. I found the purse plus of course the spare car keys...
Bless her - she's put up with me for 31 years now
- Regrettably, this is completely true
matchmaker said:
My spare car keys went missing for 2 years. I asked SWMBO to search her handbag, bedside drawers, etc for them. No sign of them. She: "You must have lost them. You're always losing things because your side of the bedroom never gets tidied *"
A couple of months ago she asked me to go and fetch her purse from her handbag. I found the purse plus of course the spare car keys...
Bless her - she's put up with me for 31 years now
That would really piss me off. A couple of months ago she asked me to go and fetch her purse from her handbag. I found the purse plus of course the spare car keys...
Bless her - she's put up with me for 31 years now
Edited by Cotty on Wednesday 28th January 13:49
Scene: recent celebratory dinner at home for two. I've finished main course, and a glass of bubbly, whereas Mrs Simoid hasn't finished her glass.
Her: "you've not half necked that glass!"
Me: "I wouldn't say that; I've had about 125ml of liquid with a big late of food."
Her: "it's not liquid though, it's champagne...
...why are you laughing?
Oh, pistonheads. f
k off!"
Her: "you've not half necked that glass!"
Me: "I wouldn't say that; I've had about 125ml of liquid with a big late of food."
Her: "it's not liquid though, it's champagne...
...why are you laughing?
Oh, pistonheads. f
k off!"Nom de ploom said:
woman in our office, bit thick, comes out with some classics.
we were winding her up yesterday by telling her that Turkeys originated in Turkey, where they were originally bred and she confusedly replied "well, there isn't a country called chicken is there....???!!!"
to which we replied, no but when they first arrived in England they were brough it by ship to "torquay".....kept her quiet for a while and the rest of us more than mildly amused....
You thought you were joking but you were right! (Not the Torquay bit). Going back 500 years or so us Brits thought they came from Turkey, hence the name. They did, but originated in the US we were winding her up yesterday by telling her that Turkeys originated in Turkey, where they were originally bred and she confusedly replied "well, there isn't a country called chicken is there....???!!!"
to which we replied, no but when they first arrived in England they were brough it by ship to "torquay".....kept her quiet for a while and the rest of us more than mildly amused....
Watching the Guy Martin Spitfire program.
"Is that a bomber?"
"no love it's a fighter"
"oh, what was it for?"
Had to go into an explanation about Lancasters the BoB, Me109's, escort missions. Ok, I don't expect everyone to have a detailed knowledge of WW2 aircraft but it's one of the most famous aircraft of all time.
"Is that a bomber?"
"no love it's a fighter"
"oh, what was it for?"
Had to go into an explanation about Lancasters the BoB, Me109's, escort missions. Ok, I don't expect everyone to have a detailed knowledge of WW2 aircraft but it's one of the most famous aircraft of all time.
Nimby said:
Wife half-watching the recent Lance Armstrong interview on TV and she asks me "Who did he play for?".
Pffft.When he was all over the TV last year, my mother in law commented on how young he looked considering it was years since he went to the moon. I asked her if he went on his bike, but apparently no, he went in a rocket. I can't help but take the piss out of her & since my father in law died I see it as my duty.
DeuxCentCinq said:
Do you just mean "drink plenty of water" but want to sound posh? Or should I try necking a pint of olive oil, some washing-up liquid, maybe some Castrol GTX and top it off with some liquid nitrogen?
Castrol GTX? Pah...real men only use Castrol R. If only they made 'Smello-Vision app' from Shelsley Walsh...Bullett said:
Watching the Guy Martin Spitfire program.
"Is that a bomber?"
"no love it's a fighter"
"oh, what was it for?"
Had to go into an explanation about Lancasters the BoB, Me109's, escort missions. Ok, I don't expect everyone to have a detailed knowledge of WW2 aircraft but it's one of the most famous aircraft of all time.
Good excuse for getting the Battle of Britain DVD out "Is that a bomber?"
"no love it's a fighter"
"oh, what was it for?"
Had to go into an explanation about Lancasters the BoB, Me109's, escort missions. Ok, I don't expect everyone to have a detailed knowledge of WW2 aircraft but it's one of the most famous aircraft of all time.
Wifey comes home from the local pharmacy having been refused piriton tablets because she said it was for our dog... she then goes on to say..
"I mean how ridiculous it even says for pet allergies on the box!"
Yes dear, but that's for humans who have an allergy to pets....
Oh.
Got the tablets in the end...
"I mean how ridiculous it even says for pet allergies on the box!"
Yes dear, but that's for humans who have an allergy to pets....
Oh.
Got the tablets in the end...
Out for a walk in the very fresh snow last night, we spot some bicycle tracks on the pavement (very clearly 1 bike, 2 tyres mostly on top of each other but occasionally diverging slightly):
Me: "Some night to be out on a bicycle!"
Mrs S examines the tracks, notices the occasional presence of 2 tracks, and proudly concludes:
"TWO BICYCLES!"
Me:
Me: "Some night to be out on a bicycle!"
Mrs S examines the tracks, notices the occasional presence of 2 tracks, and proudly concludes:
"TWO BICYCLES!"
Me:
v8250 said:
DeuxCentCinq said:
Do you just mean "drink plenty of water" but want to sound posh? Or should I try necking a pint of olive oil, some washing-up liquid, maybe some Castrol GTX and top it off with some liquid nitrogen?
Castrol GTX? Pah...real men only use Castrol R. If only they made 'Smello-Vision app' from Shelsley Walsh...Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff