Classic from the Mrs! Vol 2
Discussion
RizzoTheRat said:
Saddle bum said:
She did not actually say anything, but I would like to know how, when I am upstairs working on my PC and she drops a wine glass in the kitchen - it is my fault?
Everything is always the male's fault.Car parking company picking us up from Heathrow last night, Mrs Rat had their leaflet saying which bus stop they pick up from at each terminal, but heads off to the central bus terminal despite my protestations that if they meant the central station they wouldn't give different stop numbers for each terminal. There was some definite sulking about the fact we'd lugged our luggage down several hundred yards of underground passages before I finally managed to persuade her to head back to Terminal 2 and the bus stop 20 yards from where we'd started.
I had a good one a couple of weeks back.
Wife was in the kitchen - I walked out into the back garden and it started to rain lightly - but looked like it was threatening worse. I start to un-peg the washing when the wife comes to the back door.
Wife: "What are you doing"
Me: "Bringing the washing in - it's raining".
Wife: "No it isn't"
Me: Looks at the fine rain falling down and the big black cloud looming - "it's raining - look"
Wife: "No it isn't"
Me: "Why the f
k would I bother bringing the damp washing in if it wasn't raining"Her: "but it's not raining"
Me: "oh FFS - fine - it isn't raining"......I peg the washing back on the line
Wife: "Don't put it back out if it's raining"
Me: "Really!"
About 30 seconds later the fine rain turns to a deluge and she has to run out in it to get the washing in.
Saddle bum said:
Amateurish said:
LordJammy said:
Saddle bum said:
Righty tighty, Lefty loosey!
Not if you're undoing the passenger side wiper nut on a seat leon with the wipers up the sides.
Corpulent Tosser said:
Clockwise and Counter Clockwise would be used but right hand and left hand are more commonly used, you wouldn't refer to a bolt as being a counter (or anti) clockwise thread, you would say left hand thread, or at least I would.
Isn't this to do with the right hand screw rule?Amateurish said:
Saddle bum said:
Amateurish said:
LordJammy said:
Saddle bum said:
Righty tighty, Lefty loosey!
Not if you're undoing the passenger side wiper nut on a seat leon with the wipers up the sides.
After she'd done a bottle of wine the subject of dinosaurs came up in passing. She seemed fairly convinced that they never existed and all discoveries of fossils/evidence were essentially staged.
Her main defence... "well how did they know their names if they lived 100 million years ago"
fk sake
Her main defence... "well how did they know their names if they lived 100 million years ago"
f
k sake Another one from my daughter last night. Watching the news and hearing that David Cameron wanted to change the rules on applying for asylum.
My Daughter says,' Wow, I didn't know that you had to apply to get into an asylum, what about the people who don't realise they're mad? How do they get in?'
My Daughter says,' Wow, I didn't know that you had to apply to get into an asylum, what about the people who don't realise they're mad? How do they get in?'
Mrs 2CV's reasoning is inverted. She always picks the least plausible option. The thought process is often just bizarre.
We had dynorod out today to solve the fact that her hair has blocked the shower. This happens twice a year or so. After they'd finished, she goes for a shower. She tells me afterwards that it was uncomfortably hot because the plumber had snapped the red button (you press it to turn the temp past a certain point) off. She tells me the shower is therefore broken. She'd spent 20 minutes in a scalding hot shower, in June when it's 20+ deg outside.
So I had a look, and found immediately that rather than being broken, the reason the water was hot was merely because it was turned to hot. It was turned right up, so the button was underneath, and so you couldn't see it. Not snapped off, just doing what it's meant to do. Not once did she even consider trying to turn it down, or wonder why there was no hole left by the 'missing' button, or that snapping off a small piece of plastic alone wouldn't have made it so hot....
I mean there's woman logic, but this is on a different planet.
She's got a red arse now.
We had dynorod out today to solve the fact that her hair has blocked the shower. This happens twice a year or so. After they'd finished, she goes for a shower. She tells me afterwards that it was uncomfortably hot because the plumber had snapped the red button (you press it to turn the temp past a certain point) off. She tells me the shower is therefore broken. She'd spent 20 minutes in a scalding hot shower, in June when it's 20+ deg outside.
So I had a look, and found immediately that rather than being broken, the reason the water was hot was merely because it was turned to hot. It was turned right up, so the button was underneath, and so you couldn't see it. Not snapped off, just doing what it's meant to do. Not once did she even consider trying to turn it down, or wonder why there was no hole left by the 'missing' button, or that snapping off a small piece of plastic alone wouldn't have made it so hot....
I mean there's woman logic, but this is on a different planet.
