Classic from the Mrs! Vol 2

[kowalski655]

john2443 said:

5potTurbo said:

Frimley111R said:

Mrs 111R "Did you see that thing about the Polar Bears in the news in the Arctic. Or was it Antarctic? Which ones's the cold one?"

Good luck with that one!

Must be the arctic - it gets warmer as you go south

No,its the Antarctic,as heat rises

[TwigtheWonderkid]

Not wife but mum, who is getting on a bit. She's just got back from a trip to Portugal (which is somewhat relevant).

"I got ripped off at the supermarket today, I put a pound in the trolley but got a Euro back!"

[ehonda]

I had a text yesterday from the Mrs who was at Waterloo getting a train home. The train was obviously dividing somewhere en-route.
She asks:
'Is the front of the train the bit nearest the concourse or furthest away'.

She commutes by train into Waterloo every day.

[InfoRetrieval]

"They've spelt 'cherry' wrong on the homework spelling list"

I look at list. "It says cheery..."

[mph999]

Look, that minis got a roof rack, why don't you get one ...

Oh, I don't know, maybe cause mines a convertible ...

[Hooli]

TwigtheWonderkid said:

Not wife but mum, who is getting on a bit. She's just got back from a trip to Portugal (which is somewhat relevant).

"I got ripped off at the supermarket today, I put a pound in the trolley but got a Euro back!"

[HTP99]

The wife last month:

Wife: "I've had to buy a data package as I've just used up all my 4G on my phone; it cost £6.99"

Me (in a piss take tone) "oh I'm out in town and I can't possibly wait half an hour till I get home to check Facebook, something really important may happen in that 30 minutes, a funny photo may be posted!!!!!"

Wife: "ha ha ha, anyway I was at home"

Me: "WiFi?!"

Wife: "oh yeahh, ha ha"

Me: "and doesn't your date refresh tomorrow...........?"

[cobra kid]

ehonda said:

I had a text yesterday from the Mrs who was at Waterloo getting a train home. The train was obviously dividing somewhere en-route.
She asks:
'Is the front of the train the bit nearest the concourse or furthest away'.

She commutes by train into Waterloo every day.

Was it leaving or arriving?

[Ari]

cobra kid said:

ehonda said:

I had a text yesterday from the Mrs who was at Waterloo getting a train home. The train was obviously dividing somewhere en-route.
She asks:
'Is the front of the train the bit nearest the concourse or furthest away'.

She commutes by train into Waterloo every day.

Was it leaving or arriving?

Does 'was at Waterloo getting a train home' not give you a clue..?

[The Don of Croy]

Steve Benson said:

"You know when we met Martin Sheen in Las Vegas in 2011? Do you think he was filming the new Everest movie?"

Martin Sheen isn't in Everest
The move wasn't filmed in 2011
Why the feck would you make a film about one of the coldest snowiest places on earth and shoot it in one of the hottest driest places on earth?

Shirley you should say "Yeah - he was shooting the crowd scenes, and I think we're in the background in some of them..."

Unfortunately you'd have to go see the fillum then, and buy the DVD too.

My daughter (25yo) on viewing a wintry scene depicting outdoor games in Holland "...are they playing ice golf ...?"

[minky monkey]

"This pie's alright, but there's too much origami in it."

Yes, dear. Too much folded paper will definitely ruin a pie.

[minky monkey]

Oh, I forgot the other one.

She's looking online at Tassimo coffee makers. Suddenly she pipes up, "There's a black coffee machine here." I can almost hear the cogs working in her brain.

"How does it make latte's etc then?"

I don't answer, and then the penny drops.

"Oh, it means the colour of the machine is black.."

Bless.

[TwigtheWonderkid]

minky monkey said:

"This pie's alright, but there's too much origami in it."

Yes, dear. Too much folded paper will definitely ruin a pie.

The advantages of easy origami are two fold.

[Harrytsg]

TwigtheWonderkid said:

The advantages of easy origami are two fold.

Stop it, you're creasing me up.

[Spiffing]

My brother's friend is going through a hard time with his girlfriend so is spending more time hanging out at my parent's where my brother lives. My Mum treats him as a second son so is fine with him being around.

Tonight she said that he can come over whenever he wants to watch Netflix and chill. She couldn't understand why he looked so shocked and I laughed so hard that the sip of water I had spurted our of my nose.

[ApOrbital]

As in watching porn or do i need a whoosh?

[Paul_M3]

ApOrbital said:

As in watching porn or do i need a whoosh?

'Netflix and Chill' is modern slang for casual sex.

[Vaud]

Paul_M3 said:

'Netflix and Chill' is modern slang for casual sex.

I'm getting old. I did not know that either... zimmer frame for Vaud.

[mollytherocker]

Vaud said:

Paul_M3 said:

'Netflix and Chill' is modern slang for casual sex.

I'm getting old. I did not know that either... zimmer frame for Vaud.

I guess i am old too then....

[Zoobeef]

I seem to be out of touch to.
I wonder if a girl would be disappointed if I said that and then she found out I only had freeview.