Classic from the Mrs! Vol 2

[Trabi601]

grumpy52 said:

My niece getting on a coach to go to the Derby this morning says to one and all "it's so sad that Nelson Mandela has died "

Paul Gascoigne is being prosecuted for a less offensive 'joke' than that!

[mollytherocker]

Evangelion said:

I once topped up a Capri with oil in Bristol, then drove it to Reading on the M4. As I came off the motorway I could smell oil so stopped as soon as I could. The underside of the bonnet lid was covered in it, as was much of the engine bay. Shame the car was white!

(Well it had been white up till then.)

All of the best car stories involve Capris. Fact!

[StescoG66]

j4ckos mate said:

Came in last night after doing the garden
She's not been well in bed watching the tv
The Karen carpenter story was on so I said
'How longs this been on?'
She replied with 'it's only just begun'

d

[gmaz]

The Mrs had been humming the first few lines of "King of the Road" for a while when she turns to me and asks "I wonder what sailor rent is?"

[Blown2CV]

StescoG66 said:

j4ckos mate said:

Came in last night after doing the garden
She's not been well in bed watching the tv
The Karen carpenter story was on so I said
'How longs this been on?'
She replied with 'it's only just begun'

d

funny but i think it's a joke rather than something that actually happened

[stuttgartmetal]

I mean, how truly thick are women?
How fking thick are they ?
Plank of wood thick ?
Two planks ?
Ten planks?

Please press the brake pedal five times and hold it down
Five more
Five
Again
Again
Again

Why won't this system bleed ?

Five more times
Again
Again
Again
Again
Again
Again

How's the pedal ?
The same??

Ffs I'll get a self bleed fro m Halfords
1 hour later


Funny, one press and it's bleeding.



It turns out she's been pressing the accelerator pedal
I mean
How many fking brake pedals are in fking front of you
How many

Mental
fking MentalMentalMental.

[Oldandslow]

You only have yourself to blame. If you can't hear the difference between a brake pedal press and the accelerator you shouldn't be bleeding brakes.

[stuttgartmetal]

An empty system
And I mean empty doesn't sound like anything when it's built in Zuffenhäusen my friend.

[Blown2CV]

Ok

[Oldandslow]

I'd assume there was fluid in the master or you wouldn't be trying to bleed. It'd make most of the fluid swooshing noises. Gesundheit

[Ari]

stuttgartmetal said:

It turns out she's been pressing the accelerator pedal
I mean
How many fking brake pedals are in fking front of you
How many

Mental
fking MentalMentalMental.

To be fair, if she doesn't drive, it would probably have been worth checking she knew which was the brake pedal.

If she does drive - it's probably time to take her off the road. Knowing which is the brake is fairly important...

[Whistle]

So we are in Malaga on a city break this week and Harmony of the seas is in the port.
I tell her it's the biggest cruise ship in the world.

Then I get, is it bigger than the QE2 from her .??

[Spydaman]

On the second day of our holiday in Canada and in front of our daughter and her boyfriend she says



Do you think we'll see any beaver tomorrow?


After the ensuing hilarity she corrected herself to say she meant skunk.

Edited by Spydaman on Monday 6th June 04:38

[ColinM50]

Spydaman said:

On the second day of our holiday in Canada and in front of our daughter and her boyfriend she says



Do you think we'll see any beaver tomorrow?


After the ensuing hilarity she corrected herself to say she meant skunk.

Edited by Spydaman on Monday 6th June 04:38

Chances are pretty good that daughter's b/f will

[ApOrbital]

[Baz Tench]

Not the missus, but a friend of mine:

Me; "See that house? Roger Moore used to live there."

Her; "The one out of Duran Duran?"

[Usget]

"Who's Pele?"

[Trabi601]

Usget said:

"Who's Pele?"

He's the bloke who can't get it up, isn't he?

[stuttgartmetal]

DELETED: Comment made by a member who's account has been deleted.

Roger lived in Stanmore.
Simon lived in Pinner

[vx220]

Literally just opened this topic, while watching TV

A character on the program is talking about chemical castration, and mrsVX pipes up with, "what, they just take a tablet, and their balls drop off?"