She's got a red arse now.
Mrs Scouse sent me a couple of pics via Whatsapp whilst I was at the Essex meet today.
The dress we had ordered for my daughter (flower girl at wedding later this month) had arrived and the pic showed it fitted well.
She added some text to the pics.
"We will have to take it to the dry cleaners as it cannot be ironed and the creases from the packing folds will not come out just hanging".
We took it to the dry cleaners and she explained the dilemma - the chappie looked at the dress, found the label and explained to Mrs Scouse that the iron symbol with a single dot in the image meant it could be ironed on a low heat.
The dress we had ordered for my daughter (flower girl at wedding later this month) had arrived and the pic showed it fitted well.
She added some text to the pics.
"We will have to take it to the dry cleaners as it cannot be ironed and the creases from the packing folds will not come out just hanging".
We took it to the dry cleaners and she explained the dilemma - the chappie looked at the dress, found the label and explained to Mrs Scouse that the iron symbol with a single dot in the image meant it could be ironed on a low heat.
Wedg1e said:
Blown2CV said:
... or wonder why there was no hole left by the 'missing' button, or that snapping off a small piece of plastic alone wouldn't have made it so hot....
...or even why a plumber unblocking a DRAIN would have any reason AT ALL to fanny about with the shower itself... Not my Mrs, but a friend's... also maybe a bit tenuous but it's doing my head in a bit.
According to Facebook she apparently believes it is sufficient when training for a triathlon to just practice the bike, run and swim parts entirely separately, without ever combining them at least on the same day. Presumably her logic is that if you can do them all separately then doing them all together for the first time on the actual day of the event will only be slightly harder. Repeated status updates along the lines of "did 10Km on the bike today, this is easy!". Clearly you daft bint, even a 30st whale-human could cycle 10Km... the reason why triathlons are hard due to them being incompatible muscle exertions, so the whole thing is considerably harder than the sum of its parts.
Anyway, wonder what will happen on the day! She'll prob blame feeling under the weather or something. Kind of looking forward to hearing about it.
According to Facebook she apparently believes it is sufficient when training for a triathlon to just practice the bike, run and swim parts entirely separately, without ever combining them at least on the same day. Presumably her logic is that if you can do them all separately then doing them all together for the first time on the actual day of the event will only be slightly harder. Repeated status updates along the lines of "did 10Km on the bike today, this is easy!". Clearly you daft bint, even a 30st whale-human could cycle 10Km... the reason why triathlons are hard due to them being incompatible muscle exertions, so the whole thing is considerably harder than the sum of its parts.
Anyway, wonder what will happen on the day! She'll prob blame feeling under the weather or something. Kind of looking forward to hearing about it.
Thinking of changing a car, and looking at a few and showing the Mrs some I had found on line so she could say she liked the colour or whatever, found a nice Jaguar apart from the leeping Jaguar on the bonnet, handed computer to Mrs to pass comment on colour who said
' I like the car dont like the Lion Tiger thing on the bonnet'
Bless
' I like the car dont like the Lion Tiger thing on the bonnet'
Bless
Blown2CV said:
Not my Mrs, but a friend's... also maybe a bit tenuous but it's doing my head in a bit.
According to Facebook she apparently believes it is sufficient when training for a triathlon to just practice the bike, run and swim parts entirely separately, without ever combining them at least on the same day. Presumably her logic is that if you can do them all separately then doing them all together for the first time on the actual day of the event will only be slightly harder. Repeated status updates along the lines of "did 10Km on the bike today, this is easy!". Clearly you daft bint, even a 30st whale-human could cycle 10Km... the reason why triathlons are hard due to them being incompatible muscle exertions, so the whole thing is considerably harder than the sum of its parts.
Anyway, wonder what will happen on the day! She'll prob blame feeling under the weather or something. Kind of looking forward to hearing about it.
Huh, ridiculous! I bet she's not even bothering to carry the bike when she's practising swimming. According to Facebook she apparently believes it is sufficient when training for a triathlon to just practice the bike, run and swim parts entirely separately, without ever combining them at least on the same day. Presumably her logic is that if you can do them all separately then doing them all together for the first time on the actual day of the event will only be slightly harder. Repeated status updates along the lines of "did 10Km on the bike today, this is easy!". Clearly you daft bint, even a 30st whale-human could cycle 10Km... the reason why triathlons are hard due to them being incompatible muscle exertions, so the whole thing is considerably harder than the sum of its parts.
Anyway, wonder what will happen on the day! She'll prob blame feeling under the weather or something. Kind of looking forward to hearing about it.
She's in for a real shock when she does the event for real I can tell you.
